psychologist in training

The Only Exception (Part 6)

Summary: AU. Reader is given the task of running a popular love advice internet show when her coworker is fired. Her cynical attitude toward love makes her offer some harsh advice, and more than a few hearts are caught in the aftermath. Will hers be one of them?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 2,725

Warnings: language, angst, self-reflection, discomfort, melodrama, mentions of trauma, fire, rescue (of secondary character), sad thoughts. I don’t know. I’m no Shonda Rimes, but, tread lightly.

A/N under the cut.

Part - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7

Originally posted by theworldisworthagif

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So I want to talk about this scene:

Specifically, I want to talk about Finn’s motivation here, because I’ve been reading a lot of meta on the subject and it seems, according to fandom, he’s either a selfish coward who only needs Poe for his piloting skills, or he’s an altruistic hero who rescues Poe out of the goodness of his heart and then feigns selfishness so that Poe won't… I don’t know, think highly of him? Anyway, this bothers me, because either way it reduces a somewhat pivotal scene (in terms of character development, not to mention plot) to a simplistic black or white answer (no pun intended, though I am still side-eyeing huge swaths of this fandom) and that… just won’t do.

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In regards to the recent Sixpenceee Heals debacle...

I want to just add my two penneth’s worth. I am part of a DID system (traumagenic), have what might be bipolar disorder (NHS wouldn’t diagnose but I might try again over here), definitely have PTSD (therapist diagnosed me and then I had two years of treatment), depression, anxiety, insomnia (all diagnosed and treated by the therapist I mentioned above), and I was in an abusive relationship for almost six years.

The reason I’m saying all that is to just explain that I am coming at this as someone who has multiple mental illnesses, has had extensive therapy for the trauma I suffered, and understands that what’s been going on with Sixpenceee Heals is pretty damn screwed up.

Had I been a member of Tumblr as a young teen, I would have almost certainly tried out Sixpenceee Heals. Fourteen and fifteen agree- they were both very depressed and would have sought help anywhere, including a horror blogger who decided to “offer help” to struggling people.

The whole point of getting proper psychological help, given by a trained psychologist, is so that you can manage your condition/s and learn how to help yourself when your symptoms are screaming at you. Psychologists are there for you to explain your problems to and then for them to explain where those problems might have come from. In our experience as a DID system, we were only able to stabilise once we had been seeing our therapist for a long while. Almost two years, in fact, and then she added extra sessions on to make sure we were working cohesively as a system.

Sixpenceee was trying to emulate THAT.

That’s a huge problem in itself. My therapist was trained in trauma and understood that my recovery, and the health of the system I belong to, was a long haul thing. No dime-a-dozen Google search results will heal that. Hell, we aren’t sure if some of our scars will ever truly heal, but a good therapist understands that. Sixpenceee seemed to think that Dr Google would cure desperate, lonely, depressed people on Tumblr AND that it was ok to charge a fee ($30, no less!) for things I used to Google search myself during my depression.

Exploiting the mentally ill like that is so, so wrong. I’m horrified that Sixpenceee thought it was ok to charge a fee for Google search results. Being a counsellor, psychotherapist, psychiatrist or psychologist requires a lot of work and serious qualifications. Even being a mental health nurse, or a community psychiatric nurse, requires training (a lot) and medical board certified qualifications​. As far as any of us in the system are aware, Sixpenceee has none of those.

Giving out unlicensed advice for a fee is highly morally wrong, especially if the people receiving the advice are not well to the point where being told the wrong advice can literally affect their lives, possibly end up with them taking their lives. That’s so wrong. As an example of the wrong advice being given to someone, take me. When the system and I were fighting all the time, at odds with each other, I were told by my then boyfriend that my alters were not real. They were voices that my brain had made up and they were not real people. That lead us to fight more, take up self injury again, end up in hospital on a mental health ward and dissociate so badly we would lose big chunks of time. If Sixpenceee were to give out advice like that… Imagine the damage it could do.

Please, please do not sign up for anything like that unless you know that it is a registered programme with licensed therapists. Please believe that you are worth more than that. Please know that there are many online and phone line counselling services, and please go to A and E/ER if you are suicidal. Please. Honestly, you’re worth much more than you currently believe.

To any of Sixpenceee’s followers who still think she made a mistake… I’m sorry, but she didn’t. Anyone who monetises internet search results has only one thing on their mind, and it most certainly is not helping others.

Stay safe, 27 xxx

anonymous asked:

To the person whose friend spoke to psychologists, I'm a psychologist and I want you, your friend, & their psychologist friends to know: 1. Most psychologists receive extremely poor training on ace/aro issues, 2. Like most of the population, many haven't even heard of asexual (and aromantic), 3. DSM-5 clearly refers to asexuality as a valid non-pathological identity on p.434 and 443, 4. Any friend who comes back w 'evidence' to dispute and invalidate you needs to take a hard look at themselves.

Also, I’m Ace spec AND a psychologist. And it’s not a phase (unless you call 25 years of noticing this abt myself a phase, LOL). A growing body of research keeps showing what we already know. Asexuality is real. It’s not even debated in the psychological field. You are valid. Some psychologists have never even heard of pansexual or agender. I mean… :/ There are a lot who just haven’t received the education or come across these before. Doesn’t make them not real, though.

Night In The Woods - Witches, Astral Projection, Dissociation, and the Hole at the Center of Everything

Here’s my Night In The Woods theory out of left field because I love!!! this game! so! here we are. Lots of spoilers regarding literally everything so only read this if you’re familiar with at least one complete playthrough of the game. Sorry if this doesn’t have the best structure, I’m still trying to condense my thoughts on it all a bit but I wanted to get this out there!

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VIDEO: Luke Evans on the Real Story Behind Wonder Woman

“Beauty and the Beast” co-star Luke Evans on his new projects, including “Professor Marston & the Wonder Women,” a movie about the Harvard-trained psychologist who created the Wonder Woman superhero character

anonymous asked:

fitzsimmons + jealousy

Here’s day five of my week-long blog anniversary celebration! The prompt was left pretty open to interpretation, so since I’ve only been able to think about current canon, I set it after all of the Framework nonsense. Thank you for the prompt anon, and I hope this is close to what you were looking for!

Set post Season 4 (with some spoilers for 4x21), and in which Fitzsimmons still can’t communicate to save their lives, but they’re willing to learn how to. 


Jemma Simmons had never considered herself a jealous person. In fact, she’d always been comfortable and sure of who she was and what she had, so there’d never even been room for jealousy in her life. But, as she’d begun to learn over the past couple of years, when it came to the most precious thing her life, all limits or reasoning seemed to all-but disappear.

And this was especially obvious as Jemma peered through the window into the newly repaired lab, watching as Fitz chatted with Dr. Elise Evans, shoulders shaking as they shared a joke and a private smile.

She actually really liked the specially-trained psychologist Coulson had brought in after the Framework to help those with two lives living inside of their heads (and those who had been horrified witnesses to it all), thought she was kind and insightful and a fantastic listener. But, the problem was, she was also beautiful, with big green eyes and flowing auburn hair and also in possession of an apparent liking for Jemma’s boyfriend.

Jemma’s hands tightened their grip around her half-empty cup of tea as she stewed over how unprofessional this all was, though the sickening twist of her stomach and the bitter taste of anger on her tongue told her that her reaction actually had very little to do with professionalism.

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The Grumpy Man in Blue

Paring: Leonard McCoy/Reader

Tags: female reader, reader is a doctor, psychologists, fluff and angst, medicine, outer space, divorce, tenderness.

Summary: Reader is aboard the USS Enterprise, and works with Dr. McCoy. Or, known to as his staff as the grumpy guy, which everyone tries to take advantage of, and try and make him not be his sarcastic self for a while. Or, at least until a special guy from HQ comes down to give Reader a heads up on her boss…

Notes: You have no idea how much I love Bones. He’s my favourite in Star Trek for the simple reason that he’s so sarcastic and I love metaphors. If I ever met Bones, he’d be first, much, much taller than me, and more importantly, much better than me because I would be nearly useless out in space on the Enterprise. Unless they want a creative writer?? Or even an assistant? That’s basically my use in life. 

I actually pre-wrote this when I was getting my wisdom teeth out (all four out in the dentist’s chair). 

Word Count: 2,040

Posting Date:  2016-09-18

Current Date: 2017-05-23

Originally posted by steverogiers

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This is for an anon request for a Requiem AU:  Starts at Requiem- Scully is taken and pregnant and it’s Mulder looking for her again. Read part One  part Two  part Three  part Four  part Five  part Sixpart Seven part Eight  part Nine  part Ten


Mulder wakes in the early hours. He’s surprised he slept at all. He is always surprised. Sleep still feels like a luxury. But the dream this time was so real. He can still feel the impression of her against his skin and he hugs himself in a desperate bid to recreate the embrace. The embrace where he finds her, pulls her to him, swears he’ll never let her go again. He shudders out a sob, a small bubble of a noise that erupts into loud, wracking heaves. He cries until he is dry.

I’m pregnant, Mulder. I need you to find us.

Samantha as an adult was not quite as he expected. He held an image in his mind all those years but how can you ever know what a child will look like as an adult? Samantha had the same curly dark brown hair as his childhood photo but her face was stretched and the proportions seemed all wrong. He remembered her cheeky grin, her chin dimple, her wonderment at everything. But this woman who claimed to be her was nothing like his memories. How could that be? How could someone you were so close to become someone so different? He felt guilty just thinking it, but his trained psychologist mind told him over and over that shock would do that, that he just needed time, that the idea of a bond for life was just that – an idea. But she wasn’t his sister. She wasn’t Samantha. She was a clone. He had been duped.  

After, when he was well enough to think about it, he understood that he knew all along that something was not quite right. He had willingly sacrificed Samantha for Scully, didn’t even think about it. Maybe because, deep inside, he knew it wasn’t her. Because he truly believed she was gone.

The clusters of UFOs continue to buzz around the skies, hidden from the eyes of those who won’t acknowledge their existence. The gunmen keep him updated. One weekend he takes a drive to the nearest site. He sleeps in his car, shivering against the cool night air, but feeling alive for the first time in months. There is cloud but he stares through it, imagining the crafts pinballing through the skies. He has spent his life fascinated by these things, the thought of not being alone. His quest to find other life has been his reason, his motivation, the salve for his soul since Samantha disappeared. And yet now, he is terrified. Scully is out there. Not the truth, not the validation of his life’s work. Scully. His love.

I’m pregnant, Mulder. I need you to find us.

              “I need a sign, Scully. Give me something.”

Types of Mental Health Professionals

                     Which mental health professional is right for me?  There are many types of mental health professionals. Finding the right one for you may require some research. Below is a listing of types of mental health treatment professionals to help you understand the differences between the services they provide.                                    

The following mental health professionals can prescribe medication; however, they may not provide therapy:

  • Psychiatrist – A medical doctor with special training in the diagnosis and treatment of mental and emotional illnesses.  A psychiatrist can prescribe medication, but they often do not counsel patients.
  • Child/Adolescent Psychiatrist – A medical doctor with special training in the diagnosis and treatment of emotional and behavioral problems in children.  Child and Adolescent psychiatrists can also precribe medication; however, they may not provide psychotherapy.
  • Psychiatric or Mental Health Nurse Practitioner – A registered nurse practitioner with a graduate degree and specialized training in the diagnosis and treatment of mental and emotional illness.

Additionally, your Primary Care Physician, Physician’s Assistant or Nurse Practiotioner (depending on your state) are often qualified to provide medication.

The following mental health professionals can provide psychological assessments and therapy; however, cannot generally prescribe medications (although some states will allow it):

  • Clinical Psychologist – A psychologist with a doctoral degree in psychology from an accredited/designated program in psychology.  Psychologists are trained to make diagnoses and provide individual and group therapy.
  • School Psychologist – A psychologist with an advanced degree in psychology from an accredited/designated program in School Psychology.  School Psychologists are trained to make diagnoses, provide individual and group therapy, and work with school staff to maximize efficiency in the schools setting.

The following mental health professionals can provide counseling; however, cannot prescribe medication:

  • Clinical Social Worker – A counselor with a masters degree in social work from an accredited graduate program. Trained to make diagnoses, provide individual and group counseling, and provide case management and advocacy; usually found in the hospital setting.
  • Licensed Professional Counselor – A counselor with a masters degree in psychology, counseling or a related field. Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling.
  • Mental Health Counselor – A counselor with a masters degree and several years of supervised clinical work experience. Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling.
  • Certified Alcohol and Drug Abuse Counselor – Counselor with specific clinical training in alcohol and drug abuse. Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling.
  • Nurse Psychotherapist – registered nurse who is trained in the practice of psychiatric and mental health nursing. Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling.
  • Marital and Family Therapist – counselor with a masters degree, with special education and training in marital and family therapy. Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling.
  • Pastoral Counselor – clergy with training in clinical pastoral education Trained to diagnose and provide individual and group counseling.
  • Peer Specialist– counselor with lived experience with mental health or substance use conditions.  Assists clients with recovery by recognizing and developing strengths, and setting goals.  Many peer support programs require several hours of training.

Other Therapists – therapist with an advance degree trained in specialized forms of therapy.  Examples include art therapist, music therapist.

anonymous asked:

Is there any way to control your adhd with out the use of medication? And if so how?

There are definitely ways to manage your life when you have ADHD that don’t require medication. Our “treatment options” tag has information about that.

I personally am not taking medication right now. I still consider it to be where people should go first, because it’s often the best immediate solution and because without it the other stuff is really hard to implement.

Since there have been a few asks lately looking for information about this, I’m going to quickly outline what I consider the key points in any ADHD treatment plan, instead of directing everyone to the tags like I have been.

Medication - This is the first-run option. Several types of stimulant and non-stimulant medications are available to treat ADHD. A lot of people never get past this component of a treatment plan, and that’s not great because you need to be prepared if you have to stop taking medication for some reason.

Diet - A good diet that has lots of protein (not like ridiculously high, just higher than average) is important for good brain function. Other important components here include Omega-3 fatty acids (found in eggs and fish, for the most part) and plenty of vegetables, as well as complex carbohydrates (e.g., whole wheat bread and pasta, beans, potatoes).

Exercise - Regular exercise (especially cardio) is amazingly good for your brain! It wakes up your entire body and keeps dopamine in your system, which is great since dopamine is one of the primary neurotransmitters involved in ADHD.

Sleep - When we sleep, our bodies do a bunch of things like healing and rejuvenating. Our brains do that, but they also work through all of the events of the day, committing things to long-term memory and stuff like that. We need to make sure we’re getting at least eight hours of sleep per night to make sure our brains are functioning at their best.

Supplements - Krill oil (or other fish oil), rhodiola, reishi, and other supplements listed here (my father-in-law’s business) can be helpful in promoting optimum functioning. Dr Amen also has some suggestions in his book Healing ADHD.

ADHD Coaching - ADHD coaches help you learn, develop, and implement strategies that work for you, so that you can better manage your ADHD symptoms and be able to do well if you have to stop taking medication.

Talk Therapy - Sometimes you have a lot of stuff you need to work through, so this can be very helpful, whether you see a counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) - This is a type of behavioural therapy where the practitioner (a psychologist or social worker with training in CBT) helps you think through your behaviours and come up with better ways to react to different situations.

Meditation - If you’re able to meditate, this can be really helpful in getting your mind centred and teaching your brain to actually concentrate or focus on what you want it to.

Mindfulness - This is something I’ve been hearing more about lately, and it seems to be about getting us to focus on the actual now and the immediate future, rather than dwelling on the past or thinking really far into the future. Being truly present in the moment instead of jumping ahead in conversations or tuning out because something else caught our attention.

I’m sure I’ve missed something, but this is just an overview of the things I have read about or implemented myself. As you can see, there are lots of options for managing your ADHD! And like I said at the beginning, even if you take medication your treatment plan needs to include at least diet, exercise, and sleep as well. Coaching is another good thing to include.


House Party

No one threw a party like Selina Kyle. That was the unspoken fact about Gotham’s underground. If Gatsby had a long-lost sister, Selina would be the one mourning over his maudlin, fool-in-love life at the funeral. Rumor had it the last one she threw, there had been a live cheetah roaming her mansion, but Oswald had a tendency to over-exaggerate.

“And…why are you inviting me?” Ivy brushed her fingers along the potted plants Penguin had set up on the low divider walls between tables. He had obviously thought them a lovely novelty, but the lilium longiflorum was poisonous to most mammals. She hoped Selina remembered to wash her hands. “You’re the one who regularly calls me a wet blanket, hm?”

“The wettest,” Selina smirked around the thin straw in her mouth. Her brows furrowed and her expression embittered.

“Not to your liking?”

“No, that sounded…much less sexual in my head,” she frowned, trying to readjust her body language. “Hey, cut the crap, ragweed!”

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I still don’t really understand why of all psychological terms they (read: Natasha, not a trained psychologist) went with in Iron Man 2, they went with narcissism. 

Psychologically, ‘narcissism’ has a different meaning than ‘extreme love of oneself,’ which does not fit Tony at all. According to google it means: extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

And I mean, it’s not that I can’t see that, in a way? It’s just that the whole movie you have Tony basking in adoration for the Stark Expo or just being Iron Man and doing attention-seeking acts, but it wasn’t done because it made him happy, it was done out of fear because he was dying. And Natasha’s right there and she’s not stupid, she can see this (and in fact she actively encourages his downward spiral at one point but that is a completely different story about Tony forever has the right to throw SHIELD out on their asses.)

Not many Tony Stark fans are going to tell you the man doesn’t have an ego (see: “I just build everything and make everyone look cool” from AoU) but there’s something to be said for being humble and there’s something to be said for literally building everything the Avengers are using and enjoying some bragging rights.

But the point is, I could see ‘egotism’ or egomania being the word they/she went with because Tony, for all that I just made excuses and for all that he ‘took care’ of Pepper and Rhodey, didn’t really seem to take their actual feelings into account in Iron Man 2 and was pretty damned focused on himself. Understandable but also kinda messed up.

And nevermind that narcissism as Natasha was talking about it is an actual mental disorder. And now the darker parts of the fandom use the word like its gospel.

It just - it doesn’t reflect badly on just Tony, but Natasha and SHIELD too because these people are supposed to be intelligent. “Iron Man, yes. Tony Stark not recommended” well good goddamn you have just missed basically the entirety of Tony’s actual personality, well done you super-spies you.

Where my Badass Kingsmen Fans at?

So, all y’all digging all this fluff and romance and marriage and stuff, you’re all great, lemme tell ya, i’m here for that, totally.


What i really wanna explore in the kingsmen universe, is the BA BAMFS the knights actually are. 

Fuck the wedding ceremony and cuddling watching movies, lets blow shit up! Lets tear down whole governments! Let’s stab a man! (SET THE POSTOFFICE ABLAZE!) 

Let’s watch as Percival daintily dabs at the corner of his mouth with his napkin at a banquet table surrounded by 30 other people who then all fall face first into their soup fucking dead because he poisoned the whole dinner party. 

Roxy scales a building in her tactical gear, breaks into wherever a la catwoman style and then leaps from the roof in a stealth wingsuit to glide away while flames lick up its sides.

Bors undercovers with whatever American special ops force into the middle east on a ‘terrorist sting’ and then kills the whole American group himself after confirming their negligence and antagonizing war mongering with otherwise peaceful locals.

Eggsy drug running from Venezuela to the US and while aboard the tanker ship carrying the cargo he just sinks the whole damn thing and escapes by climbing aboard a nearby cuban refuge raft and helping them cross the rest of the way to florida.

Gawain killing innocents because he has been in deep cover for years and he has to make the hard decision of sacrificing a few lives to save the hundreds, and he is able to do that because he is a professional. 

Merlin and his team watching with hard eyes because they have become immune to the horrors of this world and the things they see are terrible but the things they do are necessary to stop them. 

There will always be evil on this planet and kingsmen, while essentially mercenaries, are able to choose the paths that lead to the best possible outcome. 

And Harry Hart, Arthur, sits at his desk and reviews and approves of these missions. He makes the tough decisions and his knights are loyal so long as their morals align.

Come and talk to me about this, I’d love to headcanon jam with you. 
Even about badass boyfriendos. Harry trusting Eggsy to complete his mission even if its morally grey in its parameters, Eggsy trusting his king to not lead him astray. Merlin supporting him en route and even after. Kingsmen medical, a fully functioning hospital and surgical center at the very top of its class even if it is secret, and kingsmen psychologists vetted and trained to heal the mental scars alongside their physical ones. 

Kingsmen, a highly professional and discrete business breeding only the very best agents to perform the very best work. 

Theory of Emotional Development (MOST RECENT)

March 22, 2015: MASSIVE UPDATE. Greatly expanded descriptions for Stage 3 and 4, slightly expanded 5, and added examples of characters representative of each stage beneath each stages’ descriptions.

May 3, 2014: Slight change in pronouns.

April 24, 2014: This is the most recent update. The first half is unchanged. Differences begin from the “Let’s Review Each Stage" section.

Emotional Development

There are 5 stages to development and they are as follows:

  1. Co-dependence
  2. Counter Dependence
  3. Group-dependence
  4. Independence
  5. Transcendence

All people move through their lives hopefully developing from one stage to the next. The ideal scenario is that you are dependent as a child, counter this dependence as a teen and young adult, become comfortable with shared responsibilities as a young adult/adult, shed your need for obligatory gestures to become truly independent (best stage for parenthood), then transcend and become greater than this. What that looks like I’m not too sure.

Unfortunately, many things in our lives can halt our development. A lot of these things come from early childhood experiences. Example: Abandonment. Your father could have ran out on you and never returned, or you could have been forgotten at Disneyland for a few hours. One will hurt you more than the other, but both can be sufficient to impair your ability to develop emotionally.

Abandonment is a form of betrayal and it instills in people a great anxiety, a fear that all future relationships will mimic this first betrayal. People who’ve been abandoned tend to hover around stage one or two. You’ve probably heard of them. Stage 1: The clingy, “crazy”, obsessed Significant Other that drives her potential mates away. Stage 2: The aloof, apathetic Significant Other that seems to “not care” when his mate learns he’s cheating on her. (For more on this and much more, try The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck).

At this point I’d like to say that a person can exhibit All Five Stages at the same time. People tend to revolve around a certain stage and this explains why perfectly reasonable people can suddenly commit terrible acts or why completely terrible people can say some enlightened words.

So, how would someone go about changing himself? Going up a stage? By the process known as "Grieving”.

Grieving is the process of releasing pain and pent up emotion. The reason that people remain stuck in stages is because they have yet to grieve. It requires that you search out what exactly caused your emotions to bottle up, confront it, and let it all come out in a torrent of emotional release. All the pain, all the misery, all the frustration and anxiety, let it out.

This is what Psychologists, i.e. therapists, are trained and paid to do. Help you search for what’s pained you, bring it to the surface, help you confront and release it without judgment.

Notably, this is a painful process. You will face inconvenient truths, shatter former god-like figures (e.g. your parents), and you will wallow in an ocean of your own misery, pain and frustration. But when you survive, and you will, you will feel a weight literally lifted off you. Seemingly, this weight is real, and it is made of pain, guilt, shame and frustration. It is the drag of depression. (I was diagnosed with Chronic Depression early March of year 2013).

And when this weight is lifted off you, your behavior will… tilt. Not change immediately, for it is usually a long process. I say tilt because the phenomena is called a “Pendulum swing”. See how stage 1 Co-Dependence is opposite to Stage 2 Counter Dependence? And stage 2 is opposite to stage 3? And stage 1 is similar to 3, while stage 2 is similar to 4? Emotional development is like the swinging of a pendulum. To develop properly, you need to swing between extremes so that you can gain the full understanding of each stage and understand why you can move beyond them. It is imperative that you do not attempt to skip a stage, because a) it’s impossible and b) you’ll miss the point.

And the point is this: emotional development is not a change in what you know. It is a change in how and why you feel, no matter what you know. This is why married couples can argue so much despite being perfectly intelligent, rational people.

Stan can’t see why his wife doesn’t understand that he needs to work late to impress the boss and bring in more money for them. Mary can’t see why Stan can’t spend less overtime, especially considering she, too, has a job and would like to see him more. Are either of them stupider than the other? No, but they’ll call each other stupid for not understanding each other. Fact is, both of them have perfectly rational, reasonable arguments, but they will never understand each other because they exist on different emotional stages. A stage one person can never understand a stage two person just as how a one dimensional being can never comprehend a two dimensional one. Only people at stage 4 and 5 can begin to understand stage 1, 2, and 3.

So a lot of strife, a lot of mistreatment, murder and mayhem occur not from a lack of intelligence but from emotional immaturity.

Now how can someone restart his development? Start by thinking of something he’s been hiding. Something he’s been suppressing for a long, long time. Something he’s never told anyone, is so afraid to tell anyone because of how painful it would be to admit it, how shameful, how degrading. Then let it out to someone you can trust to listen without a) giving advice nor b) making judgment.

A psychologist would be the best place to start.

Let’s review each stage.

  1. Co-Dependence
  2. Counter Dependence
  3. Group-dependence
  4. Independence
  5. Transcendence

Stage 1 Dependence is most prominent at the child age. Children are dependent on their parents for everything, and we expect them to be. But it becomes a problem when people cling to this stage in to adulthood.

It will be difficult for them to leave their parent’s house. If she can’t live with her parents, then she will find something else to cling to. It could be a hobby, and while hobbies are generally good, it will be bad if she’s using the hobby as a distraction rather than as a form of enjoyment. Substance abuse is very very common in stage 1 people. Drugs and alcohol help numb the suppressed pain. She will be distrustful of people, even her spouse and children because she can’t ever expect other people to be independent.

She will tend feel wrathfully angry and despair. She will tend to feel frustrated because nothing she does seems to fix things. She will feel ashamed because she’s failed to fix herself. She will tend to despair and she will tend to blame others for it. She will tend to be prone to violence and quick to judgment.

She will tend to see things in black and white. She will tend to never admit a mistake. She will tend to put others on pedestals, as well as herself. She will tend to think that when she is hurt by other people, those people hurt her intentionally.

A stage 1 individual has no boundary between herself and loved ones. If her child, or brother, or friend is hurt, she is hurt. An attack against someone she is dependent on is an attack on herself. Thus she will tend to be overprotective and suffocating, yet contradictorily violent and abusive.

A Stage 1 person is marked by Lack of Agency, i.e, she feels as though she has no control over her life, that she is at the whim and mercy of forces outside of her control. Thus she is always afraid that everything she loves and cares for could be at once whisked away, never to be felt nor seen again. There is no foundation except that which she can forcibly establish.

She will tend to obsess over Safety. Because she has no boundaries, she tends to feel constantly at threat from anything and anyone. All important things in life are matters of Life and Death to her.

S1 Examples: Steven during the beginning portion of Steven Universe, Oliver Queen in season 1 of Arrow, Malcolm Merlyn from Arrow, Darth Vader from Star Wars, Elsa from Frozen, Boromir when he tried to take the ring in Lord of the Rings, Agatha Prenderghast, the zombies, and the townspeople from Paranorman (“All you wanna do is burn and murder stuff, burn and murder stuff.” I love that line), Emmet during the beginning of and Bad Cop in The Lego Movie,

Stage 2 Counter dependence is something everyone should do as a teen and young adult. It is when everyone figures out that they can have a will of their own and can take responsibility for their own successes and mistakes. It is rebellion and it is healthy. But it is a problem if someone carries it in to adulthood.

A Stage two person tends to run from his problems. He is afraid of becoming dependent again, so he challenges and fights and flees. He will leave the house of his parents as soon as he can. He will distrust authority and challenge authority’s values. He will want to reject everything about his authorities, even if what he is rejecting is a good thing.

He will tend to be consumed with frustration and shame as his pent up emotions hold him back. He will tend to obsess over not being his parents to the point where his parents control him. Anything his parents say can make him instantly upset, angry and sad. That is because he is still emotionally dependent on them.

He will tend to be excessively logical. His rebellion causes him to express a lot of counter-dependent emotion, good as well as harmful. If he is unable to find a means to properly vent these emotions, and if the people in his life are unable to help him relieve these emotions, he will tend to suppress them. He will tend to seek out tools to aid his fight against authority. He will tend to seek out mental techniques to combat the feeling of these suppressed emotions, as well as techniques that allow him to conquer over others. Unfortunately for him, the mental techniques he will find are inherently temporary. They do not relieve emotional suppression, only mask it. They are to be used only a couple of times during periods of great busyness, until one manages to get enough time to properly Grieve. I know this from personal experience.

He will tend to obsess over Status and Achievement. Because he is attempting to establish his own identity, he tends to try and demonstrate his value. A very common way to do this is to make others feel less valuable. All important things in life are matters of winning and losing. To him, all the world’s a game and all are players and pawns.

S2 Examples: Amethyst from Steven Universe, Jeff Winger, Britta Perry, Troy Barnes, and Annie Edison from season 1 of Community, virtually every character of significance in the movie Birdman, Hugh Jackman’s character from Real Steel, Gru from Despicable Me, Tim Allen’s character from Galaxy Quest, Darth Sidious from Star Wars, Hans from Frozen, Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon, Tony Stark during the beginning of Ironman, Aragorn until he finally comes to terms with his lineage and takes his rightful place as king in Lord of the Rings, Scott Pilgrim and Romona Flowers up until the end of the book series/movie, Wildstyle in The Lego Movie, Sterling Archer from Archer,

Stage 3 Group-dependence Stage 3 is when you’re ready to start taking on responsibilities. Everyone would hopefully reach this stage by 20s adulthood. You are now OK with sharing burdens without feeling you are too dependent on anybody. You are now OK with doing things independently because you can trust people to support you. This sounds pretty good, but the major problem with Group-dependent people is obligation and expectation.

Basically, a Stage 3 person is someone who takes on the burdens of others. They are emotionally stronger than Stage 1 and 2 folk, so they won’t react as strongly negative, but they still have a problem with grieving. They still accumulate negative emotion.

A person who is Group-dependent tends to expect other people to be Group-dependent. When a stage 3 person does something as a favor to you, she will want you to return that favor but she will “understand” if you don’t return it. A stage 1 person might force you, guilt you, threaten you, ignore you if you don’t return the favor. A stage 3 person will tend to not, but she will still feel hurt over it. She will accumulate negative emotion.

When I put “understand” in quotations, I mean she is able to more capably process what is going on emotionally and logically in the head of the person giving them grief, and in “understanding” they are more capable of compromising and sharing responsibility. But they take in a bit more than they can handle each time. They do a little more work than they should, stretch themselves a little farther than they should. Because they don’t fully know their limits yet; knowing your limits fully comes at Stage 4.

She will grow frustrated that nobody does what is expected of them. She will be able to cope with their “weaknesses” and “failures” for a lot longer than a Stage 1 or 2 person, but she will tend to vent her accumulated negative emotion in a way that doesn’t help other people to grow as well they could. She will tend towards using guilt, disappointment, expectation and obligation to attend to the “weaknesses” of others, not because she desires to punish them but because these are the primary yet inefficient ways she can release negative emotion; she doesn’t really understand how else she can help.

 Since she does not understand Stage 1 and 2 people, she will tend not to give them mercy when they betray her expectations too much. When they do, she will tend to either yell at them or abandon them. She will think, “They are not worth my time”. She will become resentful. If the blame is on herself, then she may yell and abandon herself. What does it mean to abandon oneself? It means to belittle one’s self value, i.e. she will suffer a Stage 2 identity crisis.

She will tend to grow cynical. She will tend to share only with people who share with her. To her, what binds a group together is what each member does for the group, and so she cannot allow herself to not do those things. The group is her burden and she is the group’s burden. She needs to care and she needs to be cared for. Thus she tends to be obsessed with notions of Obligation and Duty. While these notions of Obligation and Duty do not always result in unhealthy behavior and feelings, they do inherently cause difficulties that tend to harm one’s and others’ emotional development. Notably she will have the most difficulty in handling Stage 2 people, as folks in Stage 2 will inherently desire to rebel against the obligations and duties a Stage 3 person conjures for herself and others.

A stage 3 person might have the tendency to say, “I am doing this for your own good”, “You don’t know what you want”, “I don’t want you making my same mistakes”.

Because a Stage 3 person is past Stage 2, they are no longer concerned with their self-image; they are comfortable in their own skin. So they are comfortable with their “Self”. The experiences they’ve accumulated allow them to be Assured that what they understand about their “Selves” is correct and good. But the mistake Stage 3 folks often make is they tend to extend their personal experiences which apply only to them on to others without bothering to see if their experiences actually do apply to the lives of others.

“Because I’ve figured myself out to a pretty good extent, it feels like its the case that everybody else just needs to do what I did to fix their problems.”

They are Self-Assured. Certain that what applied to their lives naturally applies to others. Stage 3 is when Emotion and Logic fuse. And what do we call that fusion? Morality. Morality first emerges in Stage 3. Stage 3 is the minimum stage a person should reach before they consider marriage.

S3 Examples: Pearl from Steven Universe, Claire Dumphy from Modern Family, Javert from Les Miserables, Michael from Arrested Development, Captain Cal from Lonesome Dove, Oliver Queen by season 2 of Arrow, Tenzin from Legend of Korra, Obi-Wan Kenobi prior to fighting Anakin in Star Wars, Hiccup by the end of How to Train Your Dragon 2, Tony Stark during the rest of Ironman, Scott Pilgrim and Romona Flowers by the end of the book series/movie, The Man Upstairs (Will Ferrell) in The Lego Movie, Lana Kane from Archer, Valentine (the villain) from the movie Kingsman,

Stage 4 Independence Not many people get to this stage. The characteristics that most describes this kind of person is charitable, communicable, confident, and collected. A truly independent person is someone who can give of himself without feeling hurt when other people don’t give back. A person at Stage 4 has come to fully understand his limits.

To understand your limits is to understand others. As you become more aware of your own bubble, you begin to see the bubbles that surround others, and being able to do so allows you to better predict their behavior, thought process, and feelings. You begin to see what would irk them, plague them, enliven them, inspire them. Stage 5 is when I imagine a person can not only see these bubbles, but dive in to their depths, to really see and understand the core of people.

A primary emotion of Stage 4 is Sorrow. Sorrow is a type of sadness, a type that facilitates pain-free grieving. The higher the stages you reach, the less painful grieving can become. Sorrow is Sadness for the unfortunate circumstances that have allowed for trauma to arise. A stage 4 person can have sorrow for the murdered and the murderer. The persecuted and the persecutor. They understand at an emotional level the bullying cycle, that the bullied often (though not always) become bullies themselves to cope with the pain and trauma.

He can see why people act the way they do. He will tend to be able to predict what people will say, do, and think next. He will take up burdens seemingly on a whim and may drop those burdens just as quickly. He will offer up his home, pick up hitchhikers and volunteer at soup kitchens without anyone knowing he does, because he wants to. He will also choose not to offer up his home, reject hitchhikers, and not volunteer even when there is social pressure to do so. He will help people because he wants to, and he will not help people because he wants to.

And most significantly, he will actually know what he genuinely wants in his life because he fully understands his limits. Understanding his limits allows him to see where he cannot go, and understanding where he cannot go allows him to see where he can go, and that is where he will go. Thus a Stage 4 person acquires an incredible degree of Confidence due to being able to do things he precisely understands that he can do.

This is a great stage to be at, but it does have some problems. For one, people tend to get dependent on him. Two, He being sympathetic doesn’t mean he understands what exactly he can do for them. His generosity could be insulting to them if they are stage two. He can be frustrating to people in Stage 3. He won’t mind if they are insulted, though, because that’s their problem, not his. The greatest limitation of Stage 4 is that while he is able to predict human behavior, he does not necessarily know what he needs to do to help people. He tries his best, but that doesn’t mean he will necessarily do the right thing.

Stage 4 is the ideal minimum stage for people to begin to raise children.

S4 Examples: Garnet from Steven Universe, Augustus “Gus” McCrae from Lonesome Dove, what the human boy Finn represents in The Lego Movie, Gandalf from Lord of the Rings,

Stage 5 Transcendence A stage 5 person is someone who has mastered Empathy. Empathy is a step above sympathy. Sympathy is shared feelings. In the original Greek, sympathy means sharing of pain. Empathy is beyond that, it is understanding.

A stage 5 person has complete access to the full range of her emotions. In having access, she is less prone to ever being dominated by any particular emotion, allowing her to freely choose which emotion, which mix of emotions, is key to the situation at hand.

She can be sympathetic when someone needs her to be. But when the situation calls for righteous anger, she can be righteous and angry. She can be forgiving when she needs to be forgiving, stiff when she needs to be stiff. She can know when to separate herself from others and when to sacrifice for others. She can know when to punish, when to give mercy.

Interestingly, the more emotionally mature one is, the more one feels human, smaller, limited, and less knowledgeable about the world and its inhabitants. It is in acknowledging that she has increasingly less knowledge and understanding that makes her more eager to learn, hence why Stage 5 folks can be some of the most learned people and yet sincerely feel that they haven’t learned all too much.

So it is not the case that she actually knows for 100% certainty what to do/how to act. Truthfully she merely acts to the best of her ability, understanding the limitations of her own understanding. But in being emotionally mature her actions tend to flow out in proper response to most any situation. Sympathetic when she should be. Angry when she should be. Forgiving when she should be.

She is Transcendent. Beyond human understanding because stage 1, 2, 3 and 4 cannot understand her. But she can understand all of them.

S5 Examples: Iroh from Avatar the Last Airbender, Rose Quartz from Steven Universe, Vitruvius from The Lego Movie (maybe), Mr. Rogers from real life (maybe),

if you self-diagnose don’t come near me don’t speak to me don’t even look at me. edit, so that I don’t have to keep repeating myself: there’s a difference between saying “I have these symptoms, so it’s a possibility I have x” and “I had this symptom once so I totally have this particular disease”. the first is fine and even encouraged! the second, not so much. but like I’ve been trying to say: let’s say there’s a person who had an intrusive thought once, so the next day they wake up and say “I have MPD” and then they start telling people they have MPD and it begins to have a snowball effect on their lives because they self-dx'ed without getting a professional’s opinion – that’s harmful, wouldn’t you say? ESPECIALLY if they’ve convinced themselves that they have a specific illness so thoroughly that they start self-medicating for it! that could totally be so dangerous! professional doctors and psychologists who have trained for years and years are going to know more about mental illness than some kid on the Internet. therefore, people who self-diagnose and proclaim they have an illness that hasn’t been checked out by a professional bug me, plain and simple. you don’t have to take it personally. I’m sure you’re a great person. I just disagree with self-diagnosis and don’t like when people do it. that’s all. it’s very very unfortunate if people do not have access to a doctor. I think that everyone should be able to have access to a doctor. however, even if you are unable to see a doctor for some reason, I still don’t think you should diagnose yourself because that’s potentially quite dangerous. if there are some recovery articles or something online that you have access to that addresses THAT SPECIFIC SYMPTOM that you have, by all means, go for it! but don’t try and help yourself by doing research on a specific disease unless a professional has told you otherwise, because it could be the wrong disease anyway and those recovery methods won’t help at all and may even make it worse