puck just got a hard on

When you’re in the middle of playing hockey, you don’t have much time or lungpower to spare for lengthy chats, so hockey players develop a lot of on-ice shorthand. Some of this is probably limited to beer leagues like mine, but I’ve definitely heard a few of these phrases caught on the rink-level mics during NHL games, so I thought maybe some of y’all who don’t play hockey might be interested in translations of a few of the things hockey players yell at each other mid-game.

OFF = You are offside.

OOOOOOOFF = You are offside and don’t seem to realize it; stop trying to touch the puck and move your ass out of the fucking zone before you force a whistle.

CHANGE = You’ve been on the ice a long time.

CHAAAAAAANGE = Are you aware that there are other people on this team who would like to play hockey at some point?

ONE ON = An opposing player is trying to get the puck away from you and it appears that you haven’t noticed.

GOT TIME = Don’t panic and fling the puck into Siberia, there’s no one close enough to take it away from you right this second.

ICE IT = We’ve been in our zone for three minutes and everyone on the ice is nearing collapse, so go ahead, panic and fling the puck into Siberia.

I’M OPEN = Pass toward the sound of my voice right fucking now.

ALL YOU = Take the puck forward yourself; everyone else is far enough behind you that you should not rely on getting any backup on this developing play.

I GOT YOU = You are so egregiously out of position that it makes more sense for us to just switch jobs for a minute.

I GOT IT = If we both skate hard to the puck at the same time, as is currently happening, there will be no one to pass it to and also we are liable to collide in an unproductive fashion, so just let me handle it.

I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT = You did not listen to me and we are about to collide in an unproductive fashion.

I’ve had these [Kings season] tickets for 5 years, and there’s been only, like, 8 guys that have stood out.  It’s really hard to stand out on a rink, you know.  You can’t tell who’s who, everyone’s got their helmets on, and then there’s a couple of guys you’re like ‘Jesus’…Malkin’s one of those.  The first time I saw him in person, with the seats we have, just watching the way he just holds people off while he holds the puck… there’s only like 3, 4, guys in the league who can do that, that can do the skate-around, keep possession, guys are banging them, guys are hitting them with their sticks, and they’re just like, unfazed.
Teach Me How To Hockey ~Auston Matthews Imagine~


Summary: On a random summer day, you ask Auston to teach you how to play hockey. 

Author’s Note: Requests are open till Monday.

Originally posted by glovesdropped

You sat on the couch with Auston and you both were bored out of your minds.

“We should do something,” Auston said.

“No kidding,” You tell him.

“What should we do?” Auston asks. It was the summer and you two didn’t plan anything for today.

“I have an idea,” You tell him.

“What?” He asks. You straddle his waist, causing him to smirk and hold your waist with his hands.

“You know, I’ve never learned how to play hockey,” You tell him.

“Seriously?” He asks you. You smile and climbed off of him.

“Come on,” You tell him.

“You kill me sometimes Memz,” He called out.

You get changed into something comfortable and warm enough to ice skate in and so does Auston. He takes you to the ice rink he practices in and you both walk in. You put on your ice skates and Auston got the stuff ready.

“You sure you want to do this?” Auston asks.

“Yes. Let’s go,” You tell him. Auston smiles at you and holds your hand. You skate around a bit to get used to the ice until you were ready to play.

“Okay, so just hit the puck hard like this,” Auston tells you before showing how it’s done. You hit the puck like he did but you missed the goal.

“It’s fine baby. You can do this,” Auston said. You tried it again but you hit the poll.

“Almost there,” Auston said. You hit it once more and it finally hit into the goal.

“Oh my god! Did you see that?” You asked him, smiling.

“Yes!” You wrap your arms around him and he kisses your cheek.

“Okay, now let’s try with it when I hit the puck to you,” Auston says. You nodded and he hit the puck to you slowly. You hit it to the goal and it made it in.

“Alright, Memz. Let’s go a little bit faster,” Auston tells you. He hits the puck towards you and you hit it into the goal.

“Wow. You’re getting good,” Auston mentions.

“It’s because I have the best teacher,” You tell him before skating over to him. He wraps an arm around you and you look up at him. You lean in to give him a soft kiss before pulling away and smiling at him.

“I love you,” You tell him.

“I love you too, Memz. Now, let me teach you on hitting objects from here,” Auston said. You smiled at him and you both continued to play. Once you were done playing, you both sat on the bench and you looked up at him.

“That was cute little date,” You tell him.

“Yeah. Glad you had fun,” Auston tells you.

“If you get hurt, can I fill in the space for you?” You joke.

“Sure,” Auston said, going along with your joke.

You smile at him and he kisses your cheek.

“So do you want to continue or do you want to go home?” He asks.

“Home. I want to cuddle with you,” You tell him.

“As you wish,” Auston says before you both cleaned up and left the arena.

  • likes to cuddle a lot
    • no this is not funny or cute or considerate he will drape himself over u like ur an actual body pillow and he will not move for hours. you’d better have your phone charged. bitty learned the hard way
    • altho it’s a fun time for the other stoners like one day you’ll come into the haus and jack, shitty, lardo and maybe nursey’s in a cuddle pile on the disgusting couch
  • laughs at EVERYTHING (like any other stoned person but it’s just weird seeing jack not being a hockey robot)
    • he once started laughing at the concept of a hockey puck. why is a puck like that (“like what, jack?”) like…. that
  • asks concerning questions “what if the ice in faber broke” “what” “like, what if you got checked so hard u broke through the ice and there’s water underneath and u go for a nice lil swim” “Jack the ice is stable enough to hold a bunch of huge jocks–” “I’m gonna break it tomorrow and see what happens. bitty do you think there’s fish in there” “JACK NO" 
    • "BITTLE why do u make so many pies” “…because I’m a baker? I love baking???” “but that’s… there’s so many pies. how do you do it” “i bake them. with ingredients. Jack are you okay” “THERES SO MANY PIES BITTLE” “jack please get off of me my phones dead and i need to charge it i beg u" “ARE YOU A PIE WIZARD”
  •  he gets intensely focused on the smallest of things. again, bitty learned this the hard way when, not only is he pinned down and bring spooned by a giant hockey man, the giant hockey man decides to count every single freckle on his face. or almost pokes your eyes out trying to measure your super long eyelashes with a ruler. what the fuck, jack
  • gives and requests affection. he once called his dad asking if he loves Jack. "of course I do, Jack. why do you ask” “aw that’s good I love you too papa i give u a lot of shit but ur the best dad ever sorry for pooping in the stanley cup” “what–” “*hangs up*”
Jamie Benn #5

Requested by Anon:  Hi!! I love your writings and I read them all as soon as I followed you! But I was wondering if you could write something about Jamie Benn? I’m feeling something sad so idk something like he was in a bad accident and now he’s in a coma and he has been for a while (a couple of years) and you visit him every day but now you’re wondering if you should move on and idk… You can end it however. Thanks !!

*Than you so so much! I hope you like this and I know it’s been a while but I hope you’re feeling better now (I feel like you wanting something sad is a projection of what you were feeling when you made this request but IRDK). Caution: really sad and a lot of internal conversations. I am not a nurse/doctor/or someone who works in the medical field so if I got some things wrong, please bear with me. :) Enjoy!*

Word count: 932

Originally posted by seguinsharp

The steady beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor that was once a solace has now become something of a death sentence you can no longer ignore. Behind you, the tv is playing the Stars-Avs game, Razor’s voice booming and lively. How they managed to get the Stars games in British Columbia, you still don’t know but you’re thankful nonetheless.

Just as the Stars’ goal horn sounded, with Jordie assisting on a Tyler Seguin goal, his mom came up behind you, reaching out to comb Jamie’s hair back, “he’s doing better today,” she said, voice so quiet that you had to strain your ear to hear her. It’s as if she’s scared to be too loud.

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Zach Werenski #4

Anonymous said: If you don’t mind me asking, could you write a zach werenski imagine where you meet his team but you play for the Boston pride!? Thanks :))

A/N: so i went a little off what you asked for, but i hope you liked it :) but honestly I’ll probably end up writing another part to this, which goes more along the lines of the request sorry haha

Word Count: 2,163

Originally posted by werenskiz

“Biosteel has finally got it’s head out of it’s ass, hey?” You smirked while tightening your skate and looping around till it was tied up just how you liked it. Being the first woman spokesperson for the company felt good, really good, but there was no doubt it was a little lonely in the dressing room. 

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Sabrina’s phone buzzes about fifteen minutes into her sociology lecture. She ignores it, and it buzzes again.

And again.

And again.

She’s starting to get worried that it’s something important (though why they wouldn’t just call her she can’t fathom), so she takes a peek at her screen. She sighs and makes a face. It’s Puck.

This significantly decreases the likelihood that it’s something important, but not so much that she can afford to ignore the texts. Puck’s been known to text her from across town because he needs help hiding from the hobgoblin mafia.

He’s also been known to text her incessantly until she laughs at a picture of someone particularly hilarious he saw on the streets of Prague, but still. She can’t risk it, so she opens the conversation.




Answer ur texts before I call u in the middle of whatever boring adult thing ur ignoring me for


Come on u know im more important than whatever ur doing

Im definitely more fun


Talk to me

Sabrina sighs and stuffs her phone back in her pocket. He’s not dying, and that’s all she needs to know.

Her phone buzzes again. She manages to ignore it for almost a minute before she gives in and looks at it.

Don’t u want to know what im doing

Sabrina sighs and texts back, Fine stinkbaby. Tell me what youre doing and ill answer you when I get out of class ok? Youre gonna get me in trouble.

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irrationalsense  asked:

Does Johnson the Metaphysical Goalie have any words of advice for young tadpole Chowder?

heeeeey, Johnson here hahaha

advice for the tad? OH BRO. DO I

tho like i should totally say that i haven’t graduated yet lol. it’s like still March or somethin in my completely fictional reality. (well, not like your reality’s ne realer than mine tbh hahaha—when u think abt it. woooaaaaah!!!)

anyway, chow-chow. chowds.

 bro u gotta remember that ur gonna have good days in the net and bad days. the good days all the boys are gonna love u, and on the bad days…well, theyll still love u—(#1 rule of SamwellHockey: u always got ur bros back), but like, YOU’RE the one who s gonna feel frustrated & it totally sucks.

but bro lifes a fucking sine function describing the oscillations of our existence. pucks are gonna go in. just forget them. think of the puck like its a grain of sand. let it disappear into the waves of ur ocean if that makes sense.

the forwards have their line, the dmen have their partners, but you—-u bro, u got the poles and ur resilience.

being a goalie’s hard. so go with the flow. :-)

so there you go New England Clams. just stuff to think about in the crease. 


Hi, Honey

“Honey, I just left a silly voicemail on your phone, please don’t listen to it,” Bitty says on the other line, his voice stuffy like he’s been crying. “Delete it.”

“Wait, what? Bits. What’s wrong?

Jack’s heart is racing as he slides into his car, phone pressed hard against his ear. His shirt is damp from the rain, making it stick to his skin. He’s cold all over, from the worry or the weather he doesn’t know. There’d been… what, ten missed calls from Bitty? More?

“… Jack, I… I…,” Bitty starts, long stretches of silence between the words. “… Can we talk?”

Jack’s stomach nearly drops through the floor. He knows what those words mean, said them himself, before, once. Hearing them tumble out of Bitty’s mouth in a rush sets Jack’s whole world off balance. His head feels dizzy, and his throat is tightening up like he might cry, or puke. Outside, the rain beats heavy against his car, and there’s a thunder clap in the distance that rattles his bones.

“Yeah. Yes,” Jack forces out, his mouth dry.

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anonymous asked:

Lorna, do you think they will still be able to CO at some point, even if they are signed to Sony labels or do you think their freedom is still off the table?

At some point. I have to think that they’ve fought so hard and negotiated for so long and that’s clearly what they want. IDK when, but eventually, they will come out.

I kind of picture the CO as a puck on an air hockey table. It’s on the table. But everyone’s got a fuckin chaotic arm in there throwing it around and Harry and Louis are just trying to fight and hang on until it hits the goal.

anonymous asked:

I know you've getting a lot of headcanon requests about the boys, but do you have any about the imprints???


- let’s first get real here for a minute the wolf girls are always sorta portrayed as this group of lovely, sweet, well-rounded women and while this is very true, every woman has her bat-shit crazy moments and quirky habits, so let’s DIVE RIGHT IN
- Kim is a naturally sweet and incredibly kind girl. She’s one of those people that are so nice that they’re a borderline pushover sometimes, but when Kim gets angry– Good Lord of Earth and Heaven she gets angry.
- Kim will kinda just burst (like a werewolf) in anger and she turns into this TERRIFYING tiny demon spawn that even Jared runs away from sometimes. Everyone kinda just backs away from her (both in respect and fear that she’ll permanently maim them) to let her vent her lashing anger.
- Emily, at first, was actually proper SHIT at baking because she rarely ever tasted her words due to her diabetes– like, Sam at first was ofc supportive and was all like “Yeha Emily!!1!1™!!1!!1!” but in his head he’s like “I Can’t Believe The Woman Screwed Up Pancakes It’s Like I’m Eating Tar I Love U Emily But U Can’t Bake For Shit”. By the time Paul and Jared phase, she’s gotten a bit better, but she’s still kinda trash tbh lbr here and Paul and Jared know that but Sam forces them to “enjoy” her “muffins” at the table and needs to alpha order them not to barf on one occasion. By the time Embry rolls around, Emily’s baking has improved existentially– so much so that Embry, even after years of phasing, refuses to believe Paul, Jared, and Sam that her muffins used to be as hard as hockey pucks. After years, Emily never finds out. Sam swears on his life that she’ll only find out when he’s on his deathbed.
- Rachel has a strange snorty and gaspy laugh, and as a kid, she was SUUUUUPER self-conscious about it, so she got into the habit of pinching her nose to make herself stop laughing so hard. Paul obviously finds her laugh incredibly amusing, but at the end of the day, he’s just happy to know that she’s happy enough to laugh her weird laugh. (this is based off of Tanaya Beatty’s ((the actress who played Rachel in the movie)) actual habit of apparently sometimes pinching her nose while she laughs.)
- ALL the imprints have to strongly discourage their partners from dropping hints of being a werewolf to their class-mates and teachers just so they can “see if they catch on”
- Claire actually grows up and is very conflicted as to what her sexual orientation is. Quil’s sorta suspected all this time that she wouldn’t just be straight. (Rmbr these are my personal headcanons ok lmao) Claire decides eventually that she’s bi! :-)) yay claire
- Everyone tends to think that Emily is more of the control freak when it comes to her home, but SAM is actually the one who goes out of his way to clean the house in a specific way. (It’s probably him subconsciously projecting his alpha-ness onto other things in life.) He keeps all his shirts in a certain order, puts them back on the exact same hanger, arranges the tv remotes a certain way, etc etc. Emily is more of a “I’ll clean when it gets messy” type of person when it comes to pretty much anything but the dishes. The one thing she cannot stand though is having her pillows sat on by bare boy butts and shedding hair. It took a good chunk of time, and a few paasing arguments here and there, but they manage now.
- Idk the exact timeline of Paul imprinting on Rachel, but in my head, he imprints on her maybe 2 months before the big Salty Volturi v Cullen and Friends: Dawn of Justice premiere. At this point, Rachel knows of the imprint but wants to take it day by day, much to Paul’s disappointment lmao. ANYWAYS, right before the pack leaves to stand alongside the Cullens, Rachel and Paul are stood awkwardly unknowing of what to do as the rest of the imprints kiss and embrace and corny shit. They settle for an awkward, yet tight hug, and Paul just phases when Rachel suddenly calls out his name in a strangled voice and comes sprinting (concerningly quickly) to his furry ass. Rachel just sorta leaps onto his wolfy neck and honestly probably chokes the poor boy. Her hair is in his mouth and nose and he’s allergic to her perfume (which is another headcanon i have hollup) and Brady and Collin are awwing and teasing him but he doesn’t give a shit becase all he hears is Rachel’s shaky voice asking him to “please come back to me”. It’s that moment that Paul swears to all the Quileute spirits and ancestors he knows of that he’ll always come back to her.
- CONTINUING ON WITH RACHEL AND PAUL CUTENESS,, Rachel has a VERY distinct and demure perfume that Paul has a “hilarious” as dubbed by Jared allergic reaction to. Rachel knows that Paul’s highly sensitive mongrel nose tends to get incredibly itchy and sneezy when she’s around, but she can’t bear to not wear it because it’s the closest she’s got to her late mother’s own perfume. Sarah Black’s perfume bottle, which Rachel found underneath her parents’ bed when she was 14, sits on her windowsill sadly. Rachel often stares at it when she’s thinking of her mum, and when Paul notices, he starts putting Rachel’s favorite flowers in the little perfume bottle. (Yes that’s right kids Paul is a romantic and sincere little shit). He tries his very best to make sure the little bottle has fresh flowers everyday because he caught Rachel tearing up at wilted ones once. Rachel and Paul never really talk about it– it’s just something he does and he knows she’s endlessly grateful for it.
- Kim’s bedroom window overlooks the north side of the rez forest. That area is convienently where Paul and Jared are usually assigned to patrol. Kim (being Kim) catches on to the patrol schedule pretty quickly and has a small calendar tacked up right next to her window of who’s patrolling her side of the border and when. She actually gets so good at picking up the patrol schedules that when the pack asks what the schedule is for that week Kim will without really thinking immediately rattle off the hours and territories and routes before Sam can even open his mouth to take a breath. The first time it happens the pack is stunned, but after a while, the wolves stop asking Sam and end up just asking Kim. Sam even mentions to her when random changes are made and talks to her about which wolf would be best and where.
- ANYWAYS CONTINUING ON MY ACTUAL POINT,, Jared (inconveniently) is often given the graveyard shift. Kim likes to keep her window open for fresh air and natural noise, and likes to keep an eye out for a familiar brown or gray wolf. She tends to sleep less without Jared anyways, so she just sketches or watches a movie on her phone posted by the window to see if she can get a flash of Paul or Jared out in the trees. Her sleep schedule gets shifted so drastically that she (much to both Paul and Jared’s constant horror) falls asleep with a limb or her HEAD dangling out the window.
- Everytime this happens, Jared or Paul, (whoever finds her in that position) phase out and climb the tree to her window and fix her back into bed, and at first it’s a serious job but now they’re both like: “Fuckin hell Jared ur girlfriend’s head is hanging out of her window like she was just murdered AGAIN” “THIS IS NOT MY FAULT PAUL CAN U JUST PLEASE GET HER BACK IN2 BED PLS BEFORE SHE SENDS UP FALLING TO THE GROUND THNX”
- Claire at one point growing up goes through a phase where she really dislikes being around the pack. (She’s at that “I’m twelve/thirteen I’m grown up” phase at that point) And the pack just continues to treat her like a young child because they all seem to forget she’s not the overly enthusiastic two year old she used to be. Claire just fumes at the dinner table sometimes at the age jokes and in her head just thinks “Uncle Jake has used that dumb “when u grow up” line at least 7 times at dinner today one day I’m gonna poison his kibble and Quil won’t stop me just watch”
- Claire eventually grows out of that phase when she grows into her prank phase and throws a bit of peanut butter (which Jake is STILL allergic to) in Jacob’s sandwiches and watches his face do, by her words, “the thing”. Quil is not surprisingly her faithful partner in crime.
- When Emily practically faints her second time boning with Sam because the room + Sam’s body heat + La Push summer + sex = might as well be in a sauna, she decides to create, in her head (bc Sam strongly discouraged Emily from actually typing this out onto paper) a crash-course on: “ Wolf-Girls 1100: An Introduction on How to Bone Your Overly Affectionate Mongrel Safely”.
- Rules such as: “do it in winter with all the windows open!” have some complications as sound seems to travel as fast as vampires around La Push, but the rule “NEVER DO THE DO UNDER THE SHEETS OR U WILL DIE” is foolproof and stands the test of lengthy time.
- Kim is horrified and blushes deeply at Professor Emily Young’s lengthy lecture, Rachel just raises an eyebrow and takes mental notes, Renesmee takes all the advice with grace and thanks Emily profusely for her knowledge, and Claire is just surprised Emily didn’t go as far as to publish and distribute a full text-book on this course.

Ahhhhh how I love my wolf-girls ❤❤.

Hockey Scare

Requested: imagine where you fall through the ice while playing hockey with shawn and aaliyah?



You’re at a little pond near Shawn’s house in Canada. Since it’s winter, the pond is frozen over. You, Shawn, and Aaliyah decided to come down here for the afternoon to play hockey, just for fun. You’ve got the puck and you’re racing down the ice, with Shawn on your heals. All of a sudden the ground disappears from under you and you’re freezing and splashing around. It takes you a second to realize you’ve fallen through the ice and you’re in the water below the surface. You try your best to swim, but your skates are heavy and you’re starting to drown. You hear Shawn yelling, and then suddenly there are strong arms grabbing your hands. Shawn pulls you out of the water and moves you away from the dangerous ice. He’s breathing hard. And only now can you make out that he’s speaking. “Shit, are you okay? Y/n, talk to me!”

“I’m fine.” You say, breathing hard. “Thanks for saving me.”

“Fuck, you scared me.”

“I’m cold.” You say, your lips chattering as the water on you begins to freeze, your whole body and all your clothes are soaked. Shawn stands up and grabs you. He carries you all the way back to your house, despite you telling him that you can walk. Aaliyah has to jog next to him to keep up with his fast pace. Once you reach his house, he gets you into a warm shower, and waits for you with hot chocolate, tons of blankets, and cuddles to make sure you’re okay when you get out.

anonymous asked:

-sees them his hipster heart is dead. Murdered. Deceased. (His hipster dick is way to alive for this tho)

2 / 2

November bears cold, bitter winds and lots of nearly frost bitten noses for hockey boys that live in a drafty frat house that’s a billion and two years old.

Unless you live in the dorms like the frogs.

Dex is actually pretty toasty, and he finds himself sort of rubbing at his bottom lip in thought as he gets ready for the dinner Bitty wants everyone to come to. It reminds him that oh, he didn’t put his rings in this month. Maybe he should.

They’re a little sore when he puts the two small black rings through his lip, but the rings still fit and that’s all that really matters. He shoves his boots on his feet and tugs his jacket on, pocketing his keys and shutting the door behind him. The wind is coming straight out of the North when he gets outside, and it makes his eyes water. “This dinner better be good.” He mutters to himself before putting his head down and carrying on.

Nursey and Chow are already at the Haus when Dex shows up. He waves to them both and puts his coat on the rack (that Dex built himself last weekend) but he’s a little miffed to see that Nursey merely glances at him before lowering his eyes back to his phone. Not even a fuck you or anything. Fucking rude.

Everyone’s eating pie by the time Chowder finally asks a very grumpy looking Dex if he’s okay. “Nursey hasn’t even said hey to me since I walked in, Chowder. I know he saw me. What the hell is his problem?” Chowder frowns and shrugs. “Are you sure he saw you?? Maybe he just… missed you or something? Are you guys fighting again?” “No, but we’re about to be.” He gets up from the couch (there’s a new red stain on it; Lardo mysteriously disappeared when someone mentioned how it looked like red wine) and heads over to where Nursey is standing.

He grabs Nursey’s arm by the wrist and yanks him out the front door and onto the porch. “What the fuck, bro?” Nursey almost snarls as he pulls away. “Who the fuck are you to be touchin-” he stops, eyes widening. “Dex? Is that you? BRO!!!” He grabs Dex’s face and brushes his thumb carefully over the rings in his lip. “Since when do you have fucking piercings dude??”

Dex smacks Nursey’s hands away and scowls. “Are you serious? You didn’t know I had these?” He folds his arms. “Is that why you didn’t say hey to me earlier? When I walked in? Because you didn’t recognize me? You fucking moron.”
Harsh words but a small smile follows them.

Nursey is suddenly very aware that he’s blushing. “U-uh… yeah, bruh, you didn’t even look like you. I just kinda figured Bitty involved some random dude to the Haus to eat,” he shrugs, rubs the back of his neck. “Seriously though, bro, those look.. like, incredible on you.”
Dex raises an eyebrow, a teeny smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah? You like ‘em? I got them pierced after I graduated but I never keep them in. Wayward pucks plus fresh piercings? No thanks. I just put them in every now and then.”

Nursey swallows hard and he offers up a smile of his own, shy and sweet. “You uh… you ever kiss anyone with those in?”
Dex rolls his eyes so hard he almost gives himself a concussion, and he tugs Nursey in by his jacket. “I can’t believe my own boyfriend has a fetish for snake bites.”

i-chew-on-pushpins  asked:

Lamilla on their first date?? Or if you dont ship them maybe zimbits and Halloween?

how about ALL OF IT

Okay it’s the Halloween with the puck Bunny costume. Bitty’s been sending selfies to Jack all night long. poor Jack, caught in a super boring Halloween event in Providence, spends his time with his head in his phone and getting redder with every single text. At some point George has to go talk to him because he’s even more silent than usual, and he doesn’t move fast enough so she happens to see the pic we all know. Jack wants to DIE. George knows about them, though, so it’s not SO bad? But she still chuckles and chirps him about his puck bunny and also, please Jack, just say hi to one or two sponsors? And also, haha isn’t that your adorable team manager in hockey gear she looks so sweet (I got something about older Lardo dating George okay sue me)

But that night Lardo is busy looking elsewhere because Camilla Collins, most beautiful girl in school is there, dressed like a hamburger, and Lardo has never wanted her more. They have talked before but not so much? But at one point Lardo ends up beating her at beer pong but it was HARD because Camilla plays tennis, alright, she has accuracy. And Lardo compliments her costume and Camilla laughs, saying the woman tennis team made a pact to go against the sexualisation of female costumes on halloween and they picked the baggiest things they could find. She points at a Hulk with fake muscles, a Mister Potato Head, and a cowboy riding a horse, all members of the women’s tennis team. They spend the night talking, drinking, dancing, and at some point they just leave because when Nursey starts dancing on tables things get rowdy.

And they walk around the lake, a hamburger and a hockey bro, and at some point when they’ve both sobered up, they end up holding hands, and Lardo will never admit it but she’s blushing so much and… they have their first kiss on a bridge, the most romantic place to kiss when you’re a hockey bro and a hamburger.

ancientpotato  asked:

Hey loving your AUs as usual! Always gets on the bus and open Tumblr and try to find your AUs everyday! How about maybe some figure skater!Jim or Bones? Since im a skater myself it would be fun ;>

  • Budget cuts hits everyone. Jim discovers this the hard way when his figure skating training is abruptly interrupted by someone from ice hockey team steps on to the ice, too. “Hey, I have the ring for at least another hour.” Jim calls out. “Tough luck,” the guy says, “I’ve booked for the next two hours.” Jim grits his teeth at the carelessness of the hockey player. “I guess we’ll have to share.” Jim says, sighing a little. He’s definitely annoyed when the hockey player just grins and focuses on his goal instead.  
  • It doesn’t take long until Jim trips over the hockey puck slammed in his direction. “Dude, what the hell?” Jim scoffs at him as the other helps him back up on his feet. “You were in my line,” the other guy says, shrugging casually. “You okay?” "I’m fine. Stay on your half.“ Jim insists. 
  • This other guy, Leonard (or “Bones”, as his buddies call him), shows up nearly every time when Jim’s practicing, too. Jim almost thinks he’s doing it on purpose. And every time he seems so adamant on slamming that puck right between Jim’s blades so he trips, and then helps Jim back up on his feet. “You are terrible,” Jim says, and Bones smiles. “I’m sorry. Hockey is hard.” Bones says, and Jim scoffs. “Please, it’s not hard at all. Try figure skating.” "What’s so hard about twirling around lookin’ a lil pretty, huh? I could do that,“ Bones scoffs back at him. "Then why don’t you?“ Jim asks, crossing his arms. “Figure skating?” “Obviously.” “Only if you prove to me that you can do ice hockey, too.” “Fine,” Jim says. “Fine,” Bones replies. 
  • Jim’s not entirely sure what he just got himself in to. The next time he sees Bones, Bones gives him one of his hockey jerseys. On the ice rink, Bones shoves a stick in his hands. “Why don’t you score for me, huh? If my hobby’s as easy as you say it is, you should be able to do it.” Bones teases, and Jim huffs. “Fine, I will.” But he doesn’t. He barely hits the puck to begin with, and when he does, it’s definitely not in the straight line towards the goal. Bones teasing him about it every time he misses doesn’t make it any easier, either. He freezes when he feels Bones’ arms slide around him. “Let me show you how to properly hold the stick.” “I know how to hold a stick,” Jim replies, a shiver down his spine when he feels Bones’ breath against his ear as he laughs. Bones helps him hold on to the  stick properly, and then he aims towards the goal. Naturally, he scores.
  • Cocky as Bones is, though, he’s not when Jim gets him on the ice in his sweatpants and a sweater - not quite figure skating attire, at all, but it’ll work for the time being. And Bones doesn’t look nearly as comfortable when he’s trying to mimick Jim’s moves. And he definitely falls more than once. Bones is getting increasingly annoyed every time Jim pulls him back up on his feet. “Not that easy, huh?” Jim teases him, and Bones huffs. “Neither is hockey, though.”
  • And they both just start practicing for the other’s sports. Figure skating is hard, and Bones sprains his ankle when he tries to twirl on one leg. Jim gets knocked out when one of Bones’ team mates hits him in the face with a stick. The first thing he sees when he wakes up is Bones’ face hovering over him, and he groans. “For fuck sake, Bones, your face is everywhere.” “That’ll happen when you decide to take on a challenge with me,” Bones says, carefully helping back up on his feet.
  • Jim gets better at ice hockey, though, and he’s really enjoying it too. Like he can push the stress of his day into that hockey stick and he scores a few goals, even against an actual goalie. But then a team mate bumps into Jim by accident, though much harder than expected, and Jim takes an ugly dive to the ice. Bones helps him up immediately, but he can’t really stand on his foot very well. “C'mon, come sit down. Let me take a look at your foot,” Bones says, and Jim huffs as he leans on to him. “What are you, a doctor?” “As a matter of fact, I am,” Bones says, sitting Jim down at the nearest bench and taking off his blade. Jim just looks at Bones curiously. “A doctor, really?” “Yes, you think I have the time or money to be dancing around on skates all day? I also work for a living,” Bones points out, more of Jim’s questions dying out as Bones puts pressure on his foot.
  • It’s not broken, but it’s definitely ugly. Bones advices him to stay off the ice for a while, but that can’t happen. “I have to perform tomorrow,” Jim says, and Bones shakes his head. “You can’t. Not like that.” “You don’t understand how important this is, I could lose my job,” Jim says, folding his hands over his foot to try and massage the pain away. That’s not helping. Not at all. Bones frowns. “So let me do your routine tomorrow,” he says and Jim lets out a bitter (somewhat pained) laugh. “You barely know how.” “Hey, fuck you,” Bones says, “have a little faith in this skater, alright? If you can twirl around lookin’ pretty, then I can do that too.”
  • And Bones can absolutely do it too. He messes up a few times, it’s not exactly a clean routine, and Jim really doubts it has saved his performance in any way. But Bones tries really hard, and there is something so endearing about it. Jim struggles to get back up on his feet a little when Bones skids off the ice and approaches Jim. “Sit down, don’t strain your foot.” Bones says, sliding down on one of the benches next to Jim. “You didn’t do that poorly at all,” Jim says, and Bones huffs, sitting down next to Jim. “Figure skating is hard,” Bones says, and Jim nods. “Yeah. So is hockey, though.” Jim replies, and Bones smiles. “I guess we both win, then?” Bone asks, and Jim nods. “I mean, you did actually perform,” Jim says, resting his hand on Bones’ leg. “I’d say you’re the biggest winner here.” Bones looks in him with a fond smile, leaning in to press a soft kiss on Jim’s lips. It’s unexpected, but it’s a warm welcome and Jim happily leans in to kiss him back. “Now I’m the biggest winner here,” Bones says, cheesy enough to make Jim laugh out loud.

bianeydna  asked:

I woukd live it if you told me about actor Geno meeting his favorite player Sid :)

it’s pure coincidence that geno’s newest film is on location in pittsburgh, but once he’s there, he can’t help needling his pa for the chance to go to a pens game.

“should enjoy city! see sights, learn about culture,” he says, trying his most winning smile at her. it was super successful in the last movie in the series, when he was gaining the affections of lupita while also juggling international espionage. that smile got rave reviews.

jen just rolls her eyes at him. “you want to go to the pens game?”

"exactly,” geno replies, biting his lip and widening his eyes at her, because while jen is tough and responsible and geno’s favorite pa ever, she also can be a total sucker if geno tries hard enough.

jen sighs. “i can get you tickets,” she says, reaching over to thwack him on the shoulder, “if you do that interview with gq that you’ve been putting off for the last two months.”

“fine,” geno sighs. he hates gq interviews — not only are the questions terrible, the reporters never seem to fall for his go-to get-out-of-interview-free strategy of pretending he doesn’t understand that much english — but this is his chance to see sidney crosby in person, and, well. geno’s not going to let that chance pass him by.


in an interview right after geno’s hollywood big break, someone from people asked him who his favorite celebrity was, and geno, having just watched the penguins play the kings the night before on an honest to god tv instead of a shitty internet stream, was too stupid to lie.

“sidney crosby,” he says, without even thinking about it, only realizing his mistake when the reporter frowned at him.

“who?” she’d asked, and geno had winced and started talking about the newest fincher film, and the subject had been dropped.

now, though, geno’s not some twenty year old in a supporting role in a film that blew up in cannes. he’s better at taking interview questions and saying the right things about other actor’s work, and if someone asks who his favorite celebrity is, he knows to answer with someone eminent, like meryl or stanley tucci. 

he doesn’t ever let on that his answer hasn’t changed since he was nervous in a cafe talking to a people reporter. geno’s still, as jen would unkindly put it, “sort of obsessed” with sidney crosby, and when he stands up against the glass at consul in a jersey and baseball cap, it’s to watch in awe as the best hockey player in the world skates lazy loops around and flicks pucks into the net.

jen pulled through for him and got him a perfect ticket, right up against the glass, and geno spends the whole game entranced. the pens are playing hard, crosby getting an assist on kunitz’s goal fifteen minutes into the first, and geno’s happy enough to be here to not even care when some girls approach him during the second intermission.

“excuse me,” one of them says, probably not over fifteen, “are you — i just — are you geno? malkin?”

“yes, is me,” geno says cheerfully, because the pens are winning and sidney crosby is skating like he’s never been injured.

“i just — could we get a picture?” the girl asks, and geno nods, because why the hell not?

he realizes why the hell not when, right after the game — the pens handily beating the senators 4-1, crosby with two assists and a goal so pretty geno could cry — his phone buzzes in his pocket.

“that picture of you is trending on twitter,” jen says, business-like. “they’ve pulled up that interview from the beginning — you know, the one where you say your favorite celebrity is sidney crosby?”

“oh,” geno replies, even as people give him a side-long look as they file out of the arena.

“you are aware you’re wearing his jersey?” jen asks, half-laughing, and geno frowns.

“is just sports game. shouldn’t be big deal,” he replies, and jen laughs again.

“yeah, well, you and big deal go together like peanut butter and jelly — oh shit, i think that’s — don’t hang up, okay? i gotta take this.”

geno waits, holding his phone up to his ear as he slowly makes his way to the parking lot when jen clicks back on.

“okay, that was pens media, who wanted to know — how do you feel about meeting sidney crosby?”

“are you serious?” geno asks, and jen hums in affirmation.

“they want you to come in tomorrow, which works for us because you don’t have to come in until 9 pm anyways. apparently, it’s not just you — crosby really likes your movies, they asked about it for that #asksid deal they did last month.”

“oh,” geno says, blinking hard, “oh, okay.”

“you can watch their practice, apparently,” jen tells him. “now get back to your trailer. if you don’t sleep, i’ll kill you myself.”

“bossy,” geno tells her, and then gets in the car to drive back to the set.

if, once he’s back in his trailer, poking at his laptop on his bed, he finds the #asksid video and watches as sidney crosby stutters and laughs about how “i watched death would be kindera couple of times. i guess you could say he — geno malkin, i mean — is one of my favorites” a couple times on repeat, well. no one will know.

Puck Daddy: I’m from Puck Daddy on Yahoo. I’m going to ask you some not serious questions because I’m bored of asking those.

Jonathan Toews: Okay

Puck Daddy: You have the Wolverine chops. Do you actually watch X-Men?

Jonathan Toews: Uh I’ve seen the one movie. I don’t know if there’s like two or three of them, but I haven’t seen any of them

Puck Daddy: I think there’s like seven of them.

Jonathan Toews: Is there seven?

Puck Daddy: Yeah, I think so.

Jonathan Toews: Okay then, times two then.

Puck Daddy: How’s your summer going? Aside from the ending, but everything else, how’s your summer?

Jonathan Toews: Really good, really good. It took a while to get over the loss…for a while. Trying my best to relax and enjoy my life away from hockey, so that when it’s time to go back to work, I’ll get as motivated as I can be. Right?

Puck Daddy: You’re going to play golf. What people don’t know is that you’re wearing seersucker pants right now. Did you know that’s what those are called?

Jonathan Toews: Why are they called seersucker?

Puck Daddy: I don’t know why they’re called seersucker but they are. You’re going to go play golf in the 112 [degree] heat.

Jonathan Toews: Yeah.

Puck Daddy: That’s badass

Jonathan Toews: Should be fun, right?

Puck Daddy: Right?

Jonathan Toews: I got a big bottle of water (shows me Fiji bottle) I’ll just dump it on my head.

Puck Daddy: Anything else? How’s summer? You actually get time off. Do you know what to do?

Jonathan Toews: I’m in Las Vegas. I don’t have to think real hard to find anything fun.

Puck Daddy: You’re going to let loose?

Jonathan Toews: Yeah, a little bit.

Puck Daddy: A little bit?

Jonathan Toews: A tiny bit.

Puck Daddy: So we won’t see you on TMZ the next day?

Jonathan Toews: I don’t think so. Hopefully not. It’s more undercover.

Puck Daddy: Sounds good. And did you sleep last night?

Jonathan Toews: A little bit, yeah.

Puck Daddy: A little bit. ‘kay. That’s good. Standard answer. Thanks, Jonathan.

Jonathan Toews: I probably look like I didn’t sleep last night.

Puck Daddy: You look fine.

6/23/14: Puck Daddy’s interview with Jonathan Toews [X]

Junior Year #6: PB&J

OK, so amongst all the other stuff this amazing update gives us to chew on, I wanna talk about the hockey.

Specifically, about why Jack’s taking so many dirty hits in this game. Not the puck; the puck is probably an accident.

But look at this boarding:

And this elbow:

And this is egregious high-sticking:

Now, checking into the boards is within the bounds of ordinary game-play. But the expression not just on Jack’s face but on the bystanders’ faces, plus the fact that he went into the boards face-first instead of shoulder-first, says that a) he got hit REALLY hard, and b) he was probably checked from behind, which is boarding, and is a penalty.

So is elbowing, and so is high-sticking. Boarding and high-sticking can become double-minors (4 minutes) or majors (5 minutes) if the player is injured or the officials judge there was deliberate violence or an attempt to injure. In that ref’s shoes, I’d think very seriously about making that high-sticking a double minor, especially if that was the guy with the elbow. It takes a pretty solid uppercut to knock someone’s helmet off. 

Now, Jack is very, very good at hockey. He’s also a rookie at the start of his first NHL season.  He’s scored one goal that we know of. He’s got a reputation, and he’s got The Name. It wouldn’t be too weird for an opposing team to put a really good man on him and tell that player to stick to him like glue.

Inviting between 6 and ten minutes of penalties, and the resulting power-plays, to shut him down, though? Two minutes of penalty-kill is a long time in a hockey game. Six minutes is a very long time. Ten minutes is an eternity.
If Jack is really that shit-hot, handing the Falconers that many power-plays with him on the ice seems … deeply unwise.

So, here are my theories, none of them supported by anything in particular:

1) Someone on the opposing team has a grudge. Maybe it’s from the Q, maybe it’s about Bad Bob, maybe it’s from college, maybe it’s something else.

Against this: it seemed to be at least two different players. Also, Jack doesn’t seem to have a lot of traits that would make him that kind of enemies.

2) The opposing team knows about the anxiety and the OD and they’re cold-bloodedly setting out to see if they can crack him.

Against this: fear of injury isn’t really his weak spot, plus that seems a bit vicious even for professional sports. The kid hasn’t even established himself as a serious threat yet.

3) Ngozi wants to underline that the NHL is a whole ‘nother deal from college hockey, and it’s a much nastier game, and so Jack has to deal with that. Which he seems to be doing, by and large.

Against this: it’s a bit over-the-top, as I said at the beginning. It could just be going for drama and not doing the math, I guess.

Or it could be the set-up for some serious hockey drama, and I admit I’m kind of hoping it is. 

singelisilverslippers  asked:

my all time favorite anecdote of yours has got to be The Time Mollyhall Got 'Lost Little Girl'd By Brandon Dubinsky. in that vein, what are your top 5 most hilarious and or ridiculous moments in your personal hockey history?

1. i met tyler seguin on a street corner at 2am. he asked if the score of the all-star game had really been “fun to fun” (…. “no, tyler. your team lost. by a lot.”) and offered to, but didn’t, fight patrick kane.

2. i might have met either vladimir tarasenko OR just a group of his friends (they’d been talking to him earlier at the arena)–i’ll be honest, without his helmet he’s kind of…hard…to distinguish–who were concerned that my friend and i were sitting next to an open door at a restaurant. “it’s very cold,” they said.

“it’s okay, we’ll keep our jackets on.”

“no, listen. i’m russian. it’s very cold.”

3. the first and only time my stepdad ever went to a hockey game, the guy he was sitting next to got his jaw broken by a puck. now my stepdad watches NASCAR.

4. i accidentally called hilary knight, thinking i was calling my mom. i wasn’t fully listening to the message machine, but as soon as i realized who it was i shouted, “OH GOD NOT MY MOM,” and hung up in a panic. i don’t know whether hilary knight got that as a message or not. 


GOT7 In Vancouver Experience

3:00 Show: 

- They are so much taller and bigger in person..
- The opening song was Let Me and…. let me tell you…. WE ALL DIED
- After opening two songs it was question time with our host Terry and the amazing trans… no english subs 
- They answered questions fans asked

- Terry the host asked what were some episodes while shooting the Hard Carry MV - They boys went on to tell the story about picking their nose together and finding black stuff in their noses
- Jinyoung told the translator to tell everyone that there were 50 staffs at the shoot and everyone picked their nose 
- They talked about who they wanted to collab with:
 Bam: Drake 
Yugyeom: Chris Brown - BamBam made him send a video message to Drake
(Video will be separately uploaded)
Youngjae: Bruno Mars
Jinyoung: Park Jinyoung PD min aka JYP - Jackson started singing I like you
Mark: igot7 - Jackson said something like Mark is going to collab with igot7′s by telling them to say ‘say hey’ ‘ho’ 
Jackson: Terry …. the host and he was talking about how Terry had a Youtube channel … Terry I see you.. 
JB: He mumbled someones name and no one knew who the person was.. - Jackson asked for him to sing a line and JB said he forgot the lyrics and then Jackson asked to hum the tune and JB said he forgot the tune as well…. 

- Gyeommie danced… (Also will be posted separately) 

- The boys were asked what their first impression of each other was 
- Youngjae and Bam talked about when they first met each other where Bam was naked (Also will post video separately) 
- Yugyeom said that he thought that Jinyong was a talent (already a celebrity) 
- They performed BoomX3 and SO MANY GYEOMMIE DANCE BREAKS… 
- After performing two (?) more song they came back out to do game time
- First game was with fans - Charades 
- JB was being a butt to Mark’s team but Youngjae got his revenge for him 
- Youngjae had to act out giraffe but his partner thought it was JB because Youngjae was sticking his chin out 
- Jinyoung’s team won - she got to take a group polaroid with the boys - lucky girl~ she was really cute~  
- Next game was a guessing game - teams were slip into hyung line and maknae line - they had to guess what the item they were touching was 
- Maknae’s went first and their item was a hockey puck 
-Yugyeom thought it was a stone…. 
- Hyung line got tapioca but they all knew what it was because it kept getting stuck to their hands
- They all had to do the punishment - make ugly faces and take a polaroid picture of themselves - they had to by the end of the night post it on their SNS’s but that picture hasnt been posted … yet
- They performed their last songs which were Fly, If You Do and finally Hard Carry  
- They had their last ment and they left stage while Just Right played in the background… I dont think that was supposed to happen because 
- After a few minutes they came back out for an encore with Just Right
- Mark said ‘I say Got you say Seven’ and no one but my cousin did it so he stopped… that poor child 
- They had their FINAL FINAL ment after that 


- We were ushered outside to the lobby and we had to wait there…. this part was a bit unorganized but honestly not bad at all 
- It was really fast people were guided to the stage
- First person was JB…. he is so handsome in person they all are.. then it was Jinyoung I think then Mark I think then it might have been Younjae…. I don’t really remember the whole experience is a haze…
-Yugyeom was in the middle and I gave him his letter - I hid it because I didnt know if we could or not…. but yes I handed him the letter and he gave a really surprised look and took it … his hands were HUGE … MY HEART EVEN WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT AGAIN >//<
- My aunt was after me and she said that he was holding the letter in one hand and hi fiving fans with the other hand I DIEEEEEE >/////////< 
- Next was BamBam then Jackson but man people I was a fool and just looked at their hands other than JB’s face bc he was first and Gyeommies face because I handed him the letter
- We met Phoebe~ she was cute and I forgot to ask for her SNS… IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU GIRL IF YOU COME ACROSS THIS~~