puck just got a hard on

When you’re in the middle of playing hockey, you don’t have much time or lungpower to spare for lengthy chats, so hockey players develop a lot of on-ice shorthand. Some of this is probably limited to beer leagues like mine, but I’ve definitely heard a few of these phrases caught on the rink-level mics during NHL games, so I thought maybe some of y’all who don’t play hockey might be interested in translations of a few of the things hockey players yell at each other mid-game.

OFF = You are offside.

OOOOOOOFF = You are offside and don’t seem to realize it; stop trying to touch the puck and move your ass out of the fucking zone before you force a whistle.

CHANGE = You’ve been on the ice a long time.

CHAAAAAAANGE = Are you aware that there are other people on this team who would like to play hockey at some point?

ONE ON = An opposing player is trying to get the puck away from you and it appears that you haven’t noticed.

GOT TIME = Don’t panic and fling the puck into Siberia, there’s no one close enough to take it away from you right this second.

ICE IT = We’ve been in our zone for three minutes and everyone on the ice is nearing collapse, so go ahead, panic and fling the puck into Siberia.

I’M OPEN = Pass toward the sound of my voice right fucking now.

ALL YOU = Take the puck forward yourself; everyone else is far enough behind you that you should not rely on getting any backup on this developing play.

I GOT YOU = You are so egregiously out of position that it makes more sense for us to just switch jobs for a minute.

I GOT IT = If we both skate hard to the puck at the same time, as is currently happening, there will be no one to pass it to and also we are liable to collide in an unproductive fashion, so just let me handle it.

I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT = You did not listen to me and we are about to collide in an unproductive fashion.

Auston Matthews - breakdowns

Originally posted by mapleloafs


I’m in a super angsty mood so is there any way you could do an angsty imagine with either Tyler Seguin, Auston Matthews, or Freddie? Please please pleaseeee? Love you so much bb 💗

Not all of us could become a famous hockey player, no some of us had to endure the stress and anger of being a college student.

You had five classes, each class seems to land on a different day giving you no time to relax. Although you were sure even if you had two classes each on the same day you still would have time to relax. One, class would have a test this week, then the next week another test for a different class and so on. You were hating the fact that you signed up for five classes but if you took these five then you were all set to get a job in your field next year. However, half way through the year you were sure you had a  huge mistake.  

You had just got home from your math class. You were all ready to study for your math and biology test that was happening this weeks, but once you stepped foot in your house you knew that wasn’t going to happen.

“Hey babe.” Auston smiled from his seat on the couch.

“Y/N!!!” Mitch yelled with a huge grin on his face.

“How was class?” Willy asked not taking his eyes off the tv screen in front of him.

The guys were playing video games, like always. You wouldn’t mind much if they weren’t so loud, but every time one won and the other lost there was nothing but chaos. You didn’t want to be a bitch and tell Auston that he couldn’t have people over all the time, I mean after all he was paying the bills, but you didn’t have anywhere else to study.

“It was good. I’m going to go up in the room to study.” You said placing a small kiss to Auston’s cheek.

“Okay, babe. We’ll try not to make much noise.” He said as he smacked your butt as you walked by.

“Get Matthews!” Freddie laughed.

“Shut up.” Auston blushed.

You made your way up to your shared room. You closed the door and placed some pillows at the bottom of the door hoping it might help some with the noise. You then sat at the desk Auston had gotten for you once you started classes again.  You grabbed your headphones and placed them in your ears before studying.

It was about 20 minutes before you felt the need to panic. Everything was just mushing together. Like, everything you had just got done reading was wrong. You then started thinking about how your professor said this test was the big one. It would either make or break your grade.

You felt like a big baby was sitting on your chest. You ripped your head phones out and stuck your nose back into your textbook. You began to re-read the same text over and over until you felt it stick. Your eyes began to durp again, so you decided on making some coffee. You were sure that this term you were more full of coffee and stress.

You made your way into the kitchen, you grabbed a cup, the cream and the bag of coffee. It wasn’t until you opened the bag that you realized there was no coffee left. That’s when you lost it.

“AUSTON!” You yelled feeling the weight of the baby back on your chest.

“Yeah, babe.” Auston said as he walked in the kitchen.

“Are we out of coffee?” You said with panic laced words.

“Oh, yeah. Willy wanted some coffee, then Mitch wanted some and I was going to grab some when they left.” He smiled

“God, Auston! I need the coffee. What the hell do you need coffee for when all you’re doing is playing video games. I have to study for my test in two days and I have no fucking coffee.” You yelled like a madman. You felt the need to cry.

You must have been louder than you thought because the noise in the living room died down. Auston’s face softened. He knew that a breakdown was in the works for over a week. He knew that you were under a shit ton of stress, and that everything you just said meant nothing.

“Hey, hey, hey.” He said calmly. He wrapped you in his arms. You laid your head on his chest, while you wrapped your arms around his torso. The tear were falling now, and they wouldn’t stop.

“This all can be fixed. Willy?”

“Yeah?” The blonde yelled back as he walked into the kitchen.

“Can you go get some coffee from the store?” He asked.

“Yeah, sure.” He said grabbing his jacket.

“And you. You are going to go upstairs and take a bath.” He said. You began to shake your head, but he stopped you.

“Yes, you are going to take a bath, relaxes and when you you get out, I will have coffee and we will both sit down and study. But you have to relax.” He said kissing your forehead.
You did as he said and made your way up into the bath. Once you came out you were greeted with coffee and candy.

“Willy, felt bad so he bought you a shit ton of candy.” Auston smiled from the bed. He had your text’s books and note in front of him.

“The guys must think I’m nuts. I didn’t mean to be a mega bitch. You know I didn’t mean what I said.” You said sadly.

“Babe, of course I know it and the guys do to. I mean they aren’t new to this either. Their girlfriends are in school too. It’s hard on you guys and we know that. We got it easy. We just hit a puck into a net and make millions.” He joked.

You smiled as you got dressed before climbing onto the bed with Auston. You sat in between his legs, your head resting on his chest. He wrapped you in his arms again, and placed kisses onto your head.

“I still feel bad. None of you deserved that.” You huffed.

“Stop apologizing. You are under too much stress as it is, but if you need help or just need some alone time, than tell me. I can’t help you if you don’t say anything. Okay?”

“Okay.” You smiled as you placed a kiss on his arm.

“I love you.”

“I love you too and thank you for everything.” You said looking up at Auston.

“You are very welcome.” He said kissing your lips. “Now, let get some study done.”

-Julianne    

I’ve had these [Kings season] tickets for 5 years, and there’s been only, like, 8 guys that have stood out.  It’s really hard to stand out on a rink, you know.  You can’t tell who’s who, everyone’s got their helmets on, and then there’s a couple of guys you’re like ‘Jesus’…Malkin’s one of those.  The first time I saw him in person, with the seats we have, just watching the way he just holds people off while he holds the puck… there’s only like 3, 4, guys in the league who can do that, that can do the skate-around, keep possession, guys are banging them, guys are hitting them with their sticks, and they’re just like, unfazed.
high!jack
  • likes to cuddle a lot
    • no this is not funny or cute or considerate he will drape himself over u like ur an actual body pillow and he will not move for hours. you’d better have your phone charged. bitty learned the hard way
    • altho it’s a fun time for the other stoners like one day you’ll come into the haus and jack, shitty, lardo and maybe nursey’s in a cuddle pile on the disgusting couch
  • laughs at EVERYTHING (like any other stoned person but it’s just weird seeing jack not being a hockey robot)
    • he once started laughing at the concept of a hockey puck. why is a puck like that (“like what, jack?”) like…. that
  • asks concerning questions “what if the ice in faber broke” “what” “like, what if you got checked so hard u broke through the ice and there’s water underneath and u go for a nice lil swim” “Jack the ice is stable enough to hold a bunch of huge jocks–” “I’m gonna break it tomorrow and see what happens. bitty do you think there’s fish in there” “JACK NO" 
    • "BITTLE why do u make so many pies” “…because I’m a baker? I love baking???” “but that’s… there’s so many pies. how do you do it” “i bake them. with ingredients. Jack are you okay” “THERES SO MANY PIES BITTLE” “jack please get off of me my phones dead and i need to charge it i beg u" “ARE YOU A PIE WIZARD”
  •  he gets intensely focused on the smallest of things. again, bitty learned this the hard way when, not only is he pinned down and bring spooned by a giant hockey man, the giant hockey man decides to count every single freckle on his face. or almost pokes your eyes out trying to measure your super long eyelashes with a ruler. what the fuck, jack
  • gives and requests affection. he once called his dad asking if he loves Jack. "of course I do, Jack. why do you ask” “aw that’s good I love you too papa i give u a lot of shit but ur the best dad ever sorry for pooping in the stanley cup” “what–” “*hangs up*”
Zach Werenski - The Jersey Switch

anon request: Love your writing! So I was wondering if you could write a Zach Werenski one where the reader plays hockey for Ohio state and Zach goes to the game in something related to OSU but he’s seen by his teammates or something and they won’t let him live it down? Sorry if it’s too specific!

i absolutely love zach werenski and i hope this was what you were looking for. i really did enjoy writing this and i love when you guys give me scenarios with your imagine request becaus eit gives me and idea of what you want. 

next up should be an auston matthews imagine!!

requests are open:))

Originally posted by phillymyers

it was game day. not for zach but for me. zach werenski was a professional nhl player and i played for my collage team. “babe” zach said taking seat next to me. i hummed in response taking a sip of my protein shake, trying to mentally prepare myself for the game in a few hours.

“your such a great girlfriend and you always support me and i just feel like i’m not good enough” zach mumbled running his hands roughly through his hair and leaned his elbows on his knees. that really caught my attention, we were always so busy with zachs schedule i don’t make a big deal about it when he can’t make it to my games.

i rubbed his back and he slowly looked behind him at me, his sad green eyes met my y/e/c eyes. “it’s okay zach” i smiled softly at him. “but now that you mention it, i do have a game today” i gave him a grin but his face fell once more.

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Teach Me How To Hockey ~Auston Matthews Imagine~

Requested:

Summary: On a random summer day, you ask Auston to teach you how to play hockey. 

Author’s Note: Requests are open till Monday.

Originally posted by glovesdropped


You sat on the couch with Auston and you both were bored out of your minds.

“We should do something,” Auston said.

“No kidding,” You tell him.

“What should we do?” Auston asks. It was the summer and you two didn’t plan anything for today.

“I have an idea,” You tell him.

“What?” He asks. You straddle his waist, causing him to smirk and hold your waist with his hands.

“You know, I’ve never learned how to play hockey,” You tell him.

“Seriously?” He asks you. You smile and climbed off of him.

“Come on,” You tell him.

“You kill me sometimes Memz,” He called out.

You get changed into something comfortable and warm enough to ice skate in and so does Auston. He takes you to the ice rink he practices in and you both walk in. You put on your ice skates and Auston got the stuff ready.

“You sure you want to do this?” Auston asks.

“Yes. Let’s go,” You tell him. Auston smiles at you and holds your hand. You skate around a bit to get used to the ice until you were ready to play.

“Okay, so just hit the puck hard like this,” Auston tells you before showing how it’s done. You hit the puck like he did but you missed the goal.

“It’s fine baby. You can do this,” Auston said. You tried it again but you hit the poll.

“Almost there,” Auston said. You hit it once more and it finally hit into the goal.

“Oh my god! Did you see that?” You asked him, smiling.

“Yes!” You wrap your arms around him and he kisses your cheek.

“Okay, now let’s try with it when I hit the puck to you,” Auston says. You nodded and he hit the puck to you slowly. You hit it to the goal and it made it in.

“Alright, Memz. Let’s go a little bit faster,” Auston tells you. He hits the puck towards you and you hit it into the goal.

“Wow. You’re getting good,” Auston mentions.

“It’s because I have the best teacher,” You tell him before skating over to him. He wraps an arm around you and you look up at him. You lean in to give him a soft kiss before pulling away and smiling at him.

“I love you,” You tell him.

“I love you too, Memz. Now, let me teach you on hitting objects from here,” Auston said. You smiled at him and you both continued to play. Once you were done playing, you both sat on the bench and you looked up at him.

“That was cute little date,” You tell him.

“Yeah. Glad you had fun,” Auston tells you.

“If you get hurt, can I fill in the space for you?” You joke.

“Sure,” Auston said, going along with your joke.

You smile at him and he kisses your cheek.

“So do you want to continue or do you want to go home?” He asks.

“Home. I want to cuddle with you,” You tell him.

“As you wish,” Auston says before you both cleaned up and left the arena.

anonymous asked:

What if Peter is setup on a blind date but he doesn't want to go alone so he talks MJ into finding a date so they can double. It's a mess. The worst double date ever. MJ orders for Peter, Peter eats off MJ's plate, they tell inside jokes. People mistake who's dating who.

okay, so this headcanon REALLY speaks to me on a personal level because I am watching The Office right now with my roommate and I am growing increasingly fascinated with Mindy Kahling and BJ Novak. they’re soup snakes (look it up) and this headcanon feels like that. with a dash of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively (apparently they were friends 5ever and went on a double date together with different people and just IGNORED their dates)

[part 2]

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anonymous asked:

more farah headcanons please!! xx

i will fuckin happily talk about farah nurse (who you can find here and here)

  • she’s 26 
  • her middle name is ayesha
  • like nursey she went to andover but because of the 6 year age difference they didn’t overlap
  • she went to northeastern university, majored in criminology and applied for the boston police academy during her junior year
  • she managed to juggle school and police training and soon became a detective
  • the day after her 26 birthday she took the sergeant’s exam and passed with flying colours and was promoted to sergeant of the a-1 district
  • (female officers make up less than 20% of the boston pd, never mind higher up positions)
  • (so obviously farah is nursey’s hero)

(more under the cut)

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Jamie Benn #5

Requested by Anon:  Hi!! I love your writings and I read them all as soon as I followed you! But I was wondering if you could write something about Jamie Benn? I’m feeling something sad so idk something like he was in a bad accident and now he’s in a coma and he has been for a while (a couple of years) and you visit him every day but now you’re wondering if you should move on and idk… You can end it however. Thanks !!

*Than you so so much! I hope you like this and I know it’s been a while but I hope you’re feeling better now (I feel like you wanting something sad is a projection of what you were feeling when you made this request but IRDK). Caution: really sad and a lot of internal conversations. I am not a nurse/doctor/or someone who works in the medical field so if I got some things wrong, please bear with me. :) Enjoy!*

Word count: 932

Originally posted by seguinsharp

The steady beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor that was once a solace has now become something of a death sentence you can no longer ignore. Behind you, the tv is playing the Stars-Avs game, Razor’s voice booming and lively. How they managed to get the Stars games in British Columbia, you still don’t know but you’re thankful nonetheless.

Just as the Stars’ goal horn sounded, with Jordie assisting on a Tyler Seguin goal, his mom came up behind you, reaching out to comb Jamie’s hair back, “he’s doing better today,” she said, voice so quiet that you had to strain your ear to hear her. It’s as if she’s scared to be too loud.

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Distractions

@megaepiphany HERE IS A VERY LATE BIRTHDAY FANFICTION


Sabrina’s phone buzzes about fifteen minutes into her sociology lecture. She ignores it, and it buzzes again.

And again.

And again.

She’s starting to get worried that it’s something important (though why they wouldn’t just call her she can’t fathom), so she takes a peek at her screen. She sighs and makes a face. It’s Puck.

This significantly decreases the likelihood that it’s something important, but not so much that she can afford to ignore the texts. Puck’s been known to text her from across town because he needs help hiding from the hobgoblin mafia.

He’s also been known to text her incessantly until she laughs at a picture of someone particularly hilarious he saw on the streets of Prague, but still. She can’t risk it, so she opens the conversation.

Grimm

Grimm

Ugly

Answer ur texts before I call u in the middle of whatever boring adult thing ur ignoring me for

Griiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimm

Come on u know im more important than whatever ur doing

Im definitely more fun

Grimm

Talk to me

Sabrina sighs and stuffs her phone back in her pocket. He’s not dying, and that’s all she needs to know.

Her phone buzzes again. She manages to ignore it for almost a minute before she gives in and looks at it.

Don’t u want to know what im doing

Sabrina sighs and texts back, Fine stinkbaby. Tell me what youre doing and ill answer you when I get out of class ok? Youre gonna get me in trouble.

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2

ok so i wanna talk about my experience meeting auston matthews with @fuckleafs  :-) i also added photos and stuff so y’all could get the idea

we got to the awards around 3:30 ish and when we got there we went to the box office and talked to the people there about our tickets. we started to notice tv stars and players start to walk on the carpet, so we decided to go through this little security area to get to the fan area. when we got there, we first went to this area and were probably four rows of people back from the carpet. people had been waiting there for much much much longer than us, and i wasn’t surprised we were nowhere close to the front. i told mackenna to hold our spot while i scoped out the whole carpet and found this area that was 1-2 rows of people between the carpet and us. i went back to her and we quickly ran over to that area.

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anonymous asked:

why do you love roman polak

okay so like lets start with this. he sucks at hockey. like okay he’s not like the worst defenseman in the world but he’s bad. he’s slow, he’s SO slow and now he’s got 13 screws in his leg like, he didn’t get any faster this off season. But he doesn’t care. I mean like i’m sure he wishes he were faster but like, he’s not going to let that stop him. the guy made a decent about of money he could just stop. he’s in pain a lot, he’s got screws in his ankle and says he can feel it going up the stairs. Sure he’s got a high pain threshold but it’s still not comfortable i’d imagine but he’s not done he still wants to do this play in the best league in the world and i like that. I like that he has high aspersions, that he’s not giving up. 

he’s also though as nails. like this guy will play though a lot. he couldn’t play though the broken leg but that’s….about it. he’s taken a puck to the face and came back with stitches, he fucked up his knee a bit came back and played as much as he could. He’s going to do everything he can for his team and he’ll play though pain. which like, that’s not always great, and is pretty dangerous and i don’t know if it’s a style players should adapt but he’s doing it that’s how he’s always played, and I think that’s admirable. he’s physical too, pushing guys around, he’s good for that, he’s not super tall but he’s jacked and he’s going to use that to his advantage. 

which i mean he’s hot as fuck. like maybe not his face. i mean yeah if he has his beard it’s like A+ and i would argue even with out the beard he’s good looking but like more than that he’s just….huge, his shoulders fuck me up like look at him he’s fucking huge. those arms? that chest? those shoulders?

oh and his thighs of course

the man is jacked and i love it. and i knwo it seems superficial but like….that’s a big part of it. he’s hot as fuck. 

also he’s a fucking goofball. like he’s always making dumb as fuck jokes. they asked him about his injury at the end of last season. the guy had a cast on his leg and he’s just like “lower body injury” he made a joke after getting hit in the face with the puck about how he was still eating pizza. he’s so funny and it’s like a dumb sense of humor. also this 

(also peep that amazing body) 

and then, he’s a great guy. Babcock loves him, and you know what kind of guy babcock likes? good guys who work hard. That’s a big reason why I think he got the PTO is he’s a good guy who works hard and they’ll do what they can to get him in the line up. he said when he was injured he felt bad because he was like a third kid for his wife to take care of, that he couldn’t play with his kids. (HE HAS KIDS!! I DIED) Mo told a story about how when he first game to the team he sang karaoke with some of the younger guys, kinda made a joke of himself and laughed at it bc the younger guys were nervous. like he’s just, a good guy. 

He’s a leader, Freddie said he’ll let younger guys know “this is how we do things” like that i think is his value to the team at this point. I think he can be good for guys to look up to see his hard work and see him help them. He’s probably not the most vocal guy in the room but he’s no doubt a leader, when you hear the guys talk about him, they sound like they are talking about a leader. ( team give Roman Hunwick’s ‘A’) (JK give it to Auston) (take Bozak’s and give it to Roman)

TL;DR He’s a good guy, he’s hot, he’s funny and i like his style of play.

Zach Werenski #4

Anonymous said: If you don’t mind me asking, could you write a zach werenski imagine where you meet his team but you play for the Boston pride!? Thanks :))

A/N: so i went a little off what you asked for, but i hope you liked it :) but honestly I’ll probably end up writing another part to this, which goes more along the lines of the request sorry haha

Word Count: 2,163

Originally posted by werenskiz

“Biosteel has finally got it’s head out of it’s ass, hey?” You smirked while tightening your skate and looping around till it was tied up just how you liked it. Being the first woman spokesperson for the company felt good, really good, but there was no doubt it was a little lonely in the dressing room. 

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irrationalsense  asked:

Does Johnson the Metaphysical Goalie have any words of advice for young tadpole Chowder?

heeeeey, Johnson here hahaha

advice for the tad? OH BRO. DO I

tho like i should totally say that i haven’t graduated yet lol. it’s like still March or somethin in my completely fictional reality. (well, not like your reality’s ne realer than mine tbh hahaha—when u think abt it. woooaaaaah!!!)

anyway, chow-chow. chowds.

 bro u gotta remember that ur gonna have good days in the net and bad days. the good days all the boys are gonna love u, and on the bad days…well, theyll still love u—(#1 rule of SamwellHockey: u always got ur bros back), but like, YOU’RE the one who s gonna feel frustrated & it totally sucks.

but bro lifes a fucking sine function describing the oscillations of our existence. pucks are gonna go in. just forget them. think of the puck like its a grain of sand. let it disappear into the waves of ur ocean if that makes sense.

the forwards have their line, the dmen have their partners, but you—-u bro, u got the poles and ur resilience.

being a goalie’s hard. so go with the flow. :-)

so there you go New England Clams. just stuff to think about in the crease. 

-J

anonymous asked:

I know you've getting a lot of headcanon requests about the boys, but do you have any about the imprints???

YES I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS OK I’M EXCLUDING RENESMEE BC I HAVE NO HEADCANONS FOR HER SORRY LOL

- let’s first get real here for a minute the wolf girls are always sorta portrayed as this group of lovely, sweet, well-rounded women and while this is very true, every woman has her bat-shit crazy moments and quirky habits, so let’s DIVE RIGHT IN
- Kim is a naturally sweet and incredibly kind girl. She’s one of those people that are so nice that they’re a borderline pushover sometimes, but when Kim gets angry– Good Lord of Earth and Heaven she gets angry.
- Kim will kinda just burst (like a werewolf) in anger and she turns into this TERRIFYING tiny demon spawn that even Jared runs away from sometimes. Everyone kinda just backs away from her (both in respect and fear that she’ll permanently maim them) to let her vent her lashing anger.
- Emily, at first, was actually proper SHIT at baking because she rarely ever tasted her words due to her diabetes– like, Sam at first was ofc supportive and was all like “Yeha Emily!!1!1™!!1!!1!” but in his head he’s like “I Can’t Believe The Woman Screwed Up Pancakes It’s Like I’m Eating Tar I Love U Emily But U Can’t Bake For Shit”. By the time Paul and Jared phase, she’s gotten a bit better, but she’s still kinda trash tbh lbr here and Paul and Jared know that but Sam forces them to “enjoy” her “muffins” at the table and needs to alpha order them not to barf on one occasion. By the time Embry rolls around, Emily’s baking has improved existentially– so much so that Embry, even after years of phasing, refuses to believe Paul, Jared, and Sam that her muffins used to be as hard as hockey pucks. After years, Emily never finds out. Sam swears on his life that she’ll only find out when he’s on his deathbed.
- Rachel has a strange snorty and gaspy laugh, and as a kid, she was SUUUUUPER self-conscious about it, so she got into the habit of pinching her nose to make herself stop laughing so hard. Paul obviously finds her laugh incredibly amusing, but at the end of the day, he’s just happy to know that she’s happy enough to laugh her weird laugh. (this is based off of Tanaya Beatty’s ((the actress who played Rachel in the movie)) actual habit of apparently sometimes pinching her nose while she laughs.)
- ALL the imprints have to strongly discourage their partners from dropping hints of being a werewolf to their class-mates and teachers just so they can “see if they catch on”
- “NO JARED U CANNOT BOOK ANOTHER DAY OFF WORK DURING THE FULL MOON OK EVEN UR DENSE WHITE CO-WORKERS ARE STARTING TO GET SUSPICIOUS STOP”
- Claire actually grows up and is very conflicted as to what her sexual orientation is. Quil’s sorta suspected all this time that she wouldn’t just be straight. (Rmbr these are my personal headcanons ok lmao) Claire decides eventually that she’s bi! :-)) yay claire
- Everyone tends to think that Emily is more of the control freak when it comes to her home, but SAM is actually the one who goes out of his way to clean the house in a specific way. (It’s probably him subconsciously projecting his alpha-ness onto other things in life.) He keeps all his shirts in a certain order, puts them back on the exact same hanger, arranges the tv remotes a certain way, etc etc. Emily is more of a “I’ll clean when it gets messy” type of person when it comes to pretty much anything but the dishes. The one thing she cannot stand though is having her pillows sat on by bare boy butts and shedding hair. It took a good chunk of time, and a few paasing arguments here and there, but they manage now.
- Idk the exact timeline of Paul imprinting on Rachel, but in my head, he imprints on her maybe 2 months before the big Salty Volturi v Cullen and Friends: Dawn of Justice premiere. At this point, Rachel knows of the imprint but wants to take it day by day, much to Paul’s disappointment lmao. ANYWAYS, right before the pack leaves to stand alongside the Cullens, Rachel and Paul are stood awkwardly unknowing of what to do as the rest of the imprints kiss and embrace and corny shit. They settle for an awkward, yet tight hug, and Paul just phases when Rachel suddenly calls out his name in a strangled voice and comes sprinting (concerningly quickly) to his furry ass. Rachel just sorta leaps onto his wolfy neck and honestly probably chokes the poor boy. Her hair is in his mouth and nose and he’s allergic to her perfume (which is another headcanon i have hollup) and Brady and Collin are awwing and teasing him but he doesn’t give a shit becase all he hears is Rachel’s shaky voice asking him to “please come back to me”. It’s that moment that Paul swears to all the Quileute spirits and ancestors he knows of that he’ll always come back to her.
- CONTINUING ON WITH RACHEL AND PAUL CUTENESS,, Rachel has a VERY distinct and demure perfume that Paul has a “hilarious” as dubbed by Jared allergic reaction to. Rachel knows that Paul’s highly sensitive mongrel nose tends to get incredibly itchy and sneezy when she’s around, but she can’t bear to not wear it because it’s the closest she’s got to her late mother’s own perfume. Sarah Black’s perfume bottle, which Rachel found underneath her parents’ bed when she was 14, sits on her windowsill sadly. Rachel often stares at it when she’s thinking of her mum, and when Paul notices, he starts putting Rachel’s favorite flowers in the little perfume bottle. (Yes that’s right kids Paul is a romantic and sincere little shit). He tries his very best to make sure the little bottle has fresh flowers everyday because he caught Rachel tearing up at wilted ones once. Rachel and Paul never really talk about it– it’s just something he does and he knows she’s endlessly grateful for it.
- Kim’s bedroom window overlooks the north side of the rez forest. That area is convienently where Paul and Jared are usually assigned to patrol. Kim (being Kim) catches on to the patrol schedule pretty quickly and has a small calendar tacked up right next to her window of who’s patrolling her side of the border and when. She actually gets so good at picking up the patrol schedules that when the pack asks what the schedule is for that week Kim will without really thinking immediately rattle off the hours and territories and routes before Sam can even open his mouth to take a breath. The first time it happens the pack is stunned, but after a while, the wolves stop asking Sam and end up just asking Kim. Sam even mentions to her when random changes are made and talks to her about which wolf would be best and where.
- ANYWAYS CONTINUING ON MY ACTUAL POINT,, Jared (inconveniently) is often given the graveyard shift. Kim likes to keep her window open for fresh air and natural noise, and likes to keep an eye out for a familiar brown or gray wolf. She tends to sleep less without Jared anyways, so she just sketches or watches a movie on her phone posted by the window to see if she can get a flash of Paul or Jared out in the trees. Her sleep schedule gets shifted so drastically that she (much to both Paul and Jared’s constant horror) falls asleep with a limb or her HEAD dangling out the window.
- Everytime this happens, Jared or Paul, (whoever finds her in that position) phase out and climb the tree to her window and fix her back into bed, and at first it’s a serious job but now they’re both like: “Fuckin hell Jared ur girlfriend’s head is hanging out of her window like she was just murdered AGAIN” “THIS IS NOT MY FAULT PAUL CAN U JUST PLEASE GET HER BACK IN2 BED PLS BEFORE SHE SENDS UP FALLING TO THE GROUND THNX”
- Claire at one point growing up goes through a phase where she really dislikes being around the pack. (She’s at that “I’m twelve/thirteen I’m grown up” phase at that point) And the pack just continues to treat her like a young child because they all seem to forget she’s not the overly enthusiastic two year old she used to be. Claire just fumes at the dinner table sometimes at the age jokes and in her head just thinks “Uncle Jake has used that dumb “when u grow up” line at least 7 times at dinner today one day I’m gonna poison his kibble and Quil won’t stop me just watch”
- Claire eventually grows out of that phase when she grows into her prank phase and throws a bit of peanut butter (which Jake is STILL allergic to) in Jacob’s sandwiches and watches his face do, by her words, “the thing”. Quil is not surprisingly her faithful partner in crime.
- SEX WITH THE BOYS REQUIRES A BACHELOR’S DEGREE IN SCIENCE AND CHEMISTRY BECAUSE LBR HERE THEY’RE 108/42 DEGREES AND PROBABLY HAVE HUUUUUUUUUUUGE DONGS SOME WARNING IS NEEDED HERE
- When Emily practically faints her second time boning with Sam because the room + Sam’s body heat + La Push summer + sex = might as well be in a sauna, she decides to create, in her head (bc Sam strongly discouraged Emily from actually typing this out onto paper) a crash-course on: “ Wolf-Girls 1100: An Introduction on How to Bone Your Overly Affectionate Mongrel Safely”.
- Rules such as: “do it in winter with all the windows open!” have some complications as sound seems to travel as fast as vampires around La Push, but the rule “NEVER DO THE DO UNDER THE SHEETS OR U WILL DIE” is foolproof and stands the test of lengthy time.
- Kim is horrified and blushes deeply at Professor Emily Young’s lengthy lecture, Rachel just raises an eyebrow and takes mental notes, Renesmee takes all the advice with grace and thanks Emily profusely for her knowledge, and Claire is just surprised Emily didn’t go as far as to publish and distribute a full text-book on this course.

Ahhhhh how I love my wolf-girls ❤❤.

Hi, Honey

“Honey, I just left a silly voicemail on your phone, please don’t listen to it,” Bitty says on the other line, his voice stuffy like he’s been crying. “Delete it.”

“Wait, what? Bits. What’s wrong?

Jack’s heart is racing as he slides into his car, phone pressed hard against his ear. His shirt is damp from the rain, making it stick to his skin. He’s cold all over, from the worry or the weather he doesn’t know. There’d been… what, ten missed calls from Bitty? More?

“… Jack, I… I…,” Bitty starts, long stretches of silence between the words. “… Can we talk?”

Jack’s stomach nearly drops through the floor. He knows what those words mean, said them himself, before, once. Hearing them tumble out of Bitty’s mouth in a rush sets Jack’s whole world off balance. His head feels dizzy, and his throat is tightening up like he might cry, or puke. Outside, the rain beats heavy against his car, and there’s a thunder clap in the distance that rattles his bones.

“Yeah. Yes,” Jack forces out, his mouth dry.

Keep reading

Hockey Scare

Requested: imagine where you fall through the ice while playing hockey with shawn and aaliyah?

Masterlist

~~~

You’re at a little pond near Shawn’s house in Canada. Since it’s winter, the pond is frozen over. You, Shawn, and Aaliyah decided to come down here for the afternoon to play hockey, just for fun. You’ve got the puck and you’re racing down the ice, with Shawn on your heals. All of a sudden the ground disappears from under you and you’re freezing and splashing around. It takes you a second to realize you’ve fallen through the ice and you’re in the water below the surface. You try your best to swim, but your skates are heavy and you’re starting to drown. You hear Shawn yelling, and then suddenly there are strong arms grabbing your hands. Shawn pulls you out of the water and moves you away from the dangerous ice. He’s breathing hard. And only now can you make out that he’s speaking. “Shit, are you okay? Y/n, talk to me!”

“I’m fine.” You say, breathing hard. “Thanks for saving me.”

“Fuck, you scared me.”

“I’m cold.” You say, your lips chattering as the water on you begins to freeze, your whole body and all your clothes are soaked. Shawn stands up and grabs you. He carries you all the way back to your house, despite you telling him that you can walk. Aaliyah has to jog next to him to keep up with his fast pace. Once you reach his house, he gets you into a warm shower, and waits for you with hot chocolate, tons of blankets, and cuddles to make sure you’re okay when you get out.

Out Of Context Announcers // Hockey // 10/05/17-Penguins vs Blackhawks (Home Opener)

10/05/17-Penguins vs Blackhawks (Home Opener)

(pregame)

“They’ve always been loose”

“He finds those areas to get his shot off”

“He doesn’t have to play with it”

(game)

“Brian Rust coming back really hard on Schmaltz”

“A lot bigger and a lot beefier”

“Nice move for Patrick Kane in a tight area”

“Putting it in deep”

“Just as he gets the shot off”

“Tipped it loose”

“Got a good shot off”

“Pressured by Richard Panik”

“Now in deep is Saad”

“Sharp trying to dangle on Schultz”

“Anisimov bangs it around Haglin”

“Corey Crawford makes himself big”

“Forsling getting in”

“Kessel tapped it in”

“He’s a little quicker too”

“Getting pucks deep and wearing them down”

“Had a nice D to D play”

“A wide open Sheary”

“In it goes”

“Guentzel going down”

“Hayden went down”

“Kessels got that quick release”

“The Hawks have had their way with the Penguins”

“Came away with it”

End Score: Penguins-1 / Blackhawks-10 (TEN?! YES TEN!)

F2F || PUCK & MARLEY

Blaine knew it wasn’t particularly easy for Marley to show up at the hospital. Especially after Santana confessed what Puck was doing that night. But for whatever reason she likes him and he knew that before she could even admit it to herself. Finding which hospital room he was in wasn’t that difficult and once he got there he noticed an older lady asleep in the chair and decided not to wake her. Sitting down beside the bed he looked over at Puck, who even looked intimidating asleep and sat in silence for a moment. Clearing his throat he had no real plan on things he would say so he just spoke. “It’s really hard for Marley to come here. I think she thinks this is her fault and I really need you to wake up and tell her it’s not. She really likes you and part of me hates that because of how you’ve always acted. Maybe you are different but I can’t believe that until I see it. She deserves ten times better than you and I think we both know it. Just don’t screw this up Puckerman or I’m being dead serious when I say you’ll- ” he stop speaking when he felt something touch his hand and when he opened his eyes he saw Puck opening his and he backed away because his first thought was he was gonna kick his ass but he just whispered for water in a raspy voice. Doing as he asked he got him water and then went to wake up his mom. Walking out into the hall he picked up his phone and texted Marley. ‘He’s awake if you want to see him. There’s a few hours of visiting left.’

i-chew-on-pushpins  asked:

Lamilla on their first date?? Or if you dont ship them maybe zimbits and Halloween?

how about ALL OF IT

Okay it’s the Halloween with the puck Bunny costume. Bitty’s been sending selfies to Jack all night long. poor Jack, caught in a super boring Halloween event in Providence, spends his time with his head in his phone and getting redder with every single text. At some point George has to go talk to him because he’s even more silent than usual, and he doesn’t move fast enough so she happens to see the pic we all know. Jack wants to DIE. George knows about them, though, so it’s not SO bad? But she still chuckles and chirps him about his puck bunny and also, please Jack, just say hi to one or two sponsors? And also, haha isn’t that your adorable team manager in hockey gear she looks so sweet (I got something about older Lardo dating George okay sue me)

But that night Lardo is busy looking elsewhere because Camilla Collins, most beautiful girl in school is there, dressed like a hamburger, and Lardo has never wanted her more. They have talked before but not so much? But at one point Lardo ends up beating her at beer pong but it was HARD because Camilla plays tennis, alright, she has accuracy. And Lardo compliments her costume and Camilla laughs, saying the woman tennis team made a pact to go against the sexualisation of female costumes on halloween and they picked the baggiest things they could find. She points at a Hulk with fake muscles, a Mister Potato Head, and a cowboy riding a horse, all members of the women’s tennis team. They spend the night talking, drinking, dancing, and at some point they just leave because when Nursey starts dancing on tables things get rowdy.

And they walk around the lake, a hamburger and a hockey bro, and at some point when they’ve both sobered up, they end up holding hands, and Lardo will never admit it but she’s blushing so much and… they have their first kiss on a bridge, the most romantic place to kiss when you’re a hockey bro and a hamburger.