“Fee, I dunno what the hell is going on… we’re not the only clones, I-“
“Sarah, we need you back here.”
“What’s going on?”
She already knows the answer. Felix is the bringer of news they had all tried to deny. They were now facing a reality that had been poorly masked by optimism.
“Am I too late?”
Sarah doesn’t hang up, she just hurls her phone into pillar of Marion’s house. It explodes in a chaos of glass and circuitry. Felix only calls her sweetie when she’s wounded. She begins the shortest and longest journey of her life. Part of her itches for the road, to run and never look back. She’s not that person anymore and a lot of it is to do with the sister she is about to mourn.
They danced together not 12 hours ago, the ultimate embodiment of family. Awkward, with such width and breadth of characters. Helena, Sarah, Felix, Kira, Alison… Cosima. As Sarah trudges the steps up to Felix’s loft, she feels the weight of her family on her shoulders. They’ll expect her to be strong. She is the strong one, the one with the guts and the plan. But they weren’t there as she lay next to Cosima and cried. As Cosima took Sarah’s hand and made her feel safe. She explained wonders of the universe and look at Sarah like she was the stars.
He encompasses her in his arms, they’ve always been a place of refuge for her. He rocks them from side to side, Sarah knows he’s crying into her hair just as she’s staining his sweater.
“I’m so sorry, Sarah. I’m so sorry.”
He mumbles through her roots, Felix hurts just as deeply, he too has lost a sister.
Wiping her nose with her sleeve, Sarah surveys the room, Alison is sat solemnly on the couch, legs crossed as she dabs her eyes with a handkerchief. She’s known Cosima longer than they have. Her two originals have ended up dead and she can’t help but wonder if she’s next.
There’s a figure packing up a bag and as Sarah makes out the lean body and soft curls, her grief morphs to rage. Because rage is tangible, if she unleashes her fury she will hurt. The pain will be localised though, in her fists and whatever else she strikes out with. Doing nothing means she feels it everywhere. Her bones ache, the agony ricochets from atom to atom. She cannot be still.
Shrugging off Felix she charges, shoving Delphine into the kitchen counter, spilling plates and glasses onto the floor. The shattering of glass mirrors Sarah’s insides.
“Why the bloody hell are you here?! This is your fault. Your.Fault.”
Sarah is shaking Delphine by the shoulders, she wants to hit her, she’s never wanted to feel her knuckles against someone’s jaw so badly. She wants fire and blood and an outlet. She needs someone to blame. Her anger, her pain, her heartbreak are too potent to be contained. They’ll destroy her.
Felix is on her, pulling her back and once again into his chest before they need another body bag. Sarah’s knees buckle this time. They’ve lost Cosima. The one who deserved the most but received the least. Sobs wrack her body, Sarah has never felt so fragile, she’s exposed, they can all see the cracks in her. And if she can break, if Sarah Manning can be defeated, they’re all doomed.
Just one, I’m a few. No family too. Who am I?
Well they’re one less now. Fewer in numbers again and soon there’ll be no family left.