pseudofic

Ok imagine this: sakura’s making dinner because naruto’s coming over tonight and sasuke, her husband, comes and sits on the kitchen counter while she works. He steals a tomato and she gets agitated because that was the last tomato and she had to use it but sasuke uchiha has eaten it.

She starts lecturing him and he just smirks and kisses her in response, and things get super heated as they continue to make out and then suddenly they’re not wearing clothes and sasuke’s slowly making love to her on the kitchen table.

Then there’s a knock on the door and they hurry to straighten themselves and clean up because oh no Naruto is here. He takes in their flustered, dishevelled appearances and asks them what they were doing. They look at each other.

“making salad” sasuke says, sounding out of breath. Naruto raises an eyebrow. “we were making salad.”

And when Sakura delivers a baby girl nine months later, they name her sarada.

Three days later, Naruto remembers that incident and frustrated screams can be heard from the hokage’s office.

Jealousy

ficlet thing for nonbinarytheaqueen (it wont let me tag u bc tumblr’s dumb) based on this dumb thing from a while back. i had to watch the scene it’s based off of at least a dozen times to transcribe it and shit and i will never tire of grant channeling sebastian smythe for rage!barry. 

Oliver knew he was coming, recognized the red-and-yellow streak out of the corner of his eye, heard light footsteps on the concrete when his speedster friend had slowed down. He was fully aware exactly where Barry was when he decided to speak.

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When your pseudofed (sp?) Kicks in and you feel like Jonah Hill in get him to the Greek when he’s given the adrenaline shot. AHHHHHHH THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE

Okay so what if saru and misaki get into some stupid fight over something stupid (as usual) and they both want to make up but they’re also both really stubborn (obviously) so they decide they wont make up until the other does and end up not talking to each other or anything for like 3 days and then eventually they get so frustrated that misaki just storms into saru’s room and kisses him

But its really clumsy and stuff because misaki was trying to be spontaneous and his spontaniety is very aggressive so 

saru laughs and goes like “that’s not how you do it” and kisses misaki veeeeery slowwwwlyyyyy and it somehow ends up being super sensual and in like 2 minutes misaki has saru against the bed and they’re kissing and stuff and then saru rolls over to start things but he overestimates the size of the mattress and falls off and at first misaki’s just like huh what happened

Then he sees saru lying on the floor looking confused and angry and embarrassed and he laughs so hard he cries and saru refuses to talk to him

Until misaki kisses his cheek and tells him he’s sorry for whatever they were fighting about before and saru just rolls his eyes

Okay how about this

Haru and rin are Olympic swimmers and stuff and they’re rlly chummy and close and everyone sees how rin is practically clinging to haru

So there starts a fanbase for harurin and there’s fanfics and fanart and smutfics and rin really loves his fans and he has these moments where he’s so in awe about where he’s at that he looks stuff up and finds the fic/art

Which obviously leads to him getting hella embarrassed and cant face haru anymore bc it’s all he can think of now and omg how will he ever keep a straight face knowing that there are people out there who want haru’s dick up his ass and vice versa

And haru secretly looks up all the fanart/fic too but he’s better at remaining impassive so rin doesn’t find out

THAT ONE IWAOI MMD THO I KEEP THINKING OF A JPOP AU 

like they’re both jpop stars and are currently at the top of the charts, with oikawa’s main audience being young girls and iwa’s main audience being young guys and their ent companies decide that they should do a collab thing cause they’re so popular and oikawa is unbearably annoying at first and keeps saying irritating things - that he obv doesnt mean but it still annoys the fuck out of iwa

so they have to spend a lot of time together because of practicing and stuff and oikawa always always ends up dragging iwaizumi along to have ‘friendly dinner’ because “that is what people do when they’re two top celebrities making videos together” and iwa always tells him its the last time but the last time doesnt come (ha)

and obv they fall in love somewhere along the way

so they finish the thing and its a big hit and everyone loves it and they’re sitting together and oikawa’s like that was fun, wasnt it, iwa-chan? and iwaizumi smiles and he’s like yeah it was, actually and oikawa just…mentally combusts like damn iwa’s smile man

so IWAIZUMI invites him to have one last dinner with him - this time at his house - before they ‘part ways’ and they go and right when oikawa’s about to leave iwa’s like oh hey wait i forgot to give u smth and just kisses him really lightly and oikawa is in shock and they’re both bright red and so so so embarrassed but then oikawa starts bawling out of happiness and yelling out insults that he doesnt mean in between sniffles and they hug and kiss some more and oikawa doesnt go home that day

(can u imagine iwaizumi singing tho, all deep voice and sweet words and hot damn son)