put ur hands on me

  • Roober: put ur hands up this is a roberry
  • Me: oh shit man have all the mone- wait isnt ur name supposed to be robber not roober?
  • Roober: oh shit thats embarrassing
flirting with a man at a bar

me: hey lemme see ur phone I’ll put my number in

unsuspecting fool: hahah sure *hands me his phone*

me: *transfers his entire Pokemon Go team to myself*

fool: what the fuck?

me: *rips my jacket open to reveal a sensible tee with a large bedazzled letter R* TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM DEVISTA–

the signs as underrated p!atd songs
  • aries: oh glory
  • taurus: kaleidoscope eyes
  • gemini: mercenary
  • cancer: bittersweet
  • leo: all the boys
  • virgo: trade mistakes
  • libra: turn off the lights
  • scorpio: nearly witches
  • sagittarius: c'mon
  • capricorn: memories
  • aquarius: stall me
  • pisces: when the day met the night

Its like 1am but i just wanna say: straight boys act SOO entitled to ur body even when u show literally 0% interest in their presence

Me to boyfriend: pretend you have to go on a short trip away from me, okay?

Boyfriend: [otpbabyformula] is this because of Ri-?

Me: JUST LET ME PUT MY HAND ON UR CHEEK N KISS U DAMN IT OH MY GOSH AND REMEMBER TO SAY THANK YOU