life update at midnight

hi friends. i have been blogging way less over the past few months and i don’t like it. this summer has been crazy for me. traveled a lot, got my first job, took summer classes online, spent a lot of time with my mom and siblings… it’s just been a lot. and it’s been really great. the fact that i was able to 

  • have a job
  • drive hundreds of miles by myself
  • “only” go to the doctor’s three times in the past 6 months (and 2/3 times something was actually wrong w me)
  • gain ~10 lbs.
  • start exercising and eating healthily 

is so freeing. i feel so free. i still have a lot of crap to get through, but i’ve made so much progress. anxiety no longer controls me and it’s the best. i’ve been experiencing a lot of growth. in a couple days i’m moving an hour away from home (3 hours from dad’s) and i’m both excited and terrified. last time i attempted college, i had the worst 8 days of my life and came home. being on my own sounds so scary, but so thrilling. i want to be independent. i want to be able to take care of myself. i have so much going for me down in lynchburg that i’m pretty confident it’ll be an amazing semester, but at the same time the fear that i will let anxiety win again is daunting. i don’t want to get stuck in my room, only leaving for food and my once-a-week class. i want to live and live fully and meet new people and create really awesome friendships and try new things and keep moving forward. being in a new place with so many new opportunities is an amazing chance for me to create a beautiful life. that is what i am trying to focus on. i’m hoping once i get settled there, i will have more time to spend on writing and other forms of emotional outlet (videos, photos, little entries like this, etc.) i really feel like i’m ready this time. well, as ready as i’ll ever be. growing up is so scary, but at this point, i’ve realized i have no other choice but to 

and i’m learning to embrace that.

Crushing on the hot bassist

• Constantly looking over your shoulder to see him with his feet up chewing on his pencil taping his fingers on the desk
• The teacher calling your name knowing you wouldn’t know the answer to the question
• His cocky smirk knowing you were looking at him
• Bumping into him in the hallway while your books drop in the progress of it
• “Shit my bad beautiful”
• Only nodding and picking up the books casually walking away
• Him smirking while you walk away
• Michael saying “Dibs” and Calum punching him in the shoulder saying “Fuck off she likes me”
• Listening to green day under the school yards tree while finishing the homework for the next class
• Watching Calum play around with the guys and smiling at you from afar
• Going to his gigs and singing along
• Thinking “Man I looks like a stalker” while you watch the from a dark corner
• “You do look like a stalker and yes you said that out loud”
• “Shit sorry”
• Him chucking at your awkwardness
• “See you around beautiful”

anonymous asked:

I'm really pleased these past few days with the progression of Larry regarding their acknowledgement toward our speculations about RBB, a teensy bit of stage interaction, the M&G photos.. I feel like things are gonna start going our way more and more as time goes on and if we think they're gonna come out in November bc the album, that's now only a few months away!! I'm so excited :DDD


Hayffie Week, Day 1: Here and Now

Monday – Inspired By A Song

Soldier On – Temper Trap [LISTEN]

Here and Now

This side of mortality is scaring me to death.

Haymitch stood frozen, fist clenched at his side. He wanted so much to avert his gaze but he couldn’t. A part of him felt that looking away was a sign of disrespect for the colleague he couldn’t save. She was about to die and this was the only way he knew how to stand by her.

When the gunshot rang out, Haymitch flinched slightly. It was only after Portia’s body had slumped forward, lifeless, did he shut his eyes. The image was imprinted in his mind and he tried to regulate his breathing but he was failing.

He could feel it choking him. He could feel his chest tightening. He tugged at his collar desperately. His hand shook and there was an urge to curl his fingers around the familiar curve of the neck of a bottle. He craved for alcohol but he couldn’t have access to it and he felt himself slowly breaking out into a panic attack.

Keep reading

For my followers who selfharm:

I love you, okay? Even if it’s just me, I love you. You can throw the blade away and make a new record for days clean. I believe in you. I am so proud of you even if you just threw away what you used. You are not weak for relapsing. It’s not like a board game where you get sent to the beginning to start over. You don’t lose your progress. Everyone makes mistakes, and hits bumps in the road, so you are not alone. My ask box is always open. You are not the only one to feel the pain where you need to selfharm. We all love you, okay? You are not alone.


The man let his eyes widen in false surprise as they settled upon the person, a slight smile coming to his lips. “Well, well.” He had just returned to the city since more than a month away and you could say he was looking forward to seeing some old faces. Even if he never knew them, it could still be fun. He’d spotted the figure coming for miles, even if he couldn’t specifically see their faces yet. “You looking to lighten up a very bored fella’s day?”

Let it Rain || @opxrationshiine


          Leaving the city in search of water seemed to be more and more hopeless. Haru knew about a wonderful water paradise in the middle of the desert; having found it when he were little, but now when he went to look for it, it was nowhere to be found. He needed the water and could only hope that the prince had allowed more water to the civilians in the span of time he had been away from home.

Tugging his camel along with him, he covered his face with his beautiful blue scarf to protect his face from the strong winds whipping against his face with sand, walking into the city with disappointingly little progress. He made his way to where he knew Makoto was currently working, a small tired sigh leaving his lips as he trudged along – exhausted from his days of wandering with little food and water.

Seeing the familiar shape of his friend, he walked over, tying his companion to her usual spot as he went to greet Makoto. “Makoto… I’m home,” he called out, stopping in front of his friend and looking at him with tired blue eyes. “… Do we have any water?”

I think the dream was about my frustration over hammering my rotation/cooldown timing on mythic Velhari progression for the last couple days only to have the strat change in the last 40min of raid time yesterday, because people in my raid are absolute DOGSHIT at mechanics, so now i have to change talents and all that fine tuning i drilled into my head for like 2 days is USELESS. my damage is gonna be lower overall with this strat lol so ya im not bitter or anything .. GOD I MISS 10MAN RAIDING

Oh. My. Gosh. The response to my newest Free fic Angel in a Leather Jacket has absolutely blown me away, it’s been up for only a few days and it’s already overtaken so many of my other works in some aspects. The comments are all the sweetest darn things I’ve ever read and I’m so excited to write more. Seriously, to anyone on here who’s reading it, thank you from the bottom of my heart, you’re the best!

P.S. If you want to follow me over on my Twitter (search for sophiedoubleyou), I often post screencap previews of the chapters in progress and usually put the link to newly posted chapters there first (for all my works, not just Angel)!
Happy Friday

Today will be busy. As each day brings the beginning of semester closer to view my stress levels rise. Of course, I am always juggling projects and dodging (and sometimes meeting) deadlines. On days when there is a lot going on, I have to maintain serious focus. It’s the only way.

Working out helps me do this. It gives me a legitimate reason to step away from my desk. As long – and here’s the kicker – as I’m truly putting in the time. What I mean is, I allow myself the time away provided I use the time at my desk efficiently. You see, I’m actually quite boring. I spend hours chained to my desk (and rather like it that way).

Still, today is a weird one. I’m getting my run in by jogging to the pharmacy and back. Nothing says fun like a sweaty customer! Then it’s off for a very welcome massage to get at all this lactic acid build up, reading/writing/eating/repeat, and then training – all the while hoping I can dodge the pending thunderstorm destined to hamper my 2:30pm ride.

All in all, a good day. With still so much to do.

anonymous asked:

Hi, im writing because lately ive been feeling like i cant progress, i feel stuck, i feel i lack the motivation to do things i want to do, i've been binge eating a lot, and this tends to happen to me. I got focus t25 and only did 2 days of it :( because its just my lack of will taking over myself, i need help, i also feel extremely fed up with many things right now, and the sad but good part is that im not that far away, and i dont want to keep fucking things up this time, since its the first

(cont) time im actually not that far away from my goal weight :( i need your help, idk what to do, i feel i have the power to get back on track but theres something that is holding me back.

It sounds like you are going through a little self-sabatoge. There might be something in your mind that is preventing you from hitting your goal almost as if keeping the weight on is a way to protect yourself. For example, once you finally hit your goal you will truly be exposed for the world to see who you truly are without that protective shield. You won’t be able to say “if only I could lose this extra 10lbs I could….” anymore. I’ve been doing this too: I lose weight, then go off the deep end and go on a binge or have a few cookies because I am feeling confident—in other words, self-sabotage. I faced this head-on this week. After my stellar 6.5 weight loss, I was feeling awesome! Ya know how you get all cocky and stuff after you lost weight?

Anyway, my clothes are fitting better, my face is slimmer, and I was walking with pride…and then BAM! The self-sabotage reflex kicked in. I got a case of what I like to call the confidents, the old “I lost weight so I deserve this ice cream sundae” mantra that I keep in my back pocket.

So I took a deep breath, threw away the guilt, and faced the aftermath of eating something not healthy head-on. I asked myself some questions: Did the world end? Did I enjoy the food? If I did, then it’s okay. If I didn’t, then why did I indulge in it? Was I nervous or eating emotionally? I came to the conclusion that there’s no point to eating unhealthy, fattening foods if you are going to put yourself through the wringer. If you are going to indulge a little, it must, must be guilt free—otherwise, don’t do it. The aftermath is so not worth it and can lead to overeating at meals.

I found myself at a 15-20lb gain and I thought my world was going to end until I picked myself up from my big girl panties and simply started over. I would create a vision board and remind yourself why you are doing this! Go out tomorrow and buy yourself “you are a badass” by Jen Sincero.. it will change everything for you! Change things up and make working out fun again. Join something or make a promise to a group of people because It’s really hard to blow off a commitment you’ve made to lots of people. If you join an event but then you back out on your training, you’re not just letting yourself down but also the charity and everyone who sponsored you. You can totally do this… just forget about all the coulda shoulda woulda’s and simply start fresh in the morning. Don’t be a victim to your own story!
The assault on abortion rights gets ugly in the Triangle
An anti-abortion group targets a Wake Forest schoolteacher

The anti-abortion activists had arrived at this Planned Parenthood location — which does not perform abortions, by the way — armed with signs, plastic fetuses and church literature.  This was the local component of the so-called National Day of Protest, a concerted, nationwide effort to discredit, defund and finally do away with the reproductive health care provider once and for all.

These protests, which took place at some 300 Planned Parenthood locations across the country, come on the heels of inflammatory videos released by the right-wing group Center for Medical Progress.  Those videos purport to show Planned Parenthood officials gleefully discussing harvesting fetal body parts for sale.

Quick fact check: Only a small number of Planned Parenthood affiliates offer assistance to patients who want to donate tissue for medical research; none of these affiliates operates in North Carolina, and none of the tissue-donation programs are for-profit. Investigations in Georgia, Indiana, Massachusetts and South Dakota have all failed to find any wrongdoing, though that hasn’t stopped conservative politicians from demanding that the federal government defund the organization.   Five states, in fact, have taken steps to prohibit Planned Parenthood from receiving Medicaid funds, despite federal government warnings that doing so is illegal.  North Carolina — along with Tennessee, Kansas, Indiana and Arizona — was previously blocked by the courts from defunding Planned Parenthood.

In addition, federal law already prohibits government dollars from going to abortions; rather, the money the organization receives is used primarily to help low-income women access preventative reproductive health care services like annual exams, birth control, breast and cervical cancer screenings, and testing and treatment for STDs.

Even so, many anti-abortion-rights activists believe their enemy is wounded.  And while this weekend’s Planned Parenthood protests were largely peaceful, other extremists have taken a more aggressive tack — not only harassing or threatening women seeking abortions, but also those who offer them any sort of assistance as well.

What the “War on Choice” look like.

I stepped forward
more and more
To get closer to her…
The only goal i wish to score..
She was my destination…
And to be honest..
Journey was quite a rough…
But I was also ready and tough…
Days went by…
Smile started to fade away….
Us became “you” and “I"…
And My red heart started to turn grey…
She asked me if she can go…
I smiled and told her “answer is what you know"…
She was “Phoenix” i loved…now left me in ashes…
All i was looking at was darkness…
And all I could do was..
Ooo i start to long more…
More for that touch…
More for those lips..
It’s not all about making love or sex…
i longed for us…
Thinking its all done…!!
Gets me goosebumps…
Fucked up i feel…
All i need is you.. TO HEAL…!
—  worst nightmare….


               okay guys, I am going to be away for TEN DAYS. I’ll be back on the 26th of August. I probably will not be reachable by Skype/Tumblr/anything. After that my activity will probably drop a little bit; although I now only have two muses, I still have a lot of big things coming up in my life and I won’t risk them going badly. You can follow me on my second muse here if you would like; she’s private and selective, as she is very important to me and still a work in progress. I had meant to throw more stuff in my queue, so I am really sorry if it starts to run out, but I just don’t have the muse for my drafts right now. Anyway, love you all to pieces and I’ll see you on the flip side!!!

I’m sorry I keep ranting about my family but my stepmom was also putting me down for the fact that I haven’t made as much progress with Merlin as my sister &stepsister have with their horses (who they got shortly before I got Merlin).

1. Nope, I haven’t. But there are good reasons for that:
-He had an abscess last summer that took away nearly half the summer (if not more) worth of riding time.
-Unlike both of them, I work and go to school out of town. By the time he was sound again last year I was going back to school and could only come home on the weekends to ride where they could ride nearly every day.
-My job this summer had me work almost everyday and frequently had me work 8 hours shifts right over the time that I would be have been able to ride otherwise.
2. Don’t freaking out people against each other. Period. It’s manipulative and always makes one person feel like shit. In this case: me.
3. Shut up.

unironicallypunny asked:

What is the thing that gives you hope? What gets you up in the morning? What keeps you going?

I feel like I need to make this reply somehow inspiring and uplifting but honestly? Most of what keeps me going and gets me up in the morning is sheer, blind stubbornness. I convince myself that I have no other choice than to keep moving forward, even if the only progress I can make that day is a single, stumbling footstep away from despair. 

What gives me hope? Both remembering that things didn’t always feel like this so they don’t have to forever and trying to believe that I can accomplish the things other people tell me I can. When I don’t have any faith in myself I rely on other people. Not a great habit, I know and it can definitely lead to feeling hopeless (and alienating people who are sick of being used as support - lmao this is why people always leave) but more often than not there’s someone out there who reminds me that yes, you can do this

I gave myself a good lovin’

Tied my hair back, washed my face well, used a biori strip, brushed my teeth good, and put toothpaste on some growing zits >o 

when I spend so much time away from home I forget to take good care of myself. I like to just crash when I get tired of playing so much instead
gotta remember to be nice to my exterior too. 

if only I could get to drinking more than two cups a day and also getting to bed at a decent time but eh
it’s a work in progress