pumpkin frappe

Secret Menu Fuckery

Gather round children, for I am about to drop some goddamn knowledge.

I am a Starbucks Barista. I toil around a espresso machine the size of a fucking car, I go into battle with temperamental blenders and customers alike, I burn my self and cut myself daily, all so I can deliver you delicious handcrafted beverages.

Let’s start by saying this - I love my job. I love you customers. I love the smell of freshly poured espresso shots and green tea frappachinos. I love the distressing hiss of an empty whipped cream can, the sticky chai and mocha I wear like scars, the wobble of milk foam, the dinky cups, the coffee grinder, the slow registers and gold cards.  I love it all.

But if there’s one thing I hate, it’s the fucking Secret Menu.

Let’s start with this: despite the website having the name Starbucks in the URL, Starbucks wants nothing to do with this bullshit. In fact, they don’t even recognize it as having anything to do with Starbucks. Because it’s not. To them, it doesn’t exist. The drinks on the ‘secret’ menu are sugar-infused diabetic fucking nightmares that cost approximately 8-fucking-dollars and have the calorie count of a whole Thanksgiving Dinner.

Stop, just stop. 

I don’t know who you think you are when you walk up to my register and have the nerve to order a goddamn Ferrero Rocher Frappachino. The conversation will sound something like this:

Customer: Hi, can I please get a Ven-tayyy Ferrero Rocher Frappe?
Me: Yeah, sure. Can I see the recipe?
Customer: -uncomfortable laugh- It’s on the -shifty eyes- secret menu.
Me: I understand that! It’s not a menu we actually have access to, so if you ever want to get a secret menu drink, we need you to bring in a recipe from the website. We don’t have any way of knowing them.
Customer: -loud sigh- Fiiiiiiine. In THAT case, can I get a Pumpkin Spice Frappe with extra caramel drizzle and java chips?
Me: Of course. That will be 300 dollars. 

Jokes aside, if you absolutely cannot resist the tempting lure of a Smores frappachino, fucking fine. I don’t give a shit if your goal is to be instagram-famous and 700 pounds. 
This is pretty much everything you need to know about these things.

  • We’ll start with ordering. You will start by ordering it by name, a glimmer of hope in your eyes. If you’re lucky, it might be one we already know. YES, I said that we don’t know them, but there are some that are so common, it’s easy to pick them up. The Cotton Candy is the most universal one, and the easiest. My coworkers and I have a conglomerate of combined secret-menu knowledge, but it isn’t a magical dictionary you can crack open. How many pumps of Toffee Nut does a Capn Crunch Frap get - fuck if I know.
  • We will tell you we need a recipe. Never fear, you pinned this baby on your recipe board in a fit of period-induced cravings at about 1 in the morning three weeks ago. You take out your phone, you are madly trying you find it. There’s a line, and not only do I think you’re an asshole, so does everyone else. A woman three people behind you just wants her grande Pikes with room - is anything easy?
  • AHA. The Raspberry Caramel Cheesecake Bites Frappachino is now just on the horizon. You read the recipe out loud.
    • I add all of the extra syrup and various ingredients to the tally. The price goes up. You look annoyed. Good, now we’re on the same fucking page. You want 4 dollars of extra syrup in your frap, you can pay for it.
    I wince at every extra pump and hope you don’t throw up from the sugar intake inside the store, where we would be responsible for it.
  • Frappachinos (and most Starbucks Specialty Beverages) already have a shitton of calories in them. Each secret drink is an original drink with extra flavoring. On it’s own, The Double Chocolatey Chip in a Venti clocks in at about 700 calories. The sugar count is in a Caffe Vanilla Frappachino is 83 grams of sugar. That’s about 20 teaspoons. Yep, 20 teaspoons. Go measure that out in your kitchen. I’ll wait.
    I get that these aren’t health foods. I get that everyone should get a drink once in a while - Frappachinos are excellent treats, and I won’t judge you for getting them - EVER. However, expect some hard core judging if you want a Secret Menu Frap.
  • So take this already sugar-calorie fest and add about 6 extra pumps of sugar or other ingredients. You just added a good 300 calories to your disgusting concoction. Way to go. 
  • On to the next step, I set it on my bar. The side of the cup is blackened with a paragraph of extra ingredients. The person working cold-bar gives me a woeful look. That’s right, we’ve all been there. 
  • Frappachinos already take a fucking century to make, and now here’s one with 30 extra steps and ingredients. Fucking fantastic.
  • We do everything except for adding our own lock of hair into your potion.  10 minutes later, after the smoke clears from our overworked blender and your drink is bubbling within it, our job is done. It is a fucking mess. It smells like pure sugar. 
  • You smile, your eyes dazed as the phone materializes in your hand. You will capture this moment, share it with the world. “My name is Stacy and I think I’ll be a size 2 and 13 for the rest of my life.” Not at this fucking rate, Stacy.
  • You take a sip. Huh. Not as good as you were hoping. Now, Stacy, was that worth 7 dollars?

In conclusion, stop. 


it’s a great day for disappointing everyone i guess (??) ft. @deductionfreak


All was silent.

Just bare minutes ago, chaos had reigned. Shots had been duly fired in a display fit to rival any army, even if a fair portion of them bore a suspicious resemblance to personal insults and assorted burns.

But now, all but the key players had been taken out, leaving the core members of the Organisation facing off against the FBI (plus CIA! PSB! maybe even MI6 and the KGB? honestly, who was even keeping track by this point) forces. Every last person standing who still had a gun – that was to say, all of them – had one aimed at them as well, and were daring each other to blink first.

Into this knife-edge balance, a final salvo was fired.

The packet of hot pink dye was watched out the corner of many eyes as it flew in a smooth arc to land on Gin’s head and promptly burst.

Keep reading

Fallen - Chapter 1 I Jikook Fallen Angel AU Two-shot

Happy 300 Followers! 🎉💞😍😱

In a mini traditional celebration, here’s a Jikook two-shot for my new lovely followers (/^-^)/ (I’m a bit late but oh wellp)

Crossposted in ao3

Chapter 2

💙 Genre :

Fallen Angel!AU, University!Au ,Angst with a Happy Ending, Melodrama, Fluff.

💙  Description:

Jeon Jungkook wished he was a normal human being,living an ordinary life and he wished he wasn’t a fallen angel, because maybe then, Jimin wouldn’t have been so scared and so full of hatred for him. And maybe then, he could’ve been able to love him and maybe Jimin could’ve loved him back.

But life was cruel, and all he had was a persistent wound, a messed up past, and a lonesome house void of the one person he wished was there.


It was like any other day for Park Jimin, with a cup of pumpkin frappe in his hands, and headphones in his ears, he headed back towards his dorm from the dance studio.

How do you stay so strong?!

How did you hide it all for so long?!

How can I take the pain away?!

How can I save

A fallen angel, in the dark

Never thought you’d fall so far!

Fallen angel, close your eyes!

I won’t let you fall tonight!!

Fallen angel, he sang along as he skipped down the pavement. And yes, as unexpected as it may seem, Park Jimin, the sweet doe-eyed boy, was into Rock music. He just loved the loud, intensive passion that would surge through him whenever he heard the beautiful melodies of electric guitars and bass drums. It always lightened his mood, made him smile and feel jumpy.

“I’m back~”, he said aloud,as he opened the door, although he was sure his roommate didn’t come back yet. He kept singing and humming aloud with a small smile on his face as he headed towards his room, but as soon as he enters, he notices brown puffy hair popping out of the bed sheets.

His smile drops immediately.

Jungkook came back from class already?

And is he sleeping on my bed !?, he gasps.

He goes towards his bed where the boy was sleeping oh-so-soundly and abruptly pulled his pillow out of the boy’s arms, causing the boy to unhurriedly wake up.

He slowly sat up,ruffling his bed hair in a failed attempt at smoothing it, rubbing his eyes and looking like a goddamn lost puppy.

He looks so cute what the fuck, Jimin thought.

Looks can deceive, he thought again.

“Why are you sleeping on my bed?!”, he says and folds his arms. Jungkook’s eyes widen at that and he quickly gets off. And if Jimin saw the light tint of red on his cheeks, then he didn’t say anything.

Jungkook coughed as he dusted off the invisible dust on his jeans, “I ..didn’t notice.”, he said, in a poor excuse of hiding the real reason as to why he slept on the smaller boy’s bed.

Don’t get him wrong, it’s not as creepy as it may seem! It’s just that Jeon Jungkook was the kind of person that loved soft and cozy things that smelled good.

And as much as he disliked the shorter boy, he must admit that Jimin’s warm, comfy and cocoa-scented bed helped him relax and sleep better……okay maybe it did seem kind of creepy.

But that’s exactly why he made up an excuse, he didn’t want to seem creepy to Jimin. He didn’t want it to seem like as if he liked sleeping in Jimin’s bed ( which he really did, as a matter of fact).

Jimin raised his eyebrows at the boy’s answer. Really now?

“What are you even doing here?”, he questioned yet again. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class or something?”

Jimin glared at Jungkook. Jungkook glared back. God, why is he always asking so many questions?!

“I feel sick”, he said. And he swears he saw a flash of worry on the boy’s face (it was probably all in Jungkook’s head, why would Jimin worry about him anyway?) But soon enough he had a firm glare plastered to his face, yet again.

He saw Jimin scowl and open his mouth to speak, oh God,there he goes again.

“Ohhhh, So that’s why you slept on my bed didn’t you?!”, he says angrily.

Jungkook holds his breath.
Oh no, did he know!?

Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

“You wanted to spread your virus all over my bed so that I’d get sick too huh?!”, he says while huffing and puffing.(Jungkook didn’t think he looked adorable at all )

Jungkook rolled his eyes at the boy, and here he was,thinking that the clueless stupid boy actually knew the real reason.

“You annoying, insolent, hideous, son of a guacamole wrap!!” , Jimin says and frustratingly punches at the taller boy’s chest, but all the boy did was laugh airily at his failed attempts.

“Maybe I did, you never know”, he says, tauntingly, just for the sake of teasing. Boy, did he love teasing the older boy.

Jimin only growled loudly and stomped off towards the kitchen.

“I’m too hungry to deal with your shit Jeon”, he said.

Jimin opened the cupboard, looking for his secret stash of Nutella jars, ….but they were nowhere to be seen..


And that’s when he decided, that he hated the tall muscly boy.


“I hate him! I hate him! I hate himmmmmm!” , he said as he plopped his head down on the canteen table.

Jimin was sitting at their usual table along with his close friends, Namjoon and Jin. They were all eating their lunch together before they’d part ways for classes yet again.

And Jimin just couldn’t stop complaining.

“Jimin, you’ve been complaining about how much you hate him for the past 10 minutes now.” , Namjoon said.

“But it’s true hyung~! You should see him at our apartment! He’s always rude to me, he’s always playing those stupid video games and he keeps on blasting annoying Justin Beiber songs! I just…gahhhh!”, Jimin said, frustratingly.

“ Minnie, if you really hated him, you’d stop talking about him by now and eat that goddamn lunch of yours”, Jin said exasperatedly.

“Fine, mom” Jimin rolled his eyes but smiled anyway. He quickly munched on his chicken wrap and stood up to go to his Contemporary Dance Class.

“Well, I’ll see you later guys~!”, he said cheerfully, but irked at the sight in front of him.

His presence was long forgotten and the couple was now busy smooching each other’s faces off.

Gross, he scowls and quickly turns around to walk away.

As much as he loved being friends with the two of them, one thing he hated was their disgusting amount of PDA, they could just be normally talking one second, and having a full on make out session in the next.

He could never really tell with these two.


And just like that, another tiring day had passed. And yet again, with a cup of pumpkin frappe and headphones in his ears, he walked down the same streets of Busan that led to his house.

He came back home a bit earlier than usual, their dance instructor was nice enough to release them earlier today since they all worked their ass off for their performance. He hummed along and sipped at his beverage. As he opened the door to his flat, he heard soft noises of whimper coming from the bedroom.

And the closer he came to the room, the clearer the sound became. He put his right ear on the door to hear better, Was he… crying?

He frowned as he slowly opened the door, “…Jungkook-ah?”, The lights were turned off so he couldn’t really see where the boy was. He slowly went inside and was about to turn the lights on but Jungkook pulled his hand away from the light switch before he could.

“Don’t”, the younger boy said quietly. Jimin scowled at that, why won’t he let me turn the lights on? , he thought.

But he didn’t say anything, Jungkook probably didn’t want Jimin to see his face when he was crying. Yeah..that was probably it.

There was a thick awkward silence as they both stood in the dark room. His hands are shaky (and kinda soft) , he thought. He’s still holding my hand, Jimin thought again and eventually, voiced it out. Jungkook immediately let go at the mention of his words.

“..are you okay?”, the older boy asked. And Jungkook scoffed at that, “Why should it matter to you?”, he said in a spiteful way.And if the lights were on, Jimin was sure he’d see a cold stern look plastered on the boy’s face.

“You’re saying it as if I don’t care about you.”, he said.

“Well, do you?”, Jungkook said and chuckled bitterly.

And Jimin tried not to get offended at that, because of course he cared. Yes, he thought the younger boy was annoying, rude, cold (also douchey) but no, they’ve known each other and lived together for more than a year now, it counts for something..right?

“I wouldn’t be here standing in the dark, asking you if you’re alright if I didn’t care about you Kookie”, he said ever-so-softly.

Jungkook inwardly flinched at that, for some reason, he’d always feel weird in his stomach whenever Jimin calls him by that name. But he would ignore it, he had to ignore it. He needs to have control over himself goddammit, he didn’t want things to end up the same way again.

“Well no one asked you to.”, Jungkook replied in a spiteful way, glaring into the dark abyss of the room.

“Kookie I-”, Jimin said but was interrupted. “Just go Jimin. Go away.”, Jungkook said, his voice straining as if he couldn’t talk any longer.

“I was just trying to help you”, Jimin said, scowling at the boy though he knew Jungkook couldn’t see him.

God,Why was he being so persistent?

“Well yeah guess what? It’s not fucking working,life still sucks, you’re still annoying and I still feel as petrified and horrible as the day it all went downhill from years ago! ”, Jungkook said loudly.

“What are you saying? I don’t even know what you’re talking about!”, Jimin said, his hands balling into fists.

“Exactly Jimin, you don’t know. You don’t know who I am, you don’t know what I am, and you don’t know what I’ve been through so just Please .Go. Away.”, Jungkook replied in a stern yet vulnerable way.

And Jimin was just confused. Why is he being like this all of a sudden? What went so wrong that Jeon Jungkook, the golden boy, was in a dark room, crying and spitting nothing but spiteful words at the older boy?

God, why was Jungkook always confusing him?

“I would know if you were to just tell me. You’re always like this! Every time I try to understand you, every time I’m trying to be nice to you, all you do is either mock me, or tease me or just insult me.”, he said.

“You wouldn’t get it even if u tried, Jimin hyung.” , Jungkook replied. And Jimin was taken off guard by Jungkook using honorifics with the older boy, he balled his fists tighter, his knuckles going white. But he didn’t say anything more.

So Jungkook really does hate me huh, Jimin thought.

“Oh.. well then ……Alright.” , he said and digged his nails in his skin and hoped Jungkook didn’t hear the waver in his voice.

He walked out of the room.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know”, Jungkook said once Jimin left the room. He heard the door open and close, signaling the leave of the older boy.

Great job, Jungkook. You hurt Jimin..again.He sighed, exasperatedly and turned the lights back on.

He stared at the bedroom mirror on the wall in front of him,his own messed up reflection staring back at him.God, he looked like a wreck. He winced as he felt the stinging pain at his back. It still fucking hurts .

He slowly turned around, his sight never leaving the mirror, and now witnessed his scarred back. He was glad he turned off the lights when he heard the apartment door open, he didn’t want Jimin to witness the very sight of the two long-streaked bruises underneath his shoulder blades. He knew Jimin would ask questions when he sees the ugly scars smeared across his back, questions Jungkook couldn’t answer.

You see, Jeon Jungkook wasn’t your ordinary University student, he wasn’t even a human being to begin with.He was different, in terms of realms and existing and everything in between.

Jeon Jungkook was a fallen angel. He was cast out of heaven because of reasons he’s still mortified about. And yes, as shocking as it may seem, Jeon Jungkook, the cold rude boy was once a guardian angel with wings bound on his back and a heart of gold.

But then, he happened. And Jungkook’s life that was once led happily, had taken an unfortunate spiral. Jungkook was his guardian angel, he made sure the boy was safe and away from danger and sins, but had he known that he’d be the very sin of the boy he ‘protected’, it wouldn’t have ended up like this.

He sinned, and so he was cast out of heaven, his wings were taken away from him and now, all he was left with was ugly wounds of what once was.

It was all his fault though, despite knowing the consequences, he couldn’t help it. He shouldn’t have done what he did. He shouldn’t have broken the rules.

He shouldn’t have fallen in love with a human.

And now, even after three years, here he was, looking like a wreck, his back still hurting like hell. Too lost in his agony, he hadn’t noticed the apartment door open. Only when the door to his room opened did he realize that Jimin was back.


“Jungkookie I’m sorry-”, Jimin said as he opened the door but stopped himself at the sight in front of him.

Jungkook quickly faced Jimin so his back was facing the other way. His eyes widened as he stared at the older boy’s shocked face. He wanted to speak, he wanted to go and put a shirt back on and just crawl into a dark room again, but he couldn’t. He just stood there, frozen and wide-eyed, not knowing how the fuck he was going to explain this to Jimin.

Jimin came closer to the taller boy who was still in his frozen state. Jimin looked petrified.

“ Turn around, Jungkook-ah”, Jimin said shakily, but Jungkook stayed glued in his place. But Jimin wasn’t having it and so he pulled his shoulders to turn him around to get a better look himself. Jungkook heard him gasp.

“How the fuck-”, Jimin whispered to no one in particular and Jungkook, finally being able to move, flinched away as soon as the older boy turned him around. He quickly grabbed the white shirt lying on his bed and put it on.

“Jungkook, what the fuck happened?”, Jimin asked demandingly.

But Jungkook didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to answer. He couldn’t lie, nor could he tell the truth. Why is it always so hard with you, Park Jimin.

“Jeon Jungkook, I swear if you don’t tell me now, I will make you will regret it”, Jimin said, his voice cracking.

He slowly faced up to look at the shorter boy, he looked distressed and hurt, just like how Jungkook had looked like when he lied to him.

He couldn’t lie. Not like how that monster lied to him. And so, with a deep shaky breath, he told Jimin the truth.

“I’m…a fallen angel, Jimin”, Jungkook said and God, he himself knew how vulnerable and weak that sounded.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Jungkook looked at the boy’s expressions ever-so-carefully and on edge. Jimin scowled, furrowed his eyebrows and then deadpan stared at him.

“Jungkook, if you think this is funny then I-”, Jimin said but was interrupted by the distraught boy.

“I’m not joking, hyung”, he said and looked at Jimin in the eye. You said you try to understand me, why can’t you try to understand me now?

He heard Jimin chuckle crudely, as if waiting for Jungkook to call the joke off and tell him the real reason. But there was no reply but dead silence.

“You’re ..not joking”, Jimin said quietly, but more towards himself.

They’ve known each other and lived together for more than a year now, and Jimin knows when Jungkook is telling the truth . So he didn’t know why he still wanted it all to be a lie.

Maybe it was because what Jungkook said messed up the logic of the world that he had known. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to believe that he’d been living with a creature for more than a year.

He grimaced as he thought of the ugly bruise on Jungkook’s back of what once were wings.

“I’m not..”, Jungkook said, his own throat tightening as he spoke, “I was a guardian angel once”, he continued, “but then, I was cast out of heaven and ….they took my wings away.”

He looked back up to see the boy’s face, he looked shell-shocked and his eyes glistened.

“And so, I have this wound on my back and..”, he said and bit his lip, willing himself to not break down in front of him because, Lord, this is the last thing he wanted to do.

He expected Jimin to be terrified by now, and he was right. Jimin looked horrified, his hands were shaking and he took a few steps back at the mention of his words.

Jungkook tried not to feel hurt ( he failed massively) . Jimin was scared of him. He wanted to speak out, he wanted to somehow appease him so that he would not be as petrified as he was, but he just stood there, because there was nothing appeasing about this.

Jungkook was a fucking fallen angel with ugly bruises and an aura that screamed danger. Ofcourse, Jimin would be scared.

He saw Jimin slowly walk backwards towards the door.

Wait, shit.

“You were right earlier Jungkook”, Jimin said, void of any emotion but fear, “I don’t know who you are”

“Jimin, wait..”, he said and walked towards the boy, but Jimin only flinched away and said “Stay away from me”.

Jungkook’s heart ached at that. Jimin was terrified of who and what Jungkook was.

And with that, Jimin retreated back and went out of the apartment. Walking, running to particularly no where. He didn’t know where he was going, or what he was doing. But all he knew was that he had to get out of there, and so he went wherever his shaky legs led him to.


Jungkook heard the door close with a loud bang, and a single tear slid down his cheek as his chest tugged hard.

He shouldn’t have told him. Goddammit, he should’ve just made up a silly story or at least do something but scare Jimin away.

And once again, he regretted it. Because just like three years ago, Jimin left Jungkook, just like how he left Jungkook before.

Anddd that’s it for this chapter! What did you think? ^_^ I tried going a little out of my safe zone and tried Hurt!Jungkook instead in this story~ I hope you liked it!!

(In case you wanted to know the song I referred to, It’s called Three Days Grace - Fallen Angel :) )

wanderlustwinterland  asked:

Anything by Maggie Stiefvater for favorite book, and for a place to read I'd have to say anywhere near a window, especially when its rainy. For favorite cake is have to say red velvet with cream cheese frosting or hot chocolate fudge cake, for my beverage a pumpkin spice frappe with a caramel drizzle, and I'll be going home to my muggle family this Christmas!

Near a window is always a good place to read 😇 and that drink sounds really good. I wish you a great time with your family :)

I always wondered if there was a cafe in straight walking distance of my apartment the opposite direction i usually walk- turns out there isn’t, just a seedy hipster ball and the hospital. I didn’t feel like walking back so i camped out in the hospital waiting room and tried using the lyft app. my phone wouldn’t download it so i used the internet.  Accidentally put in the wrong mission hospital and frustrated the driver, but now I’m at starbucks and i decided to try out the infamous pumpkin spice frapp since i never got to as a teen girl. Verdict: it’s yummy, but i still prefer chai frapps.

that was my adventure today. it distracted me from crying at least.

The Signs As Starbucks Drinks
  • Aries: Caramel Frapp
Taurus: Tazo Chai Frapp
  • Gemini: Mocha Frapp
Cancer: Espresso Frapp
Leo: Cinnamon Dolce Frapp
  • Virgo: Coffee Frapp
  • Libra: Java Chip Frapp
  • Scorpio: Pumpkin Spice Latte
  • Sagittarius: Green Tea Créme Frapp
  • Capricorn: Hazelnut Frapp
  • Aquarius: Vanilla Bean Frapp
  • Pisces: Strawberries and Créme Frapp
The signs as fall Starbucks drinks
  • Aries: hot chocolate
  • Taurus: caramel macchiato
  • Gemini: espresso double shot
  • Cancer: java chip frappe
  • Leo: pumpkin spice latte
  • Virgo: cinnamon chai latte
  • Libra: white chocolate mocha
  • Scorpio: blonde roast
  • Sagittarius: cinnamon roll frappe
  • Capricorn: vanilla latte
  • Aquarius: salted caramel hot chocolate
  • Pisces: peppermint mocha