“If there is one thing I’ve learned in thirty years as a psychotherapist, it is this: If you can let your experience happen, it will release its knots and unfold, leading to a deeper, more grounded experience of yourself. No matter how painful or scary your feelings appear to be, your willingness to engage with them draws forth your essential strength.”
I have a history for honouring my New Year’s resolutions. I got married, changed jobs and lost weight after I decided thatthat specific year would be the year to do so.
This year I have several resolutions in my mind, things I want to work on the next months of my life. Some probably have been in my head for years now, but this will be the year when I finally will make them happen, turn them into a reality.
1. First of all, I decided 2014 will be the year I will be happy. After two years of therapy, I’ve come to find that it does hang on my shoulders, that decision, to be happy. I know I still have a lot to work on, and I know that that will be a process that will continue for the rest of my life. I just don’t want to wait until such process is done, until my life is ending, for happiness to start. Every single day in 2014, I will strive to be happy. Even if its just for that day. One day at the time.
I understand that this is quite the resolution to work on. I foresee a lot of work ahead and I know I can’t possibly fathom all the things it will entail. Maybe I will get a divorce, maybe I will work harder on my marriage, maybe I will have an affair, or maybe I will get a wider concept of what is love and what means to me. I don’t know that, yet. What I know is that I’m excited to find out and ready to work my ass off.
2. I will start journaling. Weekly, because I know myself better now, to know that I don’t possess the discipline of doing so daily. It will help me become self aware, and further identify what makes me happy and develop a growth. I will record all the marvellous things that happen to me, all my great finds, my true likes and deep loves. Which book moved me, changed me, which movie left a message, which flower I stopped to smell that had some special fragrance, and keep it all safe in my memories. They can be treacherous and dismissive. I’ve already left too many flowers behind.
3. I will prep myself for a half marathon. I’ve already been toying with running, but this year I decided to become serious about it. I want to do it for different purposes: I want to lose weight, to get in shape, to be my fit self again. It will help me regain trust in myself. Also, I can use the challenge. I need to have a plausible goal to beat. I might not run the half marathon next year, but I will prepare all year long to run in February 2015.
4. Finally, I will improve my professional life. I will stop doing what I’m doing, and will start making things differently. I’ve been letting myself be defined by who my boss thinks I am, and this won’t roll anymore. I will be my most fabulous self and will not allow anyone to interfere in my growth. If possible, I will change routes of jobs. I want to get more creative and depend less and less on what people expect from me, and more on what I would like to get done.
I am not intending for this to become a metamorphosis. It is more finding myself, reconnecting with all the aspects in my life that will make me grow instead of being transformed into something else. After all, maybe it is a metamorphosis. I’ve got to revisit the concept. But I see it more like taking of, reminding myself of who I am, leaving behind whatever weights are preventing me from flying.
2014 will be the year I will become myself. Entirely.
Moim jednynym przyjacielem jest mój chlopak wszyscy sie ode mnie odwrocili nie chodzę do szkoly nie wychodze z domu jedyne co to raz w tygodniu na psychoterapie grupowa czuje sie taka odrzucona lecze się na depresje i fobie spoleczna moja najlepsza przyjaciółka sie do mnie nie odzywa zostawiła mnie jak zwykle :))