procrastinating of course

i’m on an emotional roller coaster...because i am a procrastinator

You know, of course you don’t know, but you know, I don’t like to cry (i don’t really cry)…Unless I am upset, I mean when someone yells at me or I am really angry and can’t do anything. I don’t cry when people die…I just don’t. I CRY when animals die! oh the poor babies. But recently I have been really emotional, like I am about to cry for every little thing. I blame it on the stress. This last semester of university is really stressing me out. And you know why I am stressed? It’s because I procrastinate. I’m doing it right now. At least I’m admitting it. So this is how I see it

PROCRASTINATION, leads to STRESSING OUT, which leads to me wanting to CRY about everything!  

-always complaining 

Two midterms done! I went and did errands during my break. Now I’m back at school about to study for my third exam tonight. After I procrastinate a bit more of course.

There have been three earthquakes in the past 24 hours. The biggest being a 3.9 which left me agitated because it woke me up haha. The other two were little ones. It makes me worry about the impending San Andreas one that scientists have been warning us forever about.

I’m heading to Walter’s after class tonight. Our six year anniversary is this weekend! We’re celebrating it early since it happens to fall on Mother’s day this year.

And since we’ll be together before going home for Mother’s day, I covered Walter since he’s the absolute last minute type when it comes to things like this. During my break I picked up some cards, vases, and ribbons and we’ll pick up some flowers before going home. I’m also making my mom mini Polaroid magnets for the fridge and I’m making some for Walter to give to his mom too haha. I got all the pictures printed and supplies all ready so all he has to do is glue some things together. I would just do the whole thing but I want him to be able to say that he himself made it haha.

I really need to cut my hair. It’s so long that it got caught in the car door earlier haha. I’m trying to wait a bit longer though because I want to donate it.

I wish we could do bullets on the app.

I really don’t want to study.

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05/06/2015: The best procrastination is, of course, a productive one. So I started my day organizing all the books I have at home from the library, more or less by my paper subjects. They are a lot more easy to visualize and reach now, for sure! But I’m not looking forward to bringing them back to the library… Right now, I’m trying to go through some articles before can I tackle some books tomorrow morning!

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It was soo nice out today, but I was stuck inside studying for my Calculus final tomorrow. Of course procrastination tried to take over so here’s some selfies of me trying to look “studious”. Lol and ignore the walls, our kitchen is being renovated haha

anonymous asked:

I don't know why i can't focus on my lessons. I don't have any motivation to learn and i feel bad with this. I don't know how to learn pr how to motivate myself. ://

Not quite sure what pr means I only know it as public relations. Anyway, do you think you might be procrastinating. Because when you are doing that it is very demotivating.


The procrastinator will of course look for other things to do. Perfectionism can also have a very strong link to procrastination. That the conditions are never perfect enough to complete the task. WE have a holiday weekend down here, I have had stuff to do that I don’t want to do and I have found myself snoozing and reading novels all weekend. So maybe it’s that I can’t pick up anything else from what you have written.

Dr. KNow

Dear purple lipstick anon: you have no idea what I just put my poor little lips through for you. No idea. 

Dear everyone else: a photo heavy ask is about to answered! I will of course put everything under a Read More (I refuse to call it a Keep Reading) but just in case mobile is still being an absolute arse about putting stuff under those, then I apologise in advance, and do feel free to blacklist the tag ‘anwen’s glorious lipstick collection’ if even the suggestion of such a post makes you sigh wearily.

music1ndustry I started reading young and beautiful yesterday (when I was of course procrastinating from writing yet another paper) and I’m halfway done. Its so beautiful and full of tortured souls and wowwwwwwwww :((((((((((((( be prepared tho its almost 600 pages lol

Let’s start, shall we?

So I’m doing a blog of this gap year. There are several reasons for doing this; memories, not having to type the same thing out to everyone who is messaging me asking how it, to give you all something to read as you procrastinate and, of course, because I can’t stand MacRob having anything MHS doesn’t (except students with facial hair). Even if that something is recent graduates running a shitty travel blog.

All joking aside, I intended to start this account of my gap year with a simple sentiment; “I am shitting myself.” The context for this would have been sitting in Doha airport, Qtar, on a long haul flight to Heathrow about to start a gap year working at an outdoor education center (read: school camp) owned by the Scouts UK. Due to an unfortunate series of airport internet timeouts I couldn’t quite start that way.

For readers who are unaware of what is going on, I am on a gap year. From March to October 2015 I am in England working as a volunteer with the Scout association as an activity instructor. In the UK, Scouts own several campsites they basically run like school camps. I get to be one of those people who take kids on camp activities from high ropes to canoeing to hiking. All whilst having my food and accommodation paid for. Pretty sweet deal really.  

This year there were roughly 60 people from all over the world doing the same thing across 4 centres in England and Northern Ireland.  To kick things off all of us will be coming together for a week at Down camp in Kent (South London) to do some training and all meet before breaking off to go to the separate centres.

This all assumed I would actually make it to the other side of the world in the first place. I’ll be honest, on the flight over there were a few times I felt I wouldn’t ever make it. The first heads up that this would not be the easiest of flights came before even leaving Melbourne as my flight was delayed by 2 hours meaning it now left at 2AM. Airports are incredibly boring when everything is closed. Especially when the waiting lounge at the gate is overfull. Astonishingly, 2 boring hours perched awkwardly against a handrail with my hear hammering and the realization that I may be doing something really, really stupid (and/or insane) was not the worst part of this delay. That joy emerged as my fellow travelers and I disembarked our flight to be met with an army of red dressed, smiling, dead in the eyes Qatar air hostesses holding placards of every connecting flights destination.  We had missed the connections and were being reassigned to different flights.  This added a 7 hour wait and turned a 22 hour flight into a 29 hour one. FUN!

At least it gave me time to explore Doha airport, which is massive, yet not very busy. The vast, cavernous ceilings and row upon row of empty seats in departure lounges, the 20 meter wide strips in the duty free area with only a handful of other people in sight and the stunning view of the ocean out the window all coupled to create an oddly eerie atmosphere. At least the food was good, an as an oil state there is some massive wealth that flies through, so the fashion and watch stores had some very nice pieces to drool over. Luckily I had nearly 8 hours to do so. 

Finally I landed in Heathrow. I will hand this to the Brits, they run one of the busiest airports in the world with expert efficiency that made customs a joy. My experiences following that were not so great as I traveled on the Tube to get to Kent. The tube is a bit of a confusing thing to navigate on about 4 hours sleep. Add on to that poorly advertised closures and you have yourself a recipe for an evening of confusion, panic and detouring. But hey, it’s still better than Metro!

Finally I arrived at my destination, and caught a cab to the site. I will stand up and admit that I was rather excited to ride in a black cab within my first few hours; this British balminess was amplified tenfold when the cabbie pointed out Darwin’s home on the ride.  Finally, upon arrival at Downe camp I was met with a red telephone box illuminating the entrance to the site. I was definitely in Britan, I could sleep, and it was great! 

Midnight important thoughts that don't let me sleep (?)

I keep installing and deleting tumblr. Installing because I’m bored/need it because I have run out of a physical journal. Deleting because I end up procrastinating for hours. Of course the hours spent here are worthy. Tumblr makes me smile when I feel like autumn leaves in sticky, squelchy mud.
.-. There’s a tiny whiny mosquito biting my arm. I don’t know about you, but the country I’m living in makes tennis bats,the catch is that the mesh is electric. Muhahaha! Zap! zap! Die you suckers! It’s actually quite satisfying and could perhaps form a challenging hobby. But I just bashed its guts, blood and innards onto my forehead with my palm. Ew.
I’m kind of content that I can understand what I’m writing. It has taken me almost over 12 years of studying the English language to be able to produce this level of shitty writing. Seriously, I should be proud. Such dedication from me should get a round of applause.
I was going to sleep. In fact, I had fallen asleep when my mind started listing the various reasons as to why I shouldn’t get married any soon :
1. We’re too young to marry. My ideal age would be 27. I want to finish my bachelor’s degree at least. I want to be a little educated, a little cultured, I want to be someone worthy of having you. And I want you to try the same.
2. I haven’t even lived my life under my rules. You’ve travelled, you’ve gotten drunk, partied. I haven’t done anything. I just want to travel. Im not particularly interested in alcohol or men. I mean, I’m 24 and I still live in my parent’s house. Do I know anything about the world? no? I don’t know? why are you asking me?
3. Think logically. Look up marriage on wikipedia. Why are we going to get married? Neither of us have jobs. Neither of us wants to have children now. I don’t want to live at your parent’s house and I definitely do not want you suffering like me in this hell hole. Neither of us have a cent to our names. Our parents pay for everything we do. We’re like… babies! people get married when they’re adults and they can… you know! ADULT.
4. I’m mentally scarred, I’m annoying as fuck, I’m bitchy and evil, I have commitment issues…like dude, serious commitment issues, much worse than yours, that runs deep like the roots of a banyan tree. It’s an Indian fig tree. I’m not Indian, I’m like a neighboring country’s citizen… still. I hate it here, don’t come here. This place? it has too many issues like my poor heart.
You have issues that I need you to tame a little, for example, getting too emotional and clingy when I’m sick. I’m sick, pookie, I can’t do much to help you.
5. When you say the word “marriage”, my heart pounds so hard that I can hear the blood rush in my veins, I can run like Bolt, just on the opposite direction though.
6. I love you. And you love me. I don’t like our families. Can we be stable first, stand on our petite feet? and maybe apply for citizenship elsewhere?
7. I love you. And you love me, a lot. I hope you’ll understand that I’m not ready to be in your presence 24/7 and 365 days a year plus the extra day on leap year. Maybe I can do a one third of that. I like my solitude. Still.
8. I need time to heal my scars and when you ask “what’s wrong baby?”, and I begin to tell you but then feel you push me away when you push my problems away cause you ask me to relax and just be when I’m going crazy, it hurts. If you would like me to relax, leave me alone in a dark box with a blanket and a bottle of water for a few weeks. I’ll be very much at peace.
9. We need to learn more about each other before we make such a serious decision. Some of the conversations we’ve had made me realize how little we know about each other.
10. When I’m mad, I need space, a little emptiness to cool down in rather than someone to prod or lick my wounds. The more I think about what is agitating me the more agitated I get. Eventually, it turns out that because you’re the one who’s trying to help me figure out the problems, you’re the one that gets hurt the most. I bite. Beware. Maintain your distance when I’m upset, and know we can always solve things when I calm down. We have forever, right?
11. I’m just not ready to marry. Probably won’t be ready next year either, but who knows, we’ve changed and grown so much together. I’m not going to lose hope, I hope nor will you. Maybe I’ll figure things out, maybe you’ll do the same. I’m always with you, always going to be your support.

Reasons why I should marry you tomorrow :
1. I want to be with you solely and with no other, ever.
2. You’re a very cute and intelligent catch.
3. We look adorable together.
4. You’re incredibly good at cuddling…and ahem! other things too.
5. When I hold you I feel at home, at peace. I feel safe. I feel loved and cared for deeply. Holding you is like holding myself, we’re like one.
6. You understand me like no other, even if you are a bit slow. But, I’d rather slow than never at all.
7. I want to have your kids. I want you to be my kid. I want to love you in every way possible.
8. We have much to do together.
9. We’re crazy. For each other, for our dreams and the things we believe in, the things we do together.
10. I’ll never find anyone exactly like you. Which will make me sad if I don’t have your hands to hold.
11. I sleep the best next to you.
12. Hopefully our genetic material is enough dis-similar for very cute, kind and wise human beings.
13. You smell heartbreakingly good. No, it’s not your perfume. It’s your skin, sweat, pheromones etc.

I’m sleepy…
I hope everything works out.
I miss you. I like my bed though. It’s half yours and half mine. Bottom mattress is the one you used to sleep in when you lived here.
It’s sad how you had to move out when I moved into the neighbourhood.
Wait for me. It’ll be worth it. I promise.

So I haven’t actually posted anything…. In ages… And I can’t be stuffed because there really isn’t anything to talk about. Life just sorta goes on, there’s no breaks. And my life kinda lacks, well, not meaning, but more like drive, or urgency, or even drama. And that’s how I like it :3 except for the freaking piles of homework and studying I need to do. No one’s got time for dat, but then you spend hours procrastinating xD course you have time for dat

2:31am.

I remember one night in my senior year of high school–it was 4:30am and my friends and I were all up. We were reading the book for AP Lit that was due the next day, and we had all procrastinated (of course). There happened to be a meteor shower that night, and I just remember so vividly running to the window to look at the streaks of light brighten up the night sky. It was moments like those that made me feel all kinds of infinite.

And in my honest opinion, to feel infinite is the greatest blessing. I miss it so much.