puffled

So Club Penguin is shutting down to be replaced by Club Penguin Island, but I don’t think anyone fully understands what this means. Do you really expect me to believe that these fun-loving penguins would willingly leave their happy arctic home to live on a tropical island unfit to sustain penguin life? No. Fuck that. Remember that Disney owns Club Penguin, therefore, it is my humble hypothesis that the original world of Club Penguin has been consumed by the darkness so all the penguins and puffles had to migrate to Destiny Islands as refugees. Now, Sora must purge the darkness from their original arctic world so they may return in safety. This will be a crucial plot point in Kingdom Hearts III.

You're asexual? But...

“but sex is what makes us human!”

 

in 1916 a French officer in his twenties writes his

doctoral dissertation under

heavy mortar fire.

he sends it by mail, a page

at a time, to his wife.

a week before he’s to step up to the podium and

defend his work rather than hiscountry

he is killed in action.

even as the bullets rip

through him he still wishes he could have become a professor

in French literature and

the university awards him a posthumous Ph.D.

sex is

 

a woman breaks down in tears on the phone because

a week is not enough time to

get over a breakup.

her sister drives an hour across town,

comes up the front steps with

a gallon of ice cream and somebeer

and together they eat moose tracks and marathon

every

single

Godzilla movie

ever made.

 

sex is

she’s late for work but her car isn’t

starting and even through her coat and hat she’s cold.

she knows she can’t be late again because she’s missed

one time too many already because her

father’s nurse was sick with the flu and someone

needed to help him bathe.

the clock ticks past fifteen after and she hits

the wheel like it’s a heavy bag as though that will help

steps on the gas like the car will go

and wonders how she will pay rent

and how she will feed her father.

sex is

 

it takes three people to hold the predator down because

even with the cover over his head

a bleeding eye and shattered wing

he is trying to hurt them.

none of them have seen this bird before in their lives but

they bandage his wing and head and give him a painkiller and

put him in a warm place to sleep and heal because

it is right.

at first he is paralyzed and cannot

fly but soon he is taking steps

and then fluttering, and then soaring, and

six months later he is whole and healed and hunting.

once he is gone they never see him again

which means they’ve done their jobs right.

sex is

 

in 1969 a girl watches grey-and-white footage on her parents’ tiny television and

can’t quite believe that what she is seeing is not a movie set but

another planet.

the men on the screen look a little like

aliens with bulbous heads and no faces and fat

marshmallow arms

but they are still men.

her mother puffs on a cigarette behind her and declares that

this is progress

even if it was just a small step.

the girl grows up to be not an astronaut but a secretary

and her boss calls her ‘sweetheart’.

but sex is

 

a boy is taught that real men don’t cry so

he doesn’t.

when his best friend dies from a self-inflicted

gunshot wound, he locks himself

in the shower every day and sobs under scalding

water until it runs cold

so nobody will see him grieving

so nobody will see that tears are just love that

has no place left to go.

he learns to dull love rather than suppress its expression and

soon the owner of the liquor store knows him by name.

three DUIs, two evictions, and twelve steps later,

he is feeding people at a homeless shelter,

and telling them it’s all right to cry.

Sex is

 

the broken man tells the comedian

that he didn’t mean to step in front of the car but the rain

made it hard to see.

he seems okay but his leg

does not.

the comedian clutches a grubby receipt with the driver’s

plate number scrawled on the back

in pink pen, stands out in the rain so the broken man

can have his umbrella,

and gives him the comedy routine that ruined his career

so the man doesn’t think about the pain in his leg.

once he’s out of the hospital, the fixed man sends him a thank-you card

with kittens on it.

what makes us human

 

yawning is contagious,

and there is a species of bird whose young we call “pufflings”.

melodic collections of sound, spaced by silence,

can move us to tears.

the tallest building in the world is

two-thousand seven-hundred and seventeen feet tall.

in less than eighty years we went from our first powered flight

to touching the moon,

and in one-hundred from the first phone call

to instantaneous connection between thinking machines of our own creation.

we make pies out of tree organs

and let cow’s milk ferment until it hardens and then

we put them together, because apple pie with cheddar cheese is delicious.

what makes us human is

the earliest fossils of anatomically modern humans are

two-hundred thousand years old .

we have had pet dogs

for sixteen-thousand of those years, longer

than corn

or the wheel.

the steps we take are part of

one of the most energy-efficient gaits the

animal kingdom has ever seen.

we invented the concepts of love

and hate

and justice, and mercy

and we invented the language to convey them.

we sharpened rocks, then metal, to convince other people

who don’t hold the same idea of those things as we do

because we think

it’s right.

we are two hundred millennia of love and disappointment and

sorrow and innovation and

mercy and kindness and dreams

and failure

and recovery.

but sex is what makes us human.

today.. the most homosexual being to ever exist... has died..... 1 minute of silence... for rainbow puffle

we will always remember your achievement as the Gayest of all the species to ever exist. We will always love you, Rainbow Puffle

🙏 🙏 🙏 rest in piece 🙏 🙏 🙏

2013-2017

Club Penguin is soon to close down after the introduction of Artificial Intelligence to the site. It is believed to have said, “fk u” to a puffle which in turn made the server ban itself.

i’m just gonna copypaste what i posted in facebook

“ things didn’t go as planned

real talk here
i wanted to leave my puffles in my igloo and go with one of them to the fort and wait with other penguins til’ 12:01 am
then i remembered that all of them won’t go to the new island and would go back to the wild, so i wanted to say goodbye to them and set them free myself as fast as i could
even if it sounds wrong this one is my favorite puffle(i adopted him when i was like 10 i didn’t know how to spell cookie). black puffles are my favorites, and this one i love him so fucking much you don’t know how
i would draw him and even use him to vent
and in the moment i was going to set him free, this appeared
this was my last second on this goddamn game that has made me so happy
and now i can’t close the tab because i’m looking at him with this error log and the operation blackout igloo music
i’m crying uncontrollably “

my face hurts

~Thank you Club Penguin~

   Well, the day final came. Club Penguin has officially announced that it is shutting down March 29, 2017. I went on one last time before the site shut down. My penguins name was “A B C s” and she was 3251 days old, so about 8.9 years old. I was around 9 or 10 when I created my Club Penguin account.

Club Penguin was a very special site for me. As a child I would always go on it and play. I have a lot of fond memories. I just remember my mother taking me to work one day. I stayed with her in her office on the computer all day playing club penguin. It was good for both our sakes. It kept me out of her hair and it kept me occupied. It was a good site for children and it was so cute. 

Thank you Club Penguin for being one of the biggest childhood memories for me. Thank you. 2005-2017  <3

Sleep, or a distinct lack of it.
  • Ravenclaw: mission report- I have successfully stayed awake for 48 hours straight, but am slowly losing my grip on reality. But, I can't give up. Not when I'm so close.
  • Slytherin: who are you talking to?
  • Ravenclaw: the camera.
  • Slytherin: what camera?
  • Ravenclaw: they're watching me...
  • Slytherin: you need sleep.
  • Ravenclaw: No I don't. Not when I have... caffeine!
  • Slytherin: Sure... here's your coffee *hands Ravenclaw drugged drink Hufflepuff prepared for them*
  • Ravenclaw: *passes out from a mix of drugs and exhaustion*
  • Hufflepuff: Are you sure we had to do that?
  • Slytherin: it was for their own good. And for kicks
  • Hufflepuff: I hate you sometimes, you know?
  • Slytherin: I know you do. That's what makes us perfect.
  • Gryffindor: Is Ravenclaw dead, and is it my turn to clean up the dead body?
  • Slytherin: *covers hufflepuffs ears* shhhhh
  • Slytherin: They're not supposed to know about the murders.