proud to be pinay

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okay this is a bit late but I just wanna say how proud i am. after more than 40 years, we finally get to bring home the crown again. Miss Philippines, holy shit i have no words. just absolutely beautiful. all the contestants SLAYED tonight. let’s not talk about the confusion that happened, just understand that people make mistakes. shit happens. it was still a great show! ❤️🇵🇭

Here’s a picture of my mother and brother. As you can see, my mother is a different complexion than either of us. I remember feeling shame when my mother would pick us up from school and the kids would ask if that was our babysitter because we looked so different. It wasn’t until later that I became aware of all she had given us: our lips, our hair, our eyes and most importantly, our sense of self. I am immensely proud to be the son of my #pinay mother and I look forward to one day sharing our heritage with my children.

i was the only girl of color in my entire school from pre-k up until 8th grade, & when i got to high school there were only 2 other woc who weren’t even in my class.

for a long stretch of time, i had no friends because everyone thought of me as the nerdy foreign Asian girl who was too weird to talk to. the only time anyone did talk to me was to harass me on AOL instant messenger where they called me racial slurs & told me to ‘go back to Asia.’ my hometown area is absolutely notorious for its racism & white children there internalize it at a disturbingly young age.

when i finally did get friends, they were all white (i didn’t really have options to choose from) & they served me up with so many microaggressions that i mistook for genuine friendship, while their parents didn’t even bother to mask their racism when i visited their homes. i was fetishized by the worst of white boys who emotionally & physically abused me, but i let it happen over & over again because i measured my own worth by how they measured mine.

as a result of these experiences, i’ve dealt with internalized oppression in the forms of depression, severe body dysmorphia, social anxiety, & self-hatred. therapy didn’t do shit for me, & i also constantly longed for my family in the Philippines. i still find the diaspora woes hard to deal with.

but my healing process truly began when i started writing everything down, stringing my anger & pain & perceived self-inadequacies into poetry. i felt so validated the first time i ever shared the weight of my internalized oppression through spoken word, which allowed me to embrace my color & heritage fully, a feeling like no other. 

since then, the elements of my healing process continuously expose themselves to me, like magic a little bit at a time, reminding me why i deserve to be loved, even if it’s only ever by me. reminding me that in rejecting the standards of whiteness, i can finally exist. i can live.

now the shy girl in the corner dances wildly in the middle of the room. wails high notes into a microphone in front of a bar crowd. doesn’t hide from the sun. actually speaks her unpopular opinions.

sometime’s it’s still a struggle. i still hurt. but i am proud pinay. queer & present. a brown girl thriving. it’s taken me 20+ years to learn how to love myself, but i think i’m finally there.

- plantainfried
A revolutionary act.

I love who I am. There are things I hate about myself, but I love who I am.

I’m a proud Asian woman. I’m a proud Pinay woman. I love learning more about my culture and embracing all that I am, but it saddens me that our society is built around white supremacy and how whites are the ideal in every single way. I hate that people in my culture are ashamed of who they are because they’re not white enough or considered *real* Asians. 

I’m sad that many Filipinxs feel they have to identify as Pacific Islander because the world doesn’t see us as *real* Asians. 

I’m angry that the history of my people was erased and forgotten. I’m angry that we don’t fit in anywhere. We’re otherized by everyone. 

We lost an entire language and culture when the Spaniards came. We were forced to hate ourselves. 

A revolutionary act is to love your culture and be proud of it. Because history taught us to despise it. 

External image

Angel,16 years old, Half filipino-half white, and i live in pretty much an all white area (aka IOWA)

I’m not happy when I get told I look Korean or Japanese and tell me that they could have never guessed that I was filipino, because I am. I have filipino blood in my veins and it’s not a compliment when people say that to me (although Korea and Japan are wonderful places). When guys tell me that since I look Korean that they like me better, that isn’t a compliment to me anymore- Just say I’m beautiful!

I’m was blessed with beautiful dark skin when I was little, when my mom handed me my first bar of whitening soap. I remember her pulling my flat nose saying that if she does this I’ll be more beautiful and that flat noses are ugly. Whitening soap and trying to shape my face to have european features was my life up to when I reached my teenage years. Teenagers insisted that I was asian if I looked like an eastern asian, then I was asian. My beautiful thick eyebrows were ruined by words that people told me. I used to be ashamed of my pinay blood and how people said that “Pineapple”(Yes. a boy said that to me instead of the Pinas" was a dirty place. Since I’ve gotten older now, I’ve realized that you need to be proud of where your ancestry comes from because that’s your story, and you will continue that story of being (insert race). Don’t hide your ethnicity because of what everyone says that asian people look like- you’re asian because you have asian blood.

I’m not your cute china doll. I’m not a geisha doll, either. I’m not a submissive, tiny asian girl who subdues to everyones needs. And I’m DEFINITELY not your token asian or asian best friend.

I’m not eastern asian. I’M NOT EASTERN ASIAN. I NEVER will be eastern asian. I’m proud of being south eastern asian. I’m proud of having filipino blood. I’m proud of being part of the subanen tribe back in lapuyan city in Mindanao. I’m proud of who I am. Ako ay pinay.