Survivor - An Azriel Fic

Hello, everyone. Time for another rather somber fic. This is part of my writing challenge found here . Please check out my other fics!

I want to share a little backstory about this story before I post it. I want to begin by saying that Azriel means a lot to me. He is a burn survivor, like me. A few years ago I was trapped in a burning building and had 2nd degree burns over 15% on my body (mostly legs). 

I had to learn a lot of lessons over the past few years, the heaviest one was to be accepting of my new self. That just because I was not burned as bad as others have been, I have been through an equally traumatic event. That I do not always have to be strong. That I survived. 

I have incorporated a lot of myself into this fic because I see myself in Azriel. It shows that no matter how long ago it was, the flashbacks can be completely debilitating. It never truly leaves you, and that’s okay. PTSD is something that I am learning to live with.

I wanted to show Azriel in a state that we aren’t accustomed to seeing. Just because he is okay on the outside, does not mean he is on the inside. It is so easy to trigger it. Just looking at fire is enough for me. This story was incredibly hard for me to write. I had to stop a couple of times to refrain from having flashbacks of my own. This took me a few days to write as I had to completely walk away.

Summary - Azriel has trouble keeping himself composed while Feyre is practicing with Cassian.

Keep reading

facts about PTSD

PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) is NOT a mental illness. - it is a psychological injury. 

how does your brain change with ptsd ? 

hippocampus shrinks 

this area helps us distinguish past and present memories. 

increased activity in the amygdala   

helps us process emotions and is also linked to fear responses. 

ventromedial prefrontal cortex shrinks

this region regulates negative emotions that occur when confrontation with specific stimuli. 

these changes in the brain chemistry are the reasons why only treatments such as EMDR and CBT can fully reverse the effects of PTSD . 

(information to follow about these therapies.)

post traumatic stress disorder is a normal reaction to extreme trauma. just like bleeding is a normal reaction to getting stabbed.
—  unknown
cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that aims to help you manage your problems by changing how you think and act.

Trauma-focused CBT uses a range of psychological treatment techniques to help you come to terms with the traumatic event.

For example, your therapist may ask you to confront your traumatic memories by thinking about your experience in detail. During this process your therapist helps you cope with any distress you feel, while identifying any unhelpful thoughts or misrepresentations you have about the experience.

Your therapist can help you gain control of your fear and distress by changing the negative way you think about your experience. For example, feeling you’re to blame for what happened or fear that it may happen again.

You may also be encouraged to gradually restart any activities you’ve avoided since your experience, such as driving a car if you had an accident.

You’ll usually have 8-12 weekly sessions of trauma-focused CBT, although fewer may be needed. Sessions usually last for around 60-90 minutes.

fuck sad melancholic “looking out to the sunset crying while clutching her blue crown of roses” Lyanna tho.

gimme angry, resentful, exasperated, unkept, regretful, PTSD, judging, self hating “aware of how much everything has fucked up but resolute to make things right for the baby” Lyanna.

this is the woman who saw a man be bullied and put on armor to fucking avenge him and humilliate his tormentors, you think she gets locked in a tower and stays all sad, combing her hair everyday putting on her crown of roses waiting for Rhaegar? fuck that. She sassed her “guardians”, she didn’t bother with blue dresses if she was locked up she was gonna be comfortable, she cursed her thoughtlessnes (and Rhaegar’s). She promised to her belly she would do right and mend stuff. She would justify herself saying the sexist society left her no choice then berate herself and frown all day at all she caused.

I get it, she died in childbirth locked up, it was tragic and sad. That’s her story but not HER. That’s not Lyanna “a touch of the wolfblood” Stark. Do her right, please.

June is PTSD Awareness Month!

If you don’t know what PTSD is here’s a rundown of it-

PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but what is it exactly?

It’s an anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening or distressing events. The type of events that can cause PTSD include: serious road accidents. violent personal assaults, such as sexual assault, mugging or robbery, and abuse.

What are some symptoms of PTSD?

PTSD is a mental health condition that’s triggered by a terrifying event. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

People may experience: 
Behavioral: agitation, irritability, hostility, hypervigilance, self-destructive behavior, or social isolation
Psychological: flashback, fear, severe anxiety, or mistrust
Mood: inability to feel pleasure, guilt, or loneliness
Sleep: insomnia or nightmares
Also common: emotional detachment or unwanted thoughts     

What kind of people get diagnosed for PTSD?

They range from about 3 to 60+ years of age, most people often think of veterans of war when thinking about this condition but it could really effect anyone! If you’ve experienced trauma chances are that you may develop some form of PTSD whether it be mild or severe.

PTSD is a chronic condition that cannot be cured, but you can receive treatment for it! The treatment, of course, consists of therapy, which you could either get from a run-of-the-mill therapist or a specialist.

Thank you, and I hope this helps a few people this month!

June is PTSD Awareness Month

so just a heads up:

I am currently, and am going to be until this awareness month ends, talking and posting as much as I can about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, how it works, how it affects day to day life, how much it changes you as a person, etc.

However, this is not an open invitation to say things like, “what you went through made you the person you are today!” or any other bright side cliches.

my trauma did not make me a better person.

my trauma did not make me wiser.

my trauma was not a necessary part of ‘building my character’.

my trauma was just that, TRAUMA.

I do not celebrate it, I do not embrace it, and PTSD is not an award I was handed for surviving that trauma.

PTSD is just one more thing I have to SURVIVE through every day, on top of the multiple diseases I already deal with.

I am fairly open about it.
but I am NOT okay with it.