puny gods

  • Apollo: I am a god! No one can touch me! I-
  • Clairesse: *Picks him up by the leg and starts smashing him on the ground*
  • Clairesse: Puny god.
Balance on the Head of a Pin

Chapter 2

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x OFC   |  Word Count: 5415
Warnings: Fluff and swearing


“Hell no!” Steve said, the words bursting forth with vigor.

“Steve, please!” Lauren begged, clutching her hands in her lap. This was not what she’d expected to happen when she’d gone to see the Captain about Loki going to Greensville with her. Sure she’d assumed there would be a little resistance but not this much.

“Lauren…” he trailed off with a sigh. “He hasn’t been part of the team long enough, or off probation for that matter, to agree to this.”

“So you’re sayin’ you don’t trust your own team mate?”

“I’m saying I don’t trust him to run around Greensville unsupervised!”

Keep reading

Imagine:

After Jasper is finally healed, Lapis approaches her and, pressured by Steven, offers her a sincere, whole-hearted apology over the whole Malachite fiasco…

…Jasper’s response is the following:

Originally posted by marcintosh

(Or, to be more faithful to the series)

Originally posted by arrowsablaze

Until Lapis is utterly fucking poofed, upon which Jasper, perfectly calm and deadpan, replies “…you’re forgiven!”

Quit Harshin’ My Mellow (Loki x Reader Drabble)

Word count: 696

Prison wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There aren’t any gangs, there are no knife fights out in the courtyard, no making license plates for pennies a day to work towards your bail. None of that. Well, there might be in normal jails but Asgard isn’t known for their jailing systems.

I won’t go into specifics on how you ended up in Asgardian prison, but I will say this- it involved a Midgardian assault rifle, a Jotun, and a rubber duck.

All that fun, you’d wager it was worth it, really.

Well, that was until he showed up in the cell beside you.

You’d heard of him, though it’d be understandable if you hadn’t. He was pretty much a nobody until he’d gone on a rampage in New York- and you were in jail during that. You knew him as the nothing little brother of Thor, the boy who followed them around and practiced magic.

But the man that walked down the hall, eyes ablaze with seething rage, face covered with a protection mask, hands behind his back and hair windswept, that man was not the quiet boy you’d heard of. And boy were you intrigued.

All of that was about three months ago, and you’d become very close with the man.

That’s a lie, he absolutely hated you and you truly enjoyed ruining his day in every way you could. Currently you leaned against your back wall, your knees up and your mind wandering. Loki sat in his cell, reading as usual, his legs crossed and eyes focused.

Your tongue darted out of your mouth to wet your lips, wishing you had some chapstick. Once your lips were thoroughly lubricated, you gave them a loud pop. That being the most entertaining thing you’ve done all day, you pop your lips again. And again. Maybe a fourth time. One mor-

“Do you think you could just please go one day without pissing me off?”

Mid pop, you looked over to the god and finished popping your lips just one more time. He had set his book down and had his head turned to you.

“Ninety days I’ve been locked with your neverending stupidity, and ninety days you’ve ceaselessly driven me to distraction with every maddeningly dim-witted remark that crosses your imbecilic brain and spews forth from your lips, unfiltered and more obtuse than the last.”

The two of you sat in silence for a solid 30 seconds, your mouth slightly open and eyes slowly blinking as you processed the many burns the god had just dished out to you on a silver platter. Loki kept a steady eye on you, your eyes locked, one perfect brow raised inquisitively.

“Okay fucko,” you suck your teeth a bit, taking a deep breath. “You know, I’ve been in here longer than you have so I’ve learned to accept that this shitshow of a hellhole is the best I’m going to get, and that I should make my peace and stop moping about like a bitchy two year old who didn’t get their way. Apparently, you aren’t as mature to admit that yet; so until then, I will continue to make the best of this fuckhole that the glowing assholes upstairs call a jail until the opportune moment. Until then, please dude, quit harshin’ my mellow, kay broheim?”

With that, you stand up, cross your arms and make your way to the bed you were provided. Laying down on it, you huff once more at the puny god before rolling over for your naptime.

“When would this opportune moment be?” Loki inquired after a time of silence.

Groggily rolling over, you cursed as he woke you from your nap. “What?”

“This… opportune moment,” Loki repeated, standing up and walking towards the wall of his cell. “When it comes, I want out as much as you, perhaps working together would be fortuitous.”

“Perhaps,” you sigh, rolling back over. “But I don’t expect it anytime soon, so if I were you- and thankfully I’m not- I’d save up your strength and sleep.”

A huff of a chuckle came from Loki’s lips, a smirk tugging itself upon his face. “I suppose so.”

Lie - Bruce x Reader

This was originally posted (along with some of my other posts) on my Wattpad book. 

(This is set just before Age of Ultron)

You had just finished making a call for Tony so you went down to visit him and Bruce in the lab.

Before the sliding doors opened in front of you, you heard JARVIS announce your presence. When you entered the lab, you could see that they’d closed all their holographic images and computer programs.
Now, both Bruce and Tony were leaning against the bench, staring at you with an attempt at innocence.

“(Y/n)!” They said in sync, Tony sending you a grin.
Your eyes went straight to Bruce.
“How’s the research going?”

“Uh. Good. It’s going good.” The Dr smiled at you.

“Good.” You said, striding over to him. Bruce bent down to press his lips to yours but stopped just before he did.
“This is your cue to leave Tony, if you don’t mind.”

You could see from Bruce’s expression that behind your back Tony was mouthing something, probably about not trusting Bruce to keep their secret. He wasn’t wrong to be worried.

Finally, Bruce’s lips were on yours and you could hear Tony muttering about getting kicked out of his own lab before the doors closed behind him.

You pulled away from the kiss to look at him, “So what have you been doing down here?”

“We have a lot to do.”

“Such as?”

“I can’t tell you.” He said blushing.

You quirked an eyebrow, “I thought you would trust me Bruce?”

He sighed, “It’s Tony’s idea. It would be amazing if it worked but it’s just too dangerous.”

You leant back on the bench, tilting your head.

Bruce opened his mouth to speak but then Tony suddenly reentered the lab.
“We’re working on a suit to fight the Green guy. Just incase he goes rampaging and destroys half a city… again.”

Both you and Bruce sighed at Tony’s bluntness.
“Okay then. I was just checking up on you guys. I’ll see you later.”

A few weeks later you caught them off guard.
They’d “acquired” some new equipment after their attack where they’d met the Maximoff twins.

They were in the lab, talking about it and you walked in.
“Artificial intelligence?” Bruce asked in bewilderment.

“Artificial Intelligence?” You echoed and their heads snapped round to see you quick as the wind.

“(Y/n), have you got the drinks-” Tony began, but you cut him off.

“Artificial intelligence? You want a suit with artificial intelligence flying around the world? Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“Yes. I do.” Tony stated but you ignored him.

“You lied to me, Bruce.”

“I only found out about this now!” He complained.

“No. I heard you. Ultron. You’ve been planning this for a while.”

“(Y/n), it’s just an idea.”

“Okay great, an idea that could potentially kill everyone.”

“Or protect the earth from alien attacks!” Tony put in.

“You’re so paranoid about alien attacks yet you want to use alien technology for a weapon!”

Bruce gently touched your arm, “It’s not a weapon.”

“Oh really? Okay then. If you say so.” You went to leave the lab but Bruce ran after you.

“(Y/n)! Would you listen to me?”

“You’re just going to lie!”

“No! I’ll talk to Tony. Talk him out of it. I’ll do my best.” He took your shoulders.

“Fine.”

He grinned in relief, “Thank you. I should never have kept this from you.”

“Yeah. You shouldn’t have.” You said as you left.

Avengers Chatroom: Puny God

Requested by Anon.

Scenario: Loki’d


Thor has created a chatroom.

Thor has invited Y/N, Tony, Nat, Bruce, Steve.

Thor: Greetings.

Y/N: Hey, Thor.

Tony: Hey point break

Thor: I need to ask a question.

Steve: Shoot.

Thor: What is good for my hair? What will make it soft and silky?

Bruce: Maybe Nat can answer this. She has great hair.

Nat: Coconut oil? I’m not sure.

Thor: I need my mane to be glorious.

Y/N: It already is though.

Thor: MORE GLORIOUS.

Tony: Mkay …

Thor: I would also like to share that I have finally realized how great my brother is. I’m declaring him as the future King Of Asgard. I was wrong about him. Also he should get access to the base and all our chats.

Y/N: EH?

Steve: Why?!?

Thor: He was just misunderstood.

Nat: Remember what I told you when we all first teamed up?

Thor: Nay?

Nat: Oh you know… THAT HE MURDERED DOZENS OF PEOPLE.

Thor: He was just… acting out.

Y/N: MAN MY ACTING OUT IS LIKE, SLAMMING A DOOR AND THEN REGRETTING IT INSTANTLY. WHO MURDERS PEOPLE?

Thor: Enough. I forgive my brother and you all should.

Steve: We accept that you forgive him but it doesn’t mean we should.

Tony: HE THREW ME OUT OF A BUILDING!

Thor: HE WAS JUST TRYING TO FIND WHO HE TRULY IS!

Bruce: I’ll kick his ass if I ever see him again.

Thor: I will make sure he evades you at all costs …

Nat has added Clint.

Clint: What’s going on?

Clint: Really, Thor?!

Clint: HE MADE ME DO THINGS AGAINST MY WILL!

Thor: HE IS SORRY!

Y/N has added Wanda.

Y/N: I need you to check if he has brain damage pls

Wanda: Thor, can you let me poke around your mind for a bit?

Thor: STAY BACK YOU MEWLING QUIM!

Nat: Oh you have got to be kidding me.

Thor: I mean… I am an oaf who thinks about stupid things. It would be embarrassing if you entered my mind.

Tony: I knew something was off about Thor!

Bruce: Before I hulk out, which I’m about to, here is a message from the hulk: HULK SMASH PUNY GOD!

Bruce has left the chat.

Y/N: I just saw Thor and let him know what you did, Loki.

Thor: WHY WON’T YOU PEOPLE JUST FORGET ABOUT MY PAST?

Y/N: OH BOY, I TRIED TO TAKE OVER THE EARTH. WHOOPS, I FAILED. BOY OH BOY. OH WELL, ALL IS GOOD, WANNA HANG?

Thor: Yes, actually.

Y/N has left the chat.

Wanda: Do we assemble…?

Steve: I think the hulk can handle this.

Thor: PLEASE NO.

Thor: I JUST SET MY HAIR.

Steve has left the chat.

Tony: Try not to bleed too much. I just got white carpets and blood would be hard to remove.

Tony has left the chat.

Nat: You know, we would be okay with you hanging around, but instead you pull stunts like this.

Nat has left the chat.

Clint has left the chat.

Wanda has left the chat.

Thor: YOU WILL ALL REGRET THIS

Thor: I AM LOKI

Thor: AND I AM BURDENED

Thor: WITH GLORIOUS

Thor has been disconnected.