put a hoe on the stroll

anonymous asked:

I'm fully convinced Zigi is somewhat real bc of the way they are as a couple I mean she had her head on his shoulder last night it's such a genuine couple thing and ugh I don't support them :(

i’m going to ever so gently and ever so lovingly explain this to you in a couple of parts. firstly:

 Zigith is your regular ol’ garden variety PR stunt bearding.  A PR bearding relationship is made to look at least the tiniest, smidgenest, skotchiestly (I just made that word up)  plausible. The point of a PR beard in Zayn’s case covers a multitude of reasons:

  •  So people don’t think you enjoy enthusiastic dickings on the regular or have Sparkly Hoe Eyes™ for a man, least of all Limothy. If you’ve paid attention to the press about Zigi though, it’s gotten a fair share of roasting [x, x, x, x, x], mostly because of all the Try Hard™. So, with that said, her putting her head on his shoulder in the center of the car in clear view of the cameras for a photo op isn’t something that’s going to make me suddenly have a crisis of belief and pack up my tiny tin hatty little blog. 
  • Promooooooo. While Gigi is clearly the one getting the better end of the deal here (more positive press and a starring role as Zayn’s A List video hoe), this puts both of their names in the press and they both have something to sell. People like drama. People like pretty people. People like pretty people being schmoopy and having sex. It’s a thing. 

Which brings us to our next part!

  • Let’s look at the body language! The muppet mouth Zigi kissing in PILLOWTALK aside, body language is one of the world’s greatest indicators. Let’s compare body language between Ziam & Zigith (and note that I didn’t cherry pick, I promise. These were photos taken from PR hoe strolls that are all found on the Googles and ranging from November until last night*). 

Zigi: 

And Zigi most recently from last night (2/3):

Gigi’s like a real 1d beard now! Rockin’ the Adidas and the YSL. Congrats, Gigi.

Mellygrant’s note: I’m the dudes in the front seat of the car.

In almost every photo Zayn looks like kidnapping victim in a Proof Of Life video. He looks more like he’s on the way to a colonoscopy then hanging out with his smokin’ hot Supermodel girlfriend. I’m just sayin’.

Ziam:

Liam’s ass is literally doing nothing but Zayn’s like “let me help your ass do nothing Leeyum i am here to literally help your ass”

If the PILLOWTALK video was even a tenth this hot I’d be blogging from the spirit realm

There are literally hundreds more gifs of Ziam generally being schmoopy and having Sparkly Hoe Eyes and The Thirst. I went on a quest for proof for you anon and the only person I hurt is myself. 

Which brings us to the last and most important part: Zigi can’t be real because Ziam already is. It is the realest. It is realer than the sun in the sky or the grass on the ground or my general hatred for clowns. It is realer than all of us. 

*Mel’s disclaimer so she doesn’t get roasted: I didn’t pick Zigi’s snapchat or couples’ selfie because I wanted to show you candid body language.