The phone on the nightstand lit up, far too bright for so early in the morning. Jason turned over with a groan, grabbing his duvet and pulling it up and over his head. Warmth surrounded him and he relaxed again, sighing as he began to drift back to sleep.

Ping! Ping! Ping!

“I refuse. It’s my night off.” He curled up, squeezing his eyes shut and he was really tempted to start humming in order to ignore the incessant messages.


“For the love of Batman,” Jason hissed, throwing the duvet off and snatching his phone from the nightstand, squinting against the brightness of the screen as he turned it on.

[from: Marty McFly, Thursday 3:44 AM]

[from: Marty McFly, Thursday 3:44 AM] 
jason listen

[from: Marty McFly, Thursday 3:45 AM]
apparently barcode scanners scan the white spaces between the black lines and they don’t actually scan the black lines

[from: Marty McFly, Thursday 3:45 AM]
everything i know is a liE

[from: Marty McFly, Thursday 3:46 AM]
i feel like i’ve just stumbled upon knowledge no single man should have

“What the hell?” Jason reads and rereads the messages. Maybe this is a code or something? Tim has to have a legitimate reason for sending something so pointless at three in the goddamn morning on Jason’s off-day. Off-night, technically. The sun wasn’t even up yet. He scrubs his hand over his face, wondering why in the world it was so impossible to get a decent night’s sleep in this family.

[to: Marty McFly, Thursday 3:50 AM]
Why are you telling me this? Is it supposed to mean something to me?

He only has to wait a few seconds before his phone once again pings cheerfully with a new message notification.

[from: Marty McFly, Thursday 3:50 AM]
in the grand scheme of things, no not rly

[from: Marty McFly, Thursday 3:51 AM]
but in this moment the information feels v overwhelming doesn’t it

Jason snorts, more incredulous than amused.

[to: Marty McFly, Thursday 3:51 AM]
You woke me up for this? Wow. Amazing. Thanks for sharing this totally and utterly crucial info!!! :)

[from: Marty McFly, Thursday 3:52 AM]
y i k e s i can taste that sarcasm

[from: Marty McFly, Thursday 3:52 AM]
fine be that way goodnight u cranky jerk next time i’ll tell someone who cARES

“You say that like it’s a bad thing…” Jason mutters, rolling his eyes. He shuts his phone off and tosses it to the floor before laying down again. Hopefully he’d be able to actually sleep for the rest of the night.


Jason is well aware that Tim is an accomplished liar. Hell, he even admires that about the kid, just a little. It’s really entertaining to watch him pull the wool over Bruce’s eyes and the big man literally has no idea.

Jason just doesn’t appreciate being the one lied to.

[from: Marty McFly, Monday 12:20 AM]
jASoN did u know that the flappy bird record is over a million pnts???

[to: Marty McFly, Monday 12:34 AM]
Tim. You told me you weren’t going to text me stupid things anymore. You’re a lying liar.

[from: Marty McFly, Monday 12:34]
when did i ever say that i never said that

[from: Marty McFly, Monday 12:35]
aNYway i need to beat the record i’m going to do it like rn

[to: Marty McFly, Monday 12:45]
I thought you were supposed to be working?

Jason really wasn’t sure why he kept replying. Replying to Tim’s random messages was like feeding a stray cat; you do it one time and they just keep coming back for more and they never leave you alone.

[from: Marty McFly, Monday 12:46]
ok ya i was but things happened and somehow someway i ended up on youtube watching this guy beat the flappy bird record

[from: Marty McFly, Monday 12:47]
and it makes me rly angry idk why but a million pnts is just outrageous

[to: Marty McFly, Monday 12:49]
Go to sleep ffs. Does Bruce know you’re up still?

[from: Marty McFly, Monday 12:50]
uh idk probably not

[from: Marty McFly, Monday 12:50]
don’t tell him pls

[from: Marty McFly, Monday 12:56]

[from: Marty McFly, Monday 1:03]
[image attachment]

[to: Marty McFly, Monday 1:06]
Also lmao he sounds like such a dad, I’m saving that screenshot.


Jason sets the glock he’d been cleaning down when his phone starts vibrating from where he set it on the coffee table. He cocks an eyebrow at the caller ID before answering.

“Usually you text- this is weird.”

“Jason,” Tim breathes, sounding tired and angry at the same time, and Jason is curious and slightly concerned despite himself. “You’re at home, right?”

“Well I’m at one of my safe houses, why?”

“I’m coming over.”

“Wait wait- no? No. You’re not allowed, I’m not allowing it. You don’t even know which house I’m-”

“Can I just-” Tim huffs, and there’s shuffling in the background, noises that Jason can’t really make out but he think he hears a car horn? Is Tim outside? “Knock knock, let me in.”

Someone’s pounding on the front door and Jason sighs heavily, picking himself up and setting his glock and tools down. “Really? How the hell did you even know which- nevermind, I don’t even care anymore.”

He yanks the door open and there’s Tim, looking distressingly exhausted and a little worse for wear. Jason’s mouth twists into a grimace but he steps aside to let Tim pass through.

“Are you benched again or something?” Jason asks. Tim snorts, toeing his shoes off in the hallway and tugging the over-sized sweater he wore tighter around his shoulders.

“No, I’m not.”

Jason hums, following Tim into the kitchen, watching as he begins to make himself something to eat–with Jason’s food–like he owns the damn place. Typical.

“Huh, okay, sure. You look pissed; you’re totally benched, aren’t you. What’d you do?”

Tim ignores the questions, his face pinched in a deep scowl as he takes an aggressive bite out of the sandwich he’d made. Angry silence meant that Jason was right. Ha.

“So you’re benched, okay, but why are you here?”

Tim glares down at his (Jason’s) plate. “Because,” he starts sharply, “Bruce was pissing me off. I didn’t want to be in the manor and my place is too far.”

“Ah, so Bruce is just bein’ Bruce, then. What’s new. But, in this case I’m guessing he actually had good reason. So again I ask: what’d you do?”

“You’re so annoying.”

“And yet, here you are. Answer the question before I kick your ass out.”

Tim stuck out his tongue, and Jason really wasn’t able to be the mature one at the moment, with his patience running short and all, so he returned the gesture childishly.

“I tried…” Tim slumped as he mumbled something unintelligible, and Jason leaned closer, putting a hand to his ear.

“What was that?”

Tim rolled his eyes, “I tried to go out on patrol while I was–am–sick.”

Jason couldn’t help it– he laughed, and Tim’s faced screwed up in annoyance.

“It wasn’t even anything that bad!” He said, “Bruce is being so… so– ugh!”

“Ugh? I’ll tell him to stop being so ugh,” Jason snickers, dodging the piece of food Tim tried to bean him with.

“I hate you so much.”

“Uh huh. I bet I’m just so ugh, right?”

“Literally shut the hell up?”

“Be nice to me; I’m letting you eat my food.”

Houses as Preferred Method of Transportation
  • Gryffindor:Motor vehicle
  • Hufflepuff:On foot
  • Ravenclaw:Bicycle
  • Slytherin:Carried by servants
  • Wait, what am I saying? Obviously everyone would be all for being carried like let's be honest here.