procedural memory

Druid Shiro Theory Part 2: Shiro’s Arm

Following on from this post about how Shiro is probably a part-Altean Druid who can do magic and make wormholes, let’s talk about Shiro’s arm for a sec. Specifically: why did Haggar give him the arm, and what is it intended to do?

First up… let’s talk about Haggar. She was the one who gave Shiro his Galra arm. We know she loves combining magic and technology, as evidenced by all the robeasts. Perhaps the most dramatic example is the Komar Experiment:

It’s got that weird black smoke surrounded by the purple glow (obviously magic) and the purple lines running across the metal supports (the technology element). Here’s another, wider view of the whole rig:

And now here’s Shiro’s arm, the first time it activates:

Pretty similar, right? And a moment later, he gets that black smoke and purple glow around the hand, right before he overpowers it and then hacks up a bunch of Galra sentries.

{TBH I just wanted an excuse to include this screenshot}

Of course, the revelation that Shiro’s arm is Galra magi-tech is a surprise to precisely no one at this point, but here’s the thing: the Komar Experiment was powered by a bunch of druids. The black smoke and purple glow all came from them. What’s powering Shiro’s arm?

Now, imagine for a minute that you’re Haggar. You find out one of your captive test subjects is part-Altean and has the dormant ability to do magic. You want to turn him into a powerful magical weapon: a Druid completely under your control, trained to fight and do magic. Do you (a) sit in his cell and spend hours walking him through Sorcery 101 until he learns to control his powers, or (b) fit him with some kind of device - say, a prosthetic arm - that activates his magic for him, against his will if necessary.

Option (b) is really more Haggar’s style, right? And the Komar Experiment is proof that Haggar has zero chill and will happily rip the quintessence out of an entire planet if she wants to, because she’s the real Chaotic Evil of this show.

Now let’s take a look at this picture. This is Shiro’s hand right before he brings the arm under his control:

This looks like Shiro is about to do some druid magic. He looks like he’s about to fling some purple lightening or some of that weird black smoke - but he doesn’t. Instead, he overpowers the arm, brings it under his control, and uses it as a weapon.

So here’s an idea: what if Shiro’s arm is a mechanism that forcibly activates his Druid abilities? It would be powered by his own magic, if that were the case. And the reason why it looks like Shiro’s about to do druid magic is because… well… he is. But it’s being forced out of him, and it’s painful and harmful (like forcing the crystals out of the Balmera is painful and harmful). And now that Shiro is free of Haggar’s influence and control, he reins it in and reduces the magic to a level that doesn’t physically hurt him.

What if every time Shiro activates his Galra arm, he’s actually doing magic?

I mean… that arm LOOKS pretty magical. It has multiple functions that Shiro can apparently activate at will, and it gets that cool purple glow every time he uses it, and it leaves a trail of purple light when he wields it as a weapon.

Does that purple glow remind you of anything?

That’s Allura, right before she throws a bunch of magic back at Haggar and the Druids.

Shiro obviously isn’t consciously doing magic - but I think he might be subconsciously doing it. Just enough to make the arm do whatever he needs it to do. After he uses the arm in the Pilot, Pidge asks him: “Where did you learn to fight with that?” and Shiro says: “No idea.” He clearly knows how to use the arm, and we see him use it multiple times, but he doesn’t remember learning how to use it. His {procedural memory} is intact, but his {episodic memory} is damaged. He’s just working on instinct, intuitively channelling quintessence into the arm to power it up and make it work for him.

We’ve seen Shiro’s Galra arm do multiple cool things throughout the series, and whenever we see it, we just assume it’s the arm that’s doing it. But what if it’s not? What if it’s Shiro? The arm is just a tool - like a magic wand - that helps him activate his Druid powers, but all the functions we see are actually Shiro doing a bunch of low-level magic without fully realising what he’s doing or how he’s doing it. We’ve been crediting the arm, when we should have been crediting Shiro and his ability to manipulate quintessence.

Shiro is a Druid, and he’s been doing magic right in front of us this whole time.

Back to School Tips

for the ADHD student 

just a list of things that have helped me while struggling at community college:) hopefully these will apply for high school ADHDers too!

- don’t choose classes that you don’t love, unless absolutely necessary. uninteresting classes will kill your motivation so fast guys.

- when scheduling classes, DO NOT sign up for a class before 8am!! or even 9!! you’ll think you can do these things, but you just can’t, Nemo. 

- take it easy on the redbull. energy drinks, sugar, and any other processed foods and/or drugs isn’t the best for concentration or memory or functioning in general.

- speaking of memory, it is very important to get enough sleep, because that is when memories are consolidated. specifically, get enough deep (NREM) sleep; deep sleep is when explicit and factual memories are established, while REM sleep only consolidates procedural and emotional memories. Basically, if you’re gonna skip sleep and do homework, wake up early to study, don’t stay up late.

- and while we’re talking of sleep, keep in mind a couple things: 1) yes, sleep is important but 2) you will undoubtedly not get enough so don’t cry over it and 3) this is when coffee comes in.

- and i don’t mean Starbucks, because that heavenly, fantastic shit is for much richer people. get used to strong, black coffee because it’s cheap and works better and it’s cheap.

- make friends with your professors at the BEGINNING of the term. sometimes all you gotta do is start the conversation and your grade will magically become better.

- always have a healthy snack on hand, like almonds or dried fruit.

- find yourself a sanctuary. THIS MIGHT BE MY MOST IMPORTANT TIP. on campus, things are gonna be overwhelming and hard and tiring, and you’re gonna need something or someplace to return to, where you can study, cry, get shit done, nap, stair into the endless void call Life, etc. I usually find myself a hidden corner or table or couch in each hall to claim as my territory, then camp out in in it between (and sometimes during) classes.

- always have your earbuds.

- find a study partner, not a study group.

- don’t be afraid to ask for help from tudors, peers, professors or Student Disability services. I got SSD accommodations finally after 8 terms and it SAVED MY LIFE. usually, services for students with disabilities can get you extra time on tests, note taking help, and other stuff specific to your school.

- bring a fiddle toy, coloring sheets, chewing gun, or anything else to help you sit through class. and if someone comments on your fidget cube, glare or slap them or stab their eyes out. this is college, bitch. survival of the dog-eat-dog. or something.

- on that note, do whatever you need to get through class. and i don’t mean blackmail your professor. i do mean show up to class in pajamas, or create a crazy wall with tacked-up papers and red string and crossed-out codes, or bring a pot of tea to morning yoga. usually people don’t actually care about what you do or say or look like, so just be.

- yes, color-coding + sticky notes are always a good idea.

- take your notes on paper! we all know that computer note-taking is a gateway to distraction which leads to online impulse buys and obsessive research about probably time travel. or penguin migration habits. or what colors go best with your skin tones. just, write notes in a notebook.

- last tip! have a pre-game playlist. get hyped. energize yourself so you can make through the class, the day, the week, the term, the Life. find what inspires you and don’t forget it. 

Anyways, that’s all. this got a lot longer then i had planned. hope this is helpful to at least one person!! if you have any tips you wanna add, feel free:) good luck this year, my dudes. 

p.s. if you find this post helpful but you don’t have adhd but you wanna reblog anyway, chill. it’s okay. reblog anyway. just everyone be respectful and fucking nice and tag correctly. i really don’t care❤️❤️❤️

psychic: *reads my mind*

my mind: OW target female: inaccessible Jeremy? OW what tHE HELL? calibration: in process please excuse some mild discomfort MILD?!?- Jeremy, what’s wrong? dude, the freak’s freaking out. calibration complete, access procedure initiated. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, i’m fine, i just- discomfort level may increase -AAhhh AAAHHHH AAAAAAHHHHH Accessing: neural memory Accessing: muscle memory Access procedure: complete Jeremy Heere, welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Proccessor…. your SQUIP

psychic: what the fuck?

I’d Say So (Jared Kleinman X Reader)

WC: 2125

Warnings: Kinda angsty, BMC/DEH crossover

Tagged: @lildipstick @bellasabb @ahhhhamilton

Summary: Y/N decides to get a SQUIP. Things don’t end well when her boyfriend, Jared, finds out.

A/N: This was requested!! Hope you guys enjoy!

“So this thing actually works? It isn’t gonna go haywire like Jeremy’s did?” I asked, glancing down nervously at the shoebox in front of me.

“Jeremy Heere was a rare instance. This is a newer software, so all the bugs have been fixed.” The stock boy said, pushing the shoebox closer towards me.

“Awesome, awesome. Here’s your money, then.” I said, passing him the required bills. He smiled at me as he took the money, and he looked more like a shark than anything remotely human.

“Enjoy your new life.” He said, passing me the pill. I took it and watched nervously as he walked away, my leg bouncing up and down.

I pulled out the bottle of Mountain Dew from my backpack, and uncapped it, shoving the cap in my pocket.

I took in a deep breath and popped the pill in my mouth, taking a large swig of Mountain Dew.

I swallowed and let out a sigh, remembering what Jeremy had said about it taking a while to kick in.

I walked quickly back to my car, thanking God that I only lived about a 5 minute drive from the mall. I got home and opened Instagram, noticing a new post from Jared.

@theinsanelycooljk

Look at this nerd. She’s the worst, honestly. @Y/I/N

The photo was of me last Saturday, curled up on a couch, clutching a stuffed bear Jared gave me for Valentine’s Day and wearing one of Jared’s t-shirts.

I rolled my eyes, but a smile crept onto my face at his actions. I went to reply, but a wave of pain watched over my body.

“What the hell!” I screamed, collapsing to the ground. I rolled around, feeling my muscles seize up.

Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.” A voice said and I looked around, wondering who was saying that. 

Discomfort level may increase.” The voice said and I suddenly let out a shriek of agony, feeling like I was being pulled apart from the inside.

Accessing: neural memory. Accessing: muscle memory. Access procedure: complete. Y/N Y/L/N… welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. Your SQUIP.” The voice rang through my head and I was suddenly free of pain.

“You… you sound like Lin-Manuel Miranda.” I said, and there was a brief silence. I wondered if the SQUIP was still active, but the voice spoke up again.

This is my default setting according to your memories. You can also set me for Kristin Chenoweth, Philippa Soo or Andrew Rannells.” Lin’s voice said, and I shook my head in disbelief.

“Lin’s fine. I, uh, God this is weird.” I said, still in shock and disbelief.

I exist only in your mind, Y/N. No one can see me, but they can, however, see you having an animated conversation with yourself. Instead, you can think at me. Telepathically, per se.” The SQUIP said, and I paused, cringing internally.

“Uh, ok.” I thought, still uncomfortable with Lin-Manuel Miranda in my head. Suddenly I heard a knock at the door, and my eyes widened.

Answer it, Y/N.” The voice said and I nodded, walking to the door. I swung it open, and smiled when I saw Michael and Jeremy standing there.

“Hey Y/N!” Michael said and I smiled, ushering them in. They dumped their backpacks down on the couch, and Jeremy brought me into a quick hug.

“How are you?” Jeremy asked, and I shrugged my shoulders. I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my back, and I straightened up immediately, cursing  internally.

You were slouching. For a drama student, I’d expect you to have better posture.” The SQUIP said and I immediately straightened up.

“I, uh, I’m fine. Really.” I said and Jeremy shot me a strange look.

“Can he tell I’ve got one? You know, a SQUIP?” I thought, and I imagined the SQUIP was laughing.

He can suspect, sure, but he will never be certain because of the fact that his unit is currently disabled.” Lin’s voice said and I nodded, not noticing th strange look Jeremy shot me.

“Y/N… are you sure you’re ok?” Jeremy asked, gently placing a hand on my arm. I flinched away slightly, and Jeremy’s eyes widened.

I hate to alarm you, but he has definitely noticed now.” My SQUIP said and I let out a shaky breath.

“How could you? I… ugh.” Jeremy said, running a hand through his hair.

“What’s wrong? Is… is something going on?” Michael asked, jogging up next to Jeremy.

“She got one, Michael. A SQUIP.” Jeremy whispered, and Michael’s face fell as he looked at me.

“Why?” Michael asked, looking at me with shock and disappointment etched into his features.

You should probably answer him. And tell him the truth. You may not have the same end game as Jeremy did, but they’ll assume that you do.” My SQUIP said and at this point I wanted to punch it.

“I, uh, I can assure you that I don’t want to be cool. That’s the last thing I want.” I said, but that didn’t ease the disappointment on my friend’s faces.

“You saw what that thing did to Jeremy. To the entire school. Why would you want that, Y/N?” Michael asked, sounding incredibly hurt.

“I… I wanted to be something better than what I already am. I know I have a good life and wonderful friends, but that doesn’t stop me from having social anxiety and a crappy self esteem.” I said and their faces softened slightly.

“You should’ve come to us instead of getting one of those cursed floppy discs implanted in your brain. You could’ve gone to Evan. Or Jared. God, what’s Jared gonna say about this?” Jeremy said, his eyes widening slightly.

I assure you, I am much better than a floppy disc.” The SQUIP said and I sighed, raking a hand through my hair.

“I’m calling Jared, Y/N. He has to know about this. He loves you more than anything else.” Michael said, and I winced at the thought of Jared reacting to the news Michael would be bearing.

“Maybe Michael and I should head off. We, uh, we can meet up another afternoon.” Jeremy said, looking at me with pity in his eyes.

“Calm down Jared! Yes, she’s home. Where do you think we are?” I heard Michael say, and I let out a sigh.

“Stay strong, Y/N. If it, uh, ever gets too much, I have an open door and a fridge full of Mountain Dew Red. Just remember that.” Jeremy said, tentatively placing a hand on my arm.

I would highly recommend not taking his offer. My objective is to help, I swear.” I nodded, smiling at Jeremy.

“Jared’s on his way over. He did not sound impressed.” Michael said, shoving his phone in his pocket.

“Ok, ok. You guys should go.” I said, giving the boys the largest smile I could muster. It was pretty depressing, but they appreciated the sentiment.

I waved halfheartedly at them as they left, and I let out a sigh as soon as they were gone.

You haven’t ruined your friendship, Y/N. They’re just disappointed. And slightly angry, but that’s not the point.” The SQUIP said, and I let out a groan.

“I don’t care that I haven’t ruined our friendship. They still hate me, and I can’t blame them.” I thought, pacing around the house and thanking god my parents weren’t home.

We’ll work on your self loathing later. Jared’s here.” I took in a deep breath, readying myself for the wrath of Jared.

“What the hell were you thinking, babe?” I saw Jared storm in, his face already red.

“I’m sorry, it’s just.” Jared interrupted me by capturing my lips in a kiss, and my eyes widened slightly.

Well, that was unexpected.”

I closed my eyes, attempting to block out the SQUIP. It worked, and I tangled my fingers in Jared’s hair, tugging on it gently.

He let out a low moan, and his grip on my waist tightened slightly. Jared pulled away, his breathing laboured and his cheeks flushed.

“I love you. You know that right?” Jared said, his hair sticking up at odd angles.

“Of course.” I muttered, resting my forehead against Jared’s.

“Then why the hell would you do this?” Jared said, pulling his face away from mine.

I let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair. “Jared, you know how much of a mess I am. I’m socially anxious, and…” I said, not wanting to tell Jared my other reason for getting the SQUIP.

“And? And what?” Jared said, looking at me with a determination he reserved only for incredibly intense games of Monopoly.

“And I often get worried that you don’t really love me.” I whispered, lowering my gaze to the floor.

Just in case you’re wondering, Jared isn’t pleased with that. At all.”

“Is.. do you honestly think that?” Jared asked, his voice soft. I took in a deep breath and nodded, bravely lifting my head.

I felt tears welling in my eyes, but I noticed that they had started to form in Jared’s eyes as well.

“Oh, Y/N.” Jared whispered, pulling me close to his chest. I sniffled, feeling a few tears run down my face.

“Shh, shh.” Jared muttered into my hair, rubbing my back soothingly. My tears found their way onto Jared’s shirt, and I noticed that my SQUIP was silent.

“Hey, hey, look at me.” Jared said and I lifted my head, noticing that his eyes were starting to go a little red.

“Never, ever, doubt that I love you. Sure, there will be times where you feel unloveable. Like the world is just out to get you. But those times are minute in comparison to the good times.” Jared said, gently wiping away one of my tears with his thumb.

Mathematically, and according to your memory base, 85% of the memories you have could be classed as ‘good’.

“I love absolutely everything about you. Your smile, your eyes and the way they light up when I tell you some dumb joke. How your hair always smells like strawberries and vanilla. Like, how?” Jared said, and I chuckled weakly.

“It’s my shampoo.” I muttered, a half smile resting on my face. Jared smiled widely at me and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering for a few seconds.

“I love the way your hand fits so perfectly in mine, and don’t get me started on your body. That could spark a very different kind of conversation.” Jared said, looking me up and down, biting his lip.

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, and my smile widened slightly. “What I’m trying to say is, I love you Y/N Y/L/N, and I always will. SQUIP or no SQUIP.” Jared said, placing his lips on mine.

You should tell him that he’ll probably love you more with my assistance.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck, fiddling with the hair on the nape of his neck. His arms snaked around my waist, and pulled me tightly against his chest.

I kissed Jared with fervour, focusing on nothing except him. I pulled away reluctantly, my lungs burning slightly.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” Jared said, punctuating his words by kissing both my cheeks and my forehead. I sniffled, smiling wider and brighter than before.

“You’re my favourite human being. You know that, right?” I said, looking up at Jared with love in my eyes.

Jared chuckled, tucking a wisp of hair behind my ear. “Of course I know that. And the same goes for you, Y/N. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He said, taking one of my hands in his free one.

“Crash and burn, probably. You’re not very good at fending for yourself, babe.” I said, gigging slightly as I watched Jared pout.

“You’re so mean. I meant, it’s true, but still!” Jared said, squeezing my hand gently. I rolled my eyes, pecking his dusty pink cheek.

“Oh, babe! I almost forgot.” Jared said suddenly, and I looked at him curiously, arching an eyebrow.

“What is it?” I asked, and Jared smiled widely at me, pulling his phone out from his pocket.

“I saw the funniest meme the other day. You’re gonna love it!” Jared exclaimed, unlocking his phone and scrolling through it.

I laughed loudly, shaking my head at the enthusiasm Jared had for memes. “Sometimes I wonder why I’m still dating you, Jared.” I said, laughing slightly.

“Because I’m a wonderful human being who love you with every fibre of his being?” Jared said, giving me wide puppy dog eyes.

“I’d say so, babe. I’d say so.”

Classifications

1. Classification by information type

Anderson (1976) divides long-term memory into declarative (explicit) and procedural (implicit) memories.

 Declarative memory requires conscious recall, in that some conscious process must call back the information. It is sometimes called explicit memory, since it consists of information that is explicitly stored and retrieved. Declarative memory can be further sub-divided into semantic memory, which concerns facts taken independent of context; and episodic memory, which concerns information specific to a particular context, such as a time and place. Semantic memory allows the encoding of abstract knowledge about the world, such as “Paris is the capital of France”. Episodic memory, on the other hand, is used for more personal memories, such as the sensations, emotions, and personal associations of a particular place or time. Autobiographical memory - memory for particular events within one’s own life - is generally viewed as either equivalent to, or a subset of, episodic memory. Visual memory is part of memory preserving some characteristics of our senses pertaining to visual experience. One is able to place in memory information that resembles objects, places, animals or people in sort of a mental image. Visual memory can result in priming and it is assumed some kind of perceptual representational system underlies this phenomenon.

In contrast, procedural memory (or implicit memory) is not based on the conscious recall of information, but on implicit learning. Procedural memory is primarily employed in learning motor skills and should be considered a subset of implicit memory. It is revealed when one does better in a given task due only to repetition - no new explicit memories have been formed, but one is unconsciously accessing aspects of those previous experiences. Procedural memory involved in motor learning depends on the cerebellum and basal ganglia.

Topographic memory is the ability to orient oneself in space, to recognize and follow an itinerary, or to recognize familiar places. Getting lost when traveling alone is an example of the failure of topographic memory. This is often reported among elderly patients who are evaluated for dementia. The disorder could be caused by multiple impairments, including difficulties with perception, orientation, and memory.


2. Classification by temporal direction

A further major way to distinguish different memory functions is whether the content to be remembered is in the past, retrospective memory, or whether the content is to be remembered in the future, prospective memory. Thus, retrospective memory as a category includes semantic, episodic and autobiographical memory. In contrast, prospective memory is memory for future intentions, or remembering to remember (Winograd, 1988). Prospective memory can be further broken down into event- and time-based prospective remembering. Time-based prospective memories are triggered by a time-cue, such as going to the doctor (action) at 4pm (cue). Event-based prospective memories are intentions triggered by cues, such as remembering to post a letter (action) after seeing a mailbox (cue). Cues do not need to be related to the action (as the mailbox example is), and lists, sticky-notes, knotted handkerchiefs, or string around the finger are all examples of cues that are produced by people as a strategy to enhance prospective memory.

Little rant on TD-12 and memories, Ignorance isn’t bliss

There are moments you shouldn’t try to go deeper, there is a reason we need suspension of disbelief.

Because TD-12? It’s a mess and thinking about it makes the scene with Culverton and his ‘friends’ even creepier.

“TD-12. We sell mainly to dentists and hospitals for minor surgical procedures. Interferes with the memory.“

…how many of you went to their dentist and got an IV?

Anyway, I’m going to let that one pass. Moving on…

You go to the doctor (or the dentist), you’re going to be operated and someone is going to give you TD-12. This is an amazing drug, they tell you, you’re not going to remember anything ever happened once he’s done with you.

We know, considering its use, that you are not going to be under general anesthesia, you’re going to be awake. If anyone decides to tell you that they’re going to operate on you and you won’t remember a single thing, you should run away screaming.

Because, at no moment did they tell you you’re not going to be in pain.

TD-12 isn’t morphine, or cocaine, it is never said it is an analgesic or a painkiller. The only effet we know is the memory loss. And the only reason you would need to forget your operation isn’t because you’re scared of the needle, it’s because you’re going to be in a lot of pain.

They are going to hurt you, but it’ll be okay because you won’t remember the pain.

Anethesia vs Amnesia, the difference between the two is the same than the one between being healed and being tortured.

TD-12 is a torture device and Culverton is using it the correct way. And, as nobody remembers what Culverton is doing, he’s torturing them every time and they always come back in that room.

JOHN: What’s TD12?
SHERLOCK: It’s a memory inhibitor.
CULVERTON: Bliss.
JOHN: Bliss?
CULVERTON: Opt-in ignorance. Makes the world go round

But  if you decide to take TD-12, if you decide to choose ‘forget’, you can never move forward nor escape the pain. It’s not because you don’t remember that it isn’t there. Because it will inevitably come back.

The only reason this ended is because, despite everything, Faith decided to find a way to remember, to face the truth. And even though she forgot immediately afterward, Eurus gave the note to Sherlock.

And, if Eurus is Sherlock’s subconcious, that means there is something he needs to remember to find a way out of this mess. If Sherlock wants to stop being tortured, he will need to have Faith and choose to remember and face his pain.

In the future, crime is nearly eliminated and criminals instead undergo a memory alteration procedure and an identity change along with reconstructive surgery. A government employee discovers a dark secret that may irreversibly impact the stability of the society.

The original Nick Valentine was Sole’s uncle.

The family had a long history in the law field and Nick’s sibling/Sole’s parent worked as a lawyer for the Commonwealth Institute of Technology before the bombs fell. As such they had a direct role in both advising their brother Nick to go for a “memory procedure” to see if it would help him cope with the loss of his fiancée and calling in favours from numerous people to ensure that their child and grandchild definitely made it safely to a vault.

As for synth Nick, when he first meets Sole he doesn’t quite remember where from but he can’t shake a distinct feeling of knowing them from somewhere before.

Or the odd little memory of a familiar looking child wearing a too big detective’s hat.

Good LGBTQIA+ Books

// I know people sometimes have a difficult time finding good LGBT+ representation in YA or other genres, so here’s a list of my current favorites (that are written pretty realistically/aren’t complete garbage). Please let me know if you have any other favorites and feel free to add to the list! Also, please let me know if I have the wrong terms/am using the wrong language. 

YA Fiction

Anything Could Happen- Will Walton

o   “Tretch lives in a very small town where everybody’s in everybody else’s business. Which makes it hard for him to be in love with his straight best friend. For his part, Matt is completely oblivious to the way Tretch feels – and Tretch can’t tell whether that makes it better or worse.”

o   Blurb makes this sound super cheesy— it is sorta cheesy, but also good representation with gay teen Tretch.

More Happy Than Not- Adam Silvera

o   “In the months after his father’s suicide, it’s been tough for 16-year-old Aaron Soto to find happiness again–but he’s still gunning for it. With the support of his girlfriend Genevieve and his overworked mom, he’s slowly remembering what that might feel like. But Aaron can’t deny the happiness Thomas brings or how Thomas makes him feel safe from himself, despite the tensions their friendship is stirring with his girlfriend and friends. Since Aaron can’t stay away from Thomas or turn off his newfound feelings for him, he considers turning to the Leteo Institute’s revolutionary memory-alteration procedure to straighten himself out, even if it means forgetting who he truly is.”

o   Silvera is a KILLER writer. Very emotionally hard-hitting. I haven’t read many characters who are struggling with bisexuality, so I thought this was interesting. Also by Silvera: History is All You Left Me

Magnus Chase Series- Rick Riordan

o   “Magnus Chase has always been a troubled kid. Since his mother’s mysterious death, he’s lived alone on the streets of Boston, surviving by his wits, keeping one step ahead of the police and the truant officers.One day, he’s tracked down by a man he’s never met—a man his mother claimed was dangerous. The man tells him an impossible secret: Magnus is the son of a Norse god.To prevent Ragnarok, Magnus must search the Nine Worlds for a weapon that has been lost for thousands of years.”

o   Not only does this have Hearthstone (who is deaf), but also Alex Fierro, who is gender-fluid. Currently I believe Alex is going by the pronoun “he” (if I remember correctly). He and Magnus become friends, and a lot of the dialogue/information about gender-fluidity is done realistically, and doesn’t feel forced at all. IT’S JUST SUPER GOOD OKAY

I’ll Give You the Sun- Jandy Nelson

o   “Jude and her twin brother, Noah, are incredibly close. At thirteen, isolated Noah draws constantly and is falling in love with the charismatic boy next door, while daredevil Jude cliff-dives and wears red-red lipstick and does the talking for both of them. But three years later, Jude and Noah are barely speaking. Something has happened to wreck the twins in different and dramatic ways. The early years are Noah’s story to tell. The later years are Jude’s. What the twins don’t realize is that they each have only half the story, and if they could just find their way back to one another, they’d have a chance to remake their world.”

o   This was my top pick for 2016! Stunning. Made me cry. (Noah is GAY!!!!)

None of the Above- I. W. Gregorio

o   “When Kristin Lattimer is voted homecoming queen, it seems like another piece of her ideal life has fallen into place. She’s a champion hurdler with a full scholarship to college and she’s madly in love with her boyfriend. In fact, she’s decided that she’s ready to take things to the next level with him. But Kristin’s first time isn’t the perfect moment she’s planned—something is very wrong. A visit to the doctor reveals the truth: Kristin is intersex, which means that though she outwardly looks like a girl, she has male chromosomes, not to mention boy “parts."”

o   Not the best contemporary I’ve ever read, and the romance is a bit awkward, but this book is important in that it has a main character who is intersex— I’ve never seen this on the page before.

Symptoms of Being Human- Jeff Garvin

o   “Riley Cavanaugh is many things: Punk rock. Snarky. Rebellious. And gender fluid. Some days Riley identifies as a boy, and others as a girl. The thing is…Riley isn’t exactly out yet. And between starting a new school and having a congressman father running for reelection in uber-conservative Orange County, the pressure—media and otherwise—is building up in Riley’s so-called “normal” life. In the advice of a therapist, Riley starts an anonymous blog to vent those pent-up feelings and tell the truth of what it’s REALLY like to be a gender fluid teenager. But just as Riley’s starting to settle in at school—even developing feelings for a mysterious outcast—the blog goes viral, and an unnamed commenter discovers Riley’s real identity, threatening exposure.”

o   Again, a dramatic read, but an important addition to YA.

Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda- Beck Albertelli

o   “Sixteen-year-old and not-so-openly gay Simon Spier prefers to save his drama for the school musical. But when an email falls into the wrong hands, his secret is at risk of being thrust into the spotlight. Now Simon is actually being blackmailed: if he doesn’t play wingman for class clown Martin, his sexual identity will become everyone’s business. Worse, the privacy of Blue, the pen name of the boy he’s been emailing, will be compromised. Now, change-averse Simon has to find a way to step out of his comfort zone before he’s pushed out—without alienating his friends, compromising himself, or fumbling a shot at happiness with the most confusing, adorable guy he’s never met.”

o   I just remember this being really funny.

If I Was Your Girl- Meredith Russo

o    I hate the blurb for this, so: Amanda is the main character, a teenage girl. She has a crush on this guy named Grant. It’s pretty basic, actually, until we learn that Amanda is trans. So it’s very important.

We Are the Ants- Shaun David Hutchinson

o   “Henry knows that his mom is struggling to keep the family together, and coping by chain-smoking cigarettes. He knows that his older brother is a college dropout with a pregnant girlfriend. He knows that he is slowly losing his grandmother to Alzheimer’s. And he knows that his boyfriend committed suicide last year. What Henry doesn’t know is why the aliens chose to abduct him when he was thirteen, and he doesn’t know why they continue to steal him from his bed and take him aboard their ship. He doesn’t know why the world is going to end or why the aliens have offered him the opportunity to avert the impending disaster by pressing a big red button. But they have. And they’ve only given him 144 days to make up his mind.”

o   Another good example of gay representation- the alien thing is just weird, though.

Middle-Grade Fiction

Gracefully Grayson- Amy Polonsky

o   “Alone at home, twelve-year-old Grayson Sender glows, immersed in beautiful thoughts and dreams. But at school, Grayson grasps at shadows, determined to fly under the radar. Because Grayson has been holding onto a secret for what seems like forever: “he” is a girl on the inside, stuck in the wrong gender’s body. Strengthened by an unexpected friendship and a caring teacher who gives her a chance to step into the spotlight, Grayson might finally have the tools to let her inner light shine.”

o   One of the first books I read about a transgender person. Grayson is so sweet, and this is such a touching book.

Star-Crossed- Barbara Dee

o   “Mattie, a star student and passionate reader, is delighted when her English teacher announces the eighth grade will be staging Romeo and Juliet. And she is even more excited when, after a series of events, she finds herself playing Romeo, opposite Gemma Braithwaite’s Juliet. Gemma, the new girl at school, is brilliant, pretty, outgoing—and, if all that wasn’t enough: British. As the cast prepares for opening night, Mattie finds herself growing increasingly attracted to Gemma and confused, since, just days before, she had found herself crushing on a boy named Elijah. Is it possible to have a crush on both boys AND girls? If that wasn’t enough to deal with, things backstage at the production are starting to rival any Shakespearean drama! In this sweet and funny look at the complicated nature of middle school romance, Mattie learns how to be the lead player in her own life.”

o   Do middle-school girls have many books with girls their age that are bisexual???? I think not!!!! This is beautiful!!!!!

Christianity & LGBTQIA+ Books 

God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships- Matthew Vines   (probs the best one)

Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church’s Debate on Same-Sex Relationships- James Brownson

Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate- Justin Lee

The Bible and the Transgender Experience: How Scripture Supports Gender Variance- Linda Tatro Herzer

Unfair: Christians and the LGBT Question- John Shore

�)�d�

Splitting the Squip, (not boyf riends unless I write another chapter)

Jeremy and Michael had just bought the sketchy pill from the scary stockboy at Payless. Michael was still unsure about the whole thing considering there was no research or anything to back it up. Jeremy, on the other hand, was all too excited to try to be cool. He looked down at the pill he was holding as Michael leaned back in his chair at the food court.

“I hope you’re worth $400…”

“$401,” I corrected. “Don’t forget the Mountain Dew.”

“If this is real… my whole life could change. We should split it. You helped me get it. We should both benefit, right?”

“Okay.”

“Wait, what?”

“Sure, let’s try it,” the slightly taller boy said with a smile.

Well okay then.

“Here, I’ll take it to Subway and see if I can borrow a something I can use to cut it in half,” he said, outstretching his hand.

Jeremy gave his best friend the pill and watched as he strolled up to the cashier and asked for a knife and two cups. The lady seemed to be really confused and handed Michael the large steak knife she had been using to cut sandwiches as well as two Styrofoam cups with the Subway logo across the side. He took out the pill, placed it on the counter, and basically karate chopped it with the knife, splitting it easily as sparks flew everywhere. He tried to hand her the sharp object back, but she just stared at him, her mouth gaping open. Seeing as she wasn’t going to respond, Michael just placed the knife on the counter and returned to his table with Jeremy.

“Here we go.” Michael handed Jeremy his half, slightly shocking him as he touched the part where the pill had been split. He held out the two cups and let Jeremy pour half of the Mountain Dew into each.

“On the count of three?” Jeremy said, stating it as more of a question.

“Okay. One…” Michael began.

“Two…” Jeremy continued.

“Three!” they said in unison, popping the pill into their mouths and chugging all the Mountain Dew from their respective cups.

“How do you feel?” Michael asked, a little hesitantly.

“Like… Like a chump!”

“Same here! I was really hoping that would work. Do you think it’s because we tried to-“

Before Michael could say anything else, his voice was cut off by Jeremy screaming in pain. Not long after, Michael found himself screaming as well. Both of their head felt like they were splitting apart as the squip activated.

“Calibration in process. Please excuse some mild discomfort.”

“Mild?!” the boys screeched, completely oblivious to the weird stares they were getting.

“Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.”

The pain stopped momentarily and the two friends just looked at each other, both in awe and fear of what would come next.

“Discomfort level may increase.”

The pain returned to them all at once, even worse than before.

“Accessing: neuro memory. Accessing: muscle memory. Access procedure: complete.”

The pain began to subside as and the two felt themselves returning back to the real world from the blinding white pain they had just experienced.

“Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell, welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processors; your squips.”

Michael’s eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath, hearing Jeremy say something incoherent to him.

He looked up to find Bob Marley standing next to him, but he had a sort of blue tint and was glitching all over the place.

“Woah. Jeremy! It worked-“ He stopped suddenly when he looked across the table to find something he didn’t quite expect. Jeremy still sat there, breathing heavily and slightly hunched over. Next to him stood Keanu Reeves, but just like Bob, he was also fading in and out of existence at a rapid pace.

“Oh my god.”

Jeremy looked up and saw the two other figures standing at their table.

“What the hell?!” Jeremy exclaimed as he quickly glanced between the two squips. “You look like Keanu Reeves and you look like Bob Marley.”

“Our default modes,” Keanu explained, eyeing the other squip. “Jeremy, you can also set me for Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, Sexy Anime Female ahuehuehue~” he said, inhaling deeply between each name before nailing their voice.

“And Michael,” Bob started. “You can set me for Jared Kleinman, Ian Curtis, Pac Man,” he suddenly didn’t sound human anymore as he replicated the noise Pac Man makes in the original 1980 game.

“We can see each other’s squips?” Jeremy asked, a little confused.

“Yes you can. I’ll be honest, I recall anything in my programming about this sort of situation…” Keanu said, trying to hide how unprepared he was for this situation. “No matter, this will only make things easier when it comes to syncing your goals. Michael, even though I am not your squip, your squip and I have a connection so I can see everything about you as well and I am sure it works the other way too.”

Bob Marley nodded. “Glad we covered that, now if you two could stop having animated conversations with yourselves, the other people in the mall would probably stop staring at you.”

“W-we should probably get back to your place, Jer. We can all figure things out there.”

“O-okay.”

The two (four) of them left the food court and set out to find Michael’s PT Cruiser in the parking lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so this was gonna be a crack fic, but I started taking it more and more seriously and idk why like??? Anyway, if you want another chapter, lemme know. I know this was just a joke thing in the script, BUT WHAT IF??

And if you have any requests (any genre, any ship, x reader, whatever) as long as it’s Be More Chill I’ll try to write it!

Second Chances; Chapter 1

So, this is my first fanfiction here, and I’m not that proud becaus I wrote it in about an hour on mobile, but the plot should get good later on. I don’t know the word count or anything, but I hope you enjoy it! ^-^ Tagging: @nevuabby

~~~

Kai sat on flimsy beanbag, most of the stuffing long gone, fiddling with his gameboy and deafening himself with some loud, obscure rock band. The air was thick with smoke from the tennants on the floor below, blocking his nostrils and his throat. He didn’t cough or twitch. He’d lived in this same apartment for just under a decade, and the daily dose of second hand opium had completely numbed him to the effect. His roommate Rich, on the other hand, sat choking on an old wooden stool, head buried in his biology books, every so often letting out a string of cusses.

“Dude, Mr Takahashi had to stop with this. Shouldn’t he be, like, dead by now?” Rich paused to cough every couple words, his eyes squinting over at Kai, who couldn’t hear his friend.

“Kai. Kai, I’m speaking to you.” Still no response.

Rich threw a pen at him, hitting him square in the cheek, causing him to flinch and rip his headphones off.

“The fuck?” Kai yelled, dropping his game boy. “I was almost at the end of my level.”

“I was asking why Takahashi isn’t dead yet. You’ve been here longer than I have, how much opium does he smoke every day? I’ve never seen him eat anything. Like, ever.” Rich questioned. Rich had only been Kai’s roomate for about a year and a half, but it didn’t take them long to become like brothers.

“I saw him eat a whole lemon once. With the skin on and everything, the whole lemon.” Kai says, deadly serious. Rich laughs nervously, dropping his eyes for a second before thinking.

“Wait, seriously?” Rich asks.

“Seriously.”

They sit in silence for a while, listening to Takahashi laughing and talking to himself downstairs. Rich shrugs and leans back on his chair, staring up at the ceiling.

“Studying not going well?” Kai asks and Rich groans painfully, making Kai laugh. “I’ll take that as a no. Why don’t we get out and do something then? There’s gotta be something a bioengineering student and a manga shop owner can do on a Wednesday evening, right?”

And a few hours later, the two men are sitting at a bar in a booming nightclub, eyes skimming over the sweaty teenagers pumping and grinding. The music was so loud you could feel the bass in your chest, a sensation that Kai found both energizing and grounding.

“I miss high school.” He says, watching as a group of schoolgirls wander in looking lost and innocent. They were wearing clubbing clothes, but there’s a glimmer in their eyes that reminds Kai of his younger days, before he dropped out. He turned to face Rich, and saw that he had eyes on a young couple sitting in the corner, making out whilst simultaneously staring at Rich and beckoning him over. He turned to Kai for approval.

“Go get em, tiger.” Kai shrugs in their direction, grinning as Rich jumps up and almost skips eagerly in their direction. He carried on watching for a while, just to make sure his buddy was okay, but after a few minutes Kai places his drink down and headed towards the bathrooms. He needed a timeout.

Standing in front of the mirrors, he threw some water in his face, feeling the ice cold beads splash against his red hot cheeks. His chest felt uncomfortably warm, and his spine was tingling.

“Hey.” Kai almost jumped out of his skin, clinging onto the sink for dear life as he turned his head.

“Jesus, dude, you frightened me. I thought I was the only one in here.” He laughed sheepishly, embarrassed that he was so easily scared.

“You’re that shop owner right?”

“Excuse me?” Kai glanced at the guy, dressed from head to toe in black. He slouched, arms hidden in his jumper pocket and Kai could just about make out the shape of a fist under the material. Was he holding something? A knife?

He stumbled backwards slightly, edging towards the door, when the guy stuck his un-fisted hand out of his pocket and reached towards him.

“Wait! Listen, you own that comic book store, right? The one near the Ito Corp building?”

Kai nodded, gulping.

“Okay, I picked something up near there the other day. I think it came from inside.”

Kai laughed.

“Inside Ito Corp? That’s bullshit. They haven’t produced anything in years. Last I heard, they were researching some medicine shit. It’s im-”

“It’s not impossible. Trust me, okay, this came from inside. And you can have it. For free. I need to know if its safe.” The guy looked desperate, but Kai just laughed.

“Safe? I’m not your fucking guinea pig, and I don’t do drugs. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m leaving.” Kai turned to go, but the guy grabbed him arm, yanking him back. “What the fuck!?”

“I’ll pay you!”

“You’ll pay me, for taking your drugs?”

“I know I can get more of this shit. I just have to wait by this back door. It came in this weird white box, it was the only one, but they’ll be more, I know. I’ll give you 22000¥.”

“22000 yen? That’s like… 2000 dollars? It would… It would definitely pay the rent…” Just when he sounded convinced, he shook his head. “No, no, I can’t-”

“Yes, you can.” The guy replied, softly but urgently. “Think of what you can do with that money. I’ll even give you 20% of my profit every month. This can work. It will work.”

Kai stood for a moment, stunned. He didn’t have anything to lose. The only thing he truly looked are to was the next level of his shitty gameboy game. Maybe… Maybe he should.

The pair stood in silence for a while, Kai looking thoughtful and the other guy looking… scared.

“Fine. I’ll do it.” Kai said reluctantly, and he heard the guy sigh, his shoulders relaxing almost immediately.

“Thank you, thank you, you won’t regret this!” The guy exclaimed, but Kai cut him off.

“Just, hand it over. I wanna get this over with.”

The guy pulled his other hand out of his pocket, handing over a bundle of notes, and then after reaching back in, a grey, oblong pill.

Kai quickly took the money, and then hesitantly reached for the pill. He stopped.

“This could kill me?”

“Maybe.”

He thought, then grabbed the pill and shoved it in his mouth. It was big, quite hard to swallow. He ran the taps and cupped his hands, collecting water and chugging it down in one go.

And nothing happened.

“Anything?” The guy asked hopeful.

Kai shook his head, folding his arms and staring at the ground. They just stood there for a while.

“Fuck this.”

Kai went home, ignoring the shady guys shouts of desperation.

A few weeks later, Kai and Rich were back in their apartment, thrown across their beanbags and stuffing their face with some potato chips. Rich was chugging from a can of Mountain Dew and staring down at his phone.

“Still not heard from that couple?” Kai asked, smiling sympathetically.

“Kyoko and Rin? Nah. I think I was just a fling for them.” He sounded bummed. Well, no shit, but he didn’t usually let these things hurt him.

“Well, these things happen you know.” Kai reached for the Mountain Dew, taking a few sips before carrying on. “If they’re being dicks, they don’t deserve you, bro. I know yo- Uh…”

Kai grabbed his head, dropping the empty can on the floor. He groaned, trying to tune out that weird mechanical noise in the back of his head. Then, he started screaming, rolling around on the floor screeching wildly.

“Fuck- Fuck, it hu-” He couldn’t stop screaming, it felt like his skull was full of bees and nails and fire, all bouncing around and scratching at his brain. Rich was saying something, but it was getting drowned out by Kai’s screams. There was a voice in his head, kinda like a computer, but strangely human.

“Calibration in process, please excuse some mild discomfort.”

Rich ran out of the room.

“Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.”

The pain stopped for a second, and Kai exhaled shakingly, proping himself up on one arm and wiping away the tears on his sleeve.

A jolt of electricity, and the pain was back, and worse than before.

“Discomfort level may increase.”

His screams got louder as he clawed at his ears, scratching at his head and throwing his legs around wildly, not knowing what would help.

“Accessing neural memory. Accessing muscle memory. Access procedure complete.”

He lay flat on the floor, still twitching and spasming. His throat was raw and his eyes bright red, drowning in tears.

And when the voice came back, it didn’t sound like a computer or a machine. It sounded like a teenage boy.

“Kai Sasaki… My name is Jeremy, can you help me?”

poet9037  asked:

Hey GAM, I’m a 24 y.o agender person and I just found out I’m like 8 wks pregnant. I want to get an abortion, but I’m kinda scared... I live in NSW so will I get arrested or some shit? :/ also the procedure itself kinda scares me... I don’t like being awake during medical procedures since I suffer from vasovagal syncope. Do you have any advice for me? Also, can I punch anti-choice protesters outside the clinic? Thanks in advance xx (OK to reply publicly btw)

Oh hun, I’m sorry. This sucks.

Ok, having had an abortion in NSW I can tell you that’s it’s not illegal for YOU to get one. Your doctor is the one taking the legal risk and, believe me, they will..

I didn’t even know abortion wasn’t legal when I got mine because my doctor never told me, never questioned me, never gave me any shit.

I was really nervous about the procedure and I don’t have any of your problems. I was given, I believe, a gas to breathe and have the procedure. I remember absolutely nothing about the procedure, there is no memory there. Not from trauma or pushing it away, but because I was medicated.

Directly afterwards, when I “woke” up in a recovery bed I felt no pain and was just a little confused. I remember being unsure how I had gotten into the bed because I didn’t remember walking there, but I had.

I was there for a little while, until I was clear headed and then it was home. They gave me all the post care information, to expect cramping, spotting, not to have vaginal sex or use tampons for six weeks afterwards.

You can take someone with you, it’s perfectly fine.

If you’re worried about protests then I would suggest going on a week day. Now they are NOT there every weekend, but it’s less likely on a week day. I was forewarned before I came to the clinic. They didn’t get in my way, there was only a few of them and I remember thinking they were pathetic.

Comforting food, self care and don’t expect to drive yourself home because it’s not safe.

So a quick recap. You are not on the hook for getting an abortion, doctors do them when it’s a “medical necessity” and they decide that, since you don’t want to be pregnant… It’s necessary.

You likely will not feel actively anxious during the event as, if it’s like mine, you will not remember the event. I was actually given a pap smear while I was there because they thought, why not? No memory.

That might sound scary, but it really wasn’t. The worst thing I could say about it is that it was a little cold? A little distant. It was very organised and perfunctory.

They were not rude to me in any way, but it was very matter of fact.

Since you said it was ok for it to be shared publicly I thought I would in case anyone had anything to add that I didn’t say.

I wish you all the best, please feel free to keep me updated. I’ll be thinking of you ❤

anonymous asked:

Accessing neural memory, Accessing muscle memory, access procedure Complete. Evan Hansen welcome to your super quantum unit intel processor. Your squip

E: I… I don’t understand? That sounds like something Jared’s friends from Xbox would say… 

Take off the damn headphones (Pt 3)

Michael tasted that same fucking thing. It didn’t taste like mountain dew, more like some disgusting mix of Pepto Bismol and mint. Like someone in a pharmacy took a blueberry and crushed it with ten asprin and shoved it in a vial to ferment. He almost gagged, but just settled for stopping at drinking half the bottle. He watched Jeremy scroll anxiously through the menu. Beautiful, perfect jeremy. That hair, that face, that-

‘Pling!’

“Ow, shit…”

‘Target male inaccessible.’

“What?”

“What? You okay, Michael?”

“Did you say somethin?”

“No, you sure you aren’t just-”

'Calibration in process.’

“Calibration? What are you-”

At that point, a huge scream burst from Michael’s throat. He tore at his hair, clawing at his head and doubling over in agony.

'Please excuse some mild discomfort.’

“THIS ISN’T MILD-”

At this point, Jeremy caught on. Technically he caught on a few minutes ago, but he wasn’t willing to believe it. He froze, nearly hyperventilating as he watched his only friend shake and scream to himself, his own experience playing in his head. No. No, he had been alone in public when he had to go through it. Jeremy nearly tackled Michael, holding the shaking, crying teenager still.

“It-it’s gonna be okay, michael. Just calm d-down.. Just calm… You’re gonna be fine…”

“THIS ISN’T FINE! THIS IS ANYTHING BUT FINE! J-AUGH!”

“Michael, Michael, just focus on me, okay? I’ll get you a code red as soon as I can but I won’t just leave you here like this.”

'Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.’

Michael seemed to calm, taking deep breaths and slowly standing, using Jeremy as a crutch.

“Okay, Jer… I think it’s-”

'Discomfort level may increase.’

Michael toppled to the ground, a massive crack resounding as he hit the floor. He screamed, writhing on the ground as Jeremy struggled and failed to calm him.

'Accessing neural memory. Accessing muscle memory. Access procedure complete.’

A figure, almost feminine, appeared where Jeremy should have been. Its joints were blue circles, connected with lines that highlighted the movement of the woman around it. The woman herself had no figure, just shadow. A form that seemed to eat the light around it, with a blue face that seemed to be projected in front of it. She(?) smiled slyly, leaning forward until she was two inches from his face.

'Janice Mell. Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. Your SQUIP. We have a lot of work to do.’

Maybe I was not meant to be a part of one place.
Maybe my heart rests in between.
Who said I could be a part of one and not the other?
Who said letters on a paper define what I feel in my heart?
My dad is a refugee,
And to him moving is a painful procedure that wakes old memories up.
I think moving is the best thing on this planet.
The war killed my father’s wanderlust,
but it sparked mine.
There is no place made for me.
My home is on the road.
My dad’s home is safety.
The war did not ruin us all.
I am a product of it,
and I am not a mistake.
I am not an inconvenience.
I am the aftermath of an earthquake.
I am the end result.
I am the outcome of war.
I am what people fear the most.
Nobody fears the refugees.
They fear what comes from them.
I come from a refugee.
My heart isn’t whole.
I am inbetween.
Too East for the West, too West for the East.
Too big for the people, too small for the World.
—  // And I am proud.

remember yesterday when i was gloating about how i was done with the fic and it had been purged from my life and i could move on etc etc? yeah i kind of lied.

this really long, self-indulgent meta is titled “You Are Literally The Hardest To Write: The Bucky Barnes Story” or alternately “your favorite ghost: the bucky edition”

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