pushing me away

She pushed me away thinking I didn’t know what darkness is. She yelled at me, screaming with tears in her eyes, swearing that she knew that I would see the real her and then leave. She shook my shoulders, eyes bloodshot and sweat beads on her forehead. I tried to hold her still, but she raged. Eventually she caved, and she whimpered quietly into my chest with my arms around her. She tried to push me away. But little did she know, her darkness made me want to stay.


I hate you. God I hate you. I cannot tell you how much I hate you or how good it feels to tell you that I hate you. For months I pretended to love you, for months I let you hug me and snuggle me and kiss my cheek and make awful sexual jokes about me and I let you think I loved you. I let you push people away from me, keeping my closet friends and my significant other from getting closer to me and asking me if I was okay. I let you use me. You tried your damnedest to manipulate your way through my walls, using weaknesses I chose to let you know about because they aren’t really weaknesses, and I let you think you succeeded. I let you think you made it to my heart of hearts, the soul of my being, my deepest love and you never made it past my first wall. I let you think I cared about you because I knew that if it didn’t work on me, you would move on to one my friends who would have been much easier to break. So I let you think you broke me. I let you think you made me love you. I never loved you.

I told you once that I was a protective person, that my protective instincts were stronger than my instincts for self preservation, and I didn’t lie. But when you took that to mean I would protect you and lose myself, took that to mean that if the group tried to turn on you I would stick with you at detriment to myself, you misunderstood me. I said that as a warning. I said that to tell you that I knew what you were doing but I would rather destroy my own mental health and wellbeing than allow you to get near the ones I truly care about.

From the moment I met you I saw you for what you are, a manipulative and destructive rat who likes to sink its teeth into first year flesh and make their entire college life revolve around you so there can never be an escape from you. The first sign was that you spent all your time with us, the new kids, proving that all the kids in your year and the year between you and us realized what you were and threw you out of their lives. And when you told me how you were the victim, how you did nothing wrong and they were evil people who abandoned you after all the love you gave them, then I knew that you knew what you were. None of this was an accident. You want to own people, to make their lives revolve around you and your problems. And I let you think that you were the center of my solar system but in truth you aren’t even in my galaxy. You mean nothing to me.

The best thing that came out of knowing you is that now they all know. All of my friends. The entire group. They all know what you are and what happened to us and we are all closer because of it. We survived a demon after all, that tends to mean something to people. You brought me closer to everyone you tried to keep me away from. You gave me the best friends I could have ever asked for because you tried to hurt us all and now you can’t touch any of them. You come back this week from abroad, you have one more year on this campus being near me and those who are mine every day but I swear to you and all my gods that you will not lay a single slimy hand on any of them. And next year, when you try to do this again to another group of first years, when you try to sink you senior and experienced claws into their innocent minds, I want you to know that I will be there. I don’t even know those kids, I won’t meet them for months, but they are already under my protection. You have harmed people before me but I swear to all my gods that you are done. You will not hurt them. You will not touch them. I can promise you that no matter what happens, no matter what you try, I will do everything in my power and more to stand in your way. You cannot harm me anymore. You cannot control me. I am done pretending to love you. I hate you Z, I hate you with every ounce of my soul, and I want you to know.

- Nyx, the one you thought you owned

Hey im just wondering

Yo know how Nanu in Pokemon Sun/Moon lives with like 12 meowths? And also there’s a lady on one of the routes in… Akala, I think, who lives with like 8 stufful?

Reblog this and put in the tags which single pokemon you’d adopt like 10 of and contentedly live with. Bonus points if you say why and what you’d do with them. I’m curious…

Based on @paperficwriter‘s Genos headcanon(s)!

I lied.
Every time you didn’t understand me, I sighed. 
Every time you pushed me away, I cried. 
I wish you knew me more; trust me, I tried. 
Every time I shied away from telling the truth, I lied. 
Every moment I didn’t tell you I loved you, I lied.
—  dhruvilfcb

Aquarius turned to me and said, “If you had just put yourself together before all this, we would have had our shit together and we would’ve been happy.. Now you’re standing here, and looking back at what could have been. You’re too late.”

Aries turned to me with a smirk on her face and said, “For months I waited. You, you were busy dealing with some other shit, pointless shit and you pushed me away and how DARE you come back and tell me you miss me.”

Cancer grabbed me by the collar of my shirt, gritting her teeth and said, “You motherfucking asshole. I thought to myself you would be different. I trusted myself around you, you were the world to me. Why are you doing this to me?”

Capricorn crossed her arms and slowly she shook her head and said, “I tried to look at the bigger picture and accepted it. Yet, you’re standing here and..” suddenly tears rolled down her cheek. “How many more do I have to endure and meet to finally find some peace..”

Gemini raised her head and smiled at me and said, “I know what you’re thinking. You thought that I’d see you and I’d go weak in the knees, and cry and cling to you and tell you much I missed you?” Her body shakes and slowly she turned her head away. “You’re wrong. Absolutely wrong.”

Leo laughed with tears in her eyes and said, “You think you could come and tell me that you missed me after I have finally got myself together. You’re artistic. Brilliant performance, yours truly. Look, I may be a fool but I know my worth..”

Libra placed a hand on my shoulder and said, “Don’t blame yourself about what happened. We seemed to have gone distant, and it wasn’t just you. So it’s best that we shouldn’t dwell on it. Look at me. We’re okay..” A tear rolls down her cheek. “I..I’m okay.”

Pisces turned to me, with tears in her eyes and said, “How could you. You made me fall in love with you, and you brought up so much promises that you said you’ll keep, but what the hell is this. I sacrificed alot for you. I changed and shaped myself for you, and I was so stupid..”

Sagittarius finally looked up and stared at me and said, “I thought every possible outcome and yet, I seem to be staring at the past and what I feel right now is closure. You were good to me, but I’m sorry if I wasn’t good for you. I’ve done nothing but cared for you. I guess you weren’t ready..”

Scorpio turned to me and said, “I’m over it. I’m happy now. You could’ve been with me but noo, you fucked it up. I mean, boy, oh boy I was so wrong about you..”

Taurus slowly pulled herself away from and looked into my eyes, “Today’s the last time you’ll get to hold me. Would you even care? I doubt it. But I wished things didn’t happen the way it was, but it was good. We were good…”

Virgo exhaled and looked back at me and said, “I told you before that I was planning something big for us. You were always a part of my plans, and you just happened to drift off into your own world again, leaving me to fend off for myself. How do you think I felt? It felt like talking to a wall. I was so ready for the unthinkable. Sadly, we’re 5 years late. You’re late. I’m still going to go through with my plans..” She slowly turned around. “But you’re not in my plans anymore.”

—  Reaching out once more
Things Jimin is horrible at:

1. Accepting Hobi’s love. 

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

2. Letting someone else love Hobi.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Roasting me is ineffective because you can’t tell me worse things than I already think of myself.
—  707
You keep leaving me. You leave me longing for you again and again when I would give anything for you to stay, and it’s killing me.
—  The night circus, Erin Morgenstern