put your weapon down

Criminal AUs
  • “The police just threatened you to put your weapon down and you retorted by saying that you’ll take something extremely valuable, and then you grabbed me wTF DID YOU JUST WINK AT ME.”
  • “Y'know, I wouldn’t be so mad about this whole ‘I was secretly a criminal the whole time thing’ if you hadn’t just killed our professor, I mean c'mon dude I know he was a douche to me but that’s no excuse to just MuRDer SOMEONE.”
  • “Okay, I’m sorry, but I CLEARLY got here first.”
  • “You got thrown into prison because you were covering for a relative/your friend and it’s so obvious you don’t fit in here and it’s actually pathetic, so how about I (someone who’s been in here for ages) show you the ropes?”
  • “Pfft, you’re the newbie and you look like such a wuss it’s unreal, I bet you couldn’t handle a single punc — WOAH I WAS NOT EXPECTING YOU TO PUNCH THAT HARD… okay, but you’ve GOT to teach me how to do that and I might be oddly attracted to you?? whaaaat???”
  • “I caught you in the middle of robbing this store and I’m so reporting this, and NO  i will not be bribed; OMG WHAT THEY HAVE THIS I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS FOR AGES… okay, maybe I will. “
  • “okay, I know I’m a security guard and I’m not meant to talk to any of the prisoners but seriously you are just so chatty and lovable it’s kind of hard not to talk to you, how did you even get in here???” 
  • “I’m only talking to you, the security guard, because I have a plan to get out of here but I think i kinda like you a bit more (ok a lot more) than the other guards, holy shit I might not leave because of you.”
  • BONUS: “What do you mean you want me to come with you??”
  • “Hey, you know all the expensive things you’ve been getting me the past few months? How did you even manage to afford that? … omfg please tell me you’re joking — YOU’RE NOT JOKING WHAT THE HELL.”
  • “you take the term ‘partner in crime’ to a whole new level.” 
Extremely Valuable - Leonard Snart

- Y/n = Your Name

- Y/L/N = Your Last Name

Prompt- “The police just threatened you to put your weapon down and you retorted by saying that you’ll take something extremely valuable, and then you grabbed me wTF DID YOU JUST WINK AT ME.” with Snart?-anon

Word count - 838

MASTERLIST

Keep reading

We’re not fighting. im not mad at you and you’re not mad at me and we aren’t avoiding each other. this isn’t a stand off and my gun isn’t drawn. you put down your weapons a long time ago.

and i know I should be glad about this and I would be but there’s one problem and it’s that we might not be fighting but we sure as hell aren’t like we used to be. you don’t message me and when I message you needing someone to talk to so I don’t lose it you don’t give a fuck. it’s like talking to a stranger and i don’t want to cry over anything anymore. i don’t want to see you with her anymore.

i guess when we were always at war I knew there was eventually going to be a peace treaty. i could relax once the white flag went up.

this time there is no flag. there is no apology to wait for. there’s just you
looking at her
like maybe I never even existed.

—  let’s pretend we’re meeting for the first time, let’s pretend this is all new again– lily rain
3

“Felix I can make her blush just by looking at her ,after all we are dating, so it’s a silly bet” Peter said as he walked next to Felix through the island back to camp.

“Peter, Y/N is immune to your charm now, think about it” Felix said as he swung his weapon down to pass through some bushes.

“Oh come on just watch me make her blush by the end of the day” Peter said confidence dripping off every word.

“Ok Peter it’s a bet” Felix said as he let off a low chuckle stepping into camp “Go get her tiger” Felix laughed pointing his weapon in your general direction.

Peter walked towards you as you were sitting down by yourself sharpening your weapon.

“Hey Y/N can you answer something for me, it’s been bugging me all day” Peter said with fake worry written on his face.

“Sure Peter what’s wrong?”You say as you put down your weapon and stand up to be face to face with him.

“Do you happen to know what this shirt is made of?” Peter asked holding up a bit of his shirt towards you.

“It looks like you put a bunch of pi-” you started saying as you examined his shirt over. “It’s boyfriend material” Peter said cutting you off mid sentence.You simply rolled your eyes and went back to your weapon.

                                   ~an hour later~

“Y/N what kind of shorts do clouds wear?” Peter asked as he popped up in front of you causing you to drop the rock you were holing on your foot. “PETER WHAT THE HELL” You yelled clutching your foot. “oh i’m so sorry i didn’t mean to scare you and by the way they wear thunderpants” Peter said leaving you to tend to your foot as you let out a low chuckle.

                                        ~Lunch time~

“Y/N wh- hey did you sit on a pile of sugar?” Peter said grabbing the bottom of your shirt and looking at the back of your pants.”Oh god no how did that happen!?” You said trying to look at the back of your pants. “because you have a pretty sweet bum” Peter said with the biggest grin on his face.

“You’re an idiot” You huffed walking back with the rest of the boys.

                                          ~Later that day~

You hated to admit it but as soon as you turned away from Peter you found yourself turning red at his silly little lines. “Hey love can I have directions?” Peter said making his way towards you, you had it, you raked your brain all day for a good pick up line .While you would usually just looked it up Neverland doesn’t exactly have Google.So you resorted to askig Felix he told you about the bet along with a pretty sweet pick up line. 

“Sure Peter it does seem strange to ask me for directions since it is your island, but what directions do you need?” You said as confidence started building up as every word slipped from your mouth.

“Just a nice little place I wanted to always be in” Peter said with the goofiest grin on his face. “Just tell me where Peter and i’ll tell you” You said crossing your arms over your chest. “To your heart” Peter said smiling at you. Your face turning hot and red because you didn’t expect that at all, all day he’s been saying dirty pick up lines and silly puns.

“You look really cute when you blush Y/N” Peter said cupping your face with his hands. “H-h-ey can I ask you something?” You asked looking down to avoid eye contact with Peter. “Sure love anything” Peter said putting a finger under your chin to make you look at him. “Can you-u give me your name so I know what to scream tonight” You looking down at the ground again ,you said coming out as a mumble you weren’t sure Peter heard you at all.

You looked up at Peter to see his face a deep shade of red. You led out a loud laugh as you laid your head against his chest. A bit later Peter burst out into laughter as well “So Felix told you” Peter said between laughing as he hugged you closer.

“Yea and you’re a moron” You said against the fabric of his shirt.

“Yea but I’m your moron”

3

“You look good when you fight sweet cheeks,” he said as you put your weapons back into position, sweat dripping down your forehead. You remained silent and professional - only sending him an annoyed look.

“No really, after all this we should hook up.”

“The only hooking up I’ll be doing with you is jamming a hook onto the roof of your mouth like a fish then dangling you off of the top of the tallest building.”

[Mark] Mr & Mrs Tuan (Part IV)
Part 3
Part 2
Part 1

Mark eyes you intently, eyes burning with pushed back anger. He opens his mouth to talk, and the door Mark hadn’t locked swings open. At least twenty men run in at union. Their too many, you’re screwed, Hudson’s going to kill you. “Put your weapons down!” One of them shouts and you both obey, you don’t have a chance anyway.

“Excuse me. Excuse me” Someone tries to make his way to you and after some agents step aside Raymond emerges. They are Raymond’s men. “Mark.” Raymond’s face is painted with confusion. “Ray, it’s not what you think.” Mark says. Raymond remains silent and eyes his son, then he turns to his men. “Put this down.” He orders and they obey. Whew. Raymond turn back to you. “Explain to me why you and your wife killed and hurt 5 of our agents.” Raymond sounds soft, but firm. “The SD card of yesterday’s mission. I made a copy. I’m sure Hudson’s name is on the list.” Mark explains. Raymond is categoric.

“Mark do you have an idea of-”

“He sent eight agents to kill us this morning and tried to make us think it was Todorov. Then he chased us and tried to kill us in the elevator.” You argue and Raymond keeps silent for a moment.

“Hudson has a team right within ISEG, it’s so gangrenous that they use it’s own resources to pass drug without anyone seeing it.” Mark adds.

“The SD card is decrypted.” You realize Jim hadn’t stopped typing on the computer as he calls out for everyone’s attention. Raymond walks around the desk and eyes the computer screen. You and Mark join him as Jim scrolls down. Files, with criminal names, Diego Fuentes, Martin Duckens, Eliza Higgins, Connor Sveltz, Andrei Baykan, the cream of the cram. Then you all spot Hudson’s name. The file contains audio files, contracts and pictures.

“Where is the original?” Raymond asks Jim.

“Hudson said he would decrypt it himself.”

“Suspicious, right?” The opposite door bursts open and all of the agents, including you and your husband pick up your guns and aim at the small dozen of men that rushes in, Hudson’s gunmen. They instantly drop their guns on the floor and kneel, facing the number superiority. “Stay back, mrs Tuan.” All the kind agents stalk forward and you find yourself pushed at the very back, you can’t see anything. You roll your eyes, ISEG machismo. Suddenly, a phone rings and you can tell it’s Jim that answers it. All the attention is on the gunmen, but everybody is listening.

“Hudson on speaker.” Jim announces.

“I feel terribly disappointed that things had to end this way. Raymond, you were a good friend.” Hudson’s voice echoes in the room.

“You are finished Jeffrey, turn yourself in.” Raymond calls.

“That’s not going happen. I want the copy.”

“Hudson, it’s over. We will find you, and we will lock you up. You are done.” Mark leans down closer to the combined and articulates.

“I don’t think so. You will give me the copy, Mark. Or,”

“Or what? ISEG doesn’t negotiate, you’re the one who told me that.”

“It’s not about ISEG anymore. It’s about you and what you would do to save your beloved wife.” Mark whirls around and his eyes searches for you in the crowd of agents, unsuccessfully. You’re nowhere to be seen. How? He looks back at the combined, mortified.“Meet me off the coast. I’d advise you to hurry if you don’t want to have to search for your wife deep down the Pacific.” The line goes silent and Mark is frozen, a shocked expression spread across his face.

“You take care of them.” Raymond nods his head towards the small group of corrupted agents. At first Mark thought it was stupid of Hudson to send such a small crew to attack them, but now he understands it was just a diversion to kidnap you.“You lock down the building, lock all the exits I want no one in and out ISEG. Y/N is still here, in the building, and I want you to find her.”  Mark paces across the room and the other half of the men start to move, evacuating the office. Mark reaches out for the SD card but Raymond is faster than him. Mark looks up at his father, utterly shocked.

“ISEG doesn’t negotiate.” Raymond starts.

“It’s my wife we are talking about.” Mark hisses.

“He’s going to kill her anyway.”

“Not if he has the SD card.”

“It’s not how it works, you know it.”

“This woman is carrying my child, Raymond.”

“More than thirty criminals are going to be locked up with that card.” Mark runs both of his hands through his hair, pulling at it. Raymond is right. If Mark could make a copy, anybody could, nothing could guarantee the SD card he gives would be the only one left, Hudson knows it. Hudson’s only solution if he wants to get away would be to destroy ISEG and everyone who knows about his business. “Hudson is going to destroy ISEG, Y/N is a diversion. He’s playing with you.” Mark rubs his eyes with the palm of his hands. The panic prevents him from making the right decisions.

“If you want to save Y/N, you have all my men. But not the card.” Raymond adds and it doesn’t seem like Mark is listening, he runs his fingers across his chin, staring at the ground, looking for a plan. An agent jogs in, breathless. “An helicopter left the building, sir.” Mark whirls around. “How?” He growls. The agent stutters, he doesn’t understand the question. Does he want a schema?  "I told you to block all the exits, the roof included. HOW?!“ Mark explodes with anger and flips a desk, startling everyone left in the room.

Chapter 12 - No Friend of Mine

“Botan, calm down!” he ordered her. “Put your weapon away! Have some dignity!”

She met his eyes and for a moment she had the strangest look on her face. It passed quickly though, and with a whine of complaint, she banished her baseball bat.

“Now step back,” Hiei said.

“What?” she echoed. “Why?”

“Just step back,” Hiei insisted.

Botan finally acquiesced and took two steps back, removing herself from her stance over the fallen bird demon.

“You, bird,” Hiei said, lightly prodding the toe of his boot against the bird’s uninjured wing. “Look at me.”

The bird slowly lifted its head, gazing up at him with the most pathetic expression he had ever seen on any creature’s face.

“What brought you here?” he asked it. “Who do you work for? Why are you bothering Botan?”

The bird lowered its eyes to the floor, its sides visibly moving as it heaved a sigh. It then moved its fuchsia eyes back up to Hiei’s.

“I made a mistake,” it said in a faint voice. “I did a stupid thing.”

Hiei found the bird’s choice of words highly unusual, particularly as it spoke them as though they somehow had a much more profound meaning, and instantly explained everything.

“I’m sorry Hiei.”

(Excerpt of my latest HieixBotan fanfic, “Masquerade”. Check out my other fics at: https://www.fanfiction.net/~lucretiadecoy)

Daryl Dixon Imagine :)

Hellooo soo I had 2 requests for The Walking Dead imagines sooo I combined them into one :) Also this is one I wrote awhile ago and it fit into the description of the request so that’s why it’s so long, but I hope you like it! :)

*Not My Gif*

I took my axe and held it close to me. I peaked around the corner of the tree. Once the coast was clear, I ran toward the empty prison, killing all the walkers in my way. I got to the gate and looked around for a way in. I put my hand through a hole in the fence and grabbed the pad lock on the other side. I grabbed a bobby pin out of my back pocket and started picking the lock. Before I could finish picking the lock, I felt a medal piece put to the back of my head. 
“Drop your weapon and put the lock down.” I heard a deep voice from behind me say. 
I froze in place, then slowly put down my axe. 
I saw an arm reach around and pick up the axe. 
“Stand up.” The person demanded. 
I slowly stood to my feet with my hands up. 
“What are you doing here? Trying to steal our stuff?” The person asked.
“N-no..I just needed..shelter.” I said as I faked being scared. 
“Yeah right. Walk!” The guy demanded. 
He unlocked the gate and pushed me forward to walk. 
I walked on as he kept the medal piece to my head. 
After a few more gates and doors we were inside the prison. 
“Sit down.” He said.
I stood for a moment, then swung around and tried to grab the gun but before I could grab it, he pushed me down into a chair and put the medal piece to my forehead. 
I tried to catch my breath as I stared at him. 
“Do what I say next time.” He demanded. 
He was tall, brown hair with a short beard. He looked like he hadn’t slept for days. He was wearing a flannel with jeans and his hair was pushed back.
He grabbed some rope and tied me down to the chair. He pulled the rope tight so I couldn’t break it. 
“Who the hell are you?” He asked getting in my face. 
I kept silent and stared at him. No way I was telling him who I was. They don’t need to know anything about me.
“Hey dad I found..” A boy that looked younger than me started  to say as he walked in with another guy. 
They both stopped and looked at me. 
“Dad who’s this?” The boy asked. 
“Someone that tried to break in Carl.” The guys said. 
I rolled my eyes and looked around. 
“What’s your name?” Carl asked me. 
I still kept quiet. 
“I want answers!” The guy yelled as he hit me with his gun. 
“Rick! Calm down!” The guy that had walked in with Carl said. 
I was learning their name’s fast.
I felt the side of my head start bleeding as my ears started ringing. 
“She’s a thief Daryl!” Rick yelled. 
“What exactly did I steal?!” I snapped back. 
Rick turned slowly and looked at me. 
“You we’re trying to break in. That’s close enough.” He said.
“I was just looking for shelter. Just like every other person left on this damn planet!” I yelled. 
His jaw tighten as he stared at me. 
He raised his gun and hit me with it again.  
He undid the rope and tied my hands together. He threw me into an empty cell and locked it. 
“You’ll stay here untill I talk to the others.” He spat as he walked away. 
I held my head with my tied hands as the pain intensified. I sat down on the small bed inside the cell trying not to pass out. My ears rang as I started swaying. I blinked slowly and then bam, I was out. “Rick she was just looking for shelter, just like we we’re at one point.” I heard a female voice. 
“I don’t care, this is our prison. She can find somewhere else to stay.” Rick protested. 
“We can’t just send her out there with no weapon or food. She won’t survive.” Daryl said.
“Fine. Keep your little girlfriend. But if she turns against us, the bloods on your hands.” Rick said as he stomped away. 
I opened my eyes and looked over to see Daryl looking at me from outside the cell.
He walked over to the cell door and unlocked it, letting himself in. He closed the door behind him and looked down at me. I sat up.
“Look Ricks being a pain in the ass and I’m sorry. You can stay for a little while, but we’ll have to lock you up every night untill we trust you.” Daryl said sympathetically. 
I looked up at him but kept quite. I looked back down at the ground and nodded my head. 
“I understand why you won’t say anything. But just know you can trust me. I’m Daryl and if you need anything just ask.” He said sweetly. 
I looked up at him again and looked into his eyes. 
I gave a small smile and nodded again.
He walked out of the cell, leaving the door open behind him. I stood up and walked out slowly. I looked around at the new surroundings. 
“Hello. I’m Carol.” A sweet voice said to me. 
I turned to the side to see a tall woman with short gray hair. 
I gave a small smile towards her. 
“Your head is bleeding. You need to get it patched up.” She said sweetly. 
“Daryl! Can you bring me the medical kit?” Carol said raising her voice so he could hear her. 
Daryl. Hmm. Tall and lanky with dark brown hair. 
He walked in with a medical kit and handed it to Carol. 
He looked over at me and smiled. I returned the smile and looked down blushing. 
Wait why was I blushing? No,no,no no crushes. 
Daryl walked over and sat down at one of the tables. I looked up and saw him staring at me. I quickly looked away as Carol started patching up the cut on my head. 
She smiled at me sweetly as she pressed an alcohol pad to my head. 
“So.. Daryl’s a nice guy huh?” She asked. 
I nodded my head and blushed. 
“You like him?” She asked with a hopeful smile. 
I looked up at her shocked.
“How did you-” I spoke quietly.
“I can tell when people like each other.” She said sweetly.
“So you think he likes me too?” I questioned.
“I really do. He’s very picky on who he talks to or likes. He must of saw something in you.” She said.
I smiled and looked over to see him smiling at me. 
I smiled at him, then looked back at Carol. 
“Looks like Rick’s gunna have to put up with me for a little longer.” I said with a smile.

Request an imagine the ask :)

Listen.
I am woman.
Painted lips and painted eyes
but underneath my black Abay
is where I hide my fists.
Hidden hips and hidden thighs
but somehow I always apologize.
Somehow sorry is always on my lips.

I am done
making myself small
for you.
cause some days I wake up and I feel bursting at the seams,
I feel like fingertips and gums are leaking blood and dreams
I am lava, I’m a flame,
and then you put me out.

I am gold and I am glitter.
I am copper, I am silver.
I am hot metal, bloom of red.
I am not some chick you can force to bed.
I am not nothing until I’m wed.

Listen.
I am woman.
Words loll around my skull and tongue,
breath somehow enters, leaves my lungs -
a galaxy of bruises on my wrists.
And constellations don’t look half the same
when they’re on skin instead of sky.
Put down your weapons, put down your masculine,
put up white flags, pick up your feminine.

This isn’t mental illness.
This is about putting value on innocence.
This is about blaming victims and how they dress.
This is about equivalence.

Listen to me. This is not an apology.
This is ocean deep, this is thirty
different
analogies.
This is rage at being “just a She”.
This is rearranging my anatomy.
This is my confession 
that I’m bigger than my body.

Listen. 
I am pure woman-ness.
I am chaotic, I’m a mess.
I am breath-y happiness.
I am not your princess.

I am done plucking petals and asking them of my fate.
Hoping one or the other has him decide between love and hate.
He loves me, he loves me, I hope to God he loves me.
Why the hell does he love me not?
I’d rather leave that daisy to rot.

Listen.
I am woman.
But when hair grows where the hair grows,
when I’m more hot blood and less red rose,
don’t chide me for my human-ness
and ask me why I’m pissed.
I am woman. 
I resist. 

—  I am woman., Rawa Majdi
Lightweight

Warnings: none

Words: 847

Summary/Imagine: Imagine Dwalin carrying you on his back, a human, and saying that you are lighter than his axes + Imagine refusing to hit Dwalin while sparring.

Gender: neutral


Sweat dripped down your back, soaking your tunic as you maneuvered around Dwalin. His shoulders were tense, muscled arms rippling in the morning light as his fists tightened around his axes. Though you were looking to improve on sword fighting, he insisted that he fought with his axes. You had rolled your eyes when he said that your enemy wouldn’t put down his weapon to pick up a sword when fighting you, so you needed to get ready to face anything. He was right, of course, but those axes were far too intimidating…

Keep reading

9

Rick Grimes in Every Episode» Too Far Gone
Now you put down your weapons, walk through those gates you’re one of us. We let go of all of it, and nobody dies. Everyone who’s alive right now. Everyone who’s made it this far. We’ve all done the worst kinds of things just to stay alive. But we can still come back. We’re not too far gone. We get to come back. I know we all can change.

Baby Its Time To Come Home

Read “If you’re Gone” first!!

Read “If you’re Gone” first!!

              “PUT YOUR WEAPONS DOWN!” he roared. You looked between Cas and Sam, before slowly lowering your shot gun. Dean glared at the three of you; his held his gun out moving it between each of you. “I told you not to mess with me. I warned you.” He growled. “Dean we’re only trying to help you. Let us save you” Castiel said stepping close. The loud shot that rang out echoed off the old warehouse walls.  He was dead before the gunshot reached your ears. It was violence to the still of that foggy evening - a noise that heralded death and destruction.

               Castiel lied on the ground, blood escaping his body from the bullet hole in his head. You tried to focus, your mind reeling in thoughts like ‘it’s all an act on Castiel’s part.’ ‘He’s not really dead…’ ‘Cas wake up….’ But he never moved. “I told you; Next time, I won’t miss.” You looked at him, this wasn’t Dean. Dean was long gone, this man before you had only taken the shape and looks of your boyfriend. But he wasn’t him.

               Sam tackled him; you weren’t sure how he’d gotten close enough to tackle Dean, but he did. They fought and punched; pushing each other around. “Y/N! Run! Get out of he-“ he didn’t finish his sentence. Crack. You turned to see Dean straddled over Sam’s now lifeless body. Blood ran from the back of his skull out. You felt yourself break. Tears ran down your cheeks as you pulled Castiel’s body away from Dean. He watched as you checked on Sam, and pulled him by Castiel.

               Once you stood between their bodies, your face puffy and red; you stared at the man before you. You raised the pistol from your waistband. “So kill me.” He said glaring toward you. “Dean, please stop” you whispered fresh tears coming to your eyes. “Aw, you think that’s gonna work? You think you can waltz in here and make me, me again? Nice try. I like this new me. Im free. I can kill whatever I want. I don’t have you three to drag around now. I love this new way of livin. No rules. No regrets.” He moved closer. You felt another sob break lose and you closed your eyes. “STOP!” you shouted.

               Dean was still in there, you knew it. But something had to trigger him to come out. He had to push this damn mark or demon or whatever evil it was inside him, he had to push it out. You stood taller; you lowered your gun. “You think I’d kill you?” you spoke quietly, your voice just above a whisper. “Oh I’m countin on it baby” he smirked. You closed your eyes before raising your gun. You stared at him directly in the eye. “I know you are” you whispered, tears brimmed your eyes again. “But death is too easy” your face twisted with anger. “You may not feel guilty today, or tomorrow, or hell even next year. But one day, you’re gonna look back and see what you did, what you caused…and it’s eat you alive. This moment; will always burn in your thoughts; you’ll close your eyes and this will be what you see. The people who risked everything to save you, because they loved you; you want to know how this ends? I do…I know…” you whispered the last line before cocking your gun and suddenly turning it, pressing it to your temple.

               For a split second, you saw that flicker in his eyes. Concern. “What are you doing? Put the gun down!” he yelled. You felt the tears fall; “You’ll have to live with this forever…and that, is a punishment worse than death itself.” You whispered you felt your finger shake on the trigger before pulling it.

               Dean stared before him, the shot echoed off the walls; and then it was silent. “Y/N…..Sam……” he suddenly ran over, checking for a pulse. No this had to be a dream, this wasn’t real. They weren’t dead. “Cas!!! Come on Cas wake up!” he moved to Castiel and began shaking him. “Wake up dammit! Wake up!” he screamed through clenched jaw. He moved back your body, tears rolling down his cheeks as he sobbed. “No baby…no no no…come back to me” he pleaded holding your body to his. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry” he cried harder into your chest, he prayed, oh how he prayed he could go back and change everything.

A new encounter (Closed with ask-philip-blake)

The Argonian seems to be lost in the world, he walked around looking for someone. “Hello?” He growled at a slight sound of something behind him. “Who’s there?” He questioned. “If your going to kill me you’ll be sorry. Whoever you are I suggest you put your weapon down.” His tail swayed a bit to his right.

ask-philip-blake

talking Unitarian paladins with tumblr user @nudistfeline
  • Feline: The tradeoff for your power is that you will be filled with empathy at all times and unable to change a lightbulb without holding a committee meeting.
  • me: "halt, evil-doer (although evil is a subjective label that others people and i understand that you are still deserving of worth and compassion)! put down your weapon or i shall raise my Rod of Reasoned Debate!"
  • Feline: "And I shall chastise you firmly with the teachings of the Golden Rule!"
  • me: "tremble before the awesome might of my Pete Seeger sing-alongs! and then let's take a brief break for a flagon or two of coffee"
  • Feline: "Decaf and a selection of teas are available for all palates."
  • "I must collect the expended spell scrolls for the recycling program."
  • me: "not to rush your decision-making here, goblin soldier, but i do have a roundtable discussion with a wizard, a shaman, and a necromancer in three hours"
  • Feline: "Although we could use another panelist if you have any interest in the ethics of resurrection?"