She pulls me slowly into her arms and starts to gently wipe away the tears flowing down my face. My body turns to concrete. My stomach is a sea storm crashing over rocks. Sensations flooding over me. The darkness whispers the secrets she kept, “…Don’t tell her”, “…she’d be so mad”. The pictures they shared between them haunts my mind when my eyes close. I begin to shake as the storm crashes harder, my face goes paler. Her arms grip me tighter.
The darkness begins to drown me.
My breathing quickens. My heart races like a hummingbird’s, trying to break out of my ribcage. Desperate to fly away before the darkness encases it. My hands twist into fists. Nails pressing deep into the softness of my palm. Piercing the skin. Drawing blood.
She grabs my hands, forcing nails and skin apart. Smells of lavender and grapefruit and guava travel into my bloodstream.
I glance up at her, looking at the sea swelling within her eyes. They’ve lost their twinkle, surrounded by red-puffed tearstained skin. She leans down, pressing her cracked lips against my forehead, holding them there for a moment before releasing with a shaky breath.
I hope the way they treated your love haunts them forever. The way you poured your soul into them, the way you turned every darkness they had into light. The way you kissed their forehead when they were in pain and supported them through the most terrible times of their lives. May they long for you in the moments when they are looking for someone who loves them, who understands them, and can find no one who does it so well as you.
I hope the way they let you go haunts them forever. You deserved better because you stayed up night after night to speak to them when they were in pain, travelled miles for them just to see them because they needed you that day. You deserved better from someone you trusted with your heart, who demanded your surrender and then left you for someone else, someone who they said was better. May their eyes always look away in shame when someone mentions your name.
I hope that one day their ghost leaves your dreams and you aren’t haunted by them forever. May your soul heal from the wounds they inflicted callously by treating your love like it meant nothing, ever. Repeat to yourself every night before you fall into that fitful sleep:
“I deserved better than this. And I will love again.”
Because that is the truth, darling. That is the purest truth about you. You deserve someone who treats your love like it is more precious than anything else in the world. You deserve someone who looks at your effort and considers themselves fortunate for having someone who cares so much in their world.
I hope that you forget the way they treated you and someone else treats you a thousand times better. Your ability to love has been tested with fire and you may be burned, but you have come out alive despite all your tears. Your heart has been broken, but it is strong enough to mend. You have fallen in love before and you will fall in love again.
May the next person you fall in love with, treasure your heart the way it deserves and never breaks it or rips it at the seems. I hope the next person you love gives you all the respect, the love and the truth that you need.
I spend my nights wondering if you’ll ever come back to me.
Maybe, just maybe we weren’t ready for each other yet. Maybe we need to grow, maybe we need to see the world and know that we can be happy alone. Then one day when we have lived, loved and survived our paths will cross again. Maybe then, we will be ready.
I loved the fact that you were my ‘almost.’ That you would forever be the boy that could have been, if only one of us had gained a bit of courage.
There was never going to be a fight that tore us apart. I was never going to be jealous of the girl all over you at the bar, because you were never going to be mine to be jealous of.
It was always just going to be library glances and smiles from afar.
But you broke my heart. You broke my heart 6 months after I had let the thought of you go. You made something that could have faded out from child’s play to nothing at all. You ended even the thought of us.
You were supposed to be the one that would never have a chance to hurt me. But you found a way. And just like that, you became like everyone else.
One day when the pain subsides and my heart is mended, I will thank the universe for allowing our paths to cross. I will be able to be grateful for the time we spent together, no matter how short it was. But for right now, I’m cursing it for taking you away from me before I was ready. I’m cursing it for breaking my heart again.
But I know it’s for the best and who knows, maybe this isn’t the end… just a pause in our story -Jess Amelia
I’m trying so hard to beat you at your own game. I want to wait to read your messages for hours, to see your messages and not reply. I wish I could play along, I thought I had it in me to act like I don’t care. To be honest I didn’t think I would ever care again.
But here I am, you took 6 hours to reply to my message and I am using every ounce of strength to not open and reply to you after only 2 minutes.
I hate that this is such an uneven playing field