purgatory!sam

“Sam doesn’t love Dean as much as Dean loves him.”

Excuse me, what? ohmygosh sit down…

No but seriously…what the hell? I hate when people say this kind of stuff. Are we watching the same show here? Because I just cannot comprehend this.

After Dean lost the love of his mother, all he ever wanted was to be loved and cared for.

“All he wanted was to be loved. Just like me.” - Dean

SAM IS THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES DEAN THE MOST.

“You saved my life over and over. Man you sacrifice everything for me, don’t you think I’d do the same for you? You’re my big brother, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. And I don’t care, I’m going to get you out of this. I’m going to save your ass for a change.” - Sam

Ahem…I just like this gif of protective Sam hehehehe.

Sam accepted his death because he thought he was holding Dean back. But he chose to stay with Dean instead because Dean needed him - because Dean doesn’t like being alone and he is all Dean has.

And when Dean accepted his death that would eventually come with the mark of cain, Sam pulled him out of it. He’s still pulling Dean out of it every time Dean mention his death because Sam needs him just as much and he’s not going to stand there and watch Dean die again. He’s seen it waaaaaaaaaaaay too many times. (and so have I…kill my baby again and watch what happens grrr)

That time Dean was bleeding and hurt in the back seat of the Impala and John was like ‘Sam killing the demon comes before everything’ and Sam looks at Dean from the rearview mirror of the car and was like “no, not everything.” Because Dean being alive, safe and okay matters more to him. And remember that time he went totally psycho after Dean died in Mystery Spot? and begging for the Trickster to bring Dean back. 

And the other time Sam tried to sell his soul to save Dean.

SAM DOING EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING (drinking demon blood) HE COULD TO GET STRONG SO HE COULD KILL LILLITH FOR KILLING DEAN. He willingly fucked himself up for Dean.

And Sam leaving Dean so Dean would be safe from him and anything that came after Sam. He didn’t give up on Dean when Dean was in a coma. And in Faith, when Sam didn’t give up on Dean when he was sick. In Scarecrow, when Sam came back for Dean after their arguments and saved him. Sam trusted Dean when John was possessed by the yellow eyed demon.

When Sam hit the dog and “settled down” he was totally suicidal and broken because he thought Dean was gone, dead, and he didn’t even know where Dean was or where he would start looking. The “normal life” saved him and when Dean got out of purgatory and met Sam, Sam left that life behind for Dean. (Like Dean did when Sam came back from hell.)

“I’m not leaving my brother alone out there!” - Sam

SAM JUMPING IN THE PIT OF HELL WITH LUCIFER (and Michael) AND KILLING HIMSELF TO SAVE DEAN AND THE ENTIRE WORLD.

SAM DOING THE TRIALS.

Sam and demon!Dean…I can’t /cries in corner/ 

Sam being angry at Crowley for getting Dean into this mess and then being even more angry when Dean ditched him for Crowley.

Sam looking at Dean like he’s the cutest thing in the world. (cuz he is)

okay Sam control urself /cough

“I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother.”

Sam is the only one who understands Dean more than even Dean himself and he makes Dean really happy. Sam putting up with Dean’s shenanigans and worrying about his poor eating habits but still willing to buy Dean some junk food to make him happy.

And there is more where that came from but this would be one hell of a long post if I kept going.

Anyway, it’s not that Dean loves Sam more than Sam loves Dean. It’s just that we’ve seen Dean taking care of Sam longer than we’ve seen Sam do it because hello~~ Sam was in diapers when Dean ran out of their burning house with him. He’s raised Sam since then so yeah of course he loves Sam and we’ve seen him love and protect Sam since then because that was kind of his job thanks to John. Dean’s throwing himself into danger to protect him. Dean’s a lil shit who won’t even give Sam a chance to protect him or save him because he’s always thinking it’s his job to do it and Sam’s sick of Dean thinking like that (me too).

Sam doesn’t have to throw himself into danger to prove he loves Dean. He does sometimes but I think him being there with Dean, for Dean and takes care of him like he does is his way of showing his love and it’s just as equal. He wouldn’t be so desperate to save Dean if he didn’t love him. And I hope he is the only one who saves him so people can stop saying stupid things like this.

DO NOT TELL ME SAM DOES NOT LOVE DEAN.

SAM LOVES DEAN JUST AS MUCH AS DEAN LOVES SAM.

Arguments are invalid. 

(gifs & pics are not all mine)

Summary: You’re Dean and Sam’s little sister, after Dean escapes purgatory he finds that Sam and his little sister are not longer together until one day they get a call.

A/N: Hello! This my first story here on tumblr so I’m really anxious to post this! There’s probably spelling mistakes so my apologies and the crappy title. I plan on writing more so some feedback is great. The end is a little rushed but I hope it isn’t too bad!

Warnings: Some language and violence.

Word Count: 2,446

Flashbacks are in italics

Sam waited anxiously outside of the cabin’s door. His palms were sweaty and his knees felt weak. What was he going to tell Dean that him and Y/N were no longer together? That he let their baby sister go off on her own in this cruel world. Sam took one final breath before entering the cabin. Within a split second Sam felt his head hit the floor then sprayed with Holy Water and…borax.
“Dean! I’m not a demon or leviathan!” But with that statement didn’t stop his brother from taking Sam’s hand and slicing it. “Or a shapeshifter.” Sam sighed and sat up but was taken aback when Dean started to do all three things to himself. The  brothers stared at each other, smiled and embraced each other in a tight hug. The hug was long lasted when Dean noticed a certain somebody wasn’t there. Dean let go of Sam and took a double take of the room.
“Sammy. Where’s Y/N?”
Sam’s jaw clenched. “Well…Y/N and I, we went our own ways.”
“What do you mean you went your own ways?” Dean let out a sarcastic chuckle. “She’s 17 years old Sam! Do you really think it’s a smart idea to let her off? By herself?!”
“Dean, things weren’t exactly easy once you had disappeared!”
“What happened Sam? Have you even tried to look for her or even text her?”
“Of course I did Dean! I called and called and was always sent to voicemail. She was smart enough to turn off her GPS on her phone. ” Sam pinched the bridge of his nose before continuing. “She wanted to hunt but I wanted to settle down. I hit a dog an-”
“You hit a dog and you two go your separate ways?” Dean snapped.
“Let me finish! I wanted to settle down, there was this girl and Y/N still wanted to hunt. I followed through on a few cases she may have been at but the trail has been dead for a month or two. We had an argument and she just vanished in the night.”
Dean sat down on the couch, throwing his head back. His mind was racing with a million thoughts. The trail was dead that could only lead to two things, either you were dead or, you had given up hunting. “We’re finding her. Let’s go.” Dean glared at Sam, grabbing the keys to the Impala off the end table.

_____________

“Y/N!” Tiffany yelled. “Jeez girl, you walk so damn fast I can hardly keep up!”
Y/N smiled at her friend. “Sorry Tiff, I just want to go home.”
“Go home? Uh hello! The homecoming football game is tonight and you’re coming! I can come over to your place and we can get ready then!”
“N-No! Not my place..” you said almost too quickly for Tiffany’s liking. Truth is you didn’t even have a house, you lived in a motel room and earned her keep by working the receptionist table. “I’ll just meet you at yours sometime later, okay?”
“Right..and try to dress cute or something instead of those flannels. Eric is coming over with Mark, and we all know who has a crush on you.” Tiffany winked and walked to her car.
You sighed and shook your head. Honestly, you would rather just stay at home all night, scarf down a cheeseburger and sleep. You walked towards the motel, which she was lucky enough for a short walk from the school. “I don’t have anything else to wear but flannels..” You talked to herself kicking a rock in front of her, “I have t shirts to wear under and I only have these pair of black converse..” You rambled on as she unlocked the door to her motel room after that she threw her backpack down. You jumped on your bed, pulling out your phone. Just then Y'Ns  world came crashing down, Dean’s contact name plastered on the phone screen. Your heart dropped to her stomach and you instantly felt sick. 5 new text messages and a voicemail. You threw down her phone and jumped off her bed. Yeah, you were definitely going to need go out tonight.

___

You threw down the keys to the Impala, glaring at your brother Sam. “What the hell do you mean you want to give up hunting?!” You glared at Sam.
“Y/N, c'mon, we all wanted out of this life and with Dean gone it isn’t the same as it once was.” The last thing Sam wanted was for you to be upset or angry at him, with Dean not being around he saw how stubborn and hurt you were and Sam knew how much you missed Dean.
“If Dean was here he would be punching you in the face and talking some sense into you. Sam it’s not like we can leave this life y'know.”
“Y/N, I know that. It’s just we have a chance here. I can work and you can go back to school.”
“No, WE don’t have a chance! YOU do! Not me, I don’t want to go back to school. You just want to stop because of that stupid vet girl you met, is that it Sam?’ You crossed your arms, staring daggers into Sam.
"It’s not all of that. You’re still young and you have a chance here Y/N. Won’t you please think about it?’ Sam pleaded.
"Yeah, whatever, I’ll think about it.” And with that you slammed the bathroom door.
The next morning Sam woke up, you were gone without a trace left and Sam knew you had thought about it.

________

You knocked on Tiffany’s door shifting yourself on one foot to another. You had decided to go with a gray t shirt which was well fitted around your curves with a red flannel tied around your waist with your best looking skinny jeans, and by best you meant they only had one hole in them. You had even decided to put on some mascara. Finally what felt after eternity Eric opened the door, smiling when he saw you. Even everyone around the school knew that Eric has the biggest crush on Y/N.

“Hey Y/N. We were just ready head out, here I’ll walk you to my car. Tiff should be out in a second.”

You nodded and politely smiled at Eric. Sure he was cute but, you knew if you got close tragedy would happen, just like everything else in your life. Just on cue Tiffany and Mark came out.

“Wow look at you Y/N. You actually look somewhat decent for once.” Tiffany smirked which earned a small chuckle from Mark.

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah whatever, let’s go.” And with that the four of you got into Eric’s car and headed towards the school.

You had lost track of time by gazing out the window and thinking about Dean. How did he even come back? Was he okay? Was it really even Dean or some sick prank. No, that wouldn’t make sense, it was his number. Maybe it was just Sam. You were at constant war with yourself by thinking of ideas. You were snapped out of thoughts when Eric’s voice broke the silence in the car. “Guys my brakes aren’t working..” He said, applying more pressure to the brake. Instant fear took over your body. You knew what this could be.

“Okay try and slow down.” You turned your body to him.

“I don’t think he should do that.” Mark said and then laughed.

“Uh Mark, what’s wrong with your eyes.” Tiffany tried to back away from Mark in her seat.

You snapped your head around to see the eyes of a demon staring back at you. “Why hello Y/N.” The demon smirked before taking off a knife and slitting Eric’s neck. You and Tiffany screamed at the sight, you knew this day would come but not quick and not now. The car swerved out of control and slammed into a tree, causing you to blackout.

You came to your senses when you heard Tiffany scream and the demon standing over her.

“NO!” You screamed when the demon bent down and snapped her neck. You tried to lift yourself up but, couldn’t, a good chance your shoulder was dislocated. “Come on love, time to go.” The demon smirked before knocking you out and throwing you over his shoulder.

____

Dean leaned back on the couch, popping the cap to his beer bottle open. The brothers were sitting in the cabin, watching an old ‘50’s show on the TV. Dean’s phone started to vibrate on the table, an  unknown number appearing on it. “Who is that?” Sam watched Dean picked up the phone and put it on speaker.

“Hello?’ Dean said, turning the phone to the speaker was up.

"S-S-Sam…Dean..I-I-I need y-your help…come quick…” Your beaten down voice echoed through the phone.

Dean’s eyes widened when he heard you voice. “Y/N! Where are you what’s wrong!?”

“He killed all my friends Dean…They’re dead…I-I don’t kn-.”

“Ah ah! Isn’t the littlest Winchester something else eh? With her beautiful looks and her charming personality! Who wouldn’t want a piece of that?” The demon’s voice came through the phone with a slight chuckle. “Turned on her GPS, better come find her before I get all my way with her~.” Then the demon hung up.

Sam and Dean looked at each other before getting up off the couch and running out the door.

“Sam! Where is it? Where is he holding her!” Dean started the Impala before slamming on the gas.

“Somewhere in Nashville, Tennessee. I-uh, the address isn’t appearing but on google maps it appears to be an old abandoned warehouse.” Sam said, his heart beating a mile a minute. His baby sister was in danger, being attacked by a demon.  What if you were barely living?  "Dean, can’t you drive any faster?“ Dean knew Sam was anxious but, he glared at him. "I’m trying Sammy!”

Finally from what seemed like forever the brothers stopped at the building and quickly scrambled out. “Wait Sammy, what if there’s more than one?” Dean grabbed his brothers arm.

“Dean, whatever is happening to her! It’s my fault! Let’s go!” Sam shook off his brothers arm and slammed open the warehouse doors. There you were sitting, tied a chair, head hanged low. “Y/N!” Sam screamed, running up in front of you before getting hit in the back of his head.  "Sammy!“ Dean’s eyes widened once he saw his two siblings unconscious, his heart pummeling. "Ah the eldest Winchester, let’s make this easy shall we.” The demon appeared, holding up your head with a knife to your neck, “Come on in and sit.” The demon smirked. Dean sat down in the chair, never loosing eye contact with the demon. The demon dropped your head once Dean sat down. Your unconscious form almost looked lifeless. Sam groaned, holding his head. “Ah! Winchester number 2 is finally awake. Sit down Sam, we can do this peacefully.”

Sam turned and looked at Dean, who slowly nodded for Sam to listen to the demon. Sam sighed and plopped down on the chair beside Dean.  "You know, this little one is a fighter. She can put up quite a fight and stays pretty loyal to her brothers, unwilling to give up your location, anything to keep her dear brothers safe.“ He laughed.

"What did you do to her?” Dean barked, anger boiled up in his stomach.

“Oh just the classic torture. Some cuts and bruises. Oh! Did her a good favor by popping her shoulder back into place! Just as new!” He smirked and turned to you once a groan came out of your body. You lifted up your head and your eyes widened once you saw Sam and Dean. You were speechless at the sight of Dean, your big brother was really there. A tear streamed down your face, “Dean..I’m so sorry. I just didn’t know what to do. I wanted to see you.” You started sobbing. “Y-you shouldn’t have came he’s planning on killing you two.” Your eyes glistened. The demon smirked once again. “Aw Y/N! Spoiling my big plans! Now shall we start the fun?” The demon threw Sam and Dean against the wall, holding them up against it. “Shall we work youngest to oldest.” The demon walked over to Y/N, running his hand through her hair.

“Wait! I’ll make a deal with you! Take me!” Sam yelled, “I’ll do anything! Don’t hurt her!” The demon laughed. “I’ll pass upon that one. Why not take all three Winchester’s out at a time?” He craned his head to look at the brothers. “Hell, I’ll be famous.”

“N-Not famous enough.” You said, getting up out of the chair. You moved your knife up, taking a swing at the demon but he moved, faster taking the knife out of your hand and twisted your arm, a loud snapping sound following after. You screamed in pain but refused to give up. Your brothers were there, you needed them safe. It was the least you could do for them.

“Y/N! NO!” Dean yelled once the demon was over you and then it all happened to fast, the brothers worst nightmare coming true. It was one clean stab and there you were, lying there with the blood seeping out of your wound. “NO!” Dean yelled, struggling to get free from the grip.

The demon turned and faced the brothers, “Well one down, two to go.” He chuckled.

You laid there, feeling the blood slowly seep out your body. You weren’t hit in a vital spot but, you had to lay there, try at least. Try to lay lifeless. You heard the demon step away from your body and move to your brothers. Once you knew you stood up and got behind the demon before plunging the blade you kept hidden in your belt, in it’s body. The electricity crackled and Sam and Dean fell off the way. You fell with the demon’s body, feeling the amount of your energy deplete. Your brothers ran over to you, feeling Dean pick you up. “Don’t you ever leave us again! Don’t you ever!” He yelled but then softened up, stroking your hair. “I’m so sorry baby girl. I am..” Dean smiled down at you.

“Dean, I-I’m fine. Just a little w-w-wounded.” You looked up at your brother. “I’ve missed you Dean-o.” You turned your head to Sam, “And I’ve missed you too. I am so sorry for everything. I was selfish a-and I love you guys.” You smiled.

“Quit talking squirt, we’re going to get you all patched up and we can talk about this.” Sam kissed your forehead.

You smiled in Dean’s arm. “I’m never leaving you guys again.”

1000 Followers Aesthetics

So yay me, I reached 1000 followers. I have all of you to thank for that. You’ve given me a purpose in life when I was ready to give up. ANyway, let’s look past the negatives and celebrate. However during June, I will be taking a four-ish week hiatus because of exams and what not and I think aesthetics are easier to make than fics so I might be able to pump these out quicker than fics :)

Originally posted by cisco-imfineashell-ramon

Below are 20 topics, 10 occupations and characters you can chose from. You can mix and match, you can send in multiple requests if you so desire. I have also given you the option of if you do not like them you can send in your own request.

All you gotta do is send me an ask with your choices

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Benny was crushing you in a hug, but you really couldn’t give a damn. He was freshly returned from purgatory (again), having gone to rescue Sam. If you were honest, you hadn’t been sure they were gonna make it back despite Benny’s immense experience, and you were just thankful he was topside again. 

“I was so worried,” you whispered, making Benny’s arms tighten even further around you.

“Had you to fight for, darlin…” Benny rumbled, his voice vibrating through your chest, “had to get home to my girl.” He kissed the top of your head, hard, and then he was letting you go, turning towards Dean. You sniffled and wiped at your tear-filled eyes as the two men embraced, slapping each other on the back roughly. Benny’s back was to you, but Dean was smiling, clearly grateful and happy to have his friend back. You’d been pissed beyond belief that he’d even asked such a thing of Benny, raging and yelling until you were hoarse about what a shit plan it was.

But Benny had agreed. He thought he owed Dean, realized that he was probably the only person on the planet that could help. That could get Dean’s baby brother back to him. And Sam was everything to Dean, so Benny had to help. Had to be the hero. Needless to say, you’d been pissed, but in the end it wasn’t your decision and Benny wouldn’t change his mind. You hadn’t wanted to be there when Dean killed him, too afraid to see something you always dreaded, always feared. But Benny had wanted you there. Wanted the last thing he saw to be you, just in case. And if he could die for Dean, you could be there for him. You made yourself be there for him. 

Dean had thought you were going to murder him, but you’d held it together enough to warn him that if Benny wasn’t back in three days you’d set the impala on fire. It seemed more threatening than death, at least to Dean anyway. Lucky enough for him, Sam had emerged up in Maine, Benny’s soul in his arm. Everyone was okay.

You’d always known about the bond between Dean and Benny, known how important they were to each other in purgatory. They’d fought for their lives. Had each other’s backs. But that bond was truly evident now as the two of them hugged. There was relief on both of their faces, in their expressions as they grinned at each other. Something about the interaction made you glance up to Sam, the two of you sort of on the outside despite your close relationships with each of them. He looked a little glum, but certainly less hostile towards Benny than previously, and you gave him a reassuring smile. If anything could convince him that Dean still cared about him, it should have been that he killed his best friend to save him.

But your thoughts were sidelined as Benny returned to you, sliding his arm around your shoulders and squeezing gently.

“So are you two done with your chick moment?” You asked, looking innocently up at Benny. He narrowed his eyes a little before sweeping you in his arms and tossing you over his shoulder, eliciting a small yelp from you.

“It was real nice to see you boys, but I think it’s time to call it a night,” Benny said, his hand squeezing your leg as he walked towards his truck, “I have some favors to cash in for returning safely.”

Submitted by @docharleythegeekqueen

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anonymous asked:

If not too much for ask, would made clear what was Sam's arc in season 10 and 11? It's for a fanfiction purpose

Hey - congrats on writing a story! *happy dance*

The thing is, as you can see from my ‘sam winchester’ tag, I’m not sure I understand Sam very well, and it may be snobbish of me, but I have a feeling it’s their fault, not mine. Like, since Sam’s background is more similar to my own, he should be easier to write than Dean (language, register, bookish interests - all these things are a lot more relatable to me than everything Dean is) and yet, like you, I struggle with him because we simply don’t know all that much about him.

Here is what I understand - I just hope it’ll be useful to you.

S10 was the big redemption season for Sam. Since the very beginning of the show, he was the brother who could do it on his own - the one who could live alone and make friends and have a stable relationship - and even when he and Dean were reunited (or, well, when Dean crashed into his life), Sam continued to be a lot more rational in his affection than Dean was. He was Mr It’s my choice and also Mr It was their choice, and this created a lot of tension with Dean because Dean doesn’t love like that - Dean loves like a parent does, and that means sometimes he goes against what other people want (and especially what Sam wants) because he’s convinced he knows better and he’s doing stuff for their own good (in this sense, it’s highly significant he allowed Claire to be dosed with that thing and basically kill herself). This means that sometimes they have trouble with each other, because Dean feels unloved and Sam feels smothered and disrespected. Now, coming to S10 - normally, when Dean dies/disappears, Sam fails to get him back. After S3, Dean literally found him in bed with a prostitute and sure, Sam had tried to save him, but Cas’ very presence made clear how useless those attempts had been. Sam would not have been able to rescue Dean from Hell - angels had to do it instead. Then we had the infamous S8 thing - Dean fell into Purgatory and Sam - gave up? It’s still not clear to me what happened to him and why he did what he did, but when he was confronted by both Dean and Kevin it was obvious he felt plenty guilty about it. And next there was that big Gadreel fight, and at some point Sam even stated, quite clearly, that no - if their places had been reversed, he wouldn’t have saved Dean - he would have respected Dean’s wishes instead. All this means that, normally, when Sam woke up to find this message -

- he should have backed out and left Dean to his demonic destiny. Instead, Sam doesn’t. He gets determined and stubborn and cruel, even, and shuts off his moral compass almost as completely as Dean did because he wants to get his brother back. So I would say that S10 marks the beginning of a new phase for Sam - he’s no longer fighting his life, and he’s not longer trying to get out, and he’s no longer hoping for some magical quick fix (like closing the Gates of Hell). He now knows he’ll be a hunter forever, and he’s starting to be okay with it, and he’s trying to find ways to fit a bit better into this lifestyle - to reconcile who he is with what he does, because he finally recognizes both these things are important. The first step is letting go of his convictions and try to be the person Dean would want him to be - which sounds awful, but it’s not. Like, Sam knows by now that Dean doesn’t get it - that in Dean’s book, allowing people to do anything, even sink to the bottom, because they’re adults and can make up their own minds - that’s not respecting someone’s choices, but giving up on them. So by pursuing Dean so ferociously, Sam is not doing what he himself thinks is right, but what he knows Dean would want. This journey, despite its horrendous consequences (ie, that Darkness business) is coded as positive because it ends in a reversed martyrdom scene - like it happened at the end of S5 (and S8), Sam tries to give himself up, but this time it actually works - nobody dies, Dean is cured, and the bond of love between them is stronger than ever. In fact, they start S11 on equal foot - just as Sam’s taken a step back and tried to see the world from his brother’s point of view, Dean loosens the reins a bit and finally starts to accept Sam is his own person. This time, when they separate, is not because they disagree, but because they trust each other. And, sure there are bumps here and there, but Sam also gets stronger and stronger - emboldened by the fact he’d been right in S10 and had, in fact, understood Dean better than Dean had understood himself -

(and, perhaps, more importantly, he’d been able to help and support his brother better than his supernatural allies (Crowley had misjudged the situation gravely, and Cas had almost gotten himself killed) - and this is important, because it’s something Sam had resented in the past, remember? That Dean preferred other people’s, other creatures’, company, because Sam didn’t get it and wasn’t strong enough?)

- he continues to act as his brother’s conscience as Dean is pursued by Amara - he reassures Dean, he’s there for Dean, and he believes in Dean when Dean is very close to not trusting himself any longer. 

Also, S11!Sam evolves in other ways. Most significantly, after a long pause from romantic entanglements, he gives in to joyous, casual sex with a pretty nobody and even considers the possibility to settle down with someone - incredibly, someone who knows about the life, not a partner for whom he needs to become someone he’s not. With Jess, he’d been a completely artificial person (she didn’t know about the hunting, and okay, but she also didn’t know about his terrible childhood, or Dean and John); with other partners, he’d sort of accepted their worlds into himself, thereby erasing himself almost completely (he fell back into the role of bookish student with Sarah Blake, he became daring and wild and ruthless with Ruby, he fit so perfectly into Amelia’s life many of us speculated she wasn’t even a real person at at all); but now, all that is over. Now, Sam ‘either/or’ Winchester wants to find a middle ground, thinks he’s good enough that someone should love him as he is - that’s huge.

So, sorry - I don’t know if all this makes sense, of if it helps you with your story. I guess the bottom line is - after a few seasons of general misery and being adrift (I’m not sure how much of that was the character and how much the writing, but anyway), I think S10 marks the beginning of Sam’s final phase - perhaps a first step towards what many of us want him to become: the new Bobby, perhaps a sort of head of the American MoL. A scholar, an expert, maybe a witch. Someone who’s comfortable with, and accepting of, himself and his choices, someone who lives with a partner who loves him and is finally over his traumatic past - Azazel, Ruby, Lucifer, his perceived and real status of freak and outsider. In short, a happy person.

God knows he deserves it.

This Cold Circle of Hell

Wincest Writing Challenge | partner @audaciousdean
Prompt: Leviathan!Sam
Rating: NC-17 | Wordcount: 4,487 | Warnings: dub con, blow jobs, violence
A/N: Thanks to samshinechester for working through a few messed-up ideas with me. Link to AO3.

Dean is trying to survive those first few months in Purgatory when he runs into a familiar face on a monster he has killed before.

***

A twig snapped near his head and Dean’s eyes flew open, taking in a view of the ground from underneath the fallen deadwood.

Two months in Purgatory taught him one thing - if anything gets close, don’t hide. You gotta move quick and be ready with a blade in your hand. He took a deep breath and rolled out from under the nest of pine needles and moss that had formed his blanket last night. The smell masked his scent from monsters, which meant he could try to sleep for a few hours.

“Well, you’re finally awake.”

Dean spun towards the familiar voice, shifting his bone lance to a fighting stance. As he got a good look at the monster’s face, the lance faltered. Only an inch or two.

“Sam?” His voice was rough from disuse. The thing didn’t react, except to squint its eyes, and the hair on Dean’s neck stood up. “Not Sam.”

Keep reading

*whispers* Season 12 AU where Sam quickly figures out what Ketch did to Magda and so many others who never acted in malice and is royally pissed, and somehow there is also Benny (come on, he’d have to be curious about the sudden, huge increase in the vampire population in Purgatory), and he and Sam work together to try to stop the BMoL, and they all live happily ever after.

6.05: Dean becomes the monster, and burns the last bridge to his normal life…

DEAN. Look at this. He’s WATCHING her sleep. How is that not rape-y?

>.>

They’re staking out the Black Rose bar looking for their Emo Teenage Vampire who’s been luring young women with the whole Twilight act, and they’ve got three potential suspects:

DEAN. I dunno. It’s hard to tell. (He continues to look around and spies two other young men talking with girls.) Hey, we got multiple choice.
SAM. Great. Three of them and two of us.
(They watch as one of the men kisses another guy.)
DEAN. (After taking a moment to process.) Okay. Make that two of them.

(oh my GOD this episode has so much homoerotic subtext– and actual text-text– it’s ridiculous)

(I mean, vampires as a symbol for dark and forbidden desire, and then it’s Dean who’s turned… it’s not subtle or mysterious subtext here…)

(DEAN starts to walk away.)
VOICE. You’re pretty…
(DEAN turns and finds himself face-to-face with BORIS.)
DEAN. I’m sorry?
BORIS. I said…you’re pretty.
DEAN. Yeah, sorry again, pal. I don’t play for your team.

Being told he’s pretty was enough to get Dean to turn around… in a dark alley outside a club where they suspected vampires were abducting girls from… I mean, what was he expecting when he turned around? If he had truly NOT been interested in any way, he would’ve kept walking, right? I mean, that’s what a totally hetero dudebro would’ve done, right?

Sure, okay, they are working this vampire case and maybe the guy in the alley could be a suspect… or at least tangentially involved… but it’s been girls who’ve gone missing (SEVEN of them, it’s been a very consistent pattern), not “pretty” guys. So he initially wouldn’t be expecting the vampire to suddenly switch up his MO like that. He’d already dismissed another suspect inside the bar when he started macking on another guy.

So WHY did Dean turn around? Why didn’t he just keep walking? If he really didn’t play for that team once in a while?

Because heck, there were a lot of pretty people inside that club (and Dean was definitely one of those pretty people), and maybe one of those pretty people had followed him outside…

But the guy he came face to face with in that alley wasn’t what Dean had been hoping to find…

(what he’d been expecting to find:

what he actually found:

yeah… maybe this guy just wasn’t his type?)

But then Sam just stands by while Boris here attacks and TURNS Dean into a vampire. And then Sam also stands around while Boris escapes.

Dean goes to say goodbye to Lisa (which really is the end for them BECAUSE of WHAT DEAN IS, and not because he’s been turned into a vampire…)

LISA. Just stop, and explain to me what’s going on out there.
DEAN. (Pauses. Miserably.) Lisa, I can’t bring this crap home to you.
LISA. You’re talking about your work?
DEAN. I’m talking about my LIFE. It’s ugly…and it’s violent…and I’m gonna die – SOON.

But ALL of this happened because of Sam’s actions– he lies to practically everyone and deliberately “weaponzies” Dean to achieve their aims of capturing the Alpha Vampire. He’s lying to Samuel when he confronts Sam with his belief that this is what Sam has done, he lies to Dean after Dean’s cured… and NEITHER Samuel or Dean really trust him anymore after this. I mean, not like Dean really trusted him BEFORE this, but this was the last straw for Dean. He knows there’s something seriously wrong with Sam now.

*cue Dean’s epic battle inside the vamp nest*

*and his strange vision of the Alpha Vamp*

And Dean learns the monsters are running a mass recruitment drive… they’re fighting back because they’re being attacked in record numbers

(in a direct parallel to s12, but with the MoL trying to wipe them all out wholesale instead of just trying to find and destroy their alphas to raid purgatory…)

When Sam and Samuel make their way inside after Dean’s slaughter of the entire nest, Samuel looks around at the carnage and says to Sam, “Looks like your brother has some Campbell in him after all.”

Which is REALLY creepy in the context of what a Campbell hunter is, and what that means about Mary in s12… 

DEAN. Honestly? Recruitment drive. (SAM and SAMUEL register this.) Their alpha’s building an army.
SAMUEL. Well, THAT’s comforting.
DEAN. That’s not the worst.
SAM. Then what IS?
DEAN. We don’t scare them anymore.

Hunters didn’t scare the monsters anymore back in s6, but the MoL and their horrifying technology that can wipe them out en masse seem to have the monsters on the run in s12. But eventually those monsters will have their backs to the walls (like in 12.14) and will fight back.

Only now, Sam and Dean are in a very different place themselves. They’re working (mostly) together, they really DO have each other’s backs unlike in s6. They aren’t personally out to kill ALL the monsters. They know there ARE some monsters who deserve to live.

And sometimes people (like soulless!Sam in s6 and the BMoL in s12) are the real monsters…

Days of Darkness

I stepped into the room that we shared. Y/N was wrapped in the quilt like she had been for the last two days. I hadn’t seen her leave the room.

She had refused to let me sleep with her.

She insisted she was fine, that she just needed rest and space.

I’d given her both. I saw through all of that and couldn’t play along any longer. I knew what this was.
Whether she was ready to admit it or not, I’d been there myself.

After Dad died. After Sam died. After hell. After Sam went to hell. After purgatory. After Sam and the trials. After the Mark. After Kevin died. After Charlie died. After I was a demon. After Amara. After mom.

Hell, I knew exactly what she was dealing with, and I couldn’t let her fight these demons alone. I stood at the door, tears in my eyes before my feet finally moved of their own accord.

I slipped out of my jeans and flannel and crawled into the bed. She didn’t register my presence at first. Her shoulders shook slightly, and I realized she was crying.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, and buried my face in her neck, kissing it over and over, letting her know I was there. I knew no words would make it better. I knew I couldn’t change it, but I could hold her. I could hold her together.

She had held me together so many damn times. I owed her this much.

She turned in my arms, her glistening eyes meeting mine. “Dean?” she managed, her arms snaking around my waist tentatively before she buried her face in my chest and lost it.

“I’m here, sweetheart,” I whispered. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promised, kissing her head as she burrowed impossibly closer to me, clinging to me.

She was broken, that much was clear. Now I had to hold her together because she was my world, and I needed her to understand exactly what she meant to me. She didn’t need me to tell her.

She needed me to show her.

The Trials

Summary: You try to stay hopeful and supportive as Sam faces the trials to close the gates of Hell, but fate has other plans for the two of you.

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Word Count: 1277

Warnings: Angst, a little language. I don’t know what happened to my usual peppy self, but I wanted to keep it close to canon. I’m sorry!

A/N: This is for @impala-dreamer and @idreamofhazel’s Sammy Says 1K/2K celebration challenge. Congratulations! My quote was “You know this whole ‘I laugh in the face of death thing’? It’s crap. I can see right through it.” As a special celebration treat for Beka and Hazel, I decided to do a Sam x Reader. But, it got a little angsty. Sorry! I was watching Season 8 with Trials Sam, so it’s not entirely my fault the angst happened.


It been weeks since Sam had killed the hellhound at Cassity Ranch. Weeks since he had completed the first trial, and now he was ready to do the second one. Kevin had called after cracking the tablet, and the three of you were planning on driving out there in the morning to get the details.

Now, you weren’t stupid. You could tell that the trials were already starting to take their toll on Sam, and they had barely begun. He tried to hide it, but something was definitely happening to him. Something you and Dean didn’t like.

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A few thoughts on season 9 and the Gadreel arc

I wasn’t in the fandom when season 9 aired, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have thoughts about it. It does mean that all my thoughts have probably been had before, but in my reading of the more contemporary meta, there are a few points I haven’t seen raised. And since that conversation is going around again as per the last couple episodes, I figured now is as good a time as any.

(This is largely looking at it from Dean’s perspective, rather than what Sam endured. Dean obviously did a terrible thing, and a terrible thing to Sam. But it was a complicated situation that doesn’t map clearly to any real-world ethics, so taking it as a straightforward case of black-and-white, obviously right or wrong choices, is flattening a story with much more dimensions.)

I’ll start with my biggest and probably most controversial argument: Dean’s mistake wasn’t getting Sam to accept Gadreel.

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Last night’s episode has sent us all kind of spiraling back into the bitterness of s9, so I thought I’d address a few claims I’ve seen since the episode ended. Mostly, I want to talk about how Sam pursuing a cure from the Book of the Damned and Dean tricking Sam into angel possession are not even a little the same

Firstly, yes, Sam is keeping a secret from his brother (when aren’t these two doing that?), but also Dean shut down the possibility of using the Book of the Damned before they could rule it out as an answer to their problem. Sam was holding a book that could contain the cure they’ve been searching for all season, but because Dean wants to burn it Sam is just supposed to let it go? What choice does he have after hitting dead end after dead end? Could he honestly live with himself if Dean does go dark-side again but he burned the first and only real lead they had for 15 episodes without checking to see if there was a cure within it? No. And I have a feeling most of the fandom would criticize him if it went down that way, too. 

[SIDE NOTE: Sam has been reprimanded by some for keeping a secret [GASP] but these same people are completely overlooking that Dean is and has been keeping a secret from Sam, too. And the nature of Dean’s secret is even more damaging and dangerous than Sam’s because Sam’s is about continuing to try to help Dean, risking no more than what they usually do by working with a villain (Rowena, Crowley.. .what’s the difference anymore?) while Dean’s is literally a secret about the possible eventual murder of Sam with Dean’s own hands. I always question someone’s motives when pointing out how terrible it is when Sam dares to hide things from Dean but it’s just NBD for Dean to be hiding some kind of important, life-altering information about Sam’s well-being from Sam. It’s a double standard and doesn’t take into consideration context in either case.]

ANYWAY…

So Sam goes with the sentiment Dean showed at the beginning of the episode when he was singing he was so excited the Book may contain a cure spell for the Mark. Sam is unaffected by the Book’s powers so logic tells him Dean can’t be around it but that doesn’t mean he can’t be, so he keeps it away from Dean in a box that contains and hides its existence (even from the Stynes) and tries to find the possible cure within, any way he can. 

This leads me to the goal-post shifting/double standards not only from Dean but the fandom, too. Sam is frequently denounced for not saving Dean from Purgatory in s8 which would entail all kinds of dark magic and activity on Sam’s part to pull off (see specifically percysowner‘s comment), but now they’re criticizing him for not burning the one lead that could save Dean they’ve found all season? Which is it? How do we know which of Dean’s standards to go by and how is it fair for Dean and fandom to criticize Sam when trying to sift through and pick which of Dean’s conflicting standards/wishes to go with? Easy answer is: it’s not fair. Sam can’t win no matter what he tries.

Furthermore, Sam continuing to try to find a cure is unlike Dean forcing Sam into possession because the Mark of Cain is bigger than just Sam and Dean. Dean did all he could to keep his brother alive when originally best case scenario- everyone in the world would have benefitted from Sam’s death (closing Hell), or worst case scenario- Sam is finally at peace/can’t be used to hurt anyone else (at the hospital). That was about Dean wanting to keep Sam alive. Sam, on the other hand, may be going against what Dean instructed him to do, but if he doesn’t keep looking for a cure, the Mark will turn Dean into a danger not only to Sam, but to the world around him. It will further his bloodlust until the Mark turns him completely into a demon, adding not just another demon to the mix, but a Knight of Hell. 

Sam does get the final say on his own bodily autonomy, meaning it’s his decision, and his alone, what goes into his body, but this isn’t that when it comes to Dean. Sam isn’t violating Dean’s agency or consent in any way by furthering his exploration into the Book of the Damned. 

And even if we could somehow buy into this comparison as if each situation were on equal ground, Dean himself is pointing out his own hypocrisy in the scene where he implies Sam isn’t being consistent to what he said in 9.13 because he’s demanding Sam give him the choice he never gave Sam. This was brought up by sillierthanasillylaugh in this point, and I think that’s pretty on-point for why this comparison can’t stick. The people laboring behind it have argued themselves into a circle.

Memories

Summary: Dean is back from Purgatory. Can he and Sam deal with everything that’s happened and find their way back to each other?

Warning: smut, angst, Wincest, so many feels

Word Count: 10,400 (Not sorry.)

A/N: Okay, this is my longest fic ever. I needed to let the boys resolve all that Amelia crap. Special thanks to @unadulteratedstorycollector and @littlegreenplasticsoldier for their good eyes and endless support. I love them so damn much! Feedback would be GREATLY appreciated for this one.


Sometimes, all Sam has to do is look at Dean, and he is a little kid again.

He watches Dean toss his duffel bag on the mostly clean bed of another cheap motel, and tries to choose which memory he wants to fall into tonight. There are a million that start this very same way- the two of them settling into another motel room in another town after John dropped them off, not knowing how long they would be there. Sometimes they were happy about it, full of fun and freedom. Sometimes they were worried, nervous about the danger their father might get himself into. Sometimes they were angry, tired of living in each other’s pockets and dealing with all the growing pains of teenage boys.

Tonight, Sam picks a happy memory to relive in his mind.

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