Imagine: Newt gets jealous of all the male attention you had gotten on a night out, becoming frustrated he shows you who knows you best.
Author’s Note: Okay, real talk, if you were in a relationship with Newt I think he would be confident and cocky as fuck. Anyhow, tell me what ya liked, what ya didn’t. Cheers legends, also 1,500 of you guys actually like me so that’s questionable. Also this is the first smut I’ve ever written so don’t be mean, I don’t think it’s that great but I wanna hear what you think!
I am definitely somewhat concerned about the ethics of Pygmy Puff breeding as mentioned by Fred and George in book six. I mean, “Can’t breed them fast enough.” Those boys had better not have been running a Pygmy Puff mill or so help me I’ll sic Mrs. Weasley and the appropriate Ministry of Magic department at them.
-Ide says fae folk can’t fly in the rain.
-Ide is my fairy best friend.
-She has exclusive access to visit the oracle in order to warn me of any dangers.
-She says I’m part changeling because my mother’s mother was a changeling, but in the faeries’ eyes, I’m still one of them.
-Faeries rarely lose their innocence and wonder, so that’s something I’m hoping to keep.
-In the winter, Ide takes me to her realm of the faeries for Wynterval, the faerie winter holiday.
-Ide’s most special power is preservation of wonder. She befriends children who were marked to keep their sense of wonder far, far into adulthood.
-Since I’m part fae, I get to choose if I want to live as a faerie or a witch when I’m older.
-During Wynterval, I get to dance with faerie prince. He’s lovely.
-On Boxing Day, the faerie pygmy puff chorus does an all-day concert for the faeries.
-Wynterval also has last-fyre, which is a pit of fire to roast faemallows over and then mash them with berries before sticking the concoction onto sweetbread.
-Sweetbread gives the consumer one wish.
-Wynterval also is when the most faerie brides are picked. Faeries write their name and put it in a glitter orb. If their name gets drawn, they get matched up. The faerie prince has yet to be matched.
-The faerie realms are beautiful.
-My mum knows about the faerie realms because she’s part fae as well.
-I’ve been crowned Wynterval faerie princess at least twice.
-They also have carnivals and festivals like Wynterval in other seasons; Primavera Days in the spring, Sunset Week in the summer, and Fyre Fest in autumn.
-Faeries love classical music.
-The Sugar Plum Faerie DOES in fact exist. I saw her myself.
-Faeries have the most beautiful clothing.
-Once you can see faeries, your chances of being dulled by the world drop dramatically.
-Crumple-Horned Snorkacks are native to fairy lands.
-Faeries are mostly vegan. To eat safe meat, they ask the animal if they can have some meat. If the animal says yes, they brush their hands gently against the animal and meat appears in them. Then they roast the meat. It doesn’t harm the animals. Though most fairies prefer berries.
-It is said that autistic faeries are very common in certain realms, rarer in others, and are treated with the same respect other faeries get.
-Some realms consider autistic faeries to be a blessing.
-Some realms consider autistic faeries to be a sign of great fortune because they have much strength in certain crafts.
-Blibbering Humdingers are also native to faerie realms.
In all likelihood, one day, there will be a remake of the Harry Potter Series. Just thinking that sentence makes my nose wrinkle and my insides twist uncomfortably; I have mixed feelings about this, but nevertheless I’ll be right there to watch it along with all of the other then fifty and sixty somethings that grew up on Harry Potter.
Maybe it wont be movies, maybe it’ll be a tv show.
Maybe it’ll be directed by someone who grew up reading the books under their bedcovers with a cheap plastic flashlight that you could hear the batteries clacking around inside, until the light started flickering at 2am. Someone who waited on their eleventh birthday with wide eyes searching the skies for their letter
Maybe Harry will have green eyes and messy hair, and Hermione will have brown skin, buckteeth, and a big gorgeous afro that makes her tiny eleven year old self several inches taller.
Maybe Sirius will have a leather jacket, wear classic rock t-shirts, and be played by someone who is 35
Maybe the wizards will all wear gorgeous robes, robes that are spangled and brightly colored along with strange and somehow alien hats. I mean, Cornelius Fudge in a lime green boulder hat? Dumbledore in purple boots? Tonks with shifting rainbow hair? Purebloods in intimidating, immaculately tailored robes with high collars and billowing overcoats or capes? How much fun could a costume department have? Maybe Harry Potter season 1 will get an emmy for costume design.
ok I’m done with the costume stuff wait no - PADMA AND PARVARTI PATIL DESERVED BETTER AT THE YULE BALL THAN THOSE UGLY ASS ORANGE AND PINK THINGS. THEY COULD’VE HAD GORGEOUS SARIS. I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT INDIAN FASHION BUT I KNOW THAT IT’S BETTER THAN THOSE FLORESCENT POLYESTER BARGAIN BIN MONSTROSITIES
Maybe Ginny will have time to become a well rounded and developed character in the remake, often seen hanging with Luna and Neville, hexing bullies, kicking ass at Quidditch, getting much better grades in potions than any Weasley should, loving small fluffy animals (her pygmy puff was named Arnold!), being comfortable in her sexuality and refusing to be slut shamed by anyone, least of all her big brothers, burning all her old diaries after Tom, growing up at Hogwarts with the specter of 16 year old Tom Riddle hanging over her after first year, leading the DA with Neville and Luna in her sixth year, whispering “fuck you Tom” whenever she does something to defy Voldemort’s reign
Maybe it can be addressed that Neville’s family dropped him out a goddamn window and pushed him off the Blackpool pier to prove he had magic and how incredibly damaging that was maybe we can address Harry’s abuse while we’re at it
Maybe the tv show will employ a couple of classics majors to research and create new spells to supplement the relative few we see in the books
Maybe they could build languages for the magical creatures like the Game of Thrones team did. Gobbledygook, anyone? Mermish?
And MAYBE the actor playing Dumbledore will have the chance to calmly deliver the line:
“Harry, did you put your name in the Goblet of Fiyah Fire?”
Okay so you know the way Draco is written in some fics as being a lovable weirdo? Kind of an oddball? Kind of an odd egg? Can u pls do a reclist for this particular brand of Draco n I'll love u forever xxxxxxx
YESSSS. ODDBALL!DRACO IS MY FAVORITE EVERYTHING. Look, I have a serious thing for this particular characterization of Draco. In fic, Draco is often the elegant suave flirt. But not oddball!Draco. I don’t know if you all know what I mean by that, but it’s like… he’s pointy, he’s a bit odd, maybe even eccentric, VERY endearing (like cinnamon roll precious), slightly awkward. And he completely owns my heart. Here you have my faves ft. him. ♥
•Stately Homes of Wiltshire by waspabi (57k) Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case.
(Everything I love about the oddball!Draco trope is right here in this fic. He’s so precious, awkward, adorably proud of his muggle knowledge, he’s kind to old people, and he researches ridiculous things. This has wonderful writing too!)
•The Way Down by lettered (65k) Harry is overwhelmed by his own power and fame and angst, so he’s become a hermit. Draco Malfoy is tired of the melodrama.
(This Draco is a sweetheart, he’s got social anxiety and he tries so hard, it doesn’t always work out for him but he means so well. I feel for him, this amazingly sweet dork who’ll drink hot chocolate with a straw and can go on about Pygmy Puff classifications for ages. I love this fic so much.)
•Only For The Lucky by SunseticMonster (63k) Things seem to be going well for Draco Malfoy after the war. He’s working as a professor at Hogwarts and makes the papers all the time for his charitable contribution to Muggle causes. But when Malfoy is rushed into St Mungos hospital for a psychotic break, Healer Potter realizes that Malfoy’s success is not all what it seems and sometimes luck can have more than one meaning.
(Oh wow, I could write a novel about why I adore Draco in this. There’s his supreme cuteness, his social anxiety that tugs at my heartstrings, his fascination with electrical plugs, all of it. So many new headcanons.)
• Here’s The Pencil, Make It Work by ignatiustrout (49k)
Harry thinks “Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?” is a much simpler question than, “Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don’t, what will you do?”
(Is this the creator of oddball!Draco, because I think it might be? He quotes muggle movies, makes dramatic impressions, sings Christmas carols, and Harry thinks he’s barking mad but also completely irresistible.)
• Clear as Mud by scoradh (9.9k)
One could be said to have stretched the term ‘friends’ rather far.
(Aaagh, this fic hurts so good and yet. Draco sulked for an hour after Harry removed the mushrooms growing in the stairwell of his run-down house. He’s a total oddball and has all these quirks and Harry is so so in love.)
• The Guise of Forgivenessby SunseticMonster (23k) George’s new potion has caught the interest of the entire Auror Department, thanks to an article by the elusive Draco Malfoy. So, when Harry sees Malfoy in the middle of a panic attack, he attempts to make amends as a ploy to find out what’s really been going on. (Oh this Draco, who bakes his own biscuits and has anxiety and is all-around awkward and lovely. He’s so sweet in this and I’m so proud of him.)
• And an Owl Named Romeo by Rickey (26k) Draco breeds owls, Harry’s an Auror, and an owl named Romeo is going to bring them together. (As if the idea of a Draco with cute little owlets isn’t enough, this one sends snarky letters and is frankly HILARIOUS. Love his voice in this, love it allll.)
• Currencyby blythely (31k) Harry wasn’t at school any more, nor was he fifteen. He was a successful merchant banker with a flat to die for and an owl who loved him. And he wasn’t going to get into a pissing match with a stick-fiddler who’d always driven him mental. (This fic is full of melodramatic!Draco and I loveeee it. He’s a total geek about wands and wandlore, and he and Harry have such passion.)