HOW WE CAME TO BE pt 1
Prompts #43 “Is that blood?” “No?” “That’s not a question you answer with another question.”
A/N: This was requested with another prompt, but I planned it to where the other prompt meshes with someone else’s. You know what it’s like to get something in your head and not be able to go back on it, right? It’s a force.
Remember that these are all sort of connected together. You could read them as stand-alone, but that’s up to you. So the timeline may not be in order but just imagine it like This Is Us (unless you’ve never seen an episode of that show or just have never heard of it.)
As I’m doing my finishing touches and edits, I’m just starting season 6. I found “Sigh No More” by Mumford and Sons after writing this. I’m just putting that info out there. Do what you want with it. This is approx. 2360 words. Oh, my goodness.
There’s no way this is happening,” you thought to yourself as you looked at the stick in your hands. “Holy ice cream, Batman.
The stick hadn’t given a response at that point, but you knew. There was no doubt in your mind, you knew. There were so many things that should have been going through your mind. But you couldn’t actually form a coherent thought. You thought maybe you were afraid, maybe not. Maybe you were worried about how Spencer would take it, maybe not. Maybe you were concerned about what you would do about money, but then maybe you knew it would all work out. Everything was a maybe, no actual concrete feeling.
“Oh, gosh.” You placed a hand on your head and sat on the edge of the toilet in your bathroom. YOUR bathroom, because you and Spencer hadn’t even been living together.
You gathered yourself after staring into space holding the test in your hand for more than a few minutes. You got up from your seat on the tub edge and tossed the offending plastic into the trash, you didn’t need to see the results. You needed Haagen-Dazs. You wished you could blame all of your Haagen-Dazs cravings on a baby.
By the time you got your gray pea coat buttoned and went to slip on your black ballet flats, your phone was ringing. You heaved a great sigh and fished it out of your pocket. You answered it without looking at the ID.
“Emotionally Drained and* Sorta Dead Inside, speak.”
Your eyes grew as big as The Grinch’s heart after he discovered the true meaning of Christmas. “JJ?!?”
“You okay? You’re not usually so melodramatic when you answer the phone. Okay, I take that back, you’re not so out of it and melodramatic when you answer the phone. Is everything alright?” Your boyfriend’s co-worker’s voice called through the other end.
“What? No…yeah- I’m fine. I’m- Is everything okay on your end? You don’t usually call in the middle of the work day.” You stood in your doorway, unsure if you were going to be putting your shoes on or not.
“Well,” JJ sighed. “Look, I know it’s your day off and so does Spencer.”
“What’s wrong?” You fingered the set of keys in your hand and slipped your shoes on. There goes my Haagen-Dazs.
The woman stalled for a few breaths. “JJ.”
“Spencer had a small accident. It’s nothing major-”
“What? If it were nothing major, you wouldn’t have called or started this conversation the way you did.” You opened the door and closed it quickly behind you, completely forgetting to lock it. “Which hospital is he at?”
“See that’s the thing, Y/N, he’s not. He opted out. He’s not in any immediate danger, but you know we have rules and protocols. I’ve never seen him refuse medical attention like this before. At least not when…”
“Right, the Dilaudid.” You fast-walked down the sidewalks towards the closest bus stop that would get you to your destination the fastest. “I’m going to assume y’all are back at your building?”
JJ sighed in relief. “I can have someone come pick you up?”
“I’m already at the bus stop. The bus will be here in about,” you checked your phone for the time. “Half an hour. Ugh.”
You scrunched your nose at the oncoming nausea making its way through your system. This was NOT the day for all the…hullabaloo. Maybe if I can convince Spence to go to the hospital, I can sneak off for a minute. Do I need a prescription for prenatal vitamins?
“Sometimes you do, why?” You heard JJ say, quickly remembering you were on the phone with her.
“What? Why what?”
“You asked if a prescription was needed for prenatal vitamins. It depends on what you need. Why would you ask, Y/N?”
I need to stop saying inside things on the outside. “No, I didn’t.”
“You said you could get me a ride? That’d be awesome. You can find out where I am from my phone’s GPS, right? Cool. I’ll see you guys soon.” You quickly ended the call and took a deep breath.
You were screwed.
Penelope Garcia, your favorite cousin of a friend to ever exist, was the one to pick you up. She had located you via GPS and was very quick. She didn’t say anything that led you to believe that JJ had relayed to her what you discussed earlier. All that was mentioned was that Spencer and a suspect had gotten into a small…tiff… and your boyfriend was refusing to go to the hospital.
When you made it to the bullpen, it was empty of the team. Penelope walked away after surveying the room, and you followed her into the conference room. Spencer, you found, was sitting in a chair surrounded by his co-workers. You didn’t see Derek Morgan, but you could feel it the second JJ laid her eyes on you. Hotch was explaining to you in detail what had happened. Spencer wouldn’t look you in the eye, and you wondered if it were because he knew you’d want him to go in. You, however, were busy making sure that JJ’s eyes wouldn’t catch yours. For some reason, the shame in the room was palpable, but you didn’t know why. What was Spencer so upset about? And why were you so scared about JJ knowing the truth?
“Is that blood,” you asked while looking at where the collar of his shirt met his skin.
Spencer rolled his lips inward. “No?”
“Spencer! That’s not a question you answer with another question!” You fingered the cloth and gently pushed it out of the way so you could see what the injury better.
“Will you please tell Pretty Boy that he needs to go get checked by the actual doctors at the actual hospital?” Garcia had one hand on her hip and stared her co-worker down.
“I am a-” Spencer began but was silenced when her finger wagged in his face.
Spencer heaved a sigh and then looked at you, almost pleadingly. He played up the puppy dog eyes, and it would have worked, had it not been for the cut under his eye and bruising along his cheek and nose. Looking down you could see some of his button up undershirt had been torn, and there were some cuts under that, too.
“Get your stuff. We’re going. No arguing.” You raked your fingers through your hair, still trying to fight off the nausea. “I’m sure you’re completely fine and a-OK, but if you don’t go in, I’m going to pull my hair out from getting it from your co-workers. And then I’ll have to go to the God-awful salon and listen to them nit-pick everything about me, and I’m not about to deal with that.
Someone softly cleared their throat, and you blinked a few times and sighed. Hormones off the charts, check. Next thing I’ll do is barf over everything.
“Are you feeling OK? You’re looking a little green. Someone can take Spencer instead if you feel you need to lay down.” Your boyfriend’s supervisor asked.
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You leaned on the chair sitting in front of you and then looked up shaking your hair out of your face. “No, I’m fine. I just…had a crazy morning. I can take him, it’s not an issue.”
“Y/N…” Your boyfriend looked up at you almost in worry.
“Spencer, I’m fine. It’s nothing to worry about. Let’s just get you checked out and take you home, hmm?” You leaned towards him and gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek while grabbing his coat.
Looking up, you accidentally caught JJ’s eyes and you had a silent and brief conversation. You knew she’d be calling you later, but you also knew she wouldn’t say anything to anybody. She had gone through the same thing. You were grateful already.
When you and Spencer were situated in the waiting room of the hospital, he kept eyeing you. You knew he could tell something was off. You also knew that there was no way he would be able to figure it out so soon. He’d been so busy lately that he hadn’t been around to really see any of the signs.
The second he grabbed your hand and interlaced your fingers, you relaxed. You sort of leaned against his arm and laid your head on his shoulder, trying not to irritate any of his injuries. Feeling his breathing was soothing you and you wondered if there was something biological about it because your nausea cut down. Maybe that was going to be a positive sign for the future. Although, no one could make you feel the way Spencer could.
“I love you,” you blurted with your head still tucked in the crook of his neck.
Spencer squeezed your hand and hummed “I love you, too, Y/N.”
It had taken about 15 minutes before the two of you got called back but eventually, you were shown to a room. Spencer sat on the examination bed and you sat in the chair over in the corner. It was silent for a few minutes while you waited for the doctor to come see you. But just because it was silent didn’t mean the room was loud with tension, thick with it.
Oh, Spencer could definitely tell something was up. You wouldn’t meet his eyes, and you knew your snappiness back at the bureau was completely out of character. You might be able to use the “no sleep” excuse with him, but the second you’d voice it he’d want to come home with you. He’d want to be somewhere close to keep an eye on you. The thing was, was that if he did that, then you wouldn’t be able to hide the morning sickness that you knew was coming.
“Are you going on ‘Spencer Watch’ when we get out?” He wasn’t looking at you, and he was fiddling with his sleeve cuff.
Maybe it’s not me I should be worried about.
A few seconds passed, and he still wouldn’t look at you. You were about to get up and try to figure out what was wrong when someone walked into the room. You’d hold it in until you were on your way back home.
Spencer had been cleared by the doctor after the cuts and bruises were deemed superficial. He didn’t need any stitches, just some R&R. He was driving while you studied his profile. His demeanor was still wary.
“Were you worried that you would have to be on painkillers? Is that why you were so ashamed and afraid to go get checked out?”
You grabbed his hand and held it tight. “I believe in you, Spence. Believe in yourself, huh? Believe that you’re going to be okay. I’m here for you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Spencer let out a breath and gave a delicate smile. “Yeah, I know. Same goes for you.”
You forced your eyes to look out the windshield and away from him. There was no way he could have figured it but you knew deep down that it was entirely possible that he already did. The guy was a genius. A profiler for the FBI. He didn’t get to where he was by accepting things at face value. He was better than that.
“You shouldn’t be afraid to tell me things, Y/N. You know all of my secrets, deeply hidden or not.” He put the car in park and turned as best as he could still in his seat belt. “What’s going on in my favorite brain?”
You giggled as he playfully ruffled the hair on top of your head. Running your fingers through your locks to set everything back in its place, you thought it over but ultimately came to a single conclusion.
“It’s work. We’re prepping for a new resident and it’s off-putting for the ones that are there, and it’s a whole new schedule and process and…it’s just all so much. We haven’t had an official meeting yet, and it just feels like everything is closing in. For some of us workers, it’s the first time adjusting to a new resident. I don’t know…It’s just…a lot of stress. And I’m not entirely sure I’m over losing my first one. We weren’t close, but she was still a human that I took care of.”
You didn’t dare look him in the eye. You were lying through your teeth, and it was eating at you. I am the worst person ever.
Spencer tucked some of your hair behind your ear, and he studied you. When you eventually looked up, you could see it in his eyes. He accepted your words, but he didn’t believe them. Not for a second.
I’m so sorry, Spencer. “Things just feel like they’re getting out of hand.
He looked away and lightly nodded. He licked his lips, and you felt nausea again. You never hid anything from him and now he knew you were holding something big. Things were going to change, and you didn’t think it was going to be for the better.
But I can’t tell him yet.
“Do you want to stay and order some Thai?” Please. Please don’t leave yet.
“I should head back to the office and let them know I’m in one piece. Plus the doctor said to take it easy while I can.” This time it was Spencer that wouldn’t look at you while he spoke.
“Right.” You unhooked your seat belt and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll talk to you later, then?”
Noticing the dismissal for what it was, you eased yourself out of the car and walked up to your apartment and unlocked the door. You kept an eye out of your peripheral and watched as he drove away after making sure you got in OK. You tossed your keys into the jar on the side table and leaned against the door. Tears followed the deep breath you released and you tried to keep the sobs inside.
What have I done?