South Jersey Gothic
- They demolished your house and are building a new Wawa. Every building is a Wawa. Wawa is life. You plead with the sky, “We have enough Wawas! Our children need schools, our sick need hospitals, the people need other businesses! Oh, you fool. The sky is angry. You get struck by lightening and die. You should’ve just kept silent and bought a Wawa Hoagiefest Hoagie for only $4.99. Gotta have a Wawa©
- Cindy lounges on the beach. She’s been there for three years. As you’re typing this her body finally hits the final stage of decomposition and she rejoins the Earth, restarting the circle of life. She has achieved the Perfect Tan.
- You drive down Kings Highway. King of what, you wonder. You’ll never be king of anything. You start to cry and Bruce Springsteen plays on the radio.
- You and your friends find yourselves hanging out at Walmart for fun again. How did you get here? How long have you been here? Where did Paul go?
- In North Jersey there is a person who looks just like you and lives a life just like yours. But they’re not you. They are an evil version of you. You were raised on the notion that they are an evil version of you. Your rite of passage is to hunt them down and kill them. But you’ve been kept awake countless nights wondering if the society of their world says the same thing about you. How can you know if you are truly the good one?
- You are stuck in Shore Traffic. The traffic has been at a standstill for a while. You blink and suddenly your wife seems to be in her 70s. She says the same thing about you. Your child is far too large for their carseat. You return your focus to the road. None of this really matters, you suppose. Life is fleeting and nothing you have built in your life will stand the test of time anyway. You’ll be having fun at the shore soon and that’s what really matters.
- You’ve done some googling and you know that the Salem Witch Trials took place in Massachusetts. Then who/what? are all these shrouded figures looming around Salem County? What do they want. You try to start a conversation with one. You ask “how are you?” and it answers “dead like you”. You don’t know what this means, but when you look into its eyes you feel an overwhelming amount of fear mixed with warm comfort. You realize you were looking into a mirror.
- Jersey girls pump fists not gas. You ceaselessly pump your fists like the rest of them. The Sky accepts your ritual and allows your state to live another day. The pumping of the fists requires constant vigilance, if a certain amount of people stop participating in the ritual the entire area will be wiped out in some vague and foreboding apocalypse. You have never slept