punching shark

ya’ll i can not handle another News Story™ about some person swimming at the beach suddenly seeing a shark and being like “I was SHOCKED to see a shark in the water”

like

bitch

SHARKS LIVE IN THE FUCKING WATER

THEY DO NOT KNOW ABOUT DESIGNATED SWIMMING AREAS

THE WHOLE FUCKING OCEAN IS THEIR DESIGNATED SWIMMING AREA

IF I HEAR ONE PERSON SHOCKED TO SEE A SHARK SWIMMING IN THE WATER IS2FG

I AM HOPING TO MAKE A NEW BOOK AND I NEED YOUR HELP!

It features:

  • choose-your-own-path Shakespeare
  • sharks
  • you, controlling William Shakespeare, punching those sharks
  • also you can punch a dinosaur
  • illustrated endings by the BEST ARTISTS WORKING TODAY
  • thumbs getting bit
  • Ophelia killing everyone and you having to deal with that
  • Yorick needing to die so Hamlet can hold up his skull eventually
  • AND MORE??

if this sounds interesting then I encourage you to click on the following hyper link!!!

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE PUNCHES A FRIGGIN’ SHARK and/or other stories 

<3 <3 <3

GOT7 at the Beach

Youngjae: brings coco with, inflates a kiddie pool so she can play, spends most of the time running to the ocean for sea water. Drops half his ice cream cone in the sand and begs Jaebum to buy him a new one

Jinyoung: wore a giant hat & long sleeved shirt. Kicked off his sandals and says he’s feeling crazy. SPF 80, even though he spends 5 minutes lecturing GOT7 on how anything above SPF 45 is a rip off. Reads a book with his headphones in and ignores the world

Jaebum: spends the first hour trying to play sports, gives up when he realizes Mark and Jackson are taking things seriously. Spends the rest of the day sitting next to Jinyoung with a towel draped over his head, yelling every now and then at Bambam to put the glass down

Mark: plays every beach game Jackson brought. Has a large band of followers but is too IN IT TO WIN IT to care. Turns out he can surf, even though he’s never done it before? Punches a shark on the nose but tells no one

Yugyeom: the only one able to open up the beach umbrella. Keeps being flirted with by girl lifeguards but has no idea what’s happening. Saves Bambam from drowning in the ocean, forgets to reapply sunscreen and burns like a lobster

Bambam: wears sunglasses that are a cool color but offer zero protection against the actual sun. brings speakers, starts a dance circle in the sand with strangers. Has a pile of seashells on his towel, one of them turns out to be a crab

Jackson: brought a volleyball, boogie board, kite, two beach balls and one extra-large towel with tropical fish on it. Runs across the sand yelling about how hot it is. Runs into the waves yelling how cold they are. Runs into Jaebum and tackles him to the ground

things that have actually happened in batman comics but sound like a shitpost:
  • Batman pissed himself
  • Riddler got possessed by a demon
  • Poison Ivy’s plants gave birth to plant/human children
  • Stephanie Brown faked her death and moved to Africa with an older woman
  • Scarecrow turned into a literal monster. It was called the Scarebeast and Penguin kept him as a pet
  • Everyone is Clayface
  • Rainbow Batman
  • Batman punched a talking shark in the face. And body-slammed a bear

anonymous asked:

Who do you think in the ADA and Port Mafia can swim?



Armed Detective Agency }

Dazai – great swimmer but tries to drown a lot.

Kunikida – wears ten pounds of sunscreen and only swims proper Olympic regulated strokes

Atsushi - obviously good at swimming he saved and then chucked Dazai’s lazy ass out of the river.

Yosano – doesn’t like swimming much but she’d punch a shark in the face if she needed to.

Ranpo – has to use massive floats and doesn’t want to put the effort into learning how to swim properly.

Junichiro – good at the back stroke, gets tired easily.

Naomi – could swim to Australia.

Kenji – thinks swimming pools are weird ‘why would you swim in a big bath tub?, prefers swimming in the river.

Kyouka – medium level knowledge but stays by the shallow end because she hates the pressure in her ears if she dives too deep.

Fukuzawa – could learn to surf in a day if he wanted but he hates the sand and avoids the beach at all costs.

Port Mafia }

Chuuya – washboard abs could swim a hundred laps then go for a jog afterwards.

Akutagawa—the last time he was in water Atsushi punched him to the bottom of the sea so he’s not too fond of swimming anymore.

Tachihara—learned to swim in his bathtub, not very good with waves.

Hirotsu—could swim but then he’d have to put out his cigarette.

Kouyou—beach babe who doesn’t go deeper than her stomach even if it’s hot AF.

Mori—chases Elise into the ocean then almost drowns when she clings to his head when she’s in too deep.

Kajii—nobody lets lemon man near water because he’ll try and experiment with the amount of salt water he can ingest before he goes nuts.

Gin—how Tachihara found out she was not a dude, she swam by him and he got knocked over by a wave.

Higuchi—lifeguard status and will dive to the bottom of the sea (again) for her senpai.

anonymous asked:

Wait I didn't see it. Did jk say he'd punch a shark in the nose for tae? I'm really crying don't play with me

i’M NOT KIDDING

Anyone remember a few years ago when I posted about the news story where a surfer punched a shark in the nose and then kept surfing because it was the best surf they’d had all year?

Well we now have a second installment to Weirdly Stereotypical Aussie News; I’m sitting there on my laptop with the morning news on in the background when I hear “so much for getting a good night’s sleep! The man who survived a crocodile attack when it wandered into his tent.”

Shark Attack ( vi )

Chapter 6: Love

one | two | three | four | five | six 

Group: BTS

Pairing: V X READER

Requested

Summary: A late night surf, a punch to the face and a confession of feelings.

Genre: fluff, angst, surfer au , shifter au

Length: 0.9k

A/N: A HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO SENT ME ENCOURAGING MESSAGES AS I STRUGGLED THROUGH WRITING FOR THIS DAILY!

You are all stars and this would not have been a reality without all of you! 

this was meant to be extra long but i liked this as a finale soo. there is a chance of one more bonus chapter but pls dont request it cus i will be very busy w my surprises

Originally posted by thebangtanway


“Hurry up Guk, he won’t get annoyed if he doesn't find out,” you pulled your hair over your shoulder, turning your back to him so he could zip up your wetsuit as you both continued to argue in hushed voices. You were arguing because he was being clucked about late night surfing, especially without Taehyung’s knowing where you were both going, but it was the perfect, clear night and your boyfriend was fast asleep on the bed and you were not giving up this opportunity.

Keep reading

Theory: The Goddess and her Chosen Knight

So I was watching Emergency Awesome’s new “The Last Jedi” Video. And in the content, he talks about a theory I’ve never heard before. The idea being that Rey is actually a descendant of the Whills. The Ancient Race of people that taught the Jedi tens of thousands of years prior.

 And suddenly, with all the Reylo theories and evidence jangling in my head recently, along with my life long fandom of the Legend of Zelda. I suddenly was attacked by a thought. 

 What if Rey is some sort of Force being? She’s sort of a Force goddess or messianic figure to restore it back from obscurity … you know, awaken the force.  And maybe Ben’s destiny is to be her champion, or sworn knight and protector? 

If we consider the ideas that they’ve been dreaming of one another their entire life, they have a ‘mysterious’ bond, and Ben’s keeps being pulled toward her (The light). It’s possible that as a Skywalker descendant, the blood line of the vergence, he was destined to protect Rey. 

Let me take you on a walk really quick. Let’s say that Anakin bringing balance to the force is just a preamble for something bigger. Maybe the Force created Anakin to clear the decks, so to speak. So that Rey, the resurgence of the Whills, could come along and reteach what had been lost by the Jedi and the Sith.

In a way, Kylo’s draw to Darth Vader, is, in essence, him finding one piece of the larger puzzle to his destiny. Vader paved the way for Rey to come along, and that the Skywalker family is the new Guardians of the Whills, or of Rey, who is the Force made flesh. 

If we’re gonna stick with this religious theme. Than consider Snoke to be like Lucifer. He’s a divine darkness that is ever knowing, ever tempting, ever trying to destroy the holy for his own selfish consolidation of “UNLIMITED POWER!!” Perhaps he knew that Ben Solo was destined to be “The Goddess’s Anointed Knight” and tried to take him out early. Thus it is why he’s hunting for Luke. He’s taken Rey’s protector out of the game and now he’s going after the only man who can teach her who she really is. 

The endgame for Episode 9, might be what us ‘Dune’ fans call the “Golden Path” the idea of destroying everything and restarting new with a universe without predetermination. With Rey and Ben joining together to create a new breed of Force users, neither a Jedi or Sith.  It’s sort of a chosen or divine bloodline. 

That will breed more trouble, more intrigue, and more fucking sequels.

But hey, that’s just a theory …

A Reylo theory! 

And before this happens on this post … 

My preemptive SHARK PUNCH! to flames or “What the fuck do you know, fanboy?!” is this …