put it on the table

How to Kill a Campaign Before It Starts

 (Not actually one that happened to me, but being submitted with the blessing of a player involved who doesn’t get online much (Player 2, in this case).  This was the character generation session for a D&D 3.5 campaign.  This was back around 2004 or so, so there’ll probably be a bit of paraphrasing.)

Player 1:  *After rolling stats.*  Do you allow mulligans at all?

DM:  Nope.  What you roll is what you get.

Player 1:  Normally I have no problem with that, but you may want to make an exception, here.  *Shows rolls to DM.*

DM:  *Looks at rolls, shrugs.*  That’ll suck.

Player 1:  *Puts sheet with his rolls in the middle of the table, collects his dice, and stands.*  Well, maybe I’ll get to play with y’all some other time, hopefully under a DM who’s more reasonable.  *Walks out.*

Player 2:  *Picks up sheet, jaw drops.*  Dude, his highest roll was a nine!

DM:  Yeah, your point?

Player 2:  You know what, fuck this.  I’m not dealing this kind of bullshit.  *Stands.*

Player 3:  If [Player 2]’s out, I’m out.  He’s my ride, he’s the only way I can get here.

Player 4:  *While Players 2 and 3 collect their gaming equipment.*  Fuck no!  I am not soloing this shit!

 (The DM just sort of stared and sputtered while all four players walked out before even getting as far as picking out feats or skills.  From what I’ve been told, he still thinks the players were being unreasonable.)


anonymous asked:

Drunk Trini headcanon?

Oh my GOD okay 

  • to start off the other four think that Trini only settles for beer until they crash a party and they loose trini to find her taking a line of shots against this huge dude who can’t even finish 
    • She isn’t even a crazy drinker, she just likes to drink and knows how much she can handle 
    • that doesn’t stop her from getting drunk every once in a while 
  •  Trini gets so competitive she’s already competitive but she gets so much MORE competitive. 
    • She plays beer pong and once when she lost a game she flipped the table and put a hole in the wall 
  • She looses control of when she morphs (they all do) but with Trini even just a kiss from kim can make her to start morphing when she’s drunk 
  • Sometimes Trini drinks whiskey thats older than her and Kim is always chasing after her and takes it away 
  • also when she’s drunk she doesn’t shut up. The other rangers love it. She doesn’t talk about her problems at home, and she’ll talk about them when she wants too but when she’s drunk she tells them all of these funny stories that she swears are true and rants about shark week almost every time. 
    • When she’s drunk her and Billy have the most interesting conversations, “Hey, Billy, once I made a beer bottle explode with my mind.” 
    • “Tell me more.” 
    • “Well, I got angry and I guess my power coin felt it and it got really hot and then BOOM goes beer bottle.”
    • “well that’s because of..”
  • She drunk calls Kimberly one night when she’s just with Jason and leaves a three minute message talking about how much she loves kim and ends it with, “I also love your boobs and can’t wait to see you naked again” 
    • She doesn’t get why Zack is laughing so much the next day for no reason until Kim just goes, “Remember your message last night? He may or may not have heard it” 
    • Zack barely escapes Trini’s death punch 
take this burden - 47

[ keep or lose - bronze radio return ]

‘It’s time to make some choices’


Mo Guan Shan woke up thirsty.

He Tian shooed the nurse from the room, promising to hydrate him.

He Tian handed Mo Guan Shan the glass of water she’d left, watching him take a small sip and put it down on the table next to the bed.

Dark bruises were slowly forming under his eyes.

He looked exhausted.

He Tian wanted to hurt someone.

Before he could so much as open his mouth to speak, Jian Yi knocked lightly on the doorframe.

‘Zhengxi has some questions for you, He Tian.’

‘Can it wait?’


He Tian assured Mo Guan Shan he’d be back as soon as he could and left the room.

Jian Yi took his place next to the bed, fixing the tangle of tubes and wires on the bed.

‘Mo Guan Shan, what the fuck were you thinking?’ He asked quietly.

‘What do you mean?’ Mo Guan Shan asked, surprised by the question.

‘Why would you go outside with him? What good could possibly have come from that?’

Mo Guan Shan looked away.

‘I…I thought if I talked to him I could get him to leave.’

Jian Yi took a deep breath, trying to keep him temper under control.

‘Really? Because your track record of being alone with him is just fucking stellar, right?’

‘No, I mean-’

‘No.’ Jian Yi interrupted.

‘You put yourself in danger, you put Zhengxi’s job at jeopardy because we all know he’ll tell whatever lie he deems necessary to keep this from becoming a real fucking problem and, worst of all, you put He Tian in a situation he can not handle rationally. I don’t know you well, Mo Guan Shan, but I didn’t think you were that fucking stupid. That fucking selfish.’

Mo Guan Shan’s blood ran cold. His heartbeat was the loudest thing in his head as he fought the childish urge to cry.

He didn’t know what he’d expected from this conversation, but it wasn’t this.

‘I didn’t ask for this, Jian Yi. I didn’t ask for He Tian’s help. Or yours. Or Zhengxi’s. You didn’t have to do any of this. You still don’t.’

Jian Yi laughed bitterly.

‘But he did. We did. He Tian clearly cares for you, so we do too, but this is the second time in less than two weeks that we’ve all covered for you and your recklessness. I don’t know about them, but I won’t be doing it again.’

Mo Guan Shan searched for the right response, for any response, but came up empty.

‘Jian Yi.’ Came He Tian’s voice from the hallway.

Mo Guan Shan turned his face away as Jian Yi stood, pushing the chair back, and shoved past He Tian.

He Tian followed him down the hall, nearly running into him when he stopped suddenly.

‘What the fuck are you doing?’ He Tian demanded.

‘You’re being fucking stupid, He Tian. This shit between the two of you, it’s not healthy.’

He Tian raised his eyebrows.

‘I thought you’d understand this, considering…’

‘What Zhengxi and I have was born our of years of friendship and patience. Yours popped into existence in an alleyway a fucking week ago. He was hurt. You rescued him, hurting his abuser in the process. Have you considered that, possibly, this has been fueled by adrenaline? Loneliness? Perceived obligation?’

He Tian cocked his head to the side, nostrils flaring.

Fucking brutal.

‘I have, yeah.’ He Tian tried to keep his tone indifferent.

‘This is chaos, He Tian.’

‘I know.’

‘You shouldn’t want a relationship like this. You shouldn’t be so ready to go back to how you used to be.’

‘Shouldn’t I?’ He asked.


‘For fuck’s sake, I don’t HAVE anyone that’s loved me since I was a kid. Even if I still knew anyone I’d met when I was five years old, do you think they’d still be around? In case you haven’t noticed, people don’t seem to like me much once they get to know me.’

‘I do.’

‘You caught me on the tail end of that shit, believe it or not.’

‘You almost fucking died.’

‘It was hardly the first time.’ He Tian spat.

Jian Yi blinked at him in shock.

That’s right, fucker, here’s some devastating news I’ve fastidiously kept from you for years to avoid breaking your heart.


He continued, knowing he was making it worse bin unable to stop himself.

‘I haven’t always been quite this likable and pleasant, you know. Why do you think I never bring anyone to dinner? Never tell you about anyone I bring home? I don’t know anything about them and they don’t know anything about me. I don’t care and neither do they. They like the way I look and I like that they don’t ask questions.’

‘So, what’s different now?’ he demanded.

Jian Yi was on the verge of tears, still reeling from his confession.

He hated it when Jian Yi cried and hated himself for being the reason.

‘I don’t know. Maybe is IS the adrenaline. Or the loneliness. Maybe I’m just going soft, but it feels an awful lot like what you assholes call love. It is chaos. I’m working on that.’

‘I just want you to be happy.’ Jian Yi argued, breath hitching mid sentence.

‘I know you do. Thank you. But your idea of happiness doesn’t exist in my world right now.’

‘You’re going to fuck this up. Everything you have going for you, everything you’ve worked so hard for, you’re going to throw it away on someone you barely fucking know.’

‘You’re not exactly in a position to give me relationship advice.’


That was a low blow.

Too low.

He Tian wished he could snatch the words from the air the second they slipped past his lips.

Jian Yi flushed, quickly wiping away the tears that fell onto his cheeks.

‘Fuck you, He Tian.’ He whispered.

He Tian walked around him, giving him a wide berth, only to be stopped by Zhengxi as he rounded the corner.

‘What’s going on here?’ He demanded, looking past He Tian to where Jian Yi stood, shoulders hunched and shaking with silent sobs.

‘Move.’ He Tian told him.

‘Tell me what’s going on.’ Zhengxi insisted, stopping him with a hand on his chest.

He Tian shoved his hand away.

‘What the fuck is going on?’

‘Are you going to arrest me, Zhengxi?’
‘W-what? No…’

‘Then get the fuck out of my way, and stay away from him.’

Zhengxi held his hands up in passive surrender and watched him go.

He Tian drove back to the apartment, gathering Mo Guan Shan things.

It took three trips and a short struggle with the cat to transfer everything from Jian Yi and Zhengxi’s apartment to his.

He worked quickly, ignoring the tears that blurred his vision.

made his way back to the hospital and to Mo Guan Shan’s room.

Mo Guan Shan stiffened when he entered the room but didn’t look up from his hands in his lap.

He Tian rifled through the cabinets before perching on the edge of the bed.

In a practiced motion, he placed a cotton ball over the needle holding his IV in place and removed it carefully.

He cleaned the area with an alcohol wipe and applied a bandage.

‘What are you doing?’ Mo Guan Shan asked.

‘We’re leaving.’


‘Do you want to stay here?’ He Tian’s voice was much harsher than he’d intended.

Mo Guan Shan shook his head.

‘Then we’re leaving. The hospital can bill me and we’ll pick up your prescriptions later today.’

‘Where are we going?’

‘Back to my place. You’re going to get some rest and I’m going to end this shit. This is never going to happen again, I’m going to make god damn fucking sure of that.’

‘But, I-’

He Tian cut him off, gently taking Mo Guan Shan’s face in his hands.

‘Never. Again.’

Mo Guan Shan hesitated, still a little dazed.

‘Do you trust me?’ He Tian asked.

‘Completely.’ He answered without a beat.

He Tian helped him to his feet and into his jacket.

‘Then let’s go home.’

Sea Witch Divination Tip

Once you are acquainted with the magical meanings behind your seashells, place a blue cloth on a table and put your seashells on the cloth. (The cloth represents the Ocean). Close your eyes, feel the energy emit from your shells, slowly rotate the cloth a few times and put your hand on whichever seashell feels right. Open your eyes to see which seashell you picked and divine it’s meaning.

It is often said that people who have shared food, or the right, archetypal kind of food, are forbidden to harm one another, however much they might be otherwise inclined to do so. At times, this can take on an almost comical formality, as in the Arab story of the burglar who, while ransacking someone’s house, stuck his finger in a jar to see if it was full of sugar, only to discover it was full of salt instead. Realizing that he had now eaten salt at the owner’s table, he dutifully put back everything he’d stolen.
—  David Graeber, Debt: The First 5,000 Years
monsta x react ෴ they help with chores but make it worse

@vickyxmelonlove asked: Hello! May I request for a scenario/reaction where MX wants to help with chores with their S/O but it leads to more messes instead? Please and thanks!!! ^^

⁂ shownu:

“sweetheart..” you laughed weakly as you watched your boyfriend washing the dishes. you had just finished sweeping the floor and making the living room look nice. while you were doing your daily chores, hyunwoo thought it would be nice to clean the dishes for you since you were already doing so much, but when you walked into the kitchen, you witnessed an even bigger mess in front of you. “you’ve got the floor all wet,” you put your hands on the table and hung your head in defeat, giggling as shownu made a surprised sound when he looked down. when he was about to apologize, you shook your head with a fond smile and walked towards the closet, “might as well mop the floors too.”

Originally posted by daddyhyun-u

⁂ minhyuk:

minhyuk was raking the leaves outside as you cooked dinner for the both of you. both of you never really bothered about outdoor chores, but minhyuk wanted to have some fresh air and do something while he was at it. as you stirred the soup in the pot with your hand on your hip, you heard your boyfriend make a loud sound outside. with a sigh, you lowered the heat on the stove and put the lid on the pot. with heavy steps, you slowly walked out the front door to see that minhyuk missed the garbage bag that was supposed to hold all the leaves once he was done. he looked at you sheepishly and tried to rake the leaves again before you stopped him with a smile, “maybe next time.”

Originally posted by gwihyonnie

⁂ kihyun:

okay, he didn’t mean to drop the laundry basket full of the clothes down the stairs, but it happened. he tried to pick them up as fast as possible before you walked up to see the freshly cleaned clothes on the floor, but he was too slow and you witnessed the whole scene. there was a surprised look on his face when he saw you before he tried to give you a sweet smile, continuing to shove the clothes into the basket. a playful scoff fell from your lips as you picked up the rest of the clothes off the floor. taking the basket from him, you bumped his hip with yours, “you can watch the food instead.”

Originally posted by gifsmonstax

⁂ jooheon:

“i told you that you didn’t have to help me organize my closet..” you smiled amusedly as you looked at jooheon surrounded in piles of clothes in your shared bedroom. with a shameless grin, your boyfriend shrugged his shoulders and continued to sort your closet by colour, tripping over a few articles of clothing on the way to your wardrobe. “cooking is hard. i like this better.. it’s fun.” he reasoned. you hung your head and laughed, closing your eyes since he was being silly. you did some finger guns and handed him some more hangers. you also gave him containers for your shoes, hats, and scarves. he bowed deeply and blew you a kiss, grinning. “don’t worry, this room will look better soon.”

Originally posted by softseong

⁂ wonho:

“hoseok..” you groaned weakly, putting your head down on the dining table in exhaustion. little whines escaped you as you suddenly leaned back in your chair as your boyfriend grinned shyly, looking at rice pot in his hands. he was trying to drain the water from the rice since you guys didn’t buy a proper strainer yet, and so he spilled most of the cleaned rice in the sink. “that wasn’t supposed to happen..” he murmured to himself as he turned the water on to wash the rice a second time, letting the spilled rice fall into the sink strainer. raising your eyebrows at him, your arms crossed over your chest and a smile was slowly etching onto your face. “let me do it. i told you i was fine cooking the rice, you goose.” you said as you pinched his bicep, a childish grumble rumbling from his chest.

Originally posted by monsta-x-cuties

⁂ hyungwon:

“honey..” walking up behind your boyfriend, you watched him trying to organize your book collection. you didn’t mind it when he said he wanted to clean up your book shelves a little bit, but – your floor is covered in books. they’re all on the floor and you don’t even know how hyungwon’s sorting all of these. it didn’t seem like he was putting book series together on the shelves so you just facepalmed yourself and sat on the edge of the bed to watch your boyfriend continue to try and ‘clean up’ your collection of books. he didn’t really notice you and kept on making a bigger mess as he shuffled some of your books to the side so he could reach the shelf. you could only sigh in disappointment.

Originally posted by kpopidolaegyooo

⁂ changkyun:

“babe.. why are you using our hand towels to clean up the dust?” as you descended down the stairs, you saw your boyfriend wetting multiple towels in a bowl with some water before wringing one out to wipe the dust off of the tv. there was a frown on your face as your boyfriend looked at you and shrugged, a smile on his face. “we don’t have those swiffer things, silly.” he winked at you and replaced his used towel with another one, wiping the surface that your tv rest on, which – no.. changkyun, no. groaning internally, you shuffled to the closet to pull out the swiffer your boyfriend was talking about. you then threw it at his arm with a pout and he looked at you in surprise, smiling shyly. “i was wrong.”

Originally posted by vitunkpoppi

♡ guidelines

✧ masterlist

Fuck the Patriarchy!

For @emilyevanston 2K Cards Against Humanity Celebration

My card was “The Patriarchy”.

Word count: 2000! Woot! Where’s my gold star, Kate?

Pairing: Steve x Sam

Warnings: swearing, of course there is swearing, Cards Against Humanity Content.

Thanks to @mycapt-ohcapt for encouraging me and helping me work through ideas and for doing some beta-ing. Also, thanks to @dizzy-redhead for reassuring me about just throwing Darcy in there.

The Avengers love playing Cards Against Humanity. Well, most of the Avengers. Captain America has always taken issue with the game. So, whenever the team played, without fail, Steve would get pissed off. Every single time they played, he got all wound up and went off on some rant or other that was highly entertaining for everyone watching.

Steve pulls a black card and reads out, “What never fails to liven up the party?” After about a minute everyone had put their choice of white card onto the low table in the middle of all the couches.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Taylor asleep in Hayley's lap while she writes a love song about him playing with his curls, and kisses his head when she finishes

alekkedjwkwkke this is so cute and then she probs puts a blanket over him too well both of them really and even she probs ends up falling asleep on the couch and kjakekksksks him waking up the next morning and seeing the song bc she probs just put her journal down on the coffee table left it open and hed see it and get all embarrassed already

our meat brains have absolutely no idea how to even begin to picture numbers as big as a billion (now think about how many people have multiple of these & how many people are struggling to put food on the table, if they even have a table)

Anyway, eat the rich
Movie night

Pairing; Park Jimin x Reader

Words; 3.2k

Genre; Angst (if you squint), PURE SMUT, Fluff (if you look real closely)

Summary; You and Jimin have been in a 6 month long relationship and the most you’ve done is make-out. During a movie night you deicde to push the boundaries but things don’t go as planned.

A/N; I’m still low-key sick so this isn’t perfect but I tried!

Keep reading

Record Player - Peter Parker

request -  Hello! Congrats on the new bloooog. How about a Peter Parker x reader where the reader tries to teach him how to slow dance before homecoming and they end up kissing?

a/n - i’m an ib history nerd so i apologize for the 13 million references in here LMAO i always try to show peter’s dorky side in these fics and i’m sorry if it failed miserably but dont’ forget to request a peter parker/spider-man fic if you’d like and follow!

Studying for a History quiz was such a bother, especially with the content being about some guys in suits fighting over which country got money and which one was left in the dust. Alas, I had to study in order to keep my self pride.

The New Look Policy was proposed by Dwight Eisenhower to reflect his concern towards the United States military during the Cold War.” I read from my textbook.

I groaned and started scribbling into my notebook once more, silently listening to the noise the city produced from the small crack of the open window. The apartment was quiet tonight considering my mom was on her fourth night shift of the week, allowing some peace for me to study by myself. That was interrupted once two loud knocks were bouncing off the door.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)!” I heard Peter yelp desperately from the outside. I rolled my eyes and got up from my seat, heading towards the door. With Peter being a close friend, and also having him live two floors below me, it caused for a lot of situations like this to turn up unexpectedly.

“Coming!” I chimed, unlocking the door and opening it just a tiny bit, peeking my head through. “What’s up?”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Headcannons for passionate! Tom when having sex?

Having Passionate sex with Tom Holland would include

  • Him trying his hardest to be romantic
  • like he’d be romantic anyway but he’d be trying his hardest to have a really romantic night before he went away for a couple of months 
  • he’d get you roses and a necklace so that every time you looked at it you’d think of him
  • he’d probably take you to dinner and you guys would both be kind of sad that he was leaving the next day so you’d cut dinner short and go home to spend some actual quality time together
  • you guys would sit in front of the tv and cuddle with a glass of wine 
  • and he’d play with your hair and tell you how much he was going to miss you and how he wished you could come with him
  • he’d be the first one to make a move
  • he’d put a finger under your chin and turn your head away from the tv
  • ‘‘you’re so beautiful y/n’‘
  • he’d start to kiss you and his kiss would be so passionate that your body would feel like it was on fire 
  • he’d slowly grab the wine glass out of your hand and put it on the table without taking his lips of yours
  • he’d pull apart just to ask if you wanted to go the bedroom,what a gentleman
  • and you’d nod not being able to form words and you’d just stare into his brown eyes and melt
  • he’d probably pick you up and carry you to the bedroom because he’s a strong romantic boy!!! 
  • he’d lower you onto the bed and he’d start telling you how beautiful you were and how lucky he was 
  • and you’d lean up and grab him by the back of his neck and pull him down to kiss you 
  • and the kisses would be so needy and he’d start grinding his hips into you and he’d moan into the kisses 
  • and it would be so hot and the only time he’d break the kiss would be to tell you how beautiful you were
  • he’d probably roll over and pull you on top of him and he’d move his hands from your cheeks to your hips and he’d help guide you over his bulge 
  • and he’d break away from the kiss and say ‘’I think we need to take these off’’while staring  at your clothes so you’d climb off and he’d help you undress until you just had your underwear on and he’d slide his shirt over his head and slip of his pant till he was sitting on the edge of the bed in just his boxers and he’d look so beautiful
  • like his hair would be sticking up and he’d be a bit flushed and his skin would be glowing 
  • he’d pull you back on top of him and he’d start kissing your neck and you’d be grinding into him and moaning and he’d be so hard underneath you 
  • he’d slowly move your underwear to the side and start rubbing your clit and it would feel so good 
  • ‘‘you’re so wet for me princess’‘
  • he’d start to finger you really slowly and it would be so agonizingly slow that you’d start to move your hips against his fingers to get more friction 
  • and he’d get the hint and move a bit faster and he’d love to hear you moan his name
  • he’d honestly be so needy like he’d need you so bad 
  • he’d suddenly flip you onto your back again and you’d whine from the loss of his fingers
  • but he’d slide his boxers off and thrust into you without warning and you’d let out a gasp
  • he’d lean down and kiss you and tell you that ‘’you can take it baby’’
  • he’d start thrusting right away and it would feel so amazing
  • and the entire time he’d be telling you how beautiful you are and how good you felt 
  • he would be cursing under his breath a lot
  • his thrusts would be so deep and he would be hitting all the right spots and you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from cumming
  • feeling your walls tighten around him and hearing you cry out his name would push him over the edge and he’d cum in you 
  • he’d stay in you for a minute while you both came down from your highs 
  • and then silently he’d pick you up and take you into the shower and help clean you up and he’d look so good with his wet hair sticking to his forehead while he rubbed your shoulders
  • i love tom im crying 

I rewatched the episode with my mother and she was like Ed Sheeran and his crew are probably the Westerosi equivalent of millennials and hence why they are nice people, they’re just young lads tired of all the wars and injustice committed by the previous generation but they got bills to be paid and have to put food on the table during hard times that is Queen Cersei administration.