protect 365

Smile #071 Roy Mustang
“The power of one man doesn’t amount to much. But, however little strength I’m capable of I’ll do anything humanly possible to protect the people I love and then in turn they’ll protect the people they love. It seems like the least we tiny humans can do for each other.”

Day 14/365

January 14: What are you looking for in life?

This is probably one of the hardest questions to answer. There’s a part of me that deep down knows what I want, but I often can’t bring myself to say it out loud because it hurts too much.

I’ve spent all my life looking for love, acceptance and protection. I’ve never looked for money, recognition, social status, etc. I probably should have wanted those things, but no, I had to go for the difficult ones.  

The more I’ve been wronged or ditched by family, friends, and significant others, the more I’ve come to accept that nobody can really give me the things I’m looking for. Apparently, I am the only who can love, accept, and protect myself. And sometimes that’s not easy; sometimes I need to have someone in my corner for a change.

I would give anything, anything in the world to have someone, JUST ONE PERSON, to hug me and hold me when I break down. Someone who can see me at my worst and just be there, no conditions, no judgments, no pity, no words that make me feel guilty or more broken than I already feel.

I think everyone deserves to be loved and cared for. I’ve wanted that since I was a child, but the problem is that I don’t have any hope left. I’m not looking for it anymore because I just can’t stand the pain. If people keep breaking my heart, there won’t be any pieces left for me to pick up.

So, I’ve given up and all I’m looking for now is a way to provide for myself until the day I die. That’s something I can do, something I don’t need other people for. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than nothing.