pushed process

anonymous asked:

Hmmm what about the missus being really afraid and saying she can't do it (give birth) because it hurts so bad

It’s right in the middle of the pushing process. Just before she begins to crown, moments before the two of them become a family of three.

With Harry perched on the birthing ball rolled from the corner, she’s squatting between his knees, with her forehead pressing against his abdominal; just beneath the dip of his chest. Forearms braced on his thighs as he kept his feet planted to the covered floor to keep her stable, hands gripping and fisting at the hem of the t-shirt on his body, dressed in one of the most unappealing hospital gowns she’d been told to change into before things got a bit messier. His own hands cupping her shoulders as he whispered words of encouragement into her ear, cheek pressed against her head as she curled forward and let out tiny grunts of pain.

“I can’t do this,” she cries, throwing her head back and letting out a stomach-churning sob that broke Harry’s heart. A hand coming from her shoulder to wipe away the tears that dribbled down her cheeks and mixed with the sweat beads that covered her cheeks, catching at the corner of her lips, “Harry, I can’t do this. It hurts. It hurts so bad,” she sobs, gulping thickly as the words waver on her tongue, coming out wobbly and shaky and wet with tears.

All he wants to do is take away the pain but he can’t and it shatters his heart knowing she’s in a lot of pain and he can’t do anything about it but give her words of encouragement. Words of praise as he sits there helplessly and unable to do anything.

“Try not to push, my lovely. You’re about to start crowning so we need pants. Deep and heavy pants,” the midwife explains from her place behind her, cupping her hips and giving them soft pats, giving her back a rub to soothe her spine, “you’re doing so well. We’re very close to having the baby. This is just the tough part. Once the head is out, things will move much quicker. I promise you,” she coos, giving Harry a gentle smile.

“Hear that, Gorgeous? We’re so close,” he grins, teeth bearing and shining under the light of the room, “we’re going to have a baby soon. Our little girl. She’s so close,” he coos, cupping her face in his hands as he began to pant slowly, deeply and in a rhythm that was easy for her to catch on to once she’d calmed herself, “come on now. We practised this, didn’t we? In and out, in and out. No pushing. Just breathing.”

But she can feel the urge to push riding through her, fast and quick and it takes everything in her to pant out her contraction rather than pushing to the urge. Eyes locked on his green eyes as he brushed his thumbs over her wet cheeks, collecting the salty moisture on the pads of his thumbs, nails soothingly dragging down to her lips as he rid the build-up of liquid from her mouth. Panting with her in a gentle rhythm, and smiling when she was told to stop, the head of his baby girl sitting between her thighs and almost there in her human form. 

“It hurts so bad,” she cries out, eyebrows furrowed as she shuffled on her aching feet and changed to kneeling on the ground between his legs, wincing as she pushed out her bum and followed the orders given by the lead midwife, “you’re never getting me pregnant again. This is it.”

“Just a couple more pushes, and we’ll have a baby.” xx

Prayers please

I’ve been working on getting on disability for a while now and have come to the next step. This step involves going to see someone in vocational rehab (I think that’s what it is called anyways) which basically means they see how bad I am and see if there’s any work I can do. I can barely take care of myself like getting food and showering and driving to appointments, regularly I’m not even doing good enough to play simple video games. So the chances of them finding a job I can do is pretty much zero in my opinion. However this process will force me to focus on all the ways my body sucks and that’s gonna make my depression spike. I’m already struggling not to kill myself so I am a touch concerned this process will push me over the edge. So please be praying cuz I know I have to do this but I have no clue how I’m going to survive this.

The 13 profiles
  • Justin foley: PROS- Most of the shit he did could be blamed on his abusive behaviour and his conflict between his debt to his friend and doing the right thing, loved his girlfriend, tried to stand up to his mom's shitty boyfriend
  • CONS- Was a rape apologist, had no balls and never stood up to his jerk best friend when he harassed both the girls he was in a relationship with,was prepared to kill Clay to protect his reputation
  • Alex Standall: PROS- Was man enough to own up to every mistake, stood up for what he believed in, whether it helped him or not, he was so guilty that he soon started showing suicidal tendencies like picking fights he knew he couldn't win or trying to drown himself in a pool, answered everything in a snarky way and sassed justin constantly, comforted clay after jeff's death, allowed justin to stay at his place despite their little rivalry, stayed friends with Jessica despite breaking up with her (albeit it was her fault), DIDN'T EXCUSED BRYCE'S RAPIST ASS
  • CONS: Broke up with jessica when she refused to have sex with him, didn't tell Hannah about their relationship and allowed her to think that they just drifted apart, dragged hannah into their fight and broke Jessica's friendship with her, humiliated hannah and objectified her, didn't correct the jocks when they implied a relationship between them both, hung out with bryce despite knowing what he did to hannah and jessica, tried to threaten clay into silence, never apologized to jessica for his behaviour, was mean to Tyler even before knowing what he did to Hannah
  • Jessica Davis: PROS: was good friends with hannah, stayed away from justin once she realized how he had let bryce rape her
  • CONS: Immediately assumed that the reason the two broke up was not because of Alex, but because of Hannah, SLAPPED HER, stood Hannah up at Monet's, got into a relationship with Alex and never told Hannah about it, got into a relationship with the guy who ruined Hannah's relationship and never told her, showed violent tendencies by hitting Justin with those metal pieces used to break the bulb, hung out with Bryce to make Justin angry
  • Tyler Down: PROS:Has reasons for his behaviour, being the social outcast and all, (not redeemable though)
  • CONS: He's a fucking creep, shows school shooter tendencies, and most probably killed Alex, need i say anything more?
  • Courtney Crimsen: PROS: none. All she cared about was her parent's and her own reputation
  • CONS: Was fake af, used Hannah to get a ride to the dance, stopped talking to Hannah the second it hurt her reputation, spread more rumours about her and hid behind the lies, WAS A RAPE APOLOGIST despite holding no affection for bryce, wasn't ready even till the end to accept her faults,fucking hate this bitch
  • Marcus Cooley: PROS: None, didn't care about anything but his reputation
  • CONS: Tried to threaten Clay into silence, stayed with Bryce despite knowing about what he did, RAPE APOLOGIST, basically sexually assaulted Hannah, was fake af with the teachers
  • Zach Dempsey: PROS: sat next to Hannah as an effort to comfort her and apologized for his friend, bought the milkshakes for her, was genuinely nice to her, most of his reactions were out of anger, tried to be nice but failed really bad, kept her note
  • CONS: Stole her notes, was one of the jocks that objectified Hannah, tried to threaten Clay into silence, had a sister but never realized how much his actions could hurt girls, hung out with Bryce despite knowing what he did to Hannah, was a rape apologist, was ready to put the whole blame on bryce
  • Ryan Shaver: PROS: was a great poet, agreed to help Hannah with poetry, tried to make amends for his mistake by buying Hannah a gift, tried to get Hannah to be confident about her work, was really (too) passionate about his 'zine, WASN'T A RAPE APOLOGIST, was blunt and called courtney out on her shit
  • CONS: arrogant, invaded Hannah's privacy
  • CONS: was really oblivious (couldn't figure his friend was gay, didn't know what to say to Hannah etc.), was emotionally unstable, was reckless, usually too determined to do the right thing, even if he hurt himself in the process, pushed people away and grew cynical because of the tapes
  • Sheri Holland: PROS: Genuinely cared about Clay, owned up to her shit in the end
  • CONS: Tried to manipulate Clay into not listening to the tapes, hung out with Bryce despite knowing what he did, left Hannah in the middle of the night alone in some random place despite her being drunk just because she disagreed with her, (indirectly) caused the death of the purest character in the show
  • CONS: everything he did, the fact that this rapist was even alive
  • Mr Porter: was a fucking dumbass who didn't deserve his job
my recap of 170323 The Wings Tour
  • Got sprayed by the holy water, blessedt by Yoongi and Hoseok themselves
  • Some girls lightstick bomb top went flying from behind me; thrusting her light stick too hard
  • A girl fainted in the pit RIGHT when they were going on stage
  • Taehyung likes blowing kisses and having us go insane
  • Got noticed by Jimin, Seokjin, Namjoon, and Jungkook plenty, I got a nod and smile from Yoongi.
  • Then I got Hoseok who was just being a fluffy hyper baby the whole time who had 17 cups of coffee
  • I don’t think he noticed me
  • Taehyung was pretty chill, he was exploring everywhere. I think he gave me a wave at some point.
  • The girl next to me was a Jimin stan and went nuts when she saw him do Lie, I’m not kidding, she was full on convulsing and wanting to jump the rail in front of us
  • I collapsed on my friend and the seat every time they played those bOPS
  • A girl was screaming JHOOOOOOOOPE every 2 seconds without rest. I aim to be that fucking girl. Bless you.
  • When everybody was not putting up banners at the according songs and it was confusing af since we had like 2 to 3 projects going on lmao so I didn’t get to use them that much
  • Seokjin got hit with a cap and just stared at it on the floor like “excuse you hoe I’m tryna talk tf?”
  • Someone was legit chucking plushies up there and Hoseok grabbed them all to hug them at once
  • there was so much shoving and pushing to get through processing oml it was scary seeing everyone rush
  • everyone was loud. just loud. it was perfect
  • someone gave Jungkook the American flag after he gestured to it for it to be given to him, and wore it as a cape after displaying it. this is going to be his thing. idc.
  • Jungkook = New Captain America
  • everyone kept throwing plushies at Hoseok and Taehyungs feet like guys they gotta wALK DON’T BUST THEY ANKLES
  • Namjoon smiling really big whenever we’d take over his lines
  • Yoongi doing the “let’s take out my inner ear piece and see all my bitches scream for me” for his introduction
  • fuccboi hoesucc come thru with baepsae and mama
  • jimin’s no hands when he was hip thrusting into the air like he tryna bust a nut on stage… boi
  • s l u t d r o p s
  • high notes into over drive by maknae/vocal line
  • everyone sang awake
  • Seokjin and Yoongi made me cry, and the chorus to Spring Day
  • had them back up violinists and shit for some songs, being fancy
  • I did a body heart to Namjoon and he had thAT DIMPLE FACE I FELT COMPLETE
  • Jimin teasing tf out of the girls in pit… way too close to the edge… back up bruh, they want to eat you alive, don’t do it
  • me: *watches Taehyung do Stigma*
  • me: “WAIT FOR IT”
  • also me: “hoe don’t do it”
  • me in the end: “omg”
  • he hit the note
  • I have announced my funeral
  • y'all are invited
  • when they were saying goodbye, Hoseok and two other members had us all waving our arms to the ending of Spring Day left to right for a straight minute, we mirrored them exactly the same way
  • I think my friend said Taehyung or Jimin cried
  • I’ll have to see about that later
  • many many hobi stans
  • the look on their faces when we did the rainbow ocean for them
  • seokjin’s sHOULDERS FUCK MY LIFE
  • wanna climb his ass like a tree
  • the way yoongi stomps and raps at the same time had me rolling, he’s an angry smol man tryna prove a point
  • …When someone tells you jimin is 10x more handsome in person, believe them. just do it.
  • I made a mistake of even looking at him
  • I’m swerving
  • they are very real. all seven of them. wow.
  • I was too close for my own good to them
  • I’m not okay
  • but seriously what the fuck
  • why can’t I go back in time to watch Yoongi say “fuck you and you” in a strangled growl on loop, live and in my face? :’)

I wish I could go to Newark Day 2. Please give them so much love. Stay safe. Don’t push. Don’t shove. Don’t throw too many things at them. Just be respectful. They want to have a good time and so do you!

BTS deserves plenty of love from you guys. Have fun!

read-play-sing  asked:

Yesterday, you reblogged a post from bigfatscience that said, "There is no permanent and safe way to intentionally lose weight." This is false and dangerous advice that could keep people from losing weight who want to do it and need to it for health reasons. (I wrote a longer reply to that on my tumblr.) I agree that being overweight is not a curse, but that is precisely why you can change that. It's simply neither as easy nor as difficult as some people would have you believe.

Let’s add a word: “universal.”

There is no universal, permanent, safe way to intentionally lose weight.  There are ways to improve personal fitness, many of which will have weight loss as a functional side effect–most people, upon undertaking a seriously-practiced new athletic endeavor, will lose weight.  Many people, upon leaving an overly stressful or dangerous situation, will lose weight.  Some people, upon starting to take regular naps, will lose weight.

Some people can do Weight Watchers forever, lose weight, and keep it off without hurting themselves.  Others, not so much.  Some people will get (dangerous, terrifying, it’s fun watching relatives push the process without the mortality figures oh wait no it is not) their stomachs stapled and lose weight and keep it off, while others will regain it all and have a permanently truncated digestive system.

There is no universal, permanent, safe way to intentionally lose weight.

Hit em’ With 4 - Auston Matthews

Originally posted by werenskiz

Notes: Hi friends! In reference to that absolutely horrible rap, I bring you some filthy (absolute filth, don’t read if you’re under 17, but like so dirty I hate myself) Auston Matthews smut! Hope you all enjoy darlings!

Warnings: Sexy time, smut, multiple warnings relating to smut

Smut: Yes | No

Requested: Yes | No

Up Next: Jakob Chychrun

Teaser: “Jesus, you look so sexy in my jersey.”

Keep reading

I’m Like You

Alex Summers x Reader

A/N: I wanted to write something where the reader has powers very similar to the Summers boys, and Alex takes her in and becomes her mentor and stuff. And I was just really in the mood for some Alex appreciation honestly, so here ya go! I’ll make a part 2 that is more of an x reader, I just wanted to make this one first. 

Also, written with female pronouns, but I mean no offense. This is just the way I naturally write, but I am open to writing with any other pronouns so just lemme know! Hope you enjoy~

Warnings: None?

***Update, part 2 has been completed: https://vamp-lover-663.tumblr.com/post/158654731501/im-like-you-part-2 ***

(Oh and this gif gives me so much life I don’t know what to do with myself)

Originally posted by katarinadreams92

“Thank you so much for meeting with me Professor,” you said gratefully to none other than Charles Xavier.

The past half hour of your life had been filled with more concern and acceptance than you could’ve hoped for, and you were ecstatic to be accept into Charles’s school.

You sat in his office, your hands clasped together tightly in your lap, but your shoulder’s didn’t hold their tense stature anymore. You felt comfortable here, and you felt like the Professor would get you the help you needed. Charles had been nothing but kind to you, he listened to your stories thoughtfully, asked intuitive questions without stepping over his boundaries, and offered to show you around his school. The school you would hopefully become a part of shortly. 

“Of course (Y/N), mind if I ask you one more question?” Charles asked, folding his hands together. 

You nodded your head eagerly, the past week of your life had been a living hell. It wasn’t everyday that you discovered you had an extremely powerful and hard to control mutation. 

“Can you show me what you are capable of?” he asked cautiously.

You glanced down at your hands, feeling the energy between the two slowly pulsate. You didn’t dare move your hands, you didn’t want to torch this school.You looked up at the professor.

“Not here,” you said simply.

The thoughts of your hands unleashing red energy beams into your bedroom wall danced around your head. You didn’t want to repeat the event, especially now that you knew you could contain the energy at the source of which it came from. The problem was, once you moved your hands, the energy would erupt.

Charles gave you an understanding nod, “You know (Y/N), I think there are two people here you would get along with very well.”

You raised an eyebrow at his claim, but didn’t ask anything. He knew best after all. The professor glanced at the door, and you assumed he was going to say it was about time to head out, but a knock sounded on it instead. It looked as though Charles… smirked? 

“Come in,” Charles’ voice rang out through the small room, and you watched eagerly as the golden door handle turned. 

The guy that walked through the door made your heart flutter in your chest. You couldn’t decide what to focus on, his baby blue eyes, the way his navy blue hoodie clung to his muscular frame, his defined jawline, or how the light made his shaggy blonde hair shine. You watched as his eyes flicked around the vintage room quickly, his attention first on Charles, and then shifting to you. You noticed the corner of his mouth flick upwards.

“You needed me?” he asked, keeping his eyes on you for a moment, before looking at Charles.

“Yes, thank you for coming Alex. This is (Y/N),” Charles said, gesturing to you in your chair. “(Y/N) this is Alex.”

Alex nodded at you, a small smirk on his lips making you blush a bright shade of red, you averted your gaze.

“I was wondering if you could show (Y/N) around, she has a mutation very similar to yours,” Charles suggested, gesturing from one of you to the other.

“Sure,” Alex said simply with a shrug, he definitely gave off the “I don’t care do whatever” vibe.

“Thank you,” you said to the two, looking back in forth between them, and standing up from your seat.

“I’ll see you shortly,” Charles said, opening one of his filing cabinets next to his desk and pulling out packets of paper.

With your hands still held together tightly you moved towards Alex, ready to follow him out of the office. As Alex reached for the door a sudden thud sounded on the other side of it, and you jumped a little. Before the three of you really had time to respond the door burst open, and a brunette with red sunglasses came charging in. 

“Professor it’s Jean,” was all he said as he raced towards Charles’s desk, not paying any attention to you or Alex, and in the process pushing against you unintentionally.

You let out a gasp as your balance was disrupted, on reflex you threw your hands behind you to keep you from falling over. You felt the hot energy erupt from your palms, searing the wall behind you and catching you completely off guard. You quickly removed your hands, closing your palms tightly and throwing them together. As a result you no longer had anything supporting you, and you began to fall backwards, that was, until you felt a strong pair of hands grip your waist, holding you upright.

“You’re alright,” Alex said beside you, it was then that you realized it was his hands holding you upright.

“Th-thanks,” you stuttered. 

Alex had quickly turned his attention to the boy who had stormed into the room. 

“Watch it Scott,” he said simply before pulling you out of the room, before the professor, or anyone had time to say anything.

Alex let go of you, but you followed him down one of the wide hallways in the school. They were packed full of students, most of which were younger than you and Alex, but they moved around the two of you as you walked, Alex in particular. You noticed the looks people gave you as you walked by, but you didn’t really care, you just felt terrible. 

After you rounded a couple of corner’s with Alex you descended down a stair case and the flow of students gradually stopped. 

“I know what you’re thinking,” Alex said in front of you as you walked. “That you need to apologize and that you’re probably not going to be accepted here, but that’s not true trust me.”

“How did you know?” you asked cautiously.

“Believe it or not, I had those thoughts once too,” as Alex spoke your eyes widened. “I’m going to show you where I learned to control my power’s.”

“Thank you.”

Shortly Alex led you to a pair of large metal door, all of the activity abuzz in the school was no longer audible. 

“Is this a bunker?” you questioned as Alex pulled the doors open. 

“Yep,” Alex responded, holding the door open and gesturing for you to go in. 

You shuffled into the bunker cautiously. It was the real deal, enforced metal ran all along the walls, and it smelt of… charred rubber? You heard the large doors behind you close, a loud metal thud echoing off of the metal walls of the bunker. You looked back to Alex, who walked directly past you and towards the end of the large bunker. You followed him, not sure what he was doing, but too afraid to ask. 

As you walked closer to the end you noticed a singular large wooden box, it laid on the ground, but was wider than you were tall. The two of you quickly reached the box, and Alex grabbed the lid, opening it swiftly, a large creek sounding as he did so. 

“Just what we need,” he muttered, pulling out a fire extinguisher and placing it on the ground. 

He then proceeded to grab two dummies out of the box, neither of which had filled in features, but were simply white and about average size. He held one in each arm, walking with back to the direction from which you came. You wish’d that you could help him, but you couldn’t exactly use your hands.

Following Alex, you watched as he placed the two mannequins a couple of yards from each other. He gestured down to by where the large metal doors were.

“Go stand down there, I’m going to teach you like I was taught,” he said before walking in the other direction and grabbing the fire extinguisher. 

You did as Alex said, standing even with the metal doors, a good distance from the targets. As Alex walked towards you, his gaze seemed almost hungry. You stared down at your feet for a moment, before looking back up to him, a small smirk never leaving his face. Alex soon stood next to you, placing the fire extinguisher on the ground by the sides of you. 

“Alright, I want you to hit the dummies,” he said, folding his arms and looking at you impatiently. 

“Alex I can’t control it-” you began.

“You’ve gotta start somewhere,” Alex replied sternly.

Your heart began to beat fast in your chest, you hadn’t asked Alex to help you, but you were happy he was. You slowly turned towards the targets, hoping Alex wouldn’t notice the slight shaking of your body. Letting out a shaky breath, you raised your hands, and quickly, before thinking about it, you unclasped them, raising one hand towards different targets. In mere seconds, the red beams erupted from your palms, searing the targets. The energy erupted from your hands was almost exhilarating, you finally let go. It wasn’t until flames started to dance on your targets that you hurriedly clasped your hands together. 

Alex quickly rushed down to the targets with the fire extinguisher, quickly destroying the flames. You hurried after him, wishing you could help. After finishing the job, Alex looked to you, a wide smile on his face.

“You did it.”

“Yeah I… I guess I did,” you said, letting your feat sink in before a large smile appeared on your face.

Alex glanced down to your hands, then back up into your eyes, “So your hands absorb energy right?”

You nodded, “That’s how I can contain the beams.”

Alex studied you for a moment, “Mine do the same thing, mind if I try something?”

“Try what?” you questioned him.

Without saying anything, Alex outstretched his palms towards you. You didn’t have to talk to him to know what he wanted you to do.

“Alex I can’t,” you said, glancing down at your hands. “I could hurt you.”

“I’ll just absorb it, don’t worry,” Alex waited for you.

Breathing in deeply, you quickly unclasped your hands and brought them to his, quick enough that your energy beams couldn’t touch anything else. For the first time you didn’t feel the energy start to build up in your hands. You gasped. 

Alex smiled down at you, folding his fingers over your hands, “I can’t absorb energy (Y/N).”

Your eyes widened, but you folded your fingers over his as well. 

“I could’ve seriously hurt you,” you said.

“But you didn’t. Did you?” Alex taunted, never breaking eye contact with you. “It’s like a switch for me, I can control when the energy comes out. I think that it’s the same for you, you’ve just been too fixated on stopping it to notice.”

Alex slowly began to let go of your hands, you couldn’t help but hold onto him tighter, the fear of hurting him or yourself arising in you.

“Don’t think about it,” Alex said, and this time you let him pull his hands away from yours. 

You stared down at your own hands in awe. The red beams didn’t emerge like you expected. You looked up at Alex, pure adoration all over your features. 

“Thank you so much,” you said to him.

“Don’t mention it,” he shrugged. “Next time, I’ll show you what I can do,” Alex winked at you and color rose to your cheeks once again. 

You had a feeling you were going to fit in just fine.  

Life With Namjoon (02. Sleep)

<– [01] | [03] –>

A/N: Here’s the second installment of this little series~ I’m glad the first part got a lot of positive responses despite it not being a smut or anything like that haha. There might be smut sprinkled here and there in this series, but for the most part my goal is to craft an ideal, cute relationship (by most people’s standards, I think), and so far I’m having fun doing just that~

Words: 2,216

02. Sleep

This happens every once and a while. When Namjoon slips into his ‘zone’. The zone where attempts to fulfill every single thought on his mind, and in the process pushes basic needs aside.

You’d witnessed him in his zone a few times before—both times occurring in the weeks prior to Bangtan wrapping up their new albums. He always strives for his lyrics to be perfect. He wants his compositions to reflect the mood of the song and the meaning behind the lyrics, and if he feels he’s lacking—even if in the smallest way—he’s going to push himself until he feels content with what he has done.

This is what you’ve learned about Kim Namjoon—mostly through his own recounts. Because not only is he your boyfriend, but he’s your best friend, and over your time together he’d let you into his buzzing brain and big heart.

And in a time like this, you have no doubt that that buzzing mind of his has descended into sleep deprived madness. With the clock striking 11PM, and Namjoon not having returned home in 2 days, your heart aches for him, and you know that you can’t sit back a second longer.

You had been trying to respect him—to have trust in him that he’d be able to know when to take a break and come home to eat and sleep—but…this is getting out of hand. You had even texted Yoongi asking if the boys had managed to drag him back to the dorm to sleep (even though Namjoon always prefers staying with you), and, of course, his response had been “no”.

Pushing off your couch, you sigh and grasp at the extra fabric of Namjoon’s oversized hoodie, his scent reaching your nose and causing you to long for him even more. His hoodie keeps you warm against the permanently cool temperature of your apartment, yet you want more—you want him—cuddled up with you and whispering silly prospects about life into your hair as his body heat presses against your back.

You miss him—and you’re worried, on top of that—so this is the final straw.

In the kitchen, you scoop up some of Namjoon’s favorite snacks and shove them a little backpack resting in your room. You then slip on your shoes, place the bag on your back, and leave your apartment after flicking off the lights and locking the door.

You’re sure if Namjoon knew you were walking the streets of Seoul at this time of night he’d have a little bit of a heart attack (because he’s a cutie that always says “when you’re alone at that time of day a drunk guy may try and steal you away from me”), but you confidently traverse the streets anyway. The new Bighit building isn’t more than a few blocks away.

Stepping up to the mainly closed building, you swipe in with your keycard (thankful that the boys had finally convinced the other staff to make one for you), and start towards Namjoon’s studio. You pass by not a single soul on the way, the halls eerily silent save an increasing loud thrum of bass as you near Namjoon’s studio.

“Joon?” you call quietly as you knock on the shut door. You wait a few seconds, brows furrowed, but the music inside doesn’t stop. Sighing, you turn the knob and slowly step inside, your eyes casting to where Namjoon is hunched over his desk. There are three empty Starbucks cups beside his keyboard, along with an energy drink, and an empty sandwich wrapper. (You internally thank the boys for looking out for their leader, even if they hadn’t been able to get him to rest).

The floor space leading up to his chair is full of ripped out notebook pages—scribbled with words and crumpled in frustration. And Namjoon himself…seems crumpled with exhaustion. Elbows propped up on his desk, his entire body is slouched, dark hair messy and unwashed. You can practically see the fog clouding his mind—like all the gears had overheated and jammed, leaving Namjoon frustratingly stalled because his body isn’t acting as he wants it too.

“Joon,” you say quietly when the partial song ends, taking a large step forward. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, your hair tickling his cheek as you nuzzle your face against his neck. At first Namjoon tenses, caught off guard by the unexpected contact, but even his sleepy mind manages to rationalize that the only person who holds him like this is you—so he relaxes into your grasp with a long sigh.

“Babe…,” he says, hand reaching up to grip your arm. Your presence is comforting to him, yet he realizes that you being here likely means that you’re going to try and make him stop—and he’s not ready to throw in the white flag yet…there’s just….something is missing from the melody and he’s been debating adding more synth to the first verse—

“You need to rest, Joonie,” you tell him quietly, knowing that he won’t agree with that. He’s stubborn in his own right. “It’s not good to drive yourself into the ground like this,” you continue, holding him tighter when you feel him weakly attempt to shrug you off.

“I’m not, I just…I need to finish up the lyrics and fix this one cord…,” he mumbles, scooting forward and attempting to reach for his keyboard. However, you don’t let him get there. With your arms still wrapped around him, you tug his chair away from his desk and then spin it around, causing Namjoon to face you.

“Y/N–,” he begins, his brows furrowing unhappily. You see the dark bags under his eyes and the stubble on his chin, and your heart aches.

“I know, I know,” you say, hand reaching out to cup his cheek. You rub your thumb along the stubbly skin, leaning down to kiss his slightly chapped lips. You kiss him gently yet the emotion behind the gesture is firm, and Namjoon sighs as soon as you pull back, his hand moving to run through his messy hair.

“I know you’re determined to keep working. I know you want to get it done, but…let me be the rational side of your brain that you’ve gone deaf to,” you plead, hands smoothing down his shoulders. “If you get rest it will likely help your creativity to come back. You’ll feel better, you’ll be more alert of the tune you’re crafting and the flow of the lyrics you want to write. You’re going to get this done, Kim Namjoon, but you’ve been here nearly 3 days now—and that’s not healthy. I don’t like seeing you like this, the boys don’t like seeing you like this, and I’m sure ARMY wouldn’t be happy knowing their favorite leader is beating himself up trying to get a track done. The album will be ready when it’s ready, you have all of the boys sitting around willing to help you. Please, baby,” you whisper, kissing him softly. “Take a break.”

This time, Namjoon tiredly kisses you back, giving in, and you feel a sense of relief. It seems he’s come around a little.

“I know…,” he echoes, his arms reaching out to encircle you. He pulls you sideways onto his lap, his forehead slumping against your shoulder. The contact has you smiling, and you begin petting your hand through his hair, nails gently scraping against his scalp. Namjoon nearly purrs at the feeling, his body turning into jello at the sensation.

“Hey babe…I brought your favorite snacks,” you tell him after a minute, his eyes closed. Namjoon quietly groans in acknowledgement, his face lightly rubbing against your shoulder in order to wake himself up.

“I’m hungry,” he grumbles, and you giggle, glad to see that Namjoon is back to being a tired cutie instead of a stubborn, exhausted man.

“They’re in my bag,” you say, and wiggle in his hold, pulling your backpack off and setting it on your lap. Once the zipper on the main pouch is open, Namjoon digs around inside, tearing open packages and shoving the snacks in his mouth, mumbling about water when he eats them too fast.

Rolling your eyes, you scoot off his lap and fetch one of his empty starbucks cups from his desk.

“I’ll get you some water,” you say, starting towards the door, but Namjoon stops you. Grabbing your wrist, he pulls you back towards him and snuggles his head against your tummy.

“Don’t go,” he says, and you bend down, kissing the crown of his head.

“You really do turn into a baby when you’re exhausted. I’ll be right back, Joon. I promise.”

Nodding against the hoodie you’re wearing, Namjoon releases you, and, true to your word, as soon as you’ve filled the cup with water at the nearest drinking fountain, you return to Namjoon’s studio. However, Namjoon is no longer in his chair. Instead he’d somehow moved to the floor, and is now using one of his studio plushies as a pillow, your snacks spread on the carpet around him.

“Are you trying to perform a séance with my snacks, or what?” you laugh incredulously, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind you. Namjoon grunts, making grabby hands up at you, and you roll your eyes but soon join him on the floor.

“Here’s your water,” you say, and, barely managing to sit up, Namjoon thanks you and takes a long sip. You move the cup away when he sets it down, and then go back to petting his hair.

“Should we go home? You look like you’re going to pass out.”

“It’s too late I’m already dead,” he grunts, his eyes refusing to open, and you smile.

“Are we sleeping here tonight?”

“There’s a blanket in Yoongi hyung’s office.”

Huffing, you get back up and jog next door to Suga’s studio. He’s got a little couch in his room—because he tends to pull all-nighters more than Namjoon—so you somewhat apologetically scoop up the two blanks and pillow he has spread on the couch.

In the minute it takes you to get back to Namjoon’s studio, the man-child has fallen asleep, light snores filling the room. You roll your eyes, but don’t even think about leaving him. He’s too precious to leave, and you’ll last one night on the floor. So, that being said, you crawl onto the thankfully soft carpet beside him, tossing the blankets over both your bodies. You place the pillow on the ground beside Namjoon’s plushie, and then nuzzle into his chest, sighing contently.

Despite the fact that your bed is much more comfortable, you’re simply glad that you were able to get Namjoon to rest, and with the time ticking past midnight, you’re fairly tired too.

However, just as you’re beginning to doze off, Namjoon’s deep breathing lulling you to sleep, said male groans slightly and lifts one of his arms, wrapping it around you.

“I love you,” he says, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of your head. His warm breaths fan against your hair, the male seeming content with staying there, and you smile tiredly.

“I love you too.”

The next morning, the other 6 members of Bangtan flooding out of their car, Taehyung races into the building with his face set in a determined frown. Jin yells after him, tone warning, but Taehyung brushes him off. He’s worried for Namjoon—their leader needs a break—and he plans to drag Namjoon away from his computer even if it’s the last thing he does.

Stomping to Namjoon’s studio, Taehyung grips the handle of the shut door and steps inside, his mouth open and ready to scold Namjoon and drag him away. However, he immediately freezes when he spots you and Namjoon cuddled on the ground in each other’s embrace. His previously steeling heart melts, and he pouts at the cuteness, quickly backing out of the room when Jimin yells up the hall for him.

“Shhh!!” Taehyung scolds, shutting the door as quietly as possible. Jimin blinks in question, a few others mimicking his face as they round the corner.

“Mom and dad are sleeping!”

“Mom and dad?” Yoongi echoes, eyebrows furrowing. “You mean….Y/N and Namjoon are sleeping in there?”

“Do they have clothes on?” Jin asks nonchalantly, and Yoongi nudges him.

“It seems that Y/N got Namjoon hyung to finally rest,” Taehyung says, and the others are glad to hear it. Splitting off—Jungkook, Jimin, Hoseok and Taehyung going to work on choreo, Jin leaving to record lines, and Yoongi retiring to his studio to finish up a track—the team breaks apart and gets to work.

Walking into his studio, Yoongi sighs and shrugs off his jackets, tossing it onto the couch. Unfortunately, he misses his aim and is forced to turn and pick it up. It’s at that exact moment that he realizes his couch has been rid of its usual inhabitants—mainly his pillow and blankets.

“Those two,” he grumbles, shaking his head. Yet, as he sits in his chair and spins it to face his desk, he finds himself smiling. Yoongi is glad someone like you is around to support Namjoon in the ways they can’t.

A roll of Portra 800 cost me roughly 20 AUD. With the Mamiya I get 10 shots per roll. Processing the film costs 9 dollars plus an additional 9 for push processing at one of the few labs in Melbourne that do it. In total that’s around $3.80 for every exposure. This doesn’t include scanning the negatives either. When shooting this way you become literally far more invested in every image you make. I think I’m a long ways off stepping up to large format photography. When I get the rest processed and put it all together I guess I’ll decide whether it’s all been worth it. Thanks for looking.