Sometimes the hardest thing to accept about abusers/toxic relationships is that these people care(d) about you, or at least thought they did.

It’s easy to think of stereotypical ‘abusers’ as these Big Bad Monsters who have no regard for your wellbeing.
It’s easy but it isn’t always true.

They may well be like that, but they might also be that one person from school who always texts to make sure you’re okay. They might be the family member that tries to cheer you up. They might be the friend you’ve had for as long as you can remember.
There is no template for abuse and there is no template for abusers, everyone experiences it differently.

No matter how much these people care about you or love you, if they are abusing you it is absolutely okay to cut them out of your life.
You don’t owe them anything because of how they might feel about you.

I want to talk
about what happened
without mentioning
how much it hurt.
There has to be a way.
To care for the wounds
Without reopening them.
To name the pain
without inviting it back
into me
—  If there is a way, I’ll take it.

And sometimes you’re sure
you don’t exist,
that this body you possess isn’t real.

And your thoughts are a puzzle,
impossible to stitch the parts back together,
like
you’ve lost the final piece.

—  charleigh aleyna.
Do's and Don't's for helping someone through a PTSD flashback!

So personally I have PTSD. Everyone has different coping skills and ways of getting through their flashbacks, and these are some of the things that help me, personally. Feel free to add anything you think night be helpful and feel free to reblog to help those who also struggle with this horrible mental illness.

DO’s:
*separate the person from a large group. Large groups personally make everything worse. Get them to a quiet, secluded area as quickly and as quietly as you can, it will decrease anxiety so fast.

*give the person an ice cube to hold. The cold is painful enough that it brings the oersons senses back to reality and out of their flashback, but it isn’t too damaging.

*talk to the person,if they are willing, about what they are seeing. Remind that person in soft and quiet tones that you are not their abuser, and that they are safe.

*ask for permission before you touch them!!! Personally if someone I don’t know touches me when I’m having a flashback I get so much worse. If I haven’t given you permission to touch me DO NOT DO IT!

*give the person a distraction. Be it a quiet cartoon, soft classical music. Something calming and not too overstimulating.


DON’T’S

*DON’T speak in a loud voice. This makes us think you are angry, or upset that we are having an episode. It will make an even worse and I will find the closest thing to hide under.

*DON’T raise your hands or move too quickly. My biggest fear during an episode is that I’m going to be hit so seeing raised arms or fast movements will scare me really badly.

*DON’T tell the person that it’s all in their head. This is not only redundant but it makes us feel even stupider and more vulnerable.

*DON’T panic yourself. I know that helping us through our episode can be stressful but please do not panic. It will set us off even harder. I feel more vulnerable and susceptible to others emotions and if you panic, I will too.

Just some useful stuff that personally helps me. As I said feel free to add to this or reblog it to maybe help someone else. C:

🌸 To all my trauma survivors that came forward about their experiences, I love you and you’re strong 🌸

🌸 To all my abuse survivors that stood strong enough to see their abusers get put in jail, I love you and you’re strong 🌸

🌸 To all my csa survivors who were too afraid to say anything at all, I love you and you’re strong too honeybun 🌸

You all have been through so much and I couldn’t be more proud to see you begin your recoveries!!!! Wishing you the best!!!!