They live apart three-quarters of the year, their physical sex life is basically nonexistent, so Jack and Bitty have a lot of pent up energy and bring all of their problems to the ice because where else are they going to hash things out? It’s a good thing they don’t play each other often, because every Falconers v. Schooners game is a nightmare of awkward chirps, agressive hugging and sexual innuendo. It’s like the worst form of couples therapy imaginable. ESPN stops putting mics on them because they can’t edit enough out to make it appropriate.
Bitty skates by, obviously furious at the call, but instead of turning on the linesman he hones in on Jack, snarling, “Seriously, a Ferrari? Trying to score some 80s side-action? I thought your whole thing was proving you aren’t your father.”
Bitty gets right up against him, pressing in tight but not moving to drop his gloves or grab at Jack’s jersey. They both know exactly what this is, and Jack pushes down the reflexive spike of want, grinning around his mouth guard.
“That’s rich coming from you – could you have purchased larger truck? Compensating for something, Itty Bitty?”
Bitty spits out his mouth guard. “After we kick your fucking ass, I’m going to take you home and remind you how ‘itty bitty’ I am.”
“Don’t threaten me with a good time–”
“Enough. Save foreplay for bedroom.” Tater groans, yanking Jack away from his husband.
Jack yells, “Are we still fighting?”
“Yes!” Bitty shouts, skating backwards to his own bench. “I hate your new publicist and fuck you for approving that photo where it looks like I have two chins.”
“Fight or fuck. You do neither and ruin both.” Tater mutters over the roar of the crowd. “How you married I do not understand.”
“We only play each other a few times a year. If we get all the tough shit out when we play, we can leave it on the ice.”
From across the ice, Bitty mouths ‘love you’ and Jack blows a kiss in return. Tater gags loudly.
“That is not what ‘leave it on the ice’ supposed to mean, Zimmboni.”
ps. If you’re curious, in the first frame Demencia sorta tries to turn Flug towards her and punch the shit out of him ( probably because they were fighting all over this potion and Demencia is practically a lot stronger than Flug, so he would pass after one good shot ) but freezes after what they both saw.
ps2 It’s 2am here!! KILL ME!!!
ps3 I just saw that little typo I made in the last pannel. Fuck this. Just read the original fic.
Maybe I’ll change that later…
((Jeremy and Michael are having a duel to see who has the stronger avatar. For the moment it looks like Jeremy has won the upper hand, he has Michael pinned and is about to deal the final blow to win but then Michael’s eyes go half-lidded, a dopey smile comes onto his face and a red flush spreads across his cheeks and he says, dreamily, “I love you”
Jeremy is totally caught off guard, immediately his face goes bright pink and his mouth drops open. Michael takes the opportunity and deftly flips them over before holding his staff to Jeremy’s throat, raising his eyebrows and giving him the smuggest grin.
Ny0, after realizing he’d been tricked, holds his hands up in surrender. Then he glares at Ehm half-heartedly and mumbles, “You cheated”
And then Michael smartly responds with, “All’s fair in love and war, babe”))
Another fic where the idea was originally @thealextheshipper‘s, but I put my own spin on it with Alex’s graces. I hope you like it guys.
No one knew exactly how Thor had discovered Vine. It wasn’t that he was stupid with technology, he actually caught on quickly, but Natasha had expressly forbade Clint from introducing him to the platform and Tony surely hadn’t done it. Jane had probably sent him something she thought was funny, but that wasn’t the point.
Thor’s account was quickly becoming the hottest new thing on the internet. His username was the_mightiest_hammer, no surprise there, and someone (see: Tony Stark) had introduced him to the “Stop, hammer time” meme, so now whenever he couldn’t come up with a caption that was his go-to.
Most of the Vines were of the Avengers messing around and being normal, a side which most people didn’t get to see. By far the most viewed Vine was the one where Thor accidentally captured Steve gesticulating wildly while talking and managing to fling his phone across the room, effectively smashing it, before the camera turned back on Steve’s shocked grimace. All Thor commented on it was “Tony was angry”. The second most viewed was of Tony talking on his ear piece, saying “No, I’ve got this under control-” before being cut off by Clint stumbling backwards across the shot, shouting “Nat- Nat no! NAT!” A perfectly placed roundhouse kick sent Clint sprawling to the floor and out of frame as Natasha stalked across, Tony still staring in the background. There was a second of Clint shouting off screen and Tony whispering “Holy shit” before the video ended. The comment on that one was also “Tony was angry,” unsurprisingly.
After a few months a pattern developed. Every few weeks or so Thor would decide to prank the others by handing them Mjolnir while they weren’t looking. The first to suffer this fate was Clint. The archer was deeply engrossed in a videogame when Thor approached him and asked “Friend, can you hold this for me?” Clint didn’t look up, simply holding out his hand, and only seemed to realize what he was being handed when he dropped like a stone off the couch, pulled down by his grip on Mjolnir’s handle. It cut to the floor, Thor’s laughter easily heard as well as the sound of Clint shouting “MY WRIST! I BROKE MY WRIST!” and Natasha responding “You’re fine, it’s not even sprained, don’t be a baby.”
Next was Steve, a little over a month later. He was in the training room, punching the shit out of a punching bag, when Thor walked up, booming “Captain! May you hold this for me?” Steve threw a few more punches, responding with a kind “Sure,” and realizing too late what he was being handed when he turned with his hand outstretched and crumpled to the ground. “Shit! Thor!”
Natasha was next. They were preparing for a mission when Thor approached her. “Lady Widow! Could you hold this for a moment?” She nodded, glancing at him, and some people pointed out she probably knew what was going to happen. That didn’t change the fact that when she was handed Mjolnir and her arm dropped like an anchor she executed a perfect flip over the hammer and landed in a crouch, shaking her head. “You’ve got to stop that Thor.” Clint and Tony were clapping in the background.
Bruce was a month or two after Natasha. He was clearly on a lab binge, his shirt wrinkled and his hair sticking up in all directions, when Thor approached. “My friend, I have something for you!” Bruce stuck out a hand without even looking up from what he was doing, and crumpled with Mjolnir to the floor like he was boneless. Bruce stood and stared at Mjolnir for a moment before looking up at Thor and saying “I can’t believe you’ve done this.”
Tony was last. It was a month and a half after Bruce, and Thor caught him in the kitchen fumbling with the coffee maker after an all nighter. He was downing his first cup of caffeine when Thor boomed “Anthony! I have a gift for you!” Tony didn’t even glance up, continuing to swallow his coffee, just held out his hand for whatever it was. Thor handed Mjolnir over eagerly, and went silent when Tony simply continued to drink his life-blood, Mjolnir hanging at his side. A second cup of coffee was poured and drunk without glancing at whatever was in his hand, and somewhere behind Thor Clint went “What the fuck.” There was a follow up Vine with nothing really discernible except a lot of screaming.
When, a few months later, Thor was downed in battle and Tony, who had been out with the Asgardian without his armor, picked Mjolnir up and started smashing shit, no one was really surprised.
So Kelly giving birth to Lucifer’s rape-baby (named JACK, good old Jack Satan) ripped a floating glowy space vagina in the front yard. Inside the glowy space vagina was a world in which Sam and Dean were never born, and so it’s literally Hell On Earth. Bobby is there for cameo purposes. They decide to lock up Lucifer into the Glowy Space Vagina world. They succeed in getting him in there, and Crowley sacrifices himself to close up the portal to Glowy Space Vagina World, because SURE.
Cas says he trusts his Baby-God because Baby-God is going to make a world without pain, fear, want, suffering, etc. Paradise. You know, like the Paradise of a static Heaven he rejected and fought against, that little thing THE WHOLE FUCKING SHOW IS BASED AROUND. It’s moronic and doesn’t make sense, but Dabb thinks your scripts making sense is for losers.
Then, FOR LITERALLY NO REASON IT WASN’T PART OF THE PLAN AND SAM AND DEAN HAD NEARLY SUCCEED, Cas pops into Glowy Vagina World and gently stabs Lucifer in the kidney for some reason. Nobody knows why, Lucifer was going to be sealed and away. Sam and Dean jump back into the real world, there’s a pause, and hey Cas made it back, he wasn’t sealed in there too.
But oh noes, Lucifer is right behind him, and stabs him with an angel blade, killing him. There’s wing burn marks on the ground. Dean screams no, Mary runs out and begins punching the shit out of the devil with brass knuckles, because it’s just fucking whatever at this point. Lucifer grabs Mary, pulls her into Glowy Vagina World, and the portal closes. They’re stuck there.
Cas’s death may be the stupidest thing SPN has ever produced, and they once had a possessed mannequin episode and a racist truck episode and three separate bestiality episodes. It’s like you know when your writing fic, and can’t figure out how to get to Point A to Point B, but you want to move on and finish the bulk of the first draft, so as a placeholder you put “And then some shit happened for reasons”? Imagine that being filmed and shot and put on national TV for all to see. Because Andrew Dabb is a hack with no pride who thinks we’re all as stupid as his scripts are.
Dean stares at Cas’s dead body, while Sam goes and chases down Jack Satan, a creepy CGI nude teenage boy that I laughed so hard at seeing.
Kelly died giving birth to teenage Jack Satan. But she was beautiful while doing it, and that’s all that matters.
Also Rowena was killed offscreen in the beginning. Because there’s a misogyny quota and all.