One of my favorite things is looking at the Snark Wars metrics page and seeing how many people I’ve gotten to click on a link to something totally stupid in order to understand one of my terrible jokes.
A YouTube clip of “Put On Your Sunday Clothes” from Hello, Dolly!
The official website for Orange Julius, purveyor of smoothies at American shopping malls
The Seed Savers Exchange (for all your heirloom gardening needs)
The Wikipedia entry for “Shirley Temple (drink)”, a very sweet non-alcoholic/“mocktail” drink that grade-school-aged kids used to order at the bar at family weddings when I was a kid
A YouTube clip of an early-90s TV ad for Halls cough drops
I always feel like I should put a disclaimer next to the links that’s like “sorry, person who is too young to understand this reference and/or is not American, the payoff for clicking on this reference link will be so not worth it.”
Sat in my room listening to Treacherous and my fiancé comes in and sits with me and the lyric ‘put your lips close to mine as long as they don’t touch’ comes on and he just goes 'sorry taylor but fuck that’ and kisses me and I couldn’t even kiss him back properly because I was laughing so much 😂😂😂
GRAYSON: Hey is it possible to put auto tune on? Oh perfect I didn’t want to sound like a second grader (I feel like i still sound like a..) I’m for real about to quit Say goodbye to Tuesday Everybody knows this is over without Gray You’re super immature and I’m done with your child’s play (yeah) Might be your bro but I’m bigger in every way! (ding) I didn’t wanna do this but you bouta take this heat (ow) Why your jawline look like a bicycle seat? And your hair looks like the blue airhead a little kid would eat (slurp, mmm!) You should have thought this through before you tried to start this beef! Because compared to be it just isn’t fair You can’t compete (uh huh) How am I gonna take an L from a kid who peed his pants at our meet and greet He peed his pants at our meet and greet (yo he’s 16 and peed his pants at our meet and greet.)
ETHAN: (sigh) Poor Grayson, can someone get this man a tish? Thank you You’ll be needing that later (yeah) You can quit right now boy I’m not gonna care (not at all!) Wouldn’t be a bigger deal than my strand of blue hair Number one in the world (uno) I’m number one and you’re two Pretty obvious no one comes to this channel for you (no they don’t) YouTube, you know that these subs are for me (they’re all mine) Cuz you nasty check your face in this pic where you sneezed (ugh) Next but not lastly (yeah) wanna get into this that last week Your chick kissed me and she knew it was E (aye) (uh) Wait You don’t have a girl… Anymore Sorry (ok here we go) Lookin’ at your follows Something must have gone wrong there (uh oh) How you getting all these likes With your Jimmy Neutron hair (gotta blast) Is something hanging from your ear? Boy is that a tampon? I can’t be dissed by a kid who stole his earring from his grandma (grandma) Mess with me
You’re like me but you’re worse
You’re so cringe that it hurts
They say save the best for last that’s why you popped outta mom first (ew)
Why your hair cut look like a dorsal fin?
At least I’m not the twin with the Crimson Chin
Boy I could go on for days
Dissing you is too easy
You think you look good?
Prepubescent facial hair is cheesy!
You know what?
You ugly as…
You can’t say that. That’s like..we’re identical twins so you saying that..its calling yourself ugly.