Barbie: Star Light Adventure

aka The Second Law of Thermodynamics can Go Eat a Sock, or Entropy Shmentropy

This is a Kezrekian review.

The Barbie franchise is a thing that has, in all four of my life encounters with it, not been all that bad. The shorts are silly and sometimes clever. And as a deeply picky Aesthetivore, I appreciate its bright colors and outrageous designs and her Matrix-esque Infinite Shoe Closet.

Squeeze past the glaring Yes-this-is-a-Barbie-movie-may-god-help-your-soul, remember to keep breathing, and you will survive - if not nod at - this film. There are songs (one main theme they repeat, mostly). There is a plethora of accessory items. There are goofy characters. Then there is THIS:

his name is pupcorn and one day he will explode like a bag of Orville’s

After Barbie wrecks her hoverboard (/drum/tongue depressor), she uses her special instinctive power (the Force) to retrieve it, showing us what Barbie is capable of (literal Cosmic Omnipotence). Then she ignores her motivational cat-poster Father when he asks her to pass the… oh god i’m not kidding to pass the Space Ranch so he can enjoy his Bowl of Colorful Large Shapes (salad). 

where did my life

After a heartfelt reminder that her Motherfigure is Hella Dead, Barbie answers the call of the Galactic King…

^this guy

…to join a group of similarly-aged Also Barbies and an organic, free-range Ken-like substitute…

I almost expected Mewtwo to show up at this scene

…to save the universe. Of course, the King wants to claim that he’s The One from the Prophecy (yep) who saves the galaxy. There is no true antagonist, unless you count Barbie’s habit of arriving on scene after all the other characters have already been rendered for 6 hours.

All in all, it’s not unbearable. The faux Ken was very relatable for me because when Barbie asks if he thinks about anything other than food, he answers: “I think about sleeping… so I can dream about eating.” [cast giggles and later he drums a beat with some stale French Toast sticks]

a few seconds later he happily eats one

And I should probably mention THIS…

But I won’t. Because, let’s face it, the real heroes in this Galaxy are the saints who made these shots:

Overall, it was as if Barbie got a whiff of sci-fi and thought ‘hey.. we could use this,’ but only dipped a toe into the water then giggled and ran away with all the stale French Toast sticks. If they’d taken this premise and run with it, scissors and all, it really could’ve been next-level stuff. Especially with Barbie’s crazy, limitless antics, her stories go hand-in-hand with this infinite-possibility genre. Suddenly I see a huge niche for gorgeous, beautiful, and futuristic worlds to combat the grit and slime of most other films who boast the science fiction / science fantasy label (Jupiter Ascending… I wanted so badly for it to be good, because those visuals are on point). Of course, this is a kids movie, aimed at kids, and most likely BY a few kids (at heart or otherwise). It’s pure innocence and you shouldn’t honestly ask for more complexity.

It all ends with Barbie doing what Barbie does best. I won’t spoil anything, but maybe perhaps that whole Prophecy thing was about our franchise’s namesake here. And yes, as people have pointed out, one scene in particular will fill your deepest, mightiest need to witness Elsa in Space. Then imagine that times BILLIONS OF STARS.

So yeah. If you have time to spare, and if you believe you’re strong enough to withstand a couple dozen face-palms, go ahead and watch Barbie: Star Light Adventure. You probably won’t regret it, but you might, but to be fair, DON’T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, ASK THE GIANT ELECTROMAGNETIC SPACE INSECT LIZARD BABY

what do you call it when a dog has the hiccups?

what do you call it when a dog carves a pumpkin?

what do you call it when a dog eats a common cinema snack?

what do you call it when a dog leaves somewhere?
depupture. (like departure? get it?)

what do you call it when a dog celebrates halloween?

what do you call it when a dog drinks water?
hy-dog-tion. (like hydration? does that make sense?)

what do you call it when a dog drinks a popular brand of coffee?

thats all my dog puns ;D @rainybean