pushed us far away

Shape of You

Alright so here’s the start of a new AU!

Nesta hasn’t seen her sisters in almost a year. When she’s invited back to their lake house for a long weekend, Feyre insists she brings the boyfriend she’s told her about. The only problem is, he doesn’t exist. 

So out of desperation, her friend sets her up with Cassian. Somehow a weekend filled with fake hand holding and kisses, turns Nesta back into the girl she was before Tomas had destroyed her and the relationship she had with her sisters.

Chapter 1

“Fuck. Fuck, fuck,” I slammed my laptop shut as I threw my pen across the room. Of course my sisters would decide to have a start of summer weekend at the lake. And of course they would call me out for the lies I told them about the boy I met while here in the city.

It had been almost six months since I had last seen my sisters. I moved to the city as soon as I could, as soon as I found a job that would help me pay my half of the rent. I wanted out of that small town, I had to walk away before the memories, the ghosts haunted me forever. The city was my fresh start and even though neither of them understood, they let me go.

Feyre and I talked at least once a month on the phone. She kept asking me how I was doing and she told me that Tomas still asked about me. What she didn’t understand, even though I always changed the subject, was that I didn’t want to know about Tomas. I didn’t want to know about anyone in that small ass town because they were the reason why I left. The only reason I talked to Feyre was to check up on her and Elain.

They were the only family I had left. They were the only ones who mattered.

Sure I missed them. I missed my sisters, but it wasn’t enough to make me go visit home. I wasn’t homesick, I was content here in the city, in this new life I had made for myself. I loved my job at the bookstore. I loved the fact that I could walk everywhere and that things were open well into the night. But most of all I loved the fact that no one knew me. They didn’t know the secrets that had been whispered behind my back. They didn’t know how Tomas had tried to ruin me.

They didn’t know that he had almost won that war.

I read Feyre’s email again. Our lake house, the only thing our father had left to us. The lake house that had sat unused for years until we were old enough to realize the benefits of having that big house that sat right there at the water. The only reason we still owned it was because it was completely paid off. That and somehow Feyre and her fiancee were able to keep up with it.

The lake house where so many things had happened. So many things hadn’t happened too. There had been parties, there had been underage drinking. But mostly there had been tears. From me.

I pushed away those memories and looked at my computer. What was I supposed to do? I had started the lie to make my sister feel better. For her to think I wasn’t all alone out here in the city. Because she didn’t understand that I wanted to be alone. I didn’t want to be with someone who hurt me, who could destroy me. Not after I had been with Tomas for so long.

But I couldn’t tell her that truth. Not when I had fed her enough lies to make this boyfriend seem real. She was happy for me, she didn’t worry about me because she thought I had someone taking care of me. I didn’t need someone to take care of me. Just like I knew Feyre didn’t need her fiancee to take care of her. But it was nice knowing she had someone steady. She had someone real after the horrors that Tamlin had dealt her.

My sisters didn’t know about Tomas. They didn’t really know much about why I wanted to leave. It had been different when our parents died. I could’ve left and they would’ve understood. But I stayed until they were finished high school and then when Feyre announced she was getting married last year I up and left. I didn’t even say goodbye I just left a letter explaining I needed to find my own way now that they were both able to take care of themselves.

I pulled my hair hard, trying to stop the tears from filling my eyes. I didn’t cry, not easily. But I got teary eyed when I was frustrated. I couldn’t tell them the truth. So what was I supposed to do? I squeezed my eyes shut and the door to my apartment opened.

“Fuck me this can’t be happening.”

“Nesta!” I jumped at Rita’s voice, “you seem agitated.”

I met my roommate Rita at the bookstore. She was leaving for another job and I said something about needing a place to stay. We hit it off right away and I didn’t hate living with her. Sure our apartment was small, smaller than the home I had shared with my two sisters. But it was ours, I paid rent and I had my own room. Rita didn’t nag me about my mess and I didn’t nag her about hers.

We were good roommates. We got along and we left each other alone when we knew the other needed space. We were friends, but we were almost roommates. We didn’t get in each other’s business unless there was a reason to. I had gotten lucky.

I groaned, "my sisters want to have a long weekend at the lake.”

“Oh fun!”

“Not when you’ve been lying about having a boyfriend. And they want you to bring him along.”

Rita laughed, “oh shit I forgot. Damn what are you going to do?”

I shook my head, “I’ll think of something.”

I leaned back in my chair and Rita watched me. She raised an eyebrow and smiled, “I might know someone who can help.”

“No. The last guy you introduced me to was disgusting.”

His name was Adam and he was a hipster to end all hipsters. His hair was dirty and his glasses were round. They didn’t even have frames, and he spoke in riddles. I didn’t even spend five minutes in his presence. I found an excuse to leave, I texted Rita and told her to call me, and up and left him high and dry at the coffee shop we met at.

Rita laughed, “I’m sorry okay. I thought you’d get along. But you’ll like this one. Should I have him meet you? Even if he’s not the brightest, he’s easy on the eyes.”

She wiggled her eyebrows at me and I couldn’t help but laugh. I bit my lip, was I that desperate?

“Really? Your advice is that I hire someone to be my boyfriend for the weekend?”

She shrugged as she set her bag on the counter, “it’s either that or tell them the truth, Nes. I’m not sure which is worse since you seem so opposed to letting your sisters believe you have someone in your life.”

I winced. Rita never told me what to do, she never scolded me for lying to my sisters. But I knew she was right. If I was so okay with being alone, and I swore I was, then why did I feel the need to please my little sister? I’m sure there was some therapist who would say I really wasn’t okay being alone and that some part of me wanted someone around.

But I wouldn’t believe them. Because I didn’t need anyone, I only needed myself. But I didn’t want my sisters to worry. I didn’t want them to think I left them because they were a burden. They are my sisters and I will always be there for them. But it’s my turn to have a life. It’s my turn to find where I’m supposed to be.

I looked at Rita, she was texting someone. She sat down on the couch and I looked at the picture of the three of us. The only picture I had on my desk of us when I was five and they were babies. I was always there, always taking care of them. They were my best friends, before that night drove us apart. Before that night pushed me so far away from everyone else that I couldn’t find my way back to them.

I didn’t want them to ask about it. I didn’t want them to think they needed to figure me out. If I had someone with me they would direct the attention to him. They would ask him about his life and how we met and what we did, instead of berating me with questions about why I left.

I let out a slow breath and Rita looked at me. She smiled slightly, like she already knew what I was about to say. My cheeks were red as I let the thoughts settle and I nodded my head slowly.

“Fine,” I gritted my teeth as I looked at the clock, “tell your friend to meet me at Luke’s diner in five minutes.”

“He’s already on his way. Trust me you’ll like him. He’s big and handsome,” her eyes got wide as if she had a crush on him herself, “he’s just your type.”

I rolled my eyes and stood up, “if he’s a hipster I swear to god I’ll kill you.”

Rita’s laugh followed me as I grabbed my purse and headed out the door. I walked down the steps, my heart pounding as I opened the door to our building. The sun was warm, the weather had already started to turn to summer. But goosebumps pricked my skin as I thought about hiring someone to lie to my family.

It wasn’t lying. It was pretending. My sister would bring her fiancee, I’m sure Elain had someone. I couldn’t remember if she told me about someone important. His name started with an L? Or maybe it was a C. She didn’t talk much whenever Feyre put her on the phone, but she told me bits and pieces of her life. Elain was the most upset when they found me gone.

I felt guilty every time she called.

But I knew with Feyre came Rhys and with Rhys came his friends. Azriel the quiet one who followed Rhys’s cousin everywhere she went. Feyre told me they were finally opening up to the idea of dating and while I was happy for them all, they were one big happy family, I knew that meant I would be the odd one out. I always was the odd one out, the one who didn’t fit in. The girl who stood alone and never had someone there beside her.

I wanted this weekend, now that I knew about it, to be fun. I wanted them to see me as the Nesta I always was, not the girl I had turned into after that terrible night. The night I was running from. The night I would do anything and everything to forget.

I rubbed my hands up and down my arms as I rounded the corner and the diner came into view. I realized as I walked towards it that I wanted to go home. I wanted to go to the lake and see my sisters and the family they had made for themselves. But I didn’t want to go alone.

Sue me I still had some feelings. I still had some pride I suppose.

I walked into the diner and the bell above the door sounded. Luke, the owner, stood behind the counter and smiled at me. I nodded in greeting, my eyes sweeping the tables. I knew which one was waiting for me as soon as my eyes landed on him. I stood there for a moment too long and contemplated turning around.

He was a big hulking man, his dark hair was long. He looked warm, his skin glowing in the harsh lights of the diner. His black shirt fit perfectly over his arms and his chest. He took up enough space that my eyes couldn’t wander away from them if they tried. My heart stopped, his eyes landing on me before I could make a run for it. Before I could decide this was a terrible choice and I should just tell my sisters the truth.

“Well hello sweetheart,” he stood up and half his mouth tilted in a smile. He could’ve been attractive, if he cut his hair.

I pulled my chair out, “I’m Nesta.”

He licked his lips, “you can call me Cassian,” his eyes sparkled. Like they were hiding something he was dying for me to find out.

“Right well. I take it Rita told you why I’m here.”

He coughed, “something about you being in need of a male escort to the lake this weekend.”

I winced, “a friend,” I tried wondering if I could go through with this, “to make my sisters stop asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend okay? Can you do that? Pretend?”

Amusement filled his eyes. He tried to fight the smile that tugged at his lips, but when it didn’t stop he ran his finger along his chin. He looked down at his hands and I could tell he was thinking about more than just agreeing to helping me. Hell we didn’t know each other, we had just met and I asked him to date me. Even if it was fake, even if he was helping me, this was still weird.

Me and my stupid pride. I was about to take back the offer and tell him to forget it, that I had a mental breakdown and this was all just the biggest embarrassing moment of my life.

But then Cassian nodded slowly, “you know I’m surprise you don’t have a boyfriend. You’re cute and I know a few guys who like bossy.”

I rolled my eyes, “wow that was super helpful,” I glared at him, my hands were shaking. I shoved them under my legs as I waited to hear his answer, “you can just say no. Rita said you were single and I thought maybe you’d want a free trip to the lake for a weekend. I thought maybe…”

I stopped. I almost thought we could be friends. But I bit my lip hard enough to taste blood, stopping myself form wishing for something I could never have. I didn’t let myself get close to people, not after Tomas wedged between me and my sisters. Not since that night when he destroyed all the threads of trust I had ever had.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t help you. I just said I’m surprised you aren’t taken,” he smiled then, he liked watching me squirm. He leaned back and stretched his arms over his head. His shirt rode up slightly and I saw the dark markings of a tattoo that disappeared beneath the waistband of his jeans.


He wiggled his eyebrows, “well how can I say no when you say my name like that?”

He watched me for a moment as relief flooded through me. As much as I hated this I felt better once he said he would help me. I hated having to lie because everyone thought I couldn’t handle life without Tomas. Except I broke up with him. And I moved here, far away from my family to have the life I wanted.

"What do I get for helping you?” He finally asked, his deep voice smooth as he propped his elbow on the table, then leaned his head on his hand. He kept staring at me and it felt like his honey brown eyes could see into my soul.

I looked down at his hands. His skin was golden, a little darker. He looked like he was carved of stone, like he could’ve been a Greek god in another lifetime. A piece of brown hair fell in his eyes and I wanted to push it back. I let out a breath. I hadn’t thought this far.

“I’ll pay you,” I finally said. I didn’t have a lot but I could do something, “it won’t be much. But you’ll get a four day weekend at the lake house. Meals and showers and everything included.”

Cassian seemed to think it over. He nodded his head, "how much?”


“I know I look cheap, but I won’t act like your boyfriend for a hundred dollars, Nesta.”


He shook his head, “you’ll have to do better than that.”

I blew out a breath, “$500. That’s my final offer.”

He reached across the table and touched my hand. His skin was warm and a spark shot down my arm. He ran his thumb over the back of my hand, “well sweetheart you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“Don’t call me sweetheart,” I snapped. My eyes narrowed.

He laughed, “well I guess we should make some ground rules.”

“The first one is no pet names. Nesta,“ I pointed at me, "Cassian. Got it?”

He sighed, “sure sweetheart.”

He wasn’t going to make this easy. I could tell as he continued to smile, his eyes lighting up as I glared at him. It was like he thought I was a challenge, like he wanted to defy everything I was saying. He licked his lips, his fingers tapping on the table as I thought through what other boundaries we needed to establish. I didn’t realize this would all happen so fast. The weekend would be here in two days and somehow I had managed to find myself a boyfriend to fill the empty role.

Feyre would love Cassian. He was everything I would never want in a boyfriend. He was the complete opposite of Tomas and I couldn’t stop letting that sway me. He was big and dark, whereas Tomas was small and light. Cassian was full of mystery, but not the kind that Tomas carried with him. Cassian seemed honorable, Tomas had just been pure evil.

I let out a slow breath and pulled my hands off the table so he wouldn’t try to touch me again. I couldn’t stop feeling that spark going down my spine. I couldn’t stop wondering why exactly I had wanted this in the first place. I shook my head and finally brought my eyes back up to his.

“Okay so I’ve got some rules. First we hold hands if someone else is in the room. No touching if we’re alone, because honestly there’s no reason for it. You’re there to make me look good. You can kiss my cheek, but nothing more. We aren’t big on public displays of affection. My sister and her fiancé are, but that’s another story,” I rolled my eyes. Feyre and Rhys could barely keep their hands off each other. I hated being stuck in a room with them.

My cheeks turned pink and my mouth went dry, “we will probably have to share a room, you sleep on the floor. We don’t share the room if the other is changing. Make sure you bring enough clothes to sleep in and a bathing suit.”

Cassian nodded, "fine. But you want this to be believable. So you’re forgetting one thing.”


He smiled and it would’ve knocked me to my knees if I wasn’t already sitting. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to make it through the weekend alive. I had a feeling this new friend of mine was going to try and climb the walls I had built this last year. Like he thought he could break down the shell I had surrounded myself inside.

HIs brown eyes danced as he looked at me, his crooked smile in place, ”the story of how we met.“

Affirmation 5/5

Part five ‘All things’ Missing scene Scully POV  (Epilogue) Post ep Mulder POV

Part one ‘Orison’ here

Part two ‘Per manum’ here

Part three ‘Sein und zeit’ here

Part four ‘En Ami’ here


I wake up suddenly, instantly guilty that I managed to literally pass out right in the middle of listening to Mulder waxing lyrical on the potentiality of fate, of the different paths we are destined to take throughout our lives; the paths in fact that we ourselves have taken to bring us right here to this point in time in our strange partnership.

Sometimes I have trouble categorising exactly what it is we share, what exactly is the product of our seven year history together that has seen us fight and fall and push ourselves far away from each other so many times; only to somehow always manage to re-connect once more? 

 More than once I have tried to rationalise this thing we have, this us that is separate from our working lives but at the same time, the threads of our professional history are still wound tightly around us, refusing to fully separate, to allow us to be the people we both yearn to be.  I’m not stupid, I know that a normal life can never be for us, that what others take for granted – a home, a family, simple pleasures that are nothing and everything at the same time – are distressingly unobtainable.  

Because even if Mulder and I had chosen to keep hold of the feelings for each other that we had denied for so long and instead turned to others to help fill in the blanks in our lives that our work on the X-Files had brought upon us, I still believe that those simple life expectations could never be for us.  Too much has happened and too much has been lost and I came to realise a very long time ago that I could never risk bringing in anyone from outside this frightening world we inhabit; that enough innocents have been lost to our quest already.  The blood on my hands is ever present and I know with a certainty that paralyses me at times, that I will never be able to completely cleanse myself of the guilt I carry around with me for the part I played in the destruction of the relationships and the people I loved. 

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Lyrics that hit me the hardest

Part 1 - Paramore

Here we go again with the things we said and not a minute spent to think we’d regret. So we just take it back. - Here We Go Again (All We Know Is Falling)

Cause I’ve seen love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive. - Emergency  (All We Know Is Falling)

One day you’ll get sick of saying that everything’s all right and by then i’m sure i’ll be pretending just like i am tonight. - Never Let This Go  (All We Know Is Falling)

And when we get home, I know we won’t be home at all. This place we live, it is not where we belong and I miss who we were in the town that we could call our own. Going back to get away after everything has changed. - Franklin  (All We Know Is Falling)

I put my faith in you, so much faith and then you just threw it away. - For A Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic (Riot)

You made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole and convinced yourself that it’s not the reason you don’t see the sun anymore. - When It Rains (Riot)

I’ve gone too far to come back from here, but you don’t have a clue. You don’t know what you do to me. - Stop This Song (Lovesick Melody) (Riot)

You can’t tell me to heal and it hurts remembering how it felt to shut down. - Careful (Brand New Eyes)

And the worst part is, before it gets any better. We’re headed for a cliff and in the free fall I will realize that i’m better off when I hit the bottom. - Turn It Off  (Brand New Eyes) 

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts and we’ve got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face and I’ve always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance and up until now I have sworn to myself that I’m content with loneliness. - The Only Exception  (Brand New Eyes)

I feel no sympathy. You live inside a cave. You barely get by, the rest of us are trying. There’s no need to apologize. I’ve got no time for feeling sorry. - Feeling Sorry  (Brand New Eyes) 

The ones we trusted the most, pushed us far away. - Misguided Ghosts (Brand New Eyes)

Well, the spark never lit up a fire though I tried and tried and tried, the wind came through your lungs, a hurricane from your tongue. - Renegade (Singles Club)

22 is like the worst idea that I’ve ever had. It’s too much pain, it’s too much freedom, what should I do with this? It’s not the way you plan it, it’s how you make it happen. Yeah, it’s how you make it happen. - Hello Cold World  (Singles Club)

And it takes all my strength not to dig you up from the ground in which you lay the biggest part of me. You were the greatest thing and now you’re just a memory to let go of. - In The Mourning (Singles Club)

You were my conscience, so solid, now you’re like water and we started drowning, not like we’d sink any further but I let my heart go, it’s somewhere down at the bottom but I’ll get a new one and come back for the hope that you’ve stolen. - Monster (Singles Club)

It’s just a spark but it’s enough to keep me going. - Last Hope (Paramore)

For all the air that’s in your lungs. For all the joy that is to come. For all the things that you’re alive to feel. Just let the pain remind you hearts can heal. - I Hate To See Your Heartbreak. (Paramore)

Hold onto hope if you got it. Don’t let it go for nobody and they say that dreaming is free but I wouldn’t care what it cost me. - 26 (After Laughter)

Oh please don’t ask me how I’ve been. Don’t make me play pretend. Oh no, oh what’s the use. Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too. - Fake Happy (After Laughter)

Don’t you go and get it twisted. Forgiving is not forgetting. Don’t you go and get it twisted. Forgiving is not forgetting. No, it’s not forgetting. No, I’ll never forget it, no. - Forgiveness (After Laughter)

Think I’m tired of getting over it. Just starting something new again. I’m getting sick of the beginnings and always coming to your defences. I guess it’s good to get it off my chest. I guess I can’t believe I haven’t yet. You know I got my own convictions and they’re stronger than any addiction but no one’s winning. - Tell Me How (After Laughter)

I forgot Keith for a full half a minute

I saw “Shiro/Keith” and I was staring at Keith’s name forever because I couldn’t tell who the fuck he was. My brain is so used to just pushing shit I dont like as far away as possible it cut Keith out so I wouldn’t notice it was sheith.

anonymous asked:

im curious about what matsuno brothers said/react when they realized that their painful bro and reader-chan went away together and when they found about Kara's new ability to speak f l u e n t english. Care to tell, please?

I’m gonna write this as a mini fic bc I’m trash for my own fic, here’s for the sick part, i’ll answer the trip part in the tags ~Mod Mattie

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poetryandoldermen  asked:

37 and 48 (if that one isn't cliche idk what is) also 1 isn't au :) wincest ofc

Wincest + Prison AU. I went total Prison Break with this.

“I’m not going to let this happen.”

The statement only earned laughter from the inmate behind the glass.

“It’s already happening. Sammy, you’ve tried for over a year now to get me out. You’re the best lawyer in California, but it doesn’t matter how determined you are. This set up is just too good, and the execution sentence was already passed.”

Dean was smiling, but the reassurance didn’t reach his eyes. He placed his hand against the glass, mouthing ‘I’ll miss you’, before standing.

“Dean! Dean, wait! There are still things we can try, okay?” Sam shouted. “Dean!”

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So again the video isn’t fitting the screen all the way and crapy is terrible but that’s not the point.

I made this video to bring like to the fact that poc,male & trans/non-binary fans are not represented in the fam and im really tired of being erased from the fam and so here the video

Males in my eyes are the biggest part of this fandom being erased do to the fact when you typically think of a “boy” band most people think of it having a female fan base but that not the case. This is not the case in this situation. There are a lot of male fans that i know and they feel like they aren’t really part of the fam which is really shitty cause i would hate to not be included in something i love so yeah. Anothet thing mentioned in this video is the lack of males in fanfics. I see fanfics as a why to connect to the boys in a fictional setting and it hard to connect when the character in the settings is female. To be fair to both male and female fans would just copy the fan fic and change the pronouns to he/him so they can also feel included. And if you really wanna try to pull that “ that would be pushing homosexuality on them” or “that makes me uncomfortable ” im going to come for you cause that is so homophobic AND how is it okay to assume that they heterosexual ? Anyway make it fair for everyone if you want to go back to the 2013 fam .okay?

Next i talk about poc and most people like claim that there isn’t that much lack of representation but the thing is There is a HUGE LACK. Again back to what i said perviously most people tend to think “ boy ” bands have female fans but another misconception is that the fans are also white. So that being said you can see where we get removed from the fam. We also get removed in alot of other thingstoo like moodboards , fanfic, visual imagines and ect. Most fics are base of white character(s) getting with on of the boys. The little things the characters do and the way they’re described pushes the poc readers to stop reading ( not always) and some people looking for a fic that they could relate to give up hope and stop reading fics cause its very hard to find fics that relate. Little simple things like burbs and stuff like that you dont really have to go in detail like that. Keep it vague so everyone can relate.

Trans and non-binary fam have completely to know representation in this fandom we as a whole are barley recognized and a fairly large portion of the fam is transphobic. Like i have a friend that gets hate for loving there fave just because he’s trans like what the fuck. So many trans and non-binary people get hate and what makes is that they get even more hate in this fandom cause we all kinda stick together. Like i can find a group of us really easily because we have been pushed so far away from the rest of the fam that just finding one fan who is trans will lead you to other fans that are trans because we started to stick together and follow each other so we have support ( idk if that makes sense to y'all).But anyway in fics, moodboards, ect we are completely erased i have found maybe 2 fics with a nonbinary person as the lead ( i guess) and other than that all you can find if you look up non-binary & poc of wattpad or on here you get very little or you get 5sos being non-binary which is fine but most looking in thoes tags are looking a story that relates to them. Most people are shocked when i say i have friends who are trans / non-binary and they also like 5sos its always that one question of “ are there a lot of you guys” and the answer is fuck yes there is a lot of us and we have stayed quiet in fear that we would be harassed but the time is now is 2016 and we are tired of this, of not be Represented in out own fam and not being included in things and have to seek to low fucking levels of using the wrong pronouns while reading a fic so we could finally feel like we are included i something.

The way to fix fics and stuff would be just to leave it vague have gender neutral pet names and stuff it helsp everyone feel included and it helps eveyone who isn’t represented fill like they are and now we can go back to 2013 fam most people want

Anyway thanks for taking the time to read this please reblog it means alot

Misguided Ghosts
Misguided Ghosts

Would someone care to classify, A broken heart and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on and run to them, to them full speed ahead
Oh you are not, Useless
We are just misguided ghosts traveling endlessly the ones we trusted the most pushed us far away

Cause I Have Hella Feelings For You (Luke Hemmings Smut)

this imagine is largely based off of the song “IDFC” by Blackbear so I definitely recommend listening to it while reading! listen here

this is dedicated to drop-a-coin-for-humanity for her feedback!

“Stay, just an hour, please,” Luke requested, his voice strained from your previous activities.

It was always like this. Luke would text you to come over, under the illusion that it was just sex. It was never just sex to Luke. You knew he had feelings for you, strong ones, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to let him in. You hid you vulnerability behind punch lines and promises that went away with the moon. There was no “us” when it came to Luke, you were you and he was him.

You were currently crawling out of his bed, under the impression that Luke had fallen asleep. Sighing you shook your head, “Luke, you know I can’t. I’m sorry.”

His broad shoulders fell in defeat, “You know, I’m such a fucking fool for you. You never stay,” there wasn’t a touch of anger in his voice, just sincere hurt that pulled on your stone cold heart strings.

“I,” you began, only to be cut off by Luke.

“Please, just save it. I don’t wanna hear your excuses. Just lie to me, please. I’m in love with your lies.”

If you could allow your walls down, you would melt into Luke. He easily had you wrapped around your finger, whether you could admit it or not. “An hour longer,” you sighed, sitting back in his bed, nothing but his t-shirt and your panties adorning your body.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, pulling you into his chest and nuzzling into you. Moments like these were almost enough to convince you to stay, to let him in. He kissed your hair as you comfortably settled yourself in his arms.

The silence, however comfortable it seemed, was driving you absolutely insane. Luke was saying everything in no words, your own thoughts blossoming due to the only noise being his ceiling fan. Rather than facing your feelings towards Luke head on, you decided to mute them. You were going to lose yourself in him, if only for the time being.

Pulling away far enough to attach your lips to his, you pushed him onto his back. You used his wide shoulders as support so you could straddle him, his hands automatically gripping the soft flesh of your hips. It was always this push and pull between the two of you, Luke would pour himself into you, and you would use the energy to push yourself as far away from his heart as possible.

Luke’s tongue swiped across your bottom lip, desperate for entrance. You happily granted him access, tangling your hands in his wild bed head. You tugged gently on his roots, the cool metal of his lip ring moving against your lips causing you to shudder.

No matter how many times Luke’s dominant side came out, you swore you would never grow tired of you. He used gentle force when he pushed you off of him and onto your back, hovering over you. “You’re so beautiful, did you know that?” he said, barely above a whisper as he stroked your cheek.

You ignored the butterflies in your stomach as he gently reconnected your lips together. As much as you wish you could deny it, Luke caused your self-control to plummet into nothing. You were putty in his hands, and he knew it. He massaged your lips with his own, his hands roaming your upper torso. He lifted your shirt- technically his own- above your head, exposing your body to him. “You’re something out of this world, I don’t understand how you’re real, love,” he cooed into your ear before moving to kiss the flesh behind it gently.

Your only response was a slight whimper, holding onto his shoulders as he kissed down your chest gently. He took one of your nipples into his mouth, his tongue circling the hard bud.

“Luke,” you whispered, “I need you.”

Luke chewed on his lip, pulling away only to remove his boxers. He never made you wait, he was a pleaser despite how much you teased and pushed and pulled on his feelings. You slid your panties down your legs, using your feet to finish the removal and toss them onto the floor.

Luke stroked himself slowly, watching you lay back on his bed, spreading your legs. He was on fire for you. His eyes, despite the lack of light in the room, burned directly into your own; not breaking the eye contact even as he pushed into you gently.

Your breath hitched as he filled you completely, his own soft curses passing his slightly parted lips. It was moments like this when you swore you could almost love Luke. He took care of you, he treated you like royalty even if you continued to walk all over his heart.

His thrusts were in sync with your whimpers, one hand being used as support for his body weight above you, while the other slowly made its way down to your clit. His eyes remained locked on yours, the softness around his pupils making you nervous. His gaze said it all. He was in love with you, and you could be in love with him- madly- if you would just allow yourself to be.

You couldn’t feel the pleasure due to his loving stare, so you closed your eyes. You felt him all over your body, but no where as much as your heart. He was inside of you, he had crawled into your heart. You shook off your thoughts and focused on the rhythmic movement of his hips. His deep, yet quiet moans filled your ears.

You bucked your hips upward, allowing him deeper access. The feeling spread from your core to your scalp, your whole body tingling, needing. He felt wonderful, he felt like home. He was close, you could tell by the sudden jolts. He pushed harder against your bundle of nerves, the sensation causing you to yelp. He knew exactly how to send you soaring.

Luke spilled inside of you with a throaty moan of your name. That was all it took for your orgasm to bubble inside of you. You cried out in pleasure, your hips wildly gyrating against his. Luke bent down gently, grazing his lips upon your own as you both rode out your orgasm. As soon as he pulled out and lay beside you, you stood up. There was too much of a connection in the air for you to stay. You had to get out.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed, knowing you let him down once again.

“It’s alright. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

You nodded, “I’ll see you then.”

You left, knowing that in twenty four hours you would be right back here again. You and Luke both knew it. You were just as big as a fool for him as he was for you.

You have pushed me far enough away
that the distance between us feels more
substantial than ever before, but I am
still here waiting hopelessly for you to
realize that I always meant it when I said
I would never let you go. We were meant
to show that forever is still eternal.

Thanksgiving Is Going to Be Tough This Election Year. Here’s How to Deal.
If there is one thing this profoundly divided country of ours can be said to hold in common in the aftermath of Donald Trump’s election, it is fear. I ...

You do have the option to just not go.  The flu is rapid. Why do you have to suffering their patriarchal gloating?  Arrive real late.  Leave real early. 

Again, that is misogynist rules that you need to obey for your family’s loyalty.  

This isn’t just about a Presidential candidate, it’s their values. 

It’s always been there, but now you can’t gloss over it. 

And don’t waste your energy trying to change them.  

Spend that energy on building a majority with allies you don’t have to sacrifice your self-esteem to accomplish your goals. 

So you don’t have to make the Trump supporters dinner, or remain their friends on Facebook, or keep sending them holiday cards. 

In fact, it’s probably better that you don’t, not if you don’t want to normalize the election of a man who seems poised to penalize his critics, run a hotel business with the national Treasury, bunker down under the counsel of blood relatives as all tyrants do, and foment anger within his base.

 Some of us have pushed away family over far less. And once you’ve taken a stand, they might have to think about what matters more to them — their fondness for the strongman, or you.


Title: Sam’s Song

Fandom: Supernatural

Characters: Sam Winchester, Reader

Word Count: 487

Summary: Reader loves to sing, but only in the privacy of their apartment. But finally they let Sam hear their voice, without realising it at first.

Song Used / To Listen To: Misguided Ghosts - Paramore

You sat in your apartment, your fingers pressing down on the keys of your piano and your voice sang out the words of your chosen song.

“I’m going away for a while, but I’ll be back, don’t try and follow me. ‘Cause I’ll return as soon as possible. See, I’m trying to find my place but it might not be here where I feel safe.”

You had been lost in your music all morning, missing calls and texts from your dear friends, Sam, Dean and even Cas. Thankfully Cas knew not to just appear by your side like he used to, now understanding your need for personal space.

“We all learn to make mistakes and run from them, from them, with no direction. We’ll run from them, from them, with no conviction.”

You were too engrossed in your playing to notice your door unlocking and opening, and to notice Sam walk in.  

“'Cause I’m just one of those ghosts. Travelin’ endlessly. Don’t need no roads. In fact, they follow me. And we just go in circles.”

He stood and watched as you played your chosen Paramore song, watching you in awe as your voice echoes through your apartment. You had never sang in front of the Winchesters, you only played your guitar during long, quiet drives and only hummed in front of them when you were bored and/or thinking.

“And now I’m told that this is life. That pain is just a simple compromise. So we can get what we want out of it.”

You began to become conscious of someone else being in the room, though it didn’t feel like a threatening being so you weren’t frightened. You glanced over your shoulder, surprised to see Sam standing at your door, leaning against the door. You gave him a smile as you continued to sing, turning back to your piano.

“Would someone care to classify? Our broken hearts and twisted minds. So I can find someone to rely on, and run to them, to them. Full speed ahead. Oh, you are not useless. We are just…”

“Misguided ghosts. Travelin’ endlessly. The ones we trusted the most, pushed us far away. And there’s no one road. We should not be the same. But I’m just a ghost and still they echo me. They echo me in circles.”

Once you were finished, you took a deep breath, cracked your fingers and turned to look at Sam.

“So…? What did you think, intruder?”

“Well, you’ve been hiding something beautiful from us, Y/N.” Sam responds, stepping towards you, smiling as he spoke.

You chuckle, “Well, I’m picky with who I chose to sing in front of…”

“Should I feel offended?” He teased.

“Of course not! I just…I’m not used to singing in front of people is all…”

“It’s fine, Y/N. Just promise you’ll sing to us occasionally? I need to hear someone else singing, besides Dean.”

“I promise, we all need a break from his singing.”