put me in a tub and bathe me

Animals care, more than other humans do.

Whenever I cough or sneeze, my lovely kitten sprints across the room to put his paw on my shoulder,
He sits on the edge of the bath tub and guards me from drowning,
He puts his paws around me and cuddles when it’s bed time,
If I cry, he sits on my chest or lap and puts his paws on my cheeks while he sniffs my eyes, like he’s trying to understand.
If he can’t see me, he will cry really loudly until he hears or finds me.

“Cats are assholes incapable of affection”

The Fangirl's Expectations vs. Reality: Baths
  • Expectation: I'm going to relax, light some candles, put in some bath salts, and read a book.
  • Reality: *Takes phone into the tub* *Opens fanfic* *Screams hysterically* *Worries whether or not the OTP will live through the fic* *Walks out of the tub stressed out and an emotional wreck* *sobs into the towel* *collapses on the floor*

anonymous asked:

Mrs, call H and ask him about his reaction when he saw the photoshopped pics on the beach with MM please, i love your humor

I’ll call him, ringing

H: hey JD, guess you’re calling about these pictures

JD: yep Hazza, did you…

H: honest, I don’t remember any of it, did I black out? we smoked some weed and drank a bunch, damn I tried my hardest to stay away from her

JD: H really, they were photoshopped, I least I don’t think you blacked out, do you remember where you woke up in the morning

H: funny you mention that, I woke up in the huge bath tub, looked in the mirror, somebody waxed me and left half of my hair on my arms, don’t tell anyone but they put makeup on me again and painted my toe nails.

JD: did you get laid hazza? come on tell me

H: after the old bat left, sure we played tag, suck my dick in the villa, what a scream that was, so freeing to be naked and doing purple nurples on the girls, they screamed with delight, then they spanked me for being a naughty boy

JD: where did you wake up the next morning after that

H: weird! were you there? woke up naked with swimmies on my arms and ankles, hey did you put me out on the beach that morning cause people were walking the beach laughing

JD: why were they laughing h

H: the pranksters put a swimmie on big red and he had a morning hard on, I smiled,  red waved back and forth, care for a suckle

JD: no you didn’t

H: sure, I’m a princess

JD: what?

H: typo, lol, gotta run, I heard it’s acid day, time for a trip

roadhog gives junkrat a bath bomb. junkrat is slightly confused bc “why would i put a bomb in me bath if it’s not the enemy that gonna be blown up, hog?”. roadhog just sighs and places the bath bomb in the tub. it fizzes and desolves. Jamison just stares in wonder while a grin slowly appears on his face. he gets a little over-excited “OI MATE Y YA NEVA TELL ME ABOUT THIS TYPE A FOOKIN BOMB M8 THIS IS AMAZIN” jamie jumps on mako’s face and yells. mako just shakes his head, smiles, and peels jamie off his face and places him in the bath like a cat.

Let me tell y’all bout my girlfriend

So I’m heading home from work with my girlfriend. We get home and I walk into her room and theres candles leading from the door to the bed and they spell out “I <3 U” and then there are candles leading to the bathroom where there’s a hot bath ready and two blunts. Plus a fruit salad. When I tell you I was sitting there like how I’m this blessed? How? Who sent you?

So I get into the tub and she starts putting in the bubbles and lights the blunt and proceeds to ask me about my day. I soak for a while as we smoke and talk. So, she leaves and I soak a little longer and then she walks back in.

Y’all….she walks back in in black lingerie. Like bra and lace panties…

Like when I told you my baby looked so good. 

My heart stop. 

I was giving myself a pep talk. Like lord, don’t die. Don’t die.

She talking bout some “You done? Come let me give you a massage.”

And then she walked out and I was just like 

I couldn’t even not stare. She looked edible just like the damn fruit.

Y’all long story short, I got the best girl. 

Imagine: Nash Grier: cuddlin

*ÿour pov*
Me and Nash have been dating for awhile known like almost 4 years. Today we had nothing todo.

I hear my alarm go off on my phone. I shut it off. I hear feet walking towards the room. I look over noticing Nash wasn’t in bed. I hear the door open. I look at the door he stands there in a tank top and a pear of sweats. He comes over to me and pulls the covers back. And I pull them back over me. We did this for about five minutes before I gave up. “Y/n if you don’t get up I’m picking you up and putting you in a bath of cold water” He said. You looked at him “I don’t wanna get up I’m comfy” you said sassily back “ok well, I guess I have to do this” he said while picking you up. “Nash please don’t put me in a tub of cold water” you said. Next thing you new you guys were in the living room. You saw netflix started up and you saw a whole bunch of pillows and blankets laid out “lazy day?” You ask" yup" he said popping the p..

You fell asleep a couple hours later on Nash’s chest. He didn’t bother you he just cuddled up with you and fell asleep too. Then jax came and cuddled with y'all too!!!

Hope y'all liked it!! Y'all can request!!

hi so i just woke up whoops because i hadn’t slept at all since yesterday night / the day before something like that bUT THAT ISN’T IMPORTANT.

MY LITTLE SISTER IS ABSOLUTELY STELLAR. She’s only 9 years old, but last night we were supposed to hang out a bit before she went to bed for school, and like, take a super nice hot relaxing epsom salt bath together. Welp, unfortunately for me I blacked out cold like a rock somehow before I could even get in (and enjoy a delicious dessert I had made for the both of us). 

I woke up just now with a blanket over me and a note left on my laptop screen. She wrote it because she knew that I would be wondering what the heckie happened last night, and she hoped I read the letter. She had already been in the tub and when she got out, she saw that I was sleeping. She put all the candles and stuff BACK in it’s rightful places, took all the things like food and water and brought that downstairs, charged my laptop because I forgot I disconnected it, and covered me with a blanket because I looked cold. I just. I am BLOWN AWAY by her absolute kindness and intelligence.

Sam, you are hands down, one of the most amazing baby sisters in the universe and gosh, I am so blessed and fortunate to have you as my sister. <3

I don’t know if I’m easily let down or you don’t put enough effort in this. I don’t know if you’re manipulative or I’m just paranoid. I don’t know if I expect too much or you don’t appreciate me enough. I don’t know if I love too much or you don’t love enough. 

It’s just that I’ve been fucked over before and it makes me want to be in control all the time. Whilst with you; you make me wait, you go slow, you’re the “boss”. And it sure can be a good thing, but the fear of not being good enough makes me have a broken heart without you even touching it.