protest button

Long Distance [Part 2]

Pairing: Peter X Reader
Warnings: So much fluff, Language
A/N: I’m glad you guys liked part one, hope you like part two just as much!!! Let me know if I should do a part three, I’ve been debating it for a while :))

Part One


“What about some Spider-Man bath towels?” You asked through the phone, shifting it to your right ear so you can reach out and grab an item from the shelf. “I can’t believe they actually make those! They would look great in the bathroom, just saying.”

“That’s hilarious,” Peter replied, his voice sounding unimpressed. You stifled a laugh, reaching out and grabbing some basic grey ones. “If I get home and you bought a bunch of Spider-Man themed towels, I might have to kick you out.”

Keep reading

xxlovendreamsxx replied to your post “Sasus probably the kinda guy who turns down Sakuras advances before…”

one who will also frequently engage in morning sex with her with no regards as to her being late for work yes??????? huehueheu

she becomes exponentially more alert at the feeling of her presumed slumbering husband’s firm grip on her wrist, the sound of her alarm still shrill in the background. He had grabbed her just as she had started to roll out of bed to groggily begin her morning routine. Sakura turns to see him buried in their comforter, messy-haired, one eye open, staring her down with a look, lazy as it may be, that can only mean one thing.

“right now?”

he squeezes her wrist. she sighs.

“but last night you said you didn’t want to-”

he shifts onto his back, sheets sliding conveniently enough to keep him covered, but still suggest that he is.. in need.

“you’re impossible” she protests, pressing the snooze button.

“and you’re annoying” he mumbles into his pillow, pulling her on top of him. “now come here”

anonymous asked:

Platonic Lance and reader? “If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.”

I’m going to do an AU for this, I hope you don’t mind.

Trust me, it’s worth it.

– Ryan


Lance invited his friends over frequently to spend the weekends, where they would have extravagant dinners, and stay up all night listening to music and stories that his parents would share with everyone. It was always a blast, and his parents made sure everyone had a good time. Hanging with the McClains was always fun, and tonight was no exception.

The couch was dogpiled with everyone, GameCube controllers in four of the five sets of hands. Though Pidge had bowed out of the game to work on her coding, she barely had her attention on her computer as the slaughter began in the Ultimate Friendship Destroyer™.

“Come on Lance, can’t you pick anyone other than Sheik? It’s not fair that you’re always Sheik.” Keith complains as he continues to target the elusive character on the screen.

“You snooze, you lose, Keith. Besides, you’re playing as Samus. She’s a pretty good fighter.”

“That’s what you all say, Captain Falcon kicks ass, and you all know it.” Hunk says as he delivers the signature move into the belly of Samus, sending her across the screen, before she disappears in a flash of light. Keith groans, as it was the loss of his last life. “Why are you all targeting me??” He groans, and you snort.

“Isn’t it obvious Keith? You’re the weakest link.” You laugh, and the others follow suit as Keith mumbles something under his breath.

“Ah, crap, I lost track of where I am, where am I?” Hunk says, flicking the joystick on the controller until Captain Falcon screams, and again, disappears from the field, having fallen off the map.

“Never mind, I found me.” Hunk says, feeling stupid for having wasted a life.

“Come on, [y/n], how hard can it be to beat you in this game? You’re freaking Kirby. He can’t do anything.” Your ears perk at Lance’s statement, and a wicked grin spreads across your face.

Oh, really, now? Kirby is useless, you say?” You use the tone of voice everyone can recognize as someone who’ll show no mercy. Lance swallows, feeling the threat, but laughs, “I mean, I’ll give you credit for holding onto those four lives of yours, but you’ll lose eventually.”

“We’ll see about that.” You say, in a lighter tone, almost a little too carefree. Lance laughs nervously, but continues to play the game.

No more than five minutes later, and two lives lost from everyone, Hunk was eliminated, leaving you with two lives, and Lance with one. But it wasn’t the advantage you had over him that was making Lance nervous.

It was the fact you hadn’t exacted your revenge yet. And that was terrifying to him. 

The suspense had Keith and Hunk on the edge of their seats, and Pidge had long since put away her computer.

“You can do it [y/n]!” Pidge cheers, and you smirk, as you find your opening.

Luring Sheik into the corner, you use Kirby’s special power: his inhaling capabilities. Utilizing this strength, you take Sheik into the huge disgusting pit that is Kirby’s mouth, then continue to waddle to the edge of the map.

Realizing your intention, Lance’s eyes widen, and he protests, smashing every button on the controller before he cries out a solid “NO!

But it’s too late. You’ve already kamikaze’d over the edge with your prey in your mouth, winning the match. For the third time. Lance remains silent, before glaring at you, but in your mirth, you continue to giggle, then you burst into all out laughter.

“[y/n], if I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.” 

Send me prompts!
Make your own request!

Last In Line For The Tub

A fic that I write about Buttons because why not.

Enjoy and please tell me if you want more stories like this or if I should just stick to JackCrutchie.

“Heya, pop.” Buttons scratched behind his ear. “Did ya see the paper today? The strike made front page news!”

Keep reading

The Lucky Boomerang - Part 3

Summary: It was widely known that Captain Boomerang didn’t work well with others; a true statement, until one particular accomplice caught his attention. His decision to spare her caused the pair to become deadly. They were nearly as famous as the Clown couple themselves. Renowned for her easy escapes and incredible stealth, Lady Luck was an appropriate partner for the Aussie bank robber. Their luck changes when a certain metahuman brings them both to Belle Reve Penitentiary and they are forced into joining Task Force X. (Side note: In this imagine, Boomerang is at Belle Reve)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4

(Captain Boomerang x Reader)

Warnings: Mild sexual references

Word Count: 924

A/N: I don’t know if anyone likes this series, but I’m enjoying writing it so I’m going to keep going! Please send me feedback because I love seeing people’s responses! Also, sorry this chapter is slightly shorter. I do have bigger plans for future chapters so I didn’t want them all to be super long!

Once Flag had finished his speech, he allowed the criminals their personal belongings. (Y/N) sauntered over to the box with her name on it, opening it to reveal various weapons and items of clothing she’d not seen in a very long time. She glanced over at Digger, who was wiping his shining boomerangs on the sleeve of his coat.

(Y/N) pulled out her black leggings, which were adorned with the symbols on a pack of cards, and tight, black off-shoulder top. Looking down at her prison uniform and then at her surroundings, (Y/N) realised there was nowhere but where she stood to change, under the watchful gaze of a dozen soldiers. She noticed Harley just strip to her underwear, not a care in the world, and decided to do the same.

Keep reading

Case Closed

Summary: Dan and Phil are lawyers, and sometimes their cases against each other get a little too…. heated (inspired by this post)

Genre: au, enemies to lovers

Warnings: swearing, implied smut

Words: 1,065

“Alright, fuck it,” Dan muttered, seconds before he slammed his hands down onto the table in front of him, “all due respect, your Honor-”

“There’s no real proof that can attribute to his statement that my client is guilty,” Phil Lester interrupted, cutting over Dan.

Keep reading

InCube Gala Fic! (stuffing, mentions of mpreg)

(Literally don’t even look at my scribbly drawing omg I’ve been half asleep consistently for a month and a half.)

Anywayyyyy Happy Gala, InCubers! Super special thanks to @monster-at-heart for putting together the event and the merch for the giveaway. I haven’t had time to get too detailed with any of this, but here’s a ficlet about our dear Dashiel’s end-of-gala experience. ;)

The Argentan night sky, Dash decided, was ugly as fuck.

As a kid, he used to love laying on his back in the dirty snow and looking at the stars Chionis had to offer, but in hindsight, that sky was ugly too. Uglier, possibly. Constantly smeared with clouds of factory smog and the contrails of transporter ships.

Dash hadn’t seen a real, quality night sky until his InCube pay transfers had started rolling in, at first in three figures that he practically burst into freaking tears over… then four, and before he knew it he was earning six or seven on a single job. And with the money came the ship, and eventually the reactor that qualified the ship for longer trips. Suddenly every kaleidoscopic star pattern was more goddamn beautiful than the last – and when he sunk into his couch with his back aching and his abdomen heavy with the latest fuck-knows-what-monstrosity, he always closed his eyes and saw constellations painted in layers on his eyelids, stretching forever.

Which, come to think of it, probably had to do more with his average booze intake than anything else.

And tonight’s intake was above average.

Dash tore his eyes from the clouded gray horizon and slowly hoisted himself off of the stone bench outside the Gala ballroom, holding out a hand to help Marsh up after. Even if the sky was ugly, at least Marsh wasn’t.

Marsh really, super wasn’t.

Keep reading

Imagine you are Chibs’ Old Lady and the guys tease him about the age gap between the two of you but he shows you he is not an ‘old man’. *Smut*

Warnings: smut, language.

“Shut up,” Chibs grumbles, folding his arms across his chest defensively.
The guys laughed.

“I mean,” Tig said, “I get that she likes older guys, but you’re old enough to be her grandfather!”

You knew it was an exaggeration, but you knew it pissed Chibs off nonetheless. The guys loved to make fun of the age gap between you and your Old Man and while you knew it was just fun, Chibs took it personally. You suspected it had something to do with him having already been married once but you never asked in case it caused problems.

“Yeah, how’d you land someone as young as her anyway?” Jam chimed in, “She’s, like, my age.”

You heard Chibs huff and decided now was as good a time as any to butt in.

“Chibs, we really get going, don’t you think? I still have to make us dinner and it’s getting late.” You said, placing a hand on his arm to get his attention and show your support.

He gave you a look, one eyebrow raised, that told you he knew exactly what you were trying to do. Still, he didn’t object. The two of you bid your goodbyes and rode home on your Old Man’s Harley.

“You know they’re only joking, right? They don’t really think you’re too old for me.” You told Chibs as you put a pot of water on the stove to boil. Chibs was leaning on an island bench, watching you from the other side of the kitchen.

He only hummed in response, too busy watching you bend over as you searched the refrigerator.

You were dicing up a carrot when you felt hands on your hips, followed by soft lips and scratchy stubble on your neck. You shivered and set the knife down.

“I could’ve chopped my fingers off, you know?” You said, but it came out halfhearted due to the lust that was quickly making you feel lightheaded.

“I wouldn’t let you get hurt.” Chibs mumbled into your neck.

This time it was you who hummed as you tilted your neck and leaned back on your husband. You could feel the bruise forming where your Old Man was sucking and biting at your neck. You let out a soft moan and, in return, Chibs growled lowly and spun you in his arms to smash your lips together in a fierce kiss. You gripped the back of his neck, pulling him in closer and letting his tongue slide into your mouth.

He stepped closer to you, trapping you between his hips and the bench. The felt the bench digging into your lower back but paid it no mind as you could also feel the tent in Chibs’ jeans pressing against your front. Your hands found their way into Chibs’ grey locks, tugging lightly. He reached behind you and shoved the chopping board aside, the carrots scattered, forgotten on the floor. He grasped your hips roughly, lifting you onto the bench. You spread your legs so that Chibs could come to stand between them as he kissed and nipped your neck and chest, pulling on the collar of your shirt to gain more access. (As he kissed you, you reached over to the stove and turned it off so not to burn the house down).

“I don’t care what they say,” he muttered between kisses, “I’m not too old to make you feel good.”

His hands gripped the collar of your shirt and before you could protest he pulled, buttons went flying and your shirt was ruined but you could care less; you’d worry about it tomorrow. Rough, calloused fingers toyed with your bra. He was rubbing and massaging your tits through the thin material, occasionally letting a digit or two slip in to tease your nipples.

You pushed him back (with a whine at the loss) only to push his kutte off his shoulders and pull his shirt over his head. The moment you had rid him of his kutte and shirt, you ran your hands over his chest, the small hairs tickling your pals, and then raked your nails lightly back down his pecs and stomach, stopping at the button of his jeans. Then,  you removed your hands to undo the button on your own jeans instead.

“Come on then, old man,” you teased as you undid your jeans at a slow, tantalising pace, “show me what you’ve got left in you.”

Chibs gripped your wrists hard and removed them from your jeans so that he could undo them himself. He dropped to his knees in front of you. You lifted your hips up to help him drag the denim down your legs. He planted kisses along your inner thighs as the smooth skin was revealed. When he had finally rid you of your pants, he went for your underwear next. The bench was cold under you and you couldn’t help but feel slightly exposed from your position, but those thoughts left your mind the moment Chibs stood up and pushed down his own jeans, letting them pool at his ankles.

“Fuck me, old man.” You teased, tugging him closer to you and shuffling further towards him.

I,” he said, lining his leaking tip to your entrance. He pushed in and you couldn’t contain the cry that spilled from your lips at the feeling of being so full. “Am not old.”

You didn’t get a chance to say anything more before your old man was pounding into you with all that he had. You threw your head back with a particularly loud moan and you felt yourself shudder. You felt like your whole body was on fire; his hips slapping against your thighs, your fingers tangled in his hair, his lips all over your body, every time he touched you felt hotter than the last.

“Do you like it when I take you like this?” He asked.

“God, Chibs, yes!” You moaned out but gasped when he hit your g-spot hard.

You felt your stomach tighten and you knew you were close to finishing. The way Chibs’ thrusts were losing rhythm told you he was too.

“Kiss me,” you ordered and he happily obliged.

The kiss was lazy and hard but passionate; your teeth were clashing but your tongues danced in perfect timing.

“Oh my- Chibs, I’m gonna come!” You whispered into his mouth.

He looked down at you through thick lashes, eyes clouded in desire.

“Good.” His voice was deep and rough, his accent thick. That alone was enough to send you over the edge. Your body shook as you came and you clenched around him. He kept thrusting as you rode out your orgasm, and soon he followed suit as he came inside you with a cry of your name.

He slumped and let his head rest on your shoulder as the two of you caught your breath. You hopped off the bench and put your hands on Chibs’ shoulders to steady yourself, your legs still shaky. Chibs, ever the gentleman, bent down to pick up your panties and his shirt. You thanked him when he passed them to you and slipped them on while he pulled up his own jeans.

“Sorry about your shirt, sweetheart.” He said, although he didn’t sound sorry at all.

You stood on your toes to kiss him deeply. “Do not apologise for that. That was amazing, and I, for one, will never call you old again.”

You didn’t miss the smug smile that made it’s way onto his face.

Romantic Tension : Jin

(Sorry this took so long…) 

Jin could cook. Man, could he cook. Half of you felt a little guilty for stuffing your face the way you were, but the pride on Jin’s face stemmed those feelings immediately. “You like it?” “It’s delicious,” you mumbled around a particularly large bite you’d taken. “Should I make more?” You shook your head no, more out of consideration for the protesting buttons on your jeans than anything else. Your phone went off. “Damn.” You had less than ten minutes to be back at work. Standing, you forked one last precious bite into your mouth, “I gotta go. You need to teach me how to make this.”

“When are you free?”

You raised your eyebrows, surprised that he had so readily offered, “uh, this weekend.”

“Saturday, then?”


That Saturday, you were nervous. Was it a date? You guys were friendly, you’d never let slip your feelings and he seemed not to have any beyond platonic. When he let you in and you saw his apartment empty save the two of you, you couldn’t help but feel a mixture of anxiety, fear, and excitement.

The entire time you both cooked, his elbow kept brushing yours. It was distracting. You almost cut yourself at least five times, and though he laughed, Jin was clearly beginning to seem concerned. “Slow down with that knife, y/n,” he directed. “I thought you were supposed to do it like this,” you said bewildered, bringing the knife down again rapidly. “No, like this,” Jin reached around you and took your hand in his. Beyond that, he wasn’t touching you, but you were hyper-aware of his presence, his chest centimetres from your back.

He was so close, you were sure that if you turned your head… everything would be different. A thousand possibilities raced through your mind. What if Jin didn’t mean anything by your proximity? What if he only wanted sex? …What if he kissed you and felt the same way you did? “Y/n,” he began his timber low against your ear.

Then the kitchen door slammed open and you both leapt apart. “When’s dinner?” It was Taehyung. “I don’t know, none of this is for you,” spat Jin. He was clearly irritated and the sight of it caused you to bite your lip to stop yourself from smiling.

Heavy Metal (Part Two)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Language

Summary: You have been HYDRA’s secret weapon since you were a little girl. You were injected with Vibranium and were given a chip to control the metal flowing through your body, making you invincible. When The Avengers attack your base you fight back, believing that The Avengers are the bad guys. When they defeat you, they take you back to the compound. They try to convince you that HYDRA is bad, and with the help of Bucky Barnes they might be able to do so.

Word Count: 1.271

Originally posted by evanslovely

You woke up with a horrendous headache. You groaned as you pried open your eyes. You were met with bright light shining right into your eyes and you closed them again.

You tried to roll over, but your hands were restrained. You reluctantly opened your eyes again and looked at you hands. They were handcuffed to the bed you were in.

You frowned and looked around the room. It was a hightech room, not like the one they had in the base. Several machines stood beside your bed and were showing you vitals.

You laid down your head down on the pillow and took in the seriousness of the situation. You were most probably taken by The Avengers and had no way of escaping.

Keep reading

Fun Fact about Me: I played in an episode of Doctor Who.

Hey, so, did you guys know that I actually played a part on Doctor Who? It was just an itty-bitty part, but it was a really important, emotional scene that I got to be in with Matt Smith and I was very honored. You probably wouldn’t recognize me through all the makeup and prosthetics (I even got to light up, it was so cool), but I like to think that my acting made up for the fact that I didn’t have a lot of screen time. And, seriously, working with Matt was so great. It was a really difficult scene and he was just so supportive about it, because even though it was only a few seconds, it was very physical. He had to hit me in that scene and with the camera angle, we just couldn’t fake it, so he would hit me pretty hard on every take and he kept apologizing and I kept telling him that it was okay. Really, I had so much makeup on, I swear that I could barely feel a thing.

Since I had so little screen time, I can get my whole performance in one gif. Here, look carefully:

 I bet you guys can guess. While there were a few scenes I spent in the background, this was my big moment.

Yes, that is really me. I am the “Protest Button” and I was absolutely delighted to have the part. I auditioned with plenty of other buttons, some of whom had a distinct advantage over me because they regularly worked as actual protest buttons, and many of them lit up, which I cannot do without assistance. But I got the role, and it was wonderful. I am very proud that I got to be a part of Doctor Who.

Review - Gay & Lesbian History for Kids: The Century-Long Struggle for LGBT Rights by Jerome Pohlen

Oh Gay & Lesbian History for Kids.  I wanted to love you.  I came so close….. but then you crashed and burned. 

Despite the title Gay & Lesbian History for Kids actually starts strong.  It identifies Alexander the Great and Emperor Hadrian as bisexual on page 4 so perhaps I got my hopes up….. but once it gets past Stonewall, its like bisexual and transgender people just stop existing.  If bisexual people are in this book, they are in boxes off to the side, showing that we do exist but aren’t really all that important to the narrative.  There is nothing on the history of tension between lesbians and mainstream feminism about the similar antagonism towards bisexual women in the movement. No Brenda Howard and Sylvia Rivera is not identified as bi. 

And the first mention of Sylvia Rivera in this book deadnames her.  I was shocked.  I’ve been a big reader of queer history for over a decade and I’ve never come across Rivera’s birthname before because IT’S HIGHLY DISRESPECTFUL AND NOT RELEVANT TO HER WORK.  Rivera is mentioned a few times but there is no real depth or explanation of her work.  Transgender rights and transgender people are all but forgotten after 1970, with no mention of their issues of violent hate crimes or employment discrimination.  And despite some valiant attempts at diversity in the beginning of the book, it is as though queer people of color in this history just stopped existing or mattering after the 1960′s. 

The one possible saving grace of this book is the activities.  Holy hell they are awesome!   This would be the perfect book to use with a girl scout troop or day camp or sunday school.  I’m all about teaching kids queer history by teaching them to make their own protest signs/songs/buttons/symbols, performing scenes from queer theatre, reading banned books, and forming their own movements around issues that are important to them.  I just wish those awesome activities could be in a book with less problematic trans content and bi erasure.  

Look if you are a school or librarian or parent and the choice is this book or nothing (or god forbid this book and the unmitigated pile of ahistorical dreck that is Ann Bausum’s Stonewall), then pick this book.  It’s got some good moments in the beginning and the activities are top notch.  But overall it is very much a white Gay and Lesbian book, so bisexual and transgender people continue to search for adequate historical representation in our children’s nonfiction.  Sigh. 

- Sarah

trigger warnings for: violence (though discussed a 10 year old appropriate level) and dead-naming 

“Bloody little buttons,” Harry snarled in frustration.

Draco pushed Harry’s hands away. “I’ll do it,” he said. “You get out of your own clothes.”

Harry was grateful for the suggestion. He removed his glasses and set them on the side table, then pulled his shirt off over his head. Harry tossed the garment aside, not caring where it landed. He slid from the bed and kicked off his shoes and socks. Harry unzipped his trousers and shoved them down, along with his pants. He clambered back onto the bed, in time to catch Draco’s cast-off shirt.

“How are you not naked yet?!” cried Harry, dropping Draco’s shirt on the floor.

“I had buttons!” Draco protested.
—  Once a Malfoy by enchanted_jae
Xibalba La Muerte vs. Technology

3. Xibalba and La Muerte playing with modern technology

La Muerte vs. The Camera

Mary Beth smiled into the camera. She was supposed to take a photo for staff I.D at the museum. Quickly smoothing any wrinkles in her skirt and putting any stray hair back into place, she pushed the button on the camera and smiled. A moment went by, then another. Five seconds later Mary Beth’s smile disappeared, she was now looking dead faced at the camera, mildly annoyed. She realized that the camera was set to record, not take a picture. Now Mary Beth had no picture and a five second video of her smiling like an idiot.

“Stupid technology.” She grumbled.

Xibalba vs. The Microwave

“La Muerte.” Xibalba said. It was Tuesday morning and they were both had both accidentally fallen asleep at the museum and Xibalba had a problem. He stood over his wife with no crown, no gloves and a paper plate with some churros on it.

La Muerte was still asleep, face down on the desk, her long black hair spread all over the desk and all over her face. Normally he wouldn’t bother his beautiful wife but this was an issue that had to be immediately addressed.

“Mi amor.” Xibalba said. “Why isn’t the microwave working, mi corazon?” La Muerte didn’t move. “La Muerte.” Xibalba said in a whiny voice. “Wake up.”

La Muerte groaned. “What?”

“Did you do something to the microwave? It’s not working.” Xibalba said. He was referring to the microwave in the staff lounge.

“Yes, I broke the buttons you have to use the Popcorn button for everything.” La Muerte muttered, her eyes still closed.

“But this isn’t popcorn.” Xibalba protested.

“The other buttons don’t work; you have to use the popcorn one.” La Muerte explained.

“But I’m heating up churros.” Xibalba said. La Muerte didn’t move, it appeared she had gone back to sleep on the desk. “La Muerte!”

“WHAT!?” The goddess snapped.

“What am I supposed to do with these churros?” Xibalba asked.

“Why are you eating churros for breakfast?”

“…I don’t know.”

“Look, just put them in the microwave and hit the popcorn button.” She explained.

“Is that safe for churros?” Xibalba raised an eyebrow.


“Are you sure?”


“Have you tried it?”


“With a churro?”




“There weren’t any churros in the staff fridge yesterday.” Xibalba challenged.

“Well I went to the… churro store… and I bought them and I brought them here.” La Muerte said. A stupid explanation but she was not completely awake yet.

“There’s a churro store?” Xibalba asked.

“Yes it’s very good.” La Muerte said.

“I’m actually impressed.” Xibalba said. At this time in the mortal world, he figured if you could buy armor for your cat online there was probably a store out there entirely dedicated to churros.

“Good.” La Muerte sighed, putting her head back down.

“Why did you break the microwave?” Xibalba asked.

“I didn’t mean to, I just push the buttons to hard.” La Muerte explained.

“Well then why does the popcorn button still work?” Xibalba asked.

“Because I wasn’t making popcorn.”

“Well neither am I!” Xibalba whined.

“Grr! Xibalba, if you are so worried about it, just put it in the oven!” La Muerte yelled. She would later remember that the staff lounge didn’t have an oven but again, she wasn’t fully awake yet and was too deep into their ridiculous argument.

“That’ll take three years!” Xibalba yelled back, also forgetting the fact that the staff lounge didn’t have an oven.

“THEN EAT IT COLD!” La Muerte shrieked. She was not a happy camper this morning, was she? Well then again, their relationship wasn’t always hearts and kisses. In fact, arguing about stupid things like this was common.

“Disgusting.” Xibalba deadpanned.

Sighing in aggravation La Muerte stood up, took the plate of churros from her husband and marched off.

“Hey!” Xibalba protested, turning around to follow her.

La Muerte marched right into the staff lounge, opened the microwave, put the churros in, pushed the popcorn button and then glared angrily at her husband to the sound of the microwave.

Xibalba glared right back. He was not in his usual bowing like posture, he stood straight backed, wings spread a little as he stared angrily at his wife. He wasn’t really a morning person to begin with and he was already irritated, especially after finding out the La Muerte broke the microwave. She was so infuriating, stubborn, and temperamental that it sometimes made him want to claw his own eyes out.

Thirty seconds in and they were still glaring at each other when Xibalba noticed that the marigold on the left side of her head was out of place and barely hanging on. The other marigold was gone, as was her sombrero and stray bits of hair had come free of her ponytail and came around to frame her face. But what really stole Xibalba’s attention was that stupid marigold that was almost falling out of her hair. It would either have to be removed or put back into place.

A minuet and a half in and she hadn’t made a move to fix that cursed marigold. Deciding to fix the damn flower himself Xibalba took a step forward and grabbed the marigold. La Muerte’s eyes narrowed but she made no move to make him stop. Xibalba placed the marigold back in her hair with ease. He did not remove his hand from the side of her head. Tension filled the air as the two gods continued to glare at each other. With an angry growl La Muerte grabbed her husband’s beard and pulled him down to her level.

By the time the churros were ready the two gods were having a rather rough make out session on the couch. La Muerte was lying on top of him through all of this. Xibalba pulled away and smirked at his wife.

“You are aware that there isn’t an oven in here, right?” Xibalba teased.

La Muerte smirked right back. “You are aware that you could have used magic to heat up the churros, right?”

Xibalba didn’t move for a moment. He just laid there with a stupefied expression before scowling in annoyance. “Stupid technology.” He then proceeded to pull his giggling wife back in for another kiss. She may be infuriating, stubborn and temperamental but those were simply a few of the many qualities he loved about her.

Xibalba vs. Computers

Xibalba was sitting at the front desk at the entrance of the museum, glaring at the worthless scrap of metal and plastic that was the computer. He was supposed to make sure that the museum security cameras were all functioning correctly but since the computer was going so slow, Xibalba was losing his patience.

“I could go to the moon and back in the time it’s taken this thing to load.” He growled.

But the loading symbol remained, as though it was mocking him. Xibalba grabbed the closest thing next to him, the newspaper he had been reading prior to this, and started hitting the computer.

“Xavier.” A blonde intern said nervously. She had always been scared of the old security guard. Even when Mary Beth helped her out, she was still terrified of him. Now, Mary Beth was giving a tour so she was on her own.

Xibalba ignored the intern in favor of insulting the computer. “Work! I hate you! You’re worthless!” He snarled.

“I know but I’ve been trying harder lately.” The girl said.

“I was talking to the computer.” Xibalba said slowly. “But, amazing self-esteem there, really.” He said sarcastically with an annoyed glare on his face.

Sufficiently cowed, the intern scurried away. Turning his attention back to the computer, he hit it again with the newspaper. He was sufficiently enraged when an error page popped up saying ‘page 404 not found.’

“I wasn’t looking for page 404!” Xibalba roared. “Why have we never fixed or replaced this monstrosity?”

“You know how it is around here.” A bored voice drawled. Madeline, a brown haired, brown eyed intern sat at the computer next to him and she was one of the two people he worked with that didn’t fear him, the other being his wife. She had her feet propped up, was reading a Harry Potter book and was listening to some metal music. “If it barely works it’s not gonna get replaced.”

“Well I guess that’s why your ass is still being paid.” Xibalba said before focusing on the computer, grumbling. “Stupid technology.”

La Muerte vs. Car Radio

La Muerte parked the car in front of the museum. She was doing a favor for one of the staff members and was listening to the radio while she was doing it. The car had to get repairs and she had volunteered to go get it. Just as she parked the car she heard the radio play a different song.

“Ladies up in here tonight”

“No fighting
(We got the refugees up in here)
No fighting
No fighting
Shakira, Shakira”

La Muerte glared at the radio

“I never really knew that she could dance like this
She make a man want to speak Spanish
Cómo se llama? Bonita, mi casa, su casa
(Shakira, Shakira)”

“Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body”

“And I’m on tonight
You know my hips don’t lie
And I’m starting to feel it’s right
All the attraction, the tension
Don’t you see baby, this is perfection”

Glaring at the radio La Muerte said, “Is it necessary to play my favorite song when I arrive at my destination?” Of course, the radio didn’t say anything back, just kept playing the song. “Stupid technology.” She grumbled and started debating if she should head back into the museum or stay in the car for the rest of the song.

Xibalba and La Muerte vs. Autocorrect

Xibalba= Balby

La Muerte= Sugar Skull

Sugar Skull: How was your morning?

Balby: Bad. I choked a goat and pissed in my coffee.

Sugar Skull: What?!

Balby: OH GODS NO! I choked on TOAST and SPILLED my coffee.

Balby: Is it taco day in the cafeteria?

Sugar Skull: I hop

Sugar Skull: I hopping

Sugar Skull: I home

Sugar Skull: wawa skilltetits

Sugar Skull: I HOPE

Balby: hahahahahahahaha

Balby:Just got a new high score on Angry Turds!

Sugar Skull: What?

Balby: Angry Birds. Stupid Autocorrect

Sugar Skull: XD

Balby: I’m hungary

Sugar Skull: Maybe you should czech the staff fridge

Balby: I’m russian to the staff lounge

Sugar Skull: Is there any turkey

Balby: There is some, but it’s covered in a layer of greece

Sugar Skull: Eww. There is norway you can eat that

Sugar Skull: See you at lunch, I love you mi amor.

Balby: I dove you too mi vida

Balby: I meant love, stupid auto-cucumber

Balby: God’s donut

Balby: How the duck do I turn this off?

Sugar Skull: I’m crying right now! Hahahaha!

Sugar Skull: How’s your day so far sweet bot?

Sugar Skull: *Heart. How did heart autocorrect to bot?


Balby: I broke my penis and it exploded all over my pants.

Balby: Son of a bitch… my pen… I broke my pen.

Sugar Skull: Hahahahahaha! Oh my gods! This made my week! Hahaha!

Balby: Not funny…

Sugar Skull: I’m crying and laughing like a maniac in front of my group and they’re looking at me like I’m a psychopath!

Balby: I give up. I’ll talk to you after work.

Balby: What are you having for lunch?

Sugar Skull: Children salad.

Sugar Skull: Not true.

Sugar Skull: Chicken Salad

Balby: XD

Balby: Hey can you get some pregnant for me?

Sugar Skull: What?

Balby: Damn auto-erect! Pringles, the potato chips. Not pregnant.


Sugar Skull: I’m dying!

DISCLAIMER! I only own Madeline, who is me. Everything belongs to its rightful owner.