profound bonds

at the very least I think we deserve mary trying to casually ask what the “deal” between dean and cas is and cas, without missing a beat, explains “we have a profound bond” and before dean can spew his gay panic all over the place cas continues “but he doesn’t like for me to mention it” and mary nods with understanding as dean face palms himself and somewhere in the distance you can hear sam cackling

“Do you ever not watch me sleep?” Dean’s voice is sleep-rough and quiet, though barely piercing the dark solitude of his bedroom. He doesn’t even have to open his eyes to feel Cas lying beside him, gaze fixed on Dean’s face.

“No,” Cas whispers, and Dean inhales when he feels fingers trailing his jaw.

“We’ve talked about this.”

“I know. But yet you seem to enjoy it.”

Dean shifts to make himself more comfortable, rolling to face Cas. He finally opens his eyes, letting them adjust to the darkness. When Cas’s face comes into focus, he smiles – sleepy and sated. A smile reserved only for Cas in these quiet moments, away from the chaos of their lives. “I like knowing you’re here with me. Safe. That’s my favorite thing.”

“What is?”

Dean’s hand closes around Cas’s jaw as he shifts forward to press their foreheads together. He breathes in and lets his lips brush Cas’s before he speaks. “You being safe. I can’t think of anything better than that.”

He feels Cas smile. “I love you, too, Dean.”

  • Cas: DEAN?
  • Dean: yeah?
  • Cas: where is my angel blade?
  • Dean: what?
  • Cas: WHERE. IS. MY. ANGEL BLADE?
  • Dean: I, uh, put it away.
  • Cas: WHERE?
  • Dean: WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?
  • Cas: I NEED IT!
  • Dean: UH UH. DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT RUNNING OFF AND DOING NO-DARING-SHIT. WE'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS DINNER FOR TWO MONTHS!
  • Cas: HEAVEN IS IN DANGER!
  • Dean: MY EVENING IS IN DANGER!
  • Cas: YOU TELL ME WHERE MY ANGEL BLADE IS, HUMAN! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD!
  • Dean: greater good? I am your HUSBAND. I AM THE GREATEST GOOD YOU ARE EVER GONNA GET.

It never ceases to amaze me how Dean thinks he’s Trash King form Garbagetown but he won the heart of a celestial creature who was never supposed to be swayed by feelings

Cas genuinely admires him and cares for his wellbeing and thinks it blatant that Dean deserves nice things and can’t help making him his priority because he loves him so much and he is so. fucking. whipped

And Dean did this to him by doing nothing except being /Dean/ and he’s so, so wrong about being crap

“Don’t go, Cas,” Dean whispers, a soft plea in the dark, his lips pressed against Cas’s.  “Please.  Just stay.  I just got you back.”  I just learned to love you, he wants to say.  Dean clings to him tighter, pulls his warmth closer.  His fingers stake real estate in Cas’s hips, pinning the angel against him.  He changes his mind, and slips his hand up Cas’s back, letting himself drink in the hills and valleys of Cas’s muscles.  

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas whispers, cutting himself off with a kiss.  Dean hates that it’s Crowley who’s pulling Cas away from him.  He hates everything about the situation.  He has to fight the bitterness rising in his throat at the thought of Cas and Crowley working together again.  “I have to.  I have a lead.”  Cas buries his fingers in Dean’s hair, and Dean wants to lose himself that feeling again and again.  The heat of Cas’s skin against him where they lay - chest-to-chest beneath Dean’s covers; the slide of Cas’s lips on his… it’s incendiary, and Dean doesn’t want to douse the flame.  Watching Cas nearly die in front of him; hearing those words that have been on the tip of his tongue for years… all at once it was too much and not enough, and he’s terrified of letting go of it.  “We have to find Kelly before it’s too late.”  Dean exhales slowly, dragging Cas in for another long, lingering kiss.

“I know,” Dean whispers, pulling his hands up to Cas’s face.  “But every time you leave, I’m scared something’s gonna happen.  To you.  To all of it.  I’m scared I’m never gonna see you again.  Especially now, after–”

“I’ll come back to you, Dean,” Cas says, rocking back enough to look at Dean, their eyes meeting in dark.  His voice is soft and reassuring, and it makes Dean’s heart ache.  “I always do.”

Dean sits on the edge of his bed, still in his boxers, and watches Cas dress in silence; watching the soft amber light of the lamp dancing across him as he moves.  Always the adios, he thinks.  He knows, in the grand scheme of things, this is necessary.  What Cas is doing is important.  But for once, he wants to be selfish.  He wants to say fuck it all and disappear.  

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, Dean.”  Cas’s voice pulls him back.  Cas’s hand is on his cheek, and he leans into it, chasing the warmth.  “In the meantime… Keep busy.  Do what you do best.”  Cas smiles, and Dean inhales.  It’s a staggering - and rare - sight.  “Save people.  Hunt things.  The Winchester family business.”  

Dean huffs out a laugh and stands, surging forward to wrap Cas in his arms.  He pushes Cas back against the door and kisses him hard, burying his fingers in his hair.  “Be careful, please,” he whispers desperately.  “I love you, Cas. Please be careful.”  His voice breaks, and he hides his face in Cas’s shoulder.  It kills him, being vulnerable.  But if there’s one person in all of creation with whom he can be, it’s Cas.  

“Always,” Cas murmurs, pressing a kiss to Dean’s temple.  And then he’s gone, and Dean’s chest aches at the loss.  He crawls back under his covers and dreams of Cas until Sam wakes him with a case.  

If Destiel is not real, tell me :

1. Why sparks literally flew the first time they met?
2. Why Cas, an angel who doesn’t understand humans, but saw through Dean’s self deprecating bullshit in about 0.5 seconds of meeting him?
3. “Castiel, he’s not here. That’s his weakness, he likes you.”
4. Why the intense eyesex is not present between anybody than Dean and Cas?
5. Why does Cas not have the personal space issue with anybody other than Dean?
6.“I can’t just call Cas, it’s not like the guy lives in my ass.” “I was never in your -”
7. Why Dean and Cas’ “profound bond” is not the same as Sam and Dean’s relationship, if Dean and Cas are also supposed to be brothers?
8. Why Cas didn’t betray heaven for humanity, or the Winchesters, but for Dean specifically?
9. If they’re supposed to be Best bros 5eva™ (which Sam and Dean already are), why does Dean have such a different reaction to losing Sam and Cas?
10. If Cas pulled both Sam and Dean out of hell, why did he only leave a handprint on Dean?
11. Why did Lucifer go to Nick under the guise of his wife, to Sam under the guise of Jessica ie: their significant others, and to Cas as Dean?
12. Why did Dean canonically say that he never had nightmares, but he had awful nightmares about Cas dying?
13. Why would he prefer to deal with the guilt of having failed Cas, rather than thinking his angel didn’t need him?
14. Why would they rather “have each other, cursed or not”?
15. Why did Dean tell Anna that “Our last night on Earth” was his best line , and then he used it on Cas?
16. Why did Dean make Cas a mixtape, when he knows the significance
17. Why did Godstiel not kill Dean during the “What a brave little ant you are” moment?
18. Why did a simple “I need you” from Dean break Naomi’s hold over Cas?
19.Why does Cas constantly keep choosing Dean over heaven and the angels?
20. Why was his death an exact parallel to Jessica’s death? (Dean restraining Sam, while Sam tries to get to Jessica)
21. Why TV tropes rated Destiel as using 67% romantic tropes while Sam and Dean used 2%
22. “You must have me confused for the other angel, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you.”
23. “Go ask him (Cas), he was your boyfriend first.”
24. In S12, when Cas said I love you,, why did the camera cut to Dean?
25. How is it not heteronormativity that all of the above happened, and they’re still “really good friends”, but if one of them was a girl, it would’ve been acknowledged on screen seven seasons ago?

Feel free to add more points if you reblog!

2

So I decided to watch this scene again.

Look at Sam’s face. Yes, he is sad. He just lost his best friend. But he looks up. And he sees Lucifer.
And he is terrified.
Nothing worked. Everythinf they tried, it failed. And now Lucifer is coming right at them, and Sam is terrified. Because Lucifer’s plan succeeded.

Now look at Dean.
He isn’t terrified.
He’s in shock, because he has not seen his best friend die.
He has seen the grace flicker inside the appearance Cas chose when he first approached him.
He has seen, no, felt how the profound bond faded.
The man who always stood too close to him, who made mistake after mistake believing he was doing the right thing,
The man who gripped him tight and raised him from perdition and the man who always came when he called.

He has seen his very own angel die, and just now Dean realizes that he hasn’t seen his best friend die -
He has seen the man he was in love with die, and he never got the chance to tell Cas that, by god, he loved him, too.

I Never Told You

12x12 Coda

Warnings: None (a couple f-bombs)

Words: 1.2K

Read on AO3

The drive home is a quiet one.  Dean can feel Sam beside him, squirming, desperate to ask questions.  To talk about what exactly just happened.  He knows Sam knows better, though.  Thankfully, he keeps quiet.  Every couple of minutes, Dean glances in the rearview, making sure Cas’s truck is still behind them; still following them.  He wanted Cas to leave the truck and ride with them – he’d been through a lot, didn’t need to be driving.  Cas, of course, refused.  With a heavy sigh, he tightens his grip on the steering wheel and presses harder on the gas.  Dean’s full of adrenaline, full of questions, full of… he’s not even sure.  He’s buzzing.

Sam barely waits for the door to close before he announces he’s beat, and heading to bed.  Dean grunts a goodnight in his direction and turns his attention to Cas.  He still looks worse for wear – exhausted and filthy.  “You look like you should hit the hay, too,” he says.  He tries to sound jollier than he feels.  The waiver in his voice betrays that.  He notices Cas gripping the back of a chair, and he has to stop himself from reaching out to him.

“I’m fine, Dean,” Cas says quietly, avoiding Dean’s eyes.  “Thank you.”

Dean takes a shaky breath and nods.  “Yeah,” he says, in answer of nothing particular.  “Well, I’m gonna…” he jabs a thumb over his shoulder.  “I’m gonna grab a shower and head to bed, so…”

“I’ll be here.”  Cas lifts his eyes slowly, and Dean’s breath catches in his throat.  The whole way home, that night had been playing in his head.  The thought of losing Cas.  Cas’s confession.  Dean’s cowardice.

“Right.”  He steps forward and pats Cas’s shoulder awkwardly.  “Night, Cas.”  

“Goodnight, Dean.”

Keep reading

Friendly reminder that Dean does NOT even have to be bisexual to date Cas, because:

  • Castiel literally isn’t male. It is canon that the angels in general are agender/nonbinary. I mean, obviously he’s not female either, but:

  • Dean is perfectly aware of the fact that angels are actually genderless/sexless celestial beings  (“You have been with a woman before? Or an angel, at least?”) and yet he’s slept with the angel Anna (note: the angel that was supposed to replace Cas). 

  • Even if Dean’s straight… and even if we take into consideration that Castiel’s vessel is male (which doesn’t really matter) or that he may actually identify as a male at this point or whatever: you do NOT have to be bisexual to fall in love with a person of the same gender. You can be a straight guy and still fall in love with another guy (or anyone that’s not a woman), because:

  • Love. Isn’t. About. Fucking. Yes, Castiel’s vessel is male, but it’s not like we fall in love with other people’s genitals, right? I’m terribly sorry to break it to some of you, but not everything is about dick, so like… How about we stop making everything about sex (in every sense of the word)? I’ve seen people accusing Destiel shippers of sexualizing their relationship (yes, it’s true that there are people who just desperately want them to fuck while completely ignoring the emotional aspects of their relationship, but what can we do about it), but really – if saying “Destiel would never work because Dean is straight” (meaning: “because Dean wouldn’t want to have sex with Cas”) isn’t sexualization, than I don’t know what it is. They don’t have to bang, since their relationship is about so much more than sexual tension. You don’t have to have sex for your relationship to be valid, so seriously, this is such an ignorant thing to say, guys. It’s the fact that these two support, protect, need, love and care about each other unconditionally that makes their relationship so beautiful. The fact that they would never give up on each other. That they can communicate without saying a single word. That Cas makes Dean a better person and vice versa. That they would literally die for each other. That they care and are unable to kill one another even when they’re brainwashed or corrupted. That they would shake up Heaven and Hell for each other (and Earth, and Purgatory, and all those alternative universes, too). The way they gaze at each other. Their chemistry, loyalty, tenderness, trust, the slow burn and this damn “profound bond” – so unique, I’ve honestly never seen any canon couple share this kind of connection before. I could go on for centuries, but you get the point.

What I’m trying to say is that their relationship doesn’t have to be sexual. It’s romantic - and that’s what is special about it. It isn’t about two dudes looking hot while making out - which is actually what a lot of other show and movie makers think a queer romance mainly is, no shade. That’s why Destiel going canon would be an amazing revolution in terms of the portrayal of LBGTQA+ relationships. And I honestly don’t understand what’s so wrong with it or why anyone would be against it.

I’m sorry, that’s just the way I see it, please don’t start drama. The “Destiel can’t happen because Dean is straight” argument is just so invalid to me.

“Hey, Cas.” Dean doesn’t bother hiding the smile in his voice when he answers. He hates that Cas is back out there so soon after Ramiel, but the job needs be done.

“Hello, Dean.” Dean’s smile widens when he hears it in Cas’s voice, too. They fall into a brief silence. Dean takes solace in hearing Cas breathing.

“You okay?” he asks finally.

“Of course. I just…” Cas hesitates, and Dean stands, pacing the room. “I wanted to…”

“I miss you, too, Cas.” He hears Cas huff out a soft laugh, and he grins. “You’re bein’ careful?”

“I am. I haven’t had much luck with any leads, but I am being careful. Thank you.”

Dean swallows. “Cas, I…” he sighs, running a hand over his face.

“I know, Dean. Hopefully I’ll be home soon.”

Dean swallows, trying to ignore the ache in his chest. They barely had any time to process before Cas was called away.  He knows it’ll never end, the emergencies and cases and big-bads, but then again… he, a hunter, fell in love with an angel. What did he really expect? He finds himself pacing the hallway. “Maybe,” he starts, taking a steadying breath. “Maybe when you come back we can try for real. No death bed confessions. Just… Y'know. You and me.” In the light of day, not clinging desperately to one another in the dark. “Hell, maybe I’ll even take you on a date,” he chuckles.

“I’d like that, Dean,” Cas answers, and Dean exhales, relieved. As if he thought Cas would actually turn him down. He hears Sam call him from the library, and he turns in that direction. He doesn’t think, and nearly says those words again, even as he steps into the library. Instead, he clears his throat. “Okay, well. Stay on it.” He panics.

“Dean, what–" 

"You get any leads, you let us know. And we’ll keep working on it from our end.”

“Dean–" 

"Thanks, Cas.” He ends the call and frowns, leaning against the table, chiding himself for his idiocy. “So, Kelly Kline is in the wind. No trace,” he announces, pulling up his texts.

I’m sorry. I panicked. Didn’t mean to be a dick. Just haven’t told Sam about us yet. I’ll call you later. Promise.

“Great,” Sam says. Dean’s half paying attention as Cas’s reply comes through.

I understand. I’ll talk to you soon.

Another message comes through almost immediately.

I’m counting the moments until we’re together again. Be safe, Dean.

The Profound Bond as Allegory

“I understand. The bird represents God. And coyote is man, endlessly chasing the divine, yet never able to catch him. It’s… It’s hilarious.” —Castiel, Hunteri Heroici, 8x08

For me, a forty-mumblemumble-year-old who has never shipped anything other than packages via FedEx or USPS before, Destiel was initially amusing. Then intriguing. And the more I watched the show, the more I read meta analyses from fans, the more I explored whatever that relationship was through my own writing, something kept eluding me. Something deep. Something profound.

And one day in the shower—because all of my sudden insights take place in the shower, where I have no place to record them—I finally caught up to the idea that had been teasing at the edges of my mind for months. Yes, one can view Supernatural as an urban-fantasy-adventure-horror story. One can view it as a love story. And it also works really well as an allegory.

There’s a reason why, in Jewish tradition, Shir Hashirim—Song of Songs—is the biblical book considered to be an allegorical expression of the love between God and the Jewish people. It’s also essentially biblical porn. When we’re integrated with our human physical selves, experiencing the world through physical senses, sexuality is one of the most powerful ways to give and receive feelings of love and connection that transcend words.

On the surface, the very physical surface, Destiel is about two really hot guys who can’t quite figure out how to tell each other that they love each other—that they’re in love with each other. Dig a little deeper, and it’s about a man (especially in Season four) who sees himself as a fuckup (he did start the apocalypse, after all), who can only make a difference through hunting, and is completely undeserving of the attention of an angel, who in turn sees himself as trying but always failing, yet dedicated to proving his own worth to the man who represents everything beautiful about humanity, and everything heaven is missing.

But underneath that there’s something more.

Dean is human. He operates on the limited information available at the time, with limited resources, and limited energy. He tries. Sometimes he’s successful. Sometimes he fails. And with one notable exception, his moral compass is true. He redeems himself by saving others. He tries to prove his worth, tries to prove that it wasn’t a mistake for him to be on the planet, by saving others. He gives with everything he has, even if that’s not enough.

The one notable exception to his moral compass is what happened in hell. That he broke under torture. That he became that which he despised. That he became everything he’d ever fought against. It’s the one thing for which he can never forgive himself, the one thing for which he can never allow anyone else to forgive him.

Castiel is an angel. Timeless, powerful (for a while anyway), unknowable in his complexity. He operates—at first—on orders, without question. And when he does finally question, he sees that Dean’s moral compass is truer than that of the angels in charge. He sees that Dean—humanity, doing the right thing, making a positive difference in someone’s life—is worth learning from, worth fighting for, worth venerating.

Castiel has seen Dean at his very worst, seen Dean torturing others and enjoying it, seen Dean’s self-hatred that grew out of it. And still, Castiel helps, follows, saves, loves. Everything he does, no matter how badly it turns out, is for Dean.

Castiel is unconditional love.

He might get angry. He might disagree. But he will never stop loving Dean. He will never stop seeing the brightness in Dean’s soul, Dean’s beauty, Dean’s goodness.

How many of us yearn for that?

That no matter how many mistakes we make, how many bad decisions, how many times we strike out, how little we think we’ve accomplished, someone or something always sees our innate goodness, the beauty that is our essence, the brightness with which we shine.

We spend so much of our lives certain that we’re not enough: not beautiful enough, not thin enough, not muscular enough, not tall enough, not wealthy enough, not in a good enough job, not lovable enough, not smart enough, not educated enough, not a good enough child / sibling / parent / friend / employee / employer. What would it mean to hear someone say that none of that matters? That you are a beautiful, bright, shining soul and nothing could ever tarnish your worth.

Because you are, and nothing can. And no matter how much you think you’ve failed, you are loved.