proud to be british

summary of britain :

-elaine the pain
-dave just saved money on his car insurance and now he feels epic
-carpet right
-woolies
-dfs sales
-raven
-the “I like old movies,” match.com couple
-sick one m8
-wanker
-losing ur nandos virginity
-bogies!!!
-such fun
-vicky pollard
-greggs amirite??????
-top notch banter
-there ain’t no party like an sclub party
-feeling out of place wearing trackies in waitrose
-lad points
-should’ve gone to specsavers
-jezza kyle (ledge)
-webuyanycar.com
-the isle of fernandos
-d of fucking e

10

so as the most recent series of ITV’s Endeavour finished lately and we will be on hiatus until series 5 comes out, I felt the need to make this for you all to enjoy, also please go watch this if you haven’t it’s such a good show :3 

if you like Sherlock you will like this, I promise

also @howmuchpieisleft contributed a little bit so thanks for filling the holes in my brain <3 

What It's Like To Be British....

• Worrying you’ve accidentally packed 3 kilos of cocaine and a dead goat as you stroll through “Nothing to declare”


• Being unable to stand and leave without first saying “right”

• Not hearing someone for the third time, so just laughing and hoping for the best


• Saying “anywhere here’s fine” when the taxi’s directly outside your front door


• Being sure to start touching your bag 15 minutes before your station, so the person in the aisle seat is fully prepared for your exit


• Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it’s illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand


• Having someone sit next to you on the train, meaning you’ll have to eat your crisps at home

• The huge sense of relief after your perfectly valid train ticket is accepted by the inspector


• The horror of someone you only half know saying: “Oh I’m getting that train too”


• “Sorry, is anyone sitting here?” – Translation: Unless this is a person who looks remarkably like a bag, I suggest you move it


• Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you’ve asked for money and the wait is out of your hands


• Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck


• Waiting for permission to leave after paying for something with the exact change


• Saying hello to a friend in the supermarket, then creeping around like a burglar to avoid seeing them again


• Watching with quiet sorrow as you receive a different haircut to the one you requested


• Being unable to pay for something with the exact change without saying “I think that’s right”


• Overtaking someone on foot and having to keep up the uncomfortably fast pace until safely over the horizon


• Being unable to turn and walk in the opposite direction without first taking out your phone and frowning at it


• Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over zebra crossings, while throwing in an apologetic mini wave


• Punishing people who don’t say thank you by saying “you’re welcome” as quietly as possible


• The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about


• Turning down a cup of tea for no reason and instantly knowing you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake


• Suddenly remembering your tea and necking it like a massive, lukewarm shot


• Realising you’ve got about fifty grand’s worth of plastic bags under your kitchen sink


• “You’ll have to excuse the mess” – Translation: I’ve spent seven hours tidying in preparation for your visit


• Indicating that you want the last roast potato by trying to force everyone else to take it


• “I’m off to bed” – Translation: “I’m off to stare at my phone in another part of the house”


• Mishearing somebody’s name on the second time of asking, meaning you must now avoid them forever


• Leaving it too late to correct someone, meaning you must live with your new name forever


• Running out of ways to say thanks when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed ‘cheers’, ‘ta’ and ‘nice one’


• Changing from ‘kind regards’ to just ‘regards’, to indicate that you’re rapidly reaching the end of your tether

• Staring at your phone in silent horror until the unknown number stops ringing


• Hearing a recording of your own voice and deciding it’s perhaps best never to speak again


• The relief when someone doesn’t answer their phone within three rings and you can hang up

• Filming an entire fireworks display on your phone, knowing full well you’ll never, ever watch it again

I see no lies here
summary of britain:

-dave just saved money on his car insurance and now he feels epic
-simples *meerkat noise*
-vicky pollard
-d of e
-the “I like old movies” match.com ad
-the isle of fernandos
-losing ur nandos virginity
-lad points
-woolies
-jezza kyle (top ledge)
-raven
-greggs
-any type of insurance advert
-sick one m8
-elaine the pain
-there ain’t no party like an s club party
-should’ve gone to specsavers
-feeling outta place in trackies in waitrose
-such fun
-carpet right

9

I made another one of these dumb things, because I feel like this show has kinda fallen off the radar and not enough people know about it’s hilarity. 

I love this show so much, it never fails to make me laugh :3

5

This is what you do.

This. You embrace people, you welcome people, you empathize with people, you celebrate people, and you shelter people from danger. This, is what you do when you can. This is what being a human being, among fellow human beings, means; this is what it requires.

BatBoys reactions to walking in on Bruce and Selina making out in the kitchen:

Dick: Yeah, get it gurl! *secretly wipes away a tear*

Jason: *scoffs* Ugh, get a room. There are like a billion of them upstairs.

Tim: *covering his eyes* Is NOWHERE SACRED???

Damian: *leaves quietly, denies he saw anything, mutters under his breath for the rest of the day*

Bonus: 

Alfred: 

Originally posted by hiinenkelte

i love my country so damn much. it’s not perfect at all, lord knows i have more than a handful of issues with it, and it for sure has a long way to go in terms of being better.

but the strength of the british people, the commitment overall to love that we have after every attack, the refusal to let our spirit be destroyed? the spirit that says “You may be attacking us with knives but i spent £6 on this pint of beer so if I’m running, I’m taking it the fuck with me”, the spirit that says “Oh you attack our children whilst they enjoy a concert? Fuck you, we won’t be cowed, we’ll put on another concert, a bigger concert, and we’ll celebrate love at it” - i love that spirit so much. my country isn’t perfect, but god damn do i love it with my whole heart

Ok, what the fuck?

Have you guys ever felt attacked by your main celebrity crush? Like… you’re finally starting to see other handsome actors and suddenly they come back with lots of photshoots or some new trailer and just pull you back in a “You’re not going anywhere” kind of way?

BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THOMAS IS CONSTANTLY DOING TO ME.

Back when I was starting to crush on Sebastian, all the Kong shiz happened. Now i am really trying to stick with my guy, calm, zen, flowery Keanu, where everything is peaceful and he’s a gentle guy, AND HERE HE COMES THOMAS STOMPING WITH NEW LOKI SHIZ, AND NEW PHOTOSHOOTS.

I JUST… CAN’T.CATCH.A BREAK.

YOU SHUT YOUR FACE, WILLIAM.