professor holly

Carmilla Adjusting To Modern Food: A Concept

Okay I seriously can’t get that out of my head now the fact that the last time Carmilla needed nutrition and sustenance from food was hundreds of years ago.

I want to imagine Laura watching tutorials on Youtube and having weird conversations with the history professors in the teacher’s lounge to learn about old recipes

Her chasing a pheasant down a field because stores don’t sell them

Her immediately releasing the pheasant because she doesn’t want to kill it

Her buying a chicken and pretending it’s pheasant

Her retching and pulling faces whilst she makes jellied eel pies

Carmilla always getting really emotional and grateful that Laura would do all of that for her just so she feels a little less weird for not having a modern palette

Carmilla always stopping herself from laughing when Laura pretends she likes the food too

“You know, I enjoy the Imperial Stalana of The Whopper Maharaj too…” Carmilla sighs and leans against the kitchen door whilst Laura scrapes her entire dinner into the garbage.

“What?”

“Burger King, Laura, I like Burger King too. Put your shoes on, I’ll take you to get something to eat before you starve to death.”

just Professor Hollis things

Alright, but what about an Indiana-Jones-style Professor Hollis! That has to flee lessons for the occasional supernatural mystery to solve, with her cool and broody wife with a motorcycle, who claims to be over 300 years old. 

Think about Carmilla just bursting into a lecture, grabbing Laura’s hand mid-sentence and running away.

Her students are so used to it, that they just wave at their professor’s wife as Laura screams essays assignments and Carm drags her away.

  • Carmilla the Show: vampires, demon lights, demi gods, portals to Hell, injectable nanobots exist
  • Us: yes of course they do, please continue
  • Carmilla the Show: five years from now Laura is a professor
  • Us: now YOU WAIT JUST A GOSHDARN MINUTE
Carmilla telling Laura's students that she's a bike messengsr

“Your bike is actively on fire.”

“Yeah. I’m a bike messenger.”

“You can read Sumerian.”

“Very important for a bike messenger.”

“One time Professor Hollis got a paper cut and I saw you licking it.”

“It’s a bike messenger thing; you wouldn’t understand.”

TV Trope: Never Heard That One Before

Professor Holly: Hello my precious blueberries! Alright, let’s spin those wheels and play with some clay. [He slams down a hunk of clay, startling them] Now there’s one and one rule only in this class: I will tolerate no re-enacting, whether it’s ironic or sincere, of the Patrick Swayze Demi Moore pottery scene in Ghost. Ever since that movie was released in 1990 I have seen every conceivable variation of what I call ‘ghosting’. This could be guy on girl, girl on guy, or the “hilarious” guy on guy. So since it never stopped I had to adopt a zero-Ghost-tolerance policy. If you so much as hum three notes from that Righteous Brothers song, with God as my witness, I will come at you with everything I’ve got. OK? Let’s have a great time!

(1.19 Beginner Pottery)

Prof. Holly: Now there’s one, and only one, rule in this class. I will tolerate no reenacting, whether it’s ironic or sincere, of the Patrick Swayze/ Demi Moore pottery scene in Ghost. Ever since that movie was released in 1990, I have seen EVERY. CONCEIVABLE. VARIATION. of what I call ‘GHOSTING’. This could be guy on girl, girl on guy, the hilarious guy on guy… *chuckle* 

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-Professor Holly, 01x19 Beginning Pottery