21 years of progression. I have very specific memories of when I was younger. I remember crying in bed for god to make me a girl. I begged and pleaded every night that I would wake up the next morning with the right parts in the right body and every day I woke up in disappointment. I remember going through my mom’s wardrobe on more than one occasion and showing her what I put on. I remember picking the girl characters in any video game I ever played.
For years I would have people refer to me as a girl with a variety of different names. I would ask them to do my make up or let me borrow their clothes. All I thought about, all I wanted to do was girly things.
Going through puberty and not having my body develop the way I wanted to was a hard blow to handle. Things were different when I was younger and still had a high voice and softer features.
Figuring out the way boys act with each other was a wake up call as well. I wasn’t like them I didn’t want to do the things they wanted to do. I flocked to the the feminine my whole life. If I tried to put it out of mind, it wouldn’t last long. This wasn’t a phase this was who I was.
I hid who I was for too long. I cared what others thought about me and I let that dictate my actions. I couldn’t continue this or things would only get worse. Finally transitioning was the most incredible thing that could have happened to me. Finally I was on the right track I was doing what made me happy. I was living my life authentically as a woman. I was being myself.
This is something I know I’ve not only wanted but needed. I don’t know where I’d be if I’d even be anywhere if it wasn’t for transitioning. I’m in a body I can be comfortable with and I can flaunt my femininity without shame. I have always been a girl and nobody will tell me otherwise.