put it on lyrics

One of my favorite things is looking at the Snark Wars metrics page and seeing how many people I’ve gotten to click on a link to something totally stupid in order to understand one of my terrible jokes. 

Examples: 

  • A YouTube clip of “Put On Your Sunday Clothes” from Hello, Dolly!
  • The official website for Orange Julius, purveyor of smoothies at American shopping malls 
  • The Seed Savers Exchange (for all your heirloom gardening needs) 
  • The Wikipedia entry for “Shirley Temple (drink)”, a very sweet non-alcoholic/“mocktail” drink that grade-school-aged kids used to order at the bar at family weddings when I was a kid 
  • A YouTube clip of an early-90s TV ad for Halls cough drops 

I always feel like I should put a disclaimer next to the links that’s like “sorry, person who is too young to understand this reference and/or is not American, the payoff for clicking on this reference link will be so not worth it.”

heyo guys I was tagged by @softjiminstan (thanks!!! this was fun) to put 9 songs on shuffle and write my favorite lyrics of each so yep here it goes


best of me - bts

when you say that you love me

i walk above the clouds

tell me of eternity just one more time


mala mujer - c.tangana

tú lo que eres es una ladrona,

que me ha llevado a la ruina,

te has llevao’ mi corazón, mi orgullo, mi pasta, mi paz, mi vida


false alarm - the weeknd

she always leaves the man she loves,

but the diamonds are forever

she always seems to be alone,

but the diamonds make it better


touch - kehlani

we don’t even have to say a word

won’t bite, no, I won’t hurt

speak less and you may learn to feel me, yeah

baby, yeah

i like it when we talk

but I love it when we touch


die for you - the weeknd

even though we’re going through it

and it makes you feel alone

just know that I would die for you

baby I would die for you, yeah

the distance and the time between us

it’ll never change my mind, ‘cause baby

i would die for you


que va - alex sensation, ozuna

que vaina que ya no te tengo,

pero no te quiero buscar,

que va


the 7th sense - nct u

in this cold world, i’m closing my eyes

laying down in bed, covering my ears

yesterday is today, today is yesterday

i’m only filled with late self-guilt


senderos a roma - lds

jo,

cuando te marchas me cago en to’

por no cagarme en ti


empty - winner

those nice days, and those sad days

those dreadful days, those happy happy days

now the memories are gone along with the time that went by

we, who were stuck in the past, are over

it’s as if we’ve returned to reality

my reason for living disappears, and my mind is in chaos

when I wake up in the morning, it feels like my heart is empty

like the emptiness I feel before I see you

wow what a ride welp this was fun and entertaining I tag everyone who sees this + @mincute (i will fight u) and @4voisper

Sat in my room listening to Treacherous and my fiancé comes in and sits with me and the lyric ‘put your lips close to mine as long as they don’t touch’ comes on and he just goes 'sorry taylor but fuck that’ and kisses me and I couldn’t even kiss him back properly because I was laughing so much 😂😂😂

THE DOLAN TWINS DISS TRACK LYRICS

GRAYSON:
Hey is it possible to put auto tune on?
Oh perfect
I didn’t want to sound like a second grader (I feel like i still sound like a..)
I’m for real about to quit
Say goodbye to Tuesday
Everybody knows this is over without Gray
You’re super immature and I’m done with your child’s play (yeah)
Might be your bro but I’m bigger in every way! (ding)
I didn’t wanna do this but you bouta take this heat (ow)
Why your jawline look like a bicycle seat?
And your hair looks like the blue airhead a little kid would eat (slurp, mmm!)
You should have thought this through before you tried to start this beef!
Because compared to be it just isn’t fair
You can’t compete (uh huh)
How am I gonna take an L from a kid who peed his pants at our meet and greet
He peed his pants at our meet and greet
(yo he’s 16 and peed his pants at our meet and greet.)

(audio change)

ETHAN:
(sigh) Poor Grayson, can someone get this man a tish?
Thank you
You’ll be needing that later
(yeah) You can quit right now boy
I’m not gonna care (not at all!)
Wouldn’t be a bigger deal than my strand of blue hair
Number one in the world (uno)
I’m number one and you’re two
Pretty obvious no one comes to this channel for you (no they don’t)
YouTube, you know that these subs are for me (they’re all mine)
Cuz you nasty check your face in this pic where you sneezed (ugh)
Next but not lastly (yeah) wanna get into this that last week
Your chick kissed me and she knew it was E (aye) (uh)
Wait
You don’t have a girl…
Anymore
Sorry (ok here we go)
Lookin’ at your follows
Something must have gone wrong there (uh oh)
How you getting all these likes
With your Jimmy Neutron hair (gotta blast)
Is something hanging from your ear?
Boy is that a tampon?
I can’t be dissed by a kid who stole his earring from his grandma (grandma)
Mess with me

(audio change)

GRAYSON:

You’re like me but you’re worse

ETHAN:

You’re so cringe that it hurts

GRAYSON:

They say save the best for last that’s why you popped outta mom first (ew)

ETHAN:

Why your hair cut look like a dorsal fin?

GRAYSON:

At least I’m not the twin with the Crimson Chin

ETHAN:

Boy I could go on for days

Dissing you is too easy

GRAYSON:

You think you look good?

Prepubescent facial hair is cheesy!

ETHAN:

You know what?

Straight up

You ugly as…

GRAYSON:

What? 

You can’t say that. That’s like..we’re identical twins so you saying that..its calling yourself ugly.

college study tips that actually help
  • put your phone on silent and put it across the room
  • listen to classical/soundtrack music without lyrics
  • make index cards for important vocab
  • wear pajamas
  • make diagrams and pictures. they don’t have to look pretty, as long as you understand it
  • make timelines for historical events
  • have a light snack
  • drink coffee or tea to keep you going
  • take a break every hour or so
  • have one pencil/black pen and one colored pen or highlighter. anything more will just distract you. the aesthetics aren’t important, your knowledge is
  • don’t be afraid to email/message your teacher or a classmate if you don’t understand something. the last thing you want to do is learn the incorrect information
  • know that sleep and health is more important than your grade. you cannot perform as well on a test if you are tired or sick. take care of yourself
  • it’s not a race. it’s not about who can learn something in the quickest time, it’s about learning
  • take a deep breath 
  • prioritize your homework by how long it will take you and when it’s due
  • plan some you time in between studying and school
  • if you’re mentally exhausted, set a timer for 30 minutes and take a nap. any longer and you’ll wake up even more tired
  • don’t understand something? that’s perfectly fine, don’t stress over it. ask for help rather than complaining
  • have a goal in mind and write them down. say things like “i am getting an education so i can get the job of my dreams. the life that i want. the happiness that i deserve”
  • be thankful. it is a privilege that you get to go to school and get an education. 
  • you got this.