I’m so proud of myself. Further to my last post of doing things that bring enjoyment, even if they’re not necessarily the easiest things to do, today I put that into action.
I had a free day while the girls were at school. This doesn’t happen very often because I usually have something or other scheduled in. I decided instead of mooching around at home, I would get out and do something. When I have a foster baby, I always imagine all these things I’d be doing if I had free time…. concerts, theatre trips, art galleries, exhibitions etc, but then I have free time and I tend to fill it with mundane stuff like housework and pottering around.
So I seized the moment and took myself to a classical music lunchtime concert in town. I am not particularly musical but I can enjoy sitting peacefully and watching and listening. I was quite anxious because I didn’t know where the venue was and I hadn’t bought a ticket in advance, but I negotiated the hurdles and made it in. It was a violin and a viola duo and I really enjoyed it. Then afterwards I met H for a quick coffee. I also walked to the concert and back which was quite a long walk so I got some exercise as well.
I’d say my mood beforehand was a 5 (neutral) and afterwards was an 8. 👍👍👍 for pushing myself to do nice things.
#transformationtuesday So, that’s 3 years ago to now. It’s a truly unflattering pic, and I sort of don’t even want to post this, but it’s a pretty candid moment to capture how I felt. It’s real strange for me to think about and is even harder to look at, but in that time, everything was going great on paper and I was able to “succeed in life” as long as I distracted and disassociated myself to extremes and covered myself up- but in the silence of the evenings, alone with myself, I just ached and felt dead/numb. I avoided introspection or critical self analysis, hated being confronted by how much I chose to not care about myself (mostly via how bad I looked) and felt completely and increasingly out of touch with myself. It’s only been through massive self-reflection, love, honesty, trust, and healthy relationships, that that’s slowly changed and bit by bit Ive been able to slough off most of the damaged bits and come back.
HOLY SHIT!! HER VOCALS, THE VISUALS, THE CHOREOGRAPHY!!! I’M SPEECHLESS, SANTA MIERDA! she always changes up her performances so none of them are alike visually, she puts a 110% in everything she does and it’s so beautiful. She’s a LEGEND 🌹 ⚡ 👀