probably poison

“Sing you a lullaby where you die at the end~” -Melanie Martinez

My part of the art trade with @porotatoes ;) sorry it took a little long >m>.

Tanaka’s cooking skills

Lemonade (ch1):

Ciel: “He probably mistook *MSG for sugar since they’re both white.”

[*MSG: a chemical that is sometimes added to food to improve the taste]


Porridge (bonus chapter “That butler, resting”):

Sebastian: “They [Tanaka and Snake] must have mistaken sugar for salt.”


Crack theory: It wasn’t a “mistake” but Tanaka used the wrong seasoning on purpose because he likes to play a prank especially on Sebastian.


Bonus:

Real Ciel, you better not drink the “tea” who knows what seasoning Tanaka put in it this time xD

MBTI: What Flavor of Soap are You?

INFP:  Special order soap.  It tastes like bug spray and menthol.  This soap was made for certain purposes; being eaten was not one of them.  You congratulate yourself on being such a rebel as you begin to see the lights.  8/10


ENFP:  Children’s soap.  It smells and tastes exotic, but you’re not completely sure what it’s supposed to be.  The happy koala on the bottle isn’t much of a clue.  It’s a bit astringent.  It burns as you swallow.  You’re glad your tongue is clean, though.  You hiccup, and a bubble leaves your mouth.  5/10

INFJ:  Dishwasher soap.  Stronger than its cousin, dish soap, but significantly more likely to kill you.  It leaves a soft white powder residue on the burns it creates on your tongue.  This is somehow your aesthetic.  It tastes like a chemical burn and a Tumblr moodboard.  You’re pleased.  10/10


ENFJ:  Dish soap.  It smells like what someone who has never seen a real, whole coconut before would imagine that coconut to smell like.  It’s a bit slimy.  No matter how much you heave, you can’t seem to get the residue off of your tongue.  It begins to sting. 4/10

ISFP:  Hotel soap.  Completely horrible.  No matter what you do, you can’t get the taste out of your mouth afterwards.  You look at the crumpled wrapper on your borrowed bathroom counter.  You can’t decide if it’s brown or gray.  It was complimentary, so you really have nothing to complain about, you remind yourself.  There are bubbles in the cracks between your teeth. You hope this will trick your dentist into thinking you actually flossed tomorrow.  It does.  You feel triumphant as he scrapes the oily residue off of your incisors, perplexed.  You’ll never tell.  9/10


ESFP:  Handmade soap.  You smushed some stuff around in a bucket, and this is the resultant creation.  It tastes like oil-flavored toothpaste.  The ingredients you bought off of eBay probably weren’t poisonous.  You’re not sure how to get the stuff out of this bucket and into a usable container.  It will have to do – you decide this is probably more rustic anyway.  As one hand shoves another chunk into your mouth, the other increases the price of your soap tenfold on your Etsy store.  You smile in the dark, the light from your computer giving your soapy teeth a pallid glow.  Multicolored spots begin to dance in your eyes.  You take another bite. 7/10

ISFJ:  Microbead soap.  Tastes like a ruined environment and clogged waterways.  You’re not sure if fish are capable of feeling sad.  The beads scrape and scratch at your gums as you swish before you swallow.  You feel them peel away every unnecessary dead cell in your mouth.  You look into the empty bottle, wishing there was more.  You open another.  Your head begins to vibrate as your stomach begins to twist.  You comfort yourself with the knowledge that your blood will finally be clean. 6/10


ESFJ:  Bar soap.  The original.  The classic.  It tastes like your childhood – at least the parts when your mother caught you when you swore.  Nutty aftertaste with mild notes at the beginning, but now that you’ve finished chewing, it just tastes like soap.  You remember why you hated it.  You spit it out.  You wonder if you’ll go blind.  5/10


ISTP:  Hand soap.  Perfumey and bland.  It eases down your throat as you slurp from the opened bottle.  You wonder if it has been watered down.  You wonder whose soap this is.  You wonder how you ended up in this bathroom, in this house.  Your stomach begins to quelch as you stagger outside.  You lurch towards the next house, wondering if the soap in another bathroom will taste any different - if it will have answers.  It won’t.  3/10


ESTP:  Shampoo.  Creamy and metallic.  It goes down smoothly as you chug from the aesthetically-molded plastic bottle.  You hurry.  When it’s empty, you quietly slip from this shower, from this house.  You move through the night towards the house next door.  Maybe their selection will finally satiate you.  You will never be full.  9/10


ISTJ:  Expensive department store soap.  Salty and vaguely acrid.  It tastes like licking a grandma.  There’s a hint of alcohol – probably the perfumes.  You look around your dimly-lit bathroom as you sit on the edge of your tub and feel dead inside.  You look at the delicate lettering on the elegant packaging and feel alive.  You take another bite.  It flakes into beige icing between your teeth.  6/10


ESTJ:  Laundry soap.  It smells absolutely fantastic, but is so concentrated that you end up in the emergency room.  It tastes like deception and suds.  Tiny bubbles line your lips.  You realize you forgot to start the dryer before the ambulance came.  You can no longer tell if it’s the soap or you that’s foaming.  It’s soft.  You wonder if you’re finally clean as you begin to fade.  2/10


INTJ:  Novelty soap.  The fragrance of this bar is particularly powerful.  The smell is so strong that your brain is tricked into thinking it’s the flavor as well; this prevents you from noticing your discomfort as it slowly erodes away at your lips.  You stare at the box, trying to decide if Blue Strawberry Bonanza is a typo.  You’re not sure.  The prize inside lends extra crunch, but you’re spitting bubbles for an hour afterwards.  This is the worst $27 you have ever spent.  7/10


ENTJ:  Straight lye. It hurts. At a pH of 13, it’s obviously very efficient – but it will wash you away as well as the grime.  It burns.  At least you didn’t waste your money on one of those useless scented soaps.  Now it hurts AND burns.  You reassure yourself with your pragmatism as you begin to die.  It tastes like blood.  0/10 


INTP:  Holiday soap.  Special, fragrant, and full of glitter.  It tastes horrible when consumed, yet this is your fifth sip.  You take your sixth.  You look at the leering gingerbread man on the peeling sticker and don’t understand why he can’t taste the way he looks just this once.  You decide to give him another chance.  It doesn’t work.  He tastes the same.  2/10


ENTP:  Car wash soap.  You’ve never felt so alive, so powerful.  The industrial foam fills your mouth, your throat, your lungs.  It tastes like wax and fire.  This is what it means to be an extrovert.  The suds drip from your eyelashes just long enough for you to see the brushes heading towards you.  They’re coming.  You’re not afraid.  They said that you shouldn’t, that you couldn’t.  You raise your fists above your head and push out a gurgled scream.  You’ll show them.   1/10

sometimes i think about all the lovely things taylor has done and cry a lil. today i was thinking ‘bout how she helped a lil boy get his autism service dog, and that one always gets me because my brother’s autistic too and like damn homegirl really did that?! it hits so close to home, y’all…. she’s such a giving spirit, goddamn!! i’m doing swell..!

2

More reversed CP AU aka “what if the regent were mean enough to send laurent to akielos” AU

This Valentines Day
  • Whether you're spending it longing
  • Fisherman: Would you stop putting chocolates in the ocean? You're probably poisoning the dolphins!
  • Angelica: I DONT CARE HE NEEDS TO KNOW I REMEMBERED HIM
  • Laughing
  • Laurens: Okay, way way mon amay Jeh mapple Lafayette?
  • Lafayette: *chokes on drink*
  • Working
  • Mulligan: If someone asks me to sew one more pair of god damn assless chaps for another "valentines day surprise" I'm swear to god
  • Traveling
  • Madison: Sir you smell like you haven't showered in weeks
  • Jefferson: I know isn't France great
  • Or even mourning
  • Burr: Dear Theodosia, what to say to you...
  • Just remember th-
  • *cough*
  • Just reme-
  • *cough*
  • What is that loud coughing nois-
  • Peggy: AND PEGGY!
  • Oh, right! Ahem
  • Or even being forgotten
  • Peggy: Finally thank y- heYWAITASEC-
  • JUST remember that no matter how you're spending your Valentine's Day
  • Eliza: *opens door to Alexander with a half eaten box of chocolate*
  • You're always loved
  • Hamilton: Mmrph?
  • Eliza: *sigh* I love you too honey
  • ~<3

@therealjacksepticeye should do a video mirroring a snickers commercial where it’s like
Anti:*creepy glitchy murdery mess*
Person: you’re not you when you hungry *hands snicker bar*
Anti:*takes bite*
*poof*
Jack: That’s better

3

Please don’t tag as kin/me - Please don’t repost to other websites - Ask Before Dubbing - Please don’t remove caption - Reblogs appreciated! <3 ✮

IT’S JUST KYUNGSOO

♤ actual soft ball of fluff
♤ fluffier than a pomeranian okay
♤ smiley kyungsoo makes everyone happier
♤ like he’s a little kid omg
♤ don’t tell me you don’t love smiley kyungsoo
♤ only satan hates smiley kyungsoo and you ain’t satan
♤ if you are satan hi how are you jUST KIDDING you better love him
♤ he looks so cuddly for once like
♤ i just wanna hug the life out of him he’s that cute
♤ fight me if you think he ain’t a cutie

Originally posted by dohkyungcutie

♤ don’t piss him off
♤ literally split personalities right there
♤ one minute he’ll be all happy but then
♤ when chanyeol happens
♤ room. evacuation. ROOM. EVACUATION.
♤ SOS BECAUSE THE DEVIL HAS ARRIVED
♤ the world didn’t end on saturday 23 it’ll end when ksoo wants it to
♤ fucking angel devil hybrid in a tiny human body
♤ tbh he’s still cute af when he’s pissed
♤ constantly in bitch fight me mode

Originally posted by callmeyourhope

♤ his gummy smile
♤ i swear it’s too omg
♤ i die inside whenever he does that
♤ like don’t tell me you don’t or else i’m just weird which i’m not
♤ it probably cures depression that smile
♤ MAKE !! KYUNGSOO !! SMILE !! MORE !!
♤ honestly though it’s precious
♤ i would fucking kill for that smile it’s so cute
♤ you know when babies giggle and everyone is like aw so cute
♤ well i do that when ksoo smiles okay

Originally posted by yonkaisoo

♤ his eyes are the like omg
♤ will be the death of me
♤ how they gradually widen without him knowing
♤ like could you not i’m trying to live here
♤ oh fuck it i’ll lose anyways
♤ always looks shook
♤ or he looks like he remembered that he forgot to turn off the bathroom lights
♤ either way shook
♤ actually that’s really cute compared to shook beagle line lol
♤ god i love those eyes awWWW

Originally posted by messijoahae

♤ his vocals are actually god’s blessing to us
♤ like they could be drugs i wouldn’t know ????????
♤ also he’s literally the rap line
♤ LET KYUNGSOO RAP
♤ it’s a beautiful sight
♤ stfu exo you ain’t got shit on ksoo’s rapping okay
♤ but in all seriousness his vocals are a blessing
♤ like i shit you not if he released a solo album i’d die a little 
♤ also when he sang in miracles in december my mum started crying okay
♤ W O RSH IP H I S VOC A LS PLEASE

Originally posted by bangtan-monsta

♤ probably wants to kill chanyeol lets be honest
♤ but then gets giggly and pissed at the same time
♤ make up your mind dude
♤ also he’s like dON’T FUCK WITH ME BITCH
♤ sexual tension
♤ honestly if there was a film abt him and yeol killing eachother i’d be dead
♤ wouldn’t we all
♤ probably wants to poison chanyeol’s drink but junmyeon be like kids chill
♤ sLAPSGIVING CHANYEOL DID YOU HEAR THAT ;)
♤ honestly i think he just enjoys witnessing other people’s misery 

Originally posted by veriloquentmind

♤ i feel like one day he won’t have enough hair to cut
♤ like he cuts his hair so much are you okay bro
♤ literally looked like an egg for a few months
♤ still a hot egg
♤ would cook that egg
♤ also glitches out a lot
♤ making those hot ksoo edits for the dash indeed
♤ but actually he’s high quality meme material
♤ esp the times he wants to murder exo 
♤ tbh he’d look good in any given scenario lol esp smut

Originally posted by leslipigeonoficial

♤ kinda looks like a member of satan’s cult
♤ probably will sacrifice exo’s poor bodies to satan (excluding yixing n jongin)
♤ chanyeol goodbye
♤ always looks angry or sexually frustrated
♤ 37% of the time looks cute
♤ cherish cute kyungsoo
♤ also when he was like the same height as sehun that was funny
♤ nice joke thanks
♤ really not that short
♤ who am i kidding lmao he’s short af compared to chanyeol it’s so cute

Originally posted by love-meknot

♤ cutie
♤ but his aegyo is kinda
♤ looks like satan wanting to pet a kitten
♤ cute and unsettling
♤ isn’t he just wonderful
♤ especially in smut
♤ what oh yeah he’s sexy man
♤ sexy when eating food yum
♤ kinda looks either clueless or regretful when he’s with exo tbh
♤ “being famous means putting up with basic bitches like baekhyun”

Originally posted by theonly-vagina-kyungsoo-will-fuk

♤ his existence is a blessing 
♤ but a punishment to chanyeol lol
♤ cute tiny angel demon
♤ how does he even manage
♤ oh yeah he likes harassing exo without them knowing
♤ what a sweetheart
♤ aww his cute lips great for licking things
♤ like ice cream cones of course
♤ i wonder how fast he could eat ice cream
♤ what a nice thought eh ?????

anonymous asked:

Have Ara or his brothers tried to eat bugs before???

Well- Tbh they prolly would if they get the chance, yEAH

Here have this >:3 He’d be so surprised at himself if hhe could even get a bug n eat it