life update at midnight
hi friends. i have been blogging way less over the past few months and i don’t like it. this summer has been crazy for me. traveled a lot, got my first job, took summer classes online, spent a lot of time with my mom and siblings… it’s just been a lot. and it’s been really great. the fact that i was able to
- have a job
- drive hundreds of miles by myself
- “only” go to the doctor’s three times in the past 6 months (and 2/3 times something was actually wrong w me)
- gain ~10 lbs.
- start exercising and eating healthily
is so freeing. i feel so free. i still have a lot of crap to get through, but i’ve made so much progress. anxiety no longer controls me and it’s the best. i’ve been experiencing a lot of growth. in a couple days i’m moving an hour away from home (3 hours from dad’s) and i’m both excited and terrified. last time i attempted college, i had the worst 8 days of my life and came home. being on my own sounds so scary, but so thrilling. i want to be independent. i want to be able to take care of myself. i have so much going for me down in lynchburg that i’m pretty confident it’ll be an amazing semester, but at the same time the fear that i will let anxiety win again is daunting. i don’t want to get stuck in my room, only leaving for food and my once-a-week class. i want to live and live fully and meet new people and create really awesome friendships and try new things and keep moving forward. being in a new place with so many new opportunities is an amazing chance for me to create a beautiful life. that is what i am trying to focus on. i’m hoping once i get settled there, i will have more time to spend on writing and other forms of emotional outlet (videos, photos, little entries like this, etc.) i really feel like i’m ready this time. well, as ready as i’ll ever be. growing up is so scary, but at this point, i’ve realized i have no other choice but to
and i’m learning to embrace that.