After resting the entire long weekend, it was tough to get my butt on to the mat tonight; but I needed to show up for me. I am learning to trust myself again and the decisions I choose to make. I have realized that it is especially in the times where I feel off balance, like I want to give up and throw in the towel that I must reach higher and stay, soon the steadiness I seek will set in- which cannot be experienced if I don’t try to get there. I must admit I felt off balance in my yoga practice tonight and in life today. Interestingly enough, this was the quote at the studio. Of course I see this at the end of class tonight which further confirmed my thoughts! Brilliant! #yogini #yoga #quotes #thoughtoftheday #pycoshawa 😍 (at Power Yoga Canada - Oshawa)

“40 days later”… At the beginning of my “40 days to a personal revolution” I remember laying in sivasana at the end of yoga class 1 and spontaneously crying to Redemption Song, I had no idea why …I thought I was happy! I decided to use my 40 days to let go of the resentment, emotional and physical pain I realized (later) I was still holding on to. At the end of my 40 days I truly did have a personal revolution - I realize that generally i am happy with my life because i happy with the choices I make–this is how i know i am being true to myself. And happiness is a stop along the journey of life–one I may meet again and again…for all the times that I felt happiness on my own or with others I am grateful and I thank myself as much as anyone else for those experiences! (If we no longer speak I Forgive you and there are reasons why things will remain as such) Just like happiness, pain is also like a pit stop on the journey of life and for those times and the people that were around or caused me pain I am still grateful. I thank you and whenever I think of you I send you light and love. (I am no saint but i try my best to adhere to this). As much as I have been fighting myself to admit it is both the pain and the happiness that have made up this great life of mine and I wouldn’t be here today, without it. I thought a personal revolution might mean that I would be joyful forever, pain free and unable to recall bad memories. I now think differently. My personal revolution was breaking through the bullshit I had been feeding myself about a lot of things –especially my limitations –what I could and could not do or get over. By pushing myself everyday to do what I thought I could not I feel strong enough to take on whatever else comes my way! Everyday I still feel pain, I still cringe when I hear “chattarunga” because I know downward dog is next, I miss classes, I skip meals and sometimes I still make choices I wish I had not…so what’s different? I realize that those are all just thoughts and I don’t have to act on them and even if I do I forgive myself and do better at the next chance I get (and the chance after that if I forget again) …the difference is my resilience is building and there is not much that can keep me down for long!
Today at the end of my 40 days I cried once more this time to “True Colors” but this time I knew why, I felt happy! Although I know pain will meet me again and again I appreciate the hell out of it until it subsides. i love the hate out of everything I can and I question myself when I think I can’t! Today I got my life back because I showed up and took it! No one is going to live your good times for you, no one is going to save you from all the bad stuff and the only person you ever need look to is yourself! you have all the answers to find the help you need. i am Free! I am creative. I am resourceful. I am whole. Thank you, thank you to Baron Baptiste for developing this amaIng program and the good people at #pycoshawa #poweryogacanada for facilitating this experience! And while these 40 days are up the revolution continues! #namaste#allday #peacebewithyou ✌✌✌ (at Power Yoga Canada - Oshawa)