something similar going around in the Spanish lolitics fandom (I think?) and
thought it was kind of funny, and what with French politics going world-wide
since the elections in May and Macron making himself heard around the globe
(and before you come at me, he’s also got his flaws too, I’ll fully agree with
you there), I thought it would be cool to open up the wonderful fandom of
French politics (and our ships!) to our international friends. So sit tight,
this is probably going to be long!
who are the big names you’re likely to find the most often?
surprising since he’s our new president.
actually pretty smol. Especially when standing next to other taller world
° He’s a lot
younger than the other members of the French politics fandom. (He’s 39).
° Can’t take
° POUDRE DE
° (It’s even
° He looks
like a pretty cool guy but does have some shitty policies he wants to put into
effect (*cough* doesn’t necessarily plan to stop nuclear energy jobs even though they are polluting *cough*).
seems to think that he’s some kind of king/God.
Europe & the European Union (like, Emmanuel Macron x the EU is as canon as
Emmanuel x Brigitte).
cordons bleus (and I get him, cordons bleus are amazing), chocolates and eating
off the kid’s menu and is essentially a child in an adult’s body.
even the official cook at the Elysée palace makes him little cordons bleus.
(And he loves them).
probably going to be annoying in the upcoming five years but we currently kind
of like him. Or at the very least, he hasn’t fucked up too bad yet. (But
please don’t cozy up to Trump too much).
° Is far better at speaking English than most French
politicians (and possibly even the current US president) and uses expressions that are
probably twice his age and that nobody uses anymore.
° He’s from
Spain Catalonia but he’s French.
° Our former
Prime Minister. Apparently he tried to join Macron’s party after the elections?
° The scapegoat who gets blamed for everything, even stuff he isn’t fully responsible for.
° Had flour
thrown on him that one time.
angry, but he does smile sometimes. (They’re actually rays of sunshine)
° Really did
try to save the Parti Socialiste but didn’t manage and ended up quitting it. Is
more of a center-left candidate??
° Dealt with
a wide variety of shit ranging from terrorist attacks to being slapped across
° The VEINY
looks good and sometimes wears see-through shirts.
° Was kind
of friends with Macron (he was the one who convinced Hollande to hire him
before they started to work together).
° People are
beginning to realize that their hatred towards him was misdirected, which is
nice. Hell, some are even beginning to appreciate him, which is even
° Gave that
one really amazing speech at the Assemblée Nationale on January 13 2015 and got
a standing ovation for it.
chilling off somewhere now? Or is he still trying to join En Marche?
° Has a
cute Cairn Terrier called Homère. He even used to bring him to his
meetings at the Elysée palace.
member of the Socialist party. He tried hard to save it, he really did.
basically a Hobbit.
° Has lots of cute
pairs of glasses.
° Good with
° REGION BRETAGNE EN FORCE!
° His real
name is Baenoît Hamon.
shared a picture of his kebab once and it was way more popular than President
Macron’s official portrait.
so much better.
° Is an
actual cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure.
° Toll ™.
° Often seen
hanging out with Hamon.
° A rebel,
he resigned from his post as economy minister from Hollande’s government.
° Is a drama
everything with the label “Made in France”.
° Has fluffy
literally has no chill and will destroy you if you give him the opportunity.
among the young voters (I think???).
° Can also
be really cute and adorable when he doesn’t vent about the evils of capitalism.
° Too cool
to wear an actual suit.
wonder whether he’s an actual politician or not.
sometimes problematic ™
chocolatine instead of pain au chocolat (which is downright wrong >:(( ) (Question à part: ça se dit où “chocolatine” exactement?? Ca va bientôt faire quinze ans que j'habite en France et je suis jamais tombée dessus?? Ca a toujours été “pain au chocolat” chez moi???)
really scores any higher than 0.5%.
enthusiastic and up for a good laugh.
° One of the
rare right-wing politicians to actually be part of the fandom since everybody
else ranges from the center (Macron & maybe even Valls) to the far-left
(Poutou & Mélenchon).
° He’s not
really a big name, kind of a centrist?
° Has a
heavy accent and loves his region very much.
° Lives a
down-to-earth-appreciate-everything kind of life.
probably one of the only politicians to actually be a really adorable person in
Appreciated by both his fellow politician colleagues and the general public.
(Which is a real feat here).
° The Queen
° She’s from French Guyana.
amazing, that’s all you need to know.
° She won’t
let you mess with her: she might be smoll but she’s always ready to brawl (and
clash you in the Assemblée Nationale).
° Has the
law legalizing gay marriage named after her, like how cool is that???
° He’s on the far-left.
° He’s the hologram guy, loves modern technology.
° Has developed a legit game called “Fiscal Kombat”, where the Mélenchon character fights other French politicians to make them give back money, counter frauds and earn as much cash as possible to implement his program.
° He’s actually from Morocco.
° Is either angry or will take a great satisfaction in publicly clashing you.
° He has no chill and will call you out to your face.
° Always up for a fight and lives off drama.
° Is a sore looser tho.
° The French
speaking cousin ™ (with a slight accent)
° He’s not
French but he’s basically considered as part of the fandom.
Macron would say, he’s “part of the club” (yes, he really did use that
° He got on
well enough with the previous government,and currently has a thriving bromance
probably diss Trump together in French.
° We’re all
looking forward to anything more they can give us.
° Can also
be spotted on photos with François Hollande and Manuel Valls.
annoying friend from across the Channel.
with Benefits ™
° Probably a
source of conflict over Europe and the EU.
° Still the
English member of our Franco-British (or soon to be English-only?) bromance.
introduced Manu to the wonders that are Fish & Chips.
° He may no
longer be president but we still love him.
° Had a soft
spot for Hollande’s poor English.
member of the pro-EU squad.
° Holds the
flag for the Franco-German bromance.
° Was bros
with Sarkozy and seems to like Macron a lot.
° Also an
avid football supporter.
As for our
ships, well here’s what we’ve got to offer :))
The French only ships
Vallande: François Hollande and Manuel Valls
° I don’t
know, it’s the first of the political ships I really heard of.
it was a thing??
the president and his Prime Minister.
° There is
legit real fanart out there if you look hard.
seemed to be happy when they were together sometimes, so I guess there’s that??
Unfortunately they then broke up when Valls left Hollande’s government to run
for the left wing primaries. I guess not every pairing can have a happy ending
° **Edit: I just happen to have found an entire blog dedicated to the ship (Vallande is real les amis), and it’s the most unlikely thing ever but also fucking hilarious! (Je ne sais pas qui est derrière ce Tumblr, mais… Merci, pour le coup, ça m'a bien fait rire ^^).
° **Edit 2: Guys, just… Check the “Vallande“ tag, I promise it’s worth it. ^^
and Emmanuel Macron
the most popular/biggest ship in the fandom for now.
° They have
a complicated ™ relationship.
° They used
to be kind of friends??? But Macron essentially stabbed Valls in the back by
using Valls’ declining popularity and problems to push himself forward.
° I’m not even sure where they stand at now. Probably former colleagues?
Valls did immediately back Macron after losing the socialist primary final to
Hamon (whether that is to be taken as a sense of affection/friendship/something
else towards Macron, I’ll let you decide for yourself).
° We still
ship them though.
° All the
more so because there are lots of pics (and non-photoshopped ones I might add)
that are out there.
they even ship themselves, who knows?)
° Oh and Vall’s official nickname for Macron when they were in the same government was “Microbe”, which basically means germ (if you translate it literally) or squirt.
° We also
have AO3 fics and fanart. (Seriously, the M&M’s fandom is amazing :)).
El Khomri and you get an OT3).
(But Valls and El Khomri look more like embarrassed parents and Macron their overly-enthusiastic five year-old).
(Or you can
add Najat Vallaud-Bellkacem if you’d prefer).
and Arnaud Montebourg
° The Cuties
° Also quite
popular in the fics and fanart territory.
fluff and more fluff. (And possibly the occasional angst, but it’s mostly fluff).
“Looks like a cinnamon roll and actually is a cinnamon roll”.
° Well Hamon
is, Montebourg can get a little more angry at times.
° But they
like each other, that’s the most important part.
° Both are
now former members of the PS, Montebourg quit in 2014 and Hamon only a month
° Used to
hang out together a lot.
diss Hollande (and Macron’s) government together.
drowning their sorrows and crying over the state of French politics
together. (With a bottle of fine champagne).
even add Valls if you want an OT3, not sure they’d get along tho).
Macrontebourg also a thing? Just askin’) (Although we all know Arnaud and Benoît belong together).
Montebourg, apparently Hamon and Taubira were also good friends :)
Marine Le Pen x Florian Philippot
° I think
this is also a thing?
basically the Evil Power Couple of French politics.
want to dominate France and are secretly building a “Grand Villain Manifesto”
for the 2022 elections.
° They can
stay together as long as they don’t bother us.
people also ship Le Pen and Mélenchon???
° Is it a hate-ship??
° (Je n'en sais rien vraiment, mais
je suis tombée dessus une ou deux fois… Je ne sais toujours pas trop quoi en penser ^^).
Arthaud and Philippe Poutou
° Like the
ship name suggests, they hate capitalism.
full of bitterness and full of salt.
° Arthaud is Angry ™, elle est là
pour NIQUER SES MERES.
angry. Just a reminder.
° Poutou has
no chill and will fight you even though he’s only a factory worker for Ford,
who works REALLY HARD.
° (But he’s
cool). (He can also be really nice and really cute).
will also fight you, especially on capitalism. Arthaud x Capitalism is probably
her biggest NOTP.
° Team Tiny
The international ships
Merkozy: Angela Merkel and Nicolas
Sarkozy (aka President Bling Bling ™).
° I wasn’t
really following politics all that much back in 2007.
they were like BFF’s, and are one of the early bro-ships in French politics??
° The Oldie
but Goldie, I guess that’s what we could roll with?
° I don’t
know whether they are still in touch or not but let’s hope so, because Merkel’s
huge smiles are literal rays of sunshine.
Don’t ask me, but
also something with Hollande.
And she seems
to be climbing up the new BFF scale with Macron too.
Hobama: François Hollande and Barack Obama
seemed to get along well with Macron’s clumsy predecessor, maybe his poor
English even grew on him after a while.
° “Ah na wol
spriking in French because ay oblairge ay oblaïge to do that.”
Classy ™ and President Awkward ™.
° They both
exited the world stage at the same time at the end of 2016, right before shit
be keeping in touch and maybe even mounting a scheme to take out the Crazy Orange
Cheeto (okay probably not, but let’s just imagine for a second that they are
really doing this?)
also friends with Sarkozy, if you were wondering).
Macdeau: Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron
(C'est bien Macdeau le “nom officiel”? Parce que j'ai vu des choses du style Macreau, Trudon et Trudō également)
anticipated bromance that came about shortly after Macron won the election.
became canon in Taormina when they met for the G7 Summit, and we got the pics
of them strolling along in the flowery gardens. (Looking extremely similar to
that one scene in Game of Thrones between Margaery and Sansa)
° Trudeau is
Toll ™ and Macron is Smoll ™.
° New pics
and Twitter posts are always welcomed and widely shared.
° They’re always happy together and as long as their bromance is thriving, so
(( But if
you’d rather ship him with Valls, then there’s also canon photos you can use
too :) ))
Then we’ve also got this but:
(There aren’t any pictures, but just in case you were wondering, our friend Mister Donald the Crazy Orange Cheeto also rooted for her during the elections).
Maycron: Theresa May and Emmanuel Macron
° Also a G7
° Trying to
mend bridges between the UK and France. (Because from what I’ve gathered,
neither Sarkozy or Hollande were apparently great friends with David
butt heads over topics like Europe and Brexit since May wants out of the EU and
Macron is arguably one of the EU leader who loves the EU the most (like I said,
Macron x EU is as canon as Emmanuel x Brigitte).
° Share a
passion and enthusiasm for football. May can even be a little bit too enthusiastic
also vent about the Orange Cheeto to one another.
And as a Franco-Irish member of the French lolitics fandom, I’m also really happy to be able to say that
Seem to have an ongoing bromance
With their Irish counterparts
That doesn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon :)
And if you
really want to go deep down, here are the
over-the-top-not-really-serious-recurring-pairings you can also find:
x Kebabs (It’s pure,
it’s lovely, and believe it or not, it’s way more popular than you’d
think more popular than Macron at any rate).
Fillon & “Rends l'argent” (we basically want him to give back the public money he stole).
Eva Joly x
The Green Glasses
° Kind of an
older pairing, since it goes back to the 2012 elections (she didn’t run this year).
usually wore red glasses, but to represent her Green Party (EELV), she
campaigned with a pair of green ones.
what she was remembered for.
° Maybe she
still wears them?
Macron x Cordons bleus (the truest OTP of this 2017 presidential campaign and we understand
him, those things taste like heaven).
Hollande x Being Akward (pretty much what you can resume his five-year presidency as).
x His glasses (they
even have their own Twitter account apparently at LunettesBenoit).
he loves them so much he went and bought a bunch of them right before the
presidential race began.
Pen & Being a scary arsehole (basically she hates anything non 100% French, was
high on drugs or something during her debate with Macron and couldn’t make
coherent arguments. Blames immigrants, non French citizens and Muslims
for everything wrong in the country).
basically our equivalent of the horrors known as Donald Trump, Geert Wilders, Frauke Petry and Nigel Farage.
(Unsurprisingly, she’s also friends with all of them).
politicians in general x Being assaulted with food ingredients: whether it’s flour, eggs or the
hand that whisks them up in the form of a slap, Valls, Macron, Le Pen, Sarkozy,
Fillon and Hollande have all had it thrown at them. ^^
Après, si j'en ai oublié d'autres,
n'hésitez pas à les rajouter, histoire de faire répandre nos ships et la
fandom politique française à l'international! C'est ma toute première
contribution, donc je n'ai probablement pas donné une liste exhaustive :))
new print for AX! i actually started this a year ago, when i was trying to come up with as many sailor moon pieces as possible for moon crisis. i couldn’t finish it in time for the show, but i kept working on it in little spurts throughout the year. this seemed like a good time to finally get it done!