pushing me away

Dear past lover,

 I don’t know where to begin, I really just don’t know. I am confused and lost now that school has started for us. I’m not sure if I’m really still in love or I simply just don’t know when to say goodbye. I remembered all your worries and fears of me letting you go, but I kept my promise. You thought I wanted space? No, simply I just asked if you were okay and if you wanted space. Why? I noticed you started to talk to me less, you simply just pushed me away. What was I to you? Was I some play date to you? Was I simply just a girl helpless in love? Was I a fool to you? God I’m so angry at myself for not hating you or simply that I can’t seem to move on. I spent a few months crying and going to my friends for some help or understanding as to why you left? I know there was something more than saying, “ you deserve better than me ”.I know there was but I kept hush, I kept my god damn mouth shut and let my heart break into pieces. You knew you weren’t gonna be able to keep those promises, I don’t blame you I really don’t but the next girl you date make sure you know which promises you can keep. Just be truthful. God my friends tell me, even I tell myself, that I was the one who tried the most and the ending months came by. Don’t get me wrong, you really did try as well but damn it was sad that I noticed you pushed me away even before I asked youif you wanted space. I told my parents that day nothing about what had happened and only that, “ I don’t cry for silly things mom ”. My mom knew what had happened but she had decided for me to learn about heartbreaks. I have to forcefully laugh and smile whenever I’m around friends because I don’t want to disappoint them. I still haven’t move on but I’m wondering, why did you move on so quickly? I wish I can have the guts to ask you but I know you won’t come up with a clear answer that won’t hurt me. You know what, maybe I do want a clear answer. Why? I’m so used to pain, not physical pain, but pain that comes from a persons mouth and mind. I hope that one day I hope I can fall in love again but not with you. I would give you a chance but I know you wouldn’t want to fall in love me again. Just some days ago I was clean, and I’m gonna keep that up until I lose count because I want to show that I was strong.

 I want to show the whole world, that I wasn’t a fool who got hurt, I want to be the best friend my friends could have, the best sister, the best daughter, because I will not give up on myself over a heartbreak. 

- Sincerely, me 

i spent all night phoning police in a different country to me, trying to find you, save your life. i lost sleep over you. i worried over you. i cared for you. i did everything in my fucking power for you and you try to push me away now?

there is nothing more hurtful.

I’ve a lot of imagines to finally do now when I have my computer but here’s my masterlist in the meantime; some new and some old!

Imagines

One Direction:

Liam:

Louis:

Harry:

Niall:

5 Seconds Of Summer:

Luke:

Calum:

Ashton:

Michael:

Fake texts

One Direction:

Liam:

Your little sister announcement she’s having a baby and you tell Liam.  

Louis:

Harry:

Niall:

5 Seconds Of Summer:

Luke:

Calum:

Ashton:

Michael:

Let me get one thing straight. I cannot love. I am a selfish excuse for a human and I cannot love. I will never be able too. I’m sorry to everyone I’ve hurt on my journey to discovering this harsh fact. I’m sorry for hurting you. But please. Don’t tell me that you’ll ‘wait for me to come around’ or that 'you just haven’t found the right person yet’ because that’s not how it works. Its not that I lack the ability to love. Its just that I cannot love. My crippling fear of rejection will always make me push everyone away. Don’t think that you’re immune. Because I will drop you in a heart beat.

theteacupprinciple  asked:

Girl i have been a mess, almost tearing up at every second of my training for my new job today and part 7B was the highlight of my morning i have to tell you ❤️ cannot wait for part 8 and you should know that u help many of us stay calm or calmer, you help me push away a bit of my anxiety ❤️ KEEP BEING AWESOME

I love messages like this love you guys so much!! ❤️❤️❤️💕💕

you can’t help the way bruises fade on your skin
or the shape scars take on your face
you can’t help the color of your eyes
or the way art crushes your lungs when you’re too thin to breathe,
the way rose petals cling to your skin like you grew them yourself
or when your breath hitches at a certain bass line; like you’re always lost in time

or drawn to miracles that exist
because god knows i only see you how I want to

you’re not made of stardust or galaxies and shooting stars
you’re forged and shaped from black holes and asteroid fields and voids in time
a relentless catastrophe, an explosion waiting to blow me to fucking pieces,
because i got too close and didn’t care
you tried to push me away
did every negative and murderous thing in the book
and yet
we continue the pattern
because the universe is cruel and I’m made of bad decisions,
you question me and i question you
and we lay under the stars because your fault

is not pushing me away hard enough.

—  well here we go again
@survivedxby
pushing me away/acoustic
  • pushing me away/acoustic
  • Jonas Brothers
Play

Okay, so try to listen and don’t cry. It might be a really old song but if you were there to sing this song when it was new and if you’re still here it means that you’re more than just a fan, you’re part of the JB family. I honestly can feel all the emotions possible when I listen to them, and specially this song. Their acoustic voices makes me go to another world, i feel better. I know everyone say this but I’m still alive because of the Jonas Brothers, when I felt like I didn’t have anyone I knew that I had them and I’ll always will.

I don’t and I won’t believe that they might broke up, why? cause I believe in them. I believe that family are forever, I stayed and I’m not going anywhere.

Sincerely yours,

A Jonas Fan.