probably just a douche

matt0044  asked:

So what's this about Simon Says being episode 10? Doesn't seem that big of a deal. Only ones out of place are the Origins on Netflix and those were always all over the place to begin with. That said, it shouldn't be too hard to navigate for any casual new viewer.

Well i mean… they’re not the only ones. i’ve only watched the first two eps, and already it’s got a pretty obvious error.

Ep1 is Stormy Weather, which is cool. It’s a good intro point cos it spells out a lot of things and the duo are still kinda clumsy/feeling out their dynamic. A+++ intro ep, 5 fists of the north star.

 But then… ep 2 is Evillustrator? For some reason??? Evillustrator opens with Nathanael drawing/daydreaming about saving Marinette from Stormy Weather and…what’s this, Alya as a villain? Does he not like Alya? what is this?

Now, as a person who has seen the show, I know it’s Lady Wifi. Cool for me, who knows why he pictures her this way, but for someone who has never seen it, it’s a bit confusing…like, gosh, what does he have against Alya??? But when the Lady Wifi ep rolls around, what? I guess he’s clairevoyant? lmao no, anyone with half a brain is immediately going to realize it’s just completely out of order, that’s all. and it’s off putting when that happens. [note: it happens on netflix with other shows sometimes too (usually an ep or two) and it’s always, always annoying]… all the other versions at least have some semblance of an order. Lady Wifi is before Evillustrator in every other country, for obvious reasons. 

and mind you i have only watched the first two eps, i’m sure there’s more and i’m justggfdjghdk

Okay sorry for that tangent lol. onward to your actual question… you asked about Jackady (Simon Says). And the thing with this episode, is that is heavily implies that Gabe has figured out his son is Chat Noir. 

[gifs from this post]


Very, very heavily.

There is no way around that. He knows. Hawkmoth or not, Gabriel at least suspects it’s the ring [which he knows about because he has a book on the miraculous]. 

Now…the problem with this being episode 10? It’s because after this, the rest of the season, he’s just gone. He’s not seen again until the final episode lol. Bubbler is episode 9 [so right before this one]. And Mr Pigeon [the only other ep he really appears in] is episode…5? 6? I forget. 

Again…Hawkmoth or not, it seems really…odd??? for it to be so early on lol. For him to know for all that time and do literally nothing about it. And don’t pull the “lol but he doesn’t care what Adrien does” cos i will fight you. He’s distant and yes totally neglectful and downright emotionally abusive [tho unintentionally i imagine] but he’s not a heartless monster. He cares about his kid.  

But yea, originally it was episode …18?? for the english version [according to the wiki], which is a bit better. French version was directly before Volpina, the ep in which he is studying the book with the miraculous in it [probably researching whether or not he was correct about the ring lol]…it’s just like, the further away from Volpina the ep is, the less sense it makes to me??? It loses it’s relevance the further away it gets, so it just really fuckin baffles me. 

Also, as a personal note, i could honestly ramble and rant about the Agreste family drama for days, cos it’s literally my favourite aspect of the show… i love it more than the love square, i love it more than fuckin adrino and chloenette, i love it more than butts i love it more than air. so just… mashing it all together right in the beginning, instead of spreading it out and letting it breathe a little…. idk it just fuckin gets to me ok? it bothers me a lot.

But maybe that’s just me tho.


Ewan “I am supposed to be an actor and be able to lie but I can’t because I’m too excited about Star Wars and my Obi-Wan Kenobi movie” McGregor

also thoughts on the new chap

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Anon Submission: What's the Probability You Sit Next to a Weeb?

So this story is ongoing because this semester of college hasn’t ended yet, but I figured I’d just submit the greatest Weeb moments from the girl I sit next to in my Statistics class. For obvious reasons, she’ll be N and I’ll be D. 

Statistics is a class I’m pretty good at despite the fact I’m a creative writing and business administration major. It’s easy to pick up and easy to learn. Unfortunately our teacher apparently doesn’t feel the same way because she teaches with the same amount of effort a high school senior puts into their homework. Today, for example, she wrote three random equations on the board, threw a worksheet at us, and walked out of the room. Definitely not wasting that doctorate, eh Doc?

I said fuck it a few weeks back and just doodle now. To give you an image of me, I’m the president of club soccer and a frat guy. You’d probably think I was a douche by just looking at me: khakis, hat, and always wearing letters somewhere. I’m actually a huge closet nerd and my love for Dragon Ball and Gundam is aggressive at best. Most of the time, I’m doodling characters in Toriyamas style or drawing Gohan (my favorite character). 

I guess I never learn my lesson because this girl who sits next to me always leans over in my personal space and watches me draw. N is slightly heavy with multiple facial piercings like a bullring, lip rings, etc. She has multiple anime and gaming tattoos, my favorite being one of Princess Peach kissing Toad on her bicep. N will lean over me and breathe her smoky breath in my ear (even worse because I’m asthmatic and this exacerbates it) and tell me what I’m drawing isnt as good as it should be.

This bothers me because when I do something creative, I try to do it to the best of my ability. None of this may seem especially bad to you, but give me a couple sentences here. A few days ago, N rips the page out of my notebook and holds it up to the whole class and shouts, “D is drawing in class and he’s really bad at it!” People at my college are really judgmental, so I was mortified and snatched my paper back.

“What the fuck, N,” I hissed at her. “Your drawing was bad, baka! Everyone had to know.” I wanted very badly to tell this girl off, but I was horrified about the information I would learn about her later. N is apparently 35 and has a kid. I couldn’t even imagine what she’d been like in high school. Now, every time I enter the building my class is in, shes out there smoking and telling me my art sucks. I just have to grit my teeth and ignore it now.

Day 8: Least favourite character

Day 8: My least favourite character at the moment is probably Mary. I dunno, she just seems kind of a douche to me, the boys care so much about her and then she just packs up and leaves them? Also, she had the chance to save Sam, Dean and Cas but she didn’t do it and Crowley ended up saving Cas instead (also, can we just talk about how underappreciated Crowley is?). I dunno, maybe Mary will be better in the future and heck, maybe I’m the only one that thinks shes a dick (Am I the only one?), but at the moment, shes not on my list of people I care particularly about. 

Could Be Worse

Two-Part Drabble Game: Situation: Date Gone Wrong. Prompt: “Hey, things could be worse, right?”

Characters: Owen Grady x Reader

Gender: Any/Neutral   Triggers: None

Words: 1,339

The Drabble Game - If you want to request something from this make sure to say it is from the drabble game and send in the situation/prompt in the request please :)

Originally posted by owengrady-imagines

You faked another laugh as the guy across from you made another rude joke. You met him at a conference for the park, he showed interest in your work with the Triceratops. He was funny at first and when he asked you on a date you thought ‘what the hell?’,  but now that you had actually talked with him you realized he didn’t care about them at all. He was only acting interested to get you to go out with him, or to get into your pants.

“So why Triceratops?” he asked abruptly.

Surprised he asked you anything about you at all you hesitated “What?”

“Why Triceratops? I mean, aren’t there more interesting dinosaurs?” he said chuckling to himself.

“All dinosaurs are interesting, it’s just that I find them the most interesting. It’s a personal preference really” you said bluntly.

Sensing your hostility towards your questions he cleared his throat awkwardly “Right. Umm, how long did you say you’ve been working here?”

“About two months” you said taking a sip of your drink.

Nodding his head he smiled at you “I would go for the raptors, like that guy at the park, what’s his name? Aiden?”

“Owen” you corrected

“Yeah, you know him well?” he asked, his voice hiding something

“A little…why?”

You had met Owen as soon as you came to the Island. He showed you around, took you under his wing. And he appreciated your work with the triceratops. You became close friends. Not to mention, you kind of had a crush on him. 

“Oh, nothing…well, I just-” leaning forward he continued quietly “I just met him briefly but he seems like kind of a douche-bag” he said bluntly.

Chuckling lightly, though not actually amused you nodded your head “Yeah, he tend to give that impression. But generally only to people he doesn’t like”

He raised his eyebrow “What could I have done to make him not like me?” he said offended

“Well, for one you insulted his techniques because you thought you could do better. But he probably wouldn’t like you much anyway, since you did just call him a douche-bag” you said monotone.

Owen didn’t say that he disliked this guy, but when they were talking you could see it in his stance, and the way he was ignoring what he was saying. You even thought he might punch him for a minute. But that is exactly why you didn’t tell him your date tonight was with him.

Staring at you for a moment he smiled hesitantly “You know him much more than you implied don’t you?”

You returned the smile “Yes. I was actually planning on going to see him when this date is over” you said, no longer caring if you offended him.

“I have a feeling that’s now right?” he asked realizing he screwed up

“I’m gonna say yes” 

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Newsies PJO au Headcannons 2/??

So, building off of my Newsies PJO au I have some Headcannons regarding a few minor characters, character powers, and just some misc. stuff. I’ll probably be making more that fleshed out more of a story! (or potentially a fic once I have a computer again.) I just need wrapping together the whole story with some Greek Mythological story/event (Titan War, Odyssey, The Labyrinth, etc.) As well as help making the prophecy because I’m shit at it. So, if any of you guys want to help out please message me I’d really appreciate it!! :))

Anyways, onto the Headcannons!

•Head Counselors:
-Jack for Aphrodite
-Crutchie For Apollo
-Katherine for Athena
-Race for Tyche
-Spot for Ares
-Davey for Hermes
-Blink for Nemesis
-Specs for Dionysus
•That’s all I got at the moment
•Blink lost his eye similarly to Ethan in PJO. It was an eye for an eye type of situation
•Mush is a Satyr!
•Romeo is one of Jack’s half brothers in the Aphrodite Cabin.
•Romeo is literally one of the most stereotypical Aphrodite kids. (Aka he makes horrible pick up lines all the fucking time and is constantly trying to flirt with people)
-Before, Jack got to camp everyone just saw the Aphrodite guys as conceded douche bags who probably were just players.
-Jack thought that at first as well, but he got to know his half-brothers more, and they weren’t as bad as everyone said they were.
-Of course, there are some exceptions,,,,
•Jack’s Charmspeak is hecka strong, like to the point where he’s able to calm people down with it, and talk people out of feeling hopeless/nervous/afraid/etc.
•But, this does have some bad effects on Jack.
-Similar to how Nico feels super drained after shadow traveling, Jack when trying to use his charmspeak to manipulate someone’s emotions can really drain him.
-Like the amount of focus and energy he has to put into his words for it to actually have an effect is just SUPER hard and draining.
•Davey is not one for battle. Like, he’d rather stay in the back and try and help heal than actually fight.
-But, when he does he usually uses a Knife or Dagger.
•Sarah on the other hand is quite good during battle, and enjoys it when it’s you know not life and death. (Like, during Capture the Flag and just sparring.)
•Jack, Crutchie, Romeo, Race, and Katherine are all year round campers. The rest go to various different schools, but all in the general area.
•Katherine’s Dad always wants her to go to some prissy boarding school, but Kath absolutely will not go.
-She usually just gets homeschooled at camp.
-Kath will probably end up going to New Rome, along with the others.
•Speaking of New Rome/Camp Jupiter, since I was stupid and forgot about it none of them are Roman.
-Looking back I might have made Spot and Kath Roman.
-Kath would obviously be a daughter of Bellona rather than Athena/Minerva. This is because Minerva is much more about Craftsmanship (as said by Reyna in Mark of Athena) rather than wisdom and war strategy in Roman mythology.
-Spot would have obviously just been a son of Mars.
•Smalls is the Lieutenant for the Hunter of Artemis

Can they just release a recording of every scene that they ever recorded for Frozen? Like anything scrapped, anything from older plot lines.

I have a need to listen to them ok?

a trans man being called a lesbian is literally transphobia though like

1. trans men are men
2. lesbians are women exclusively attracted to women
3. calling a trans man a lesbian is calling him a woman
4. misgendering literally equates to transphobia

so? i mean? maybe don’t do that, even if you’re a trans man referring to yourself? that’s still internalised transphobia and i know what it feels like to doubt yourself in trans regards and i just don’t want you to be putting yourself through that?? i obviously can’t stop you if you really wanna but i don’t think you should be literally transphobic to yourself


Request: Gabe x reader (hunter). They used to date but had a messy break up that gabe never got over. readers in school/university and gabe is the sub. The reader trys to act like she doesn’t know him but he keeps like flirting/innuendo during class. And Gabe is SUPER possessive and jealous and leads to fun times ;)

Warnings: bad break up, sexual innuendos, possessive and jealous archangel, language, semi-public smut, Professor!Gabriel, College student!Reader, slight mockery of Christianity on Gabriel’s part with using some events as innuendos…so if you’re really religious I’m sorry..but I figured it would work with the request…no real hate against anyone or religion though in here, and some cute fluffy parts

Word Count: 3974

Gender: Female

Author: Gwen

Thanks for the request. I’ve been thinking about writing a Teacher!Gabriel for a while now and now I’ve finally got the chance. Let your inner dirty schoolgirl rejoice.

Your name: submit What is this?

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For The First Time


“I’m so tired of being heartbroken, Lou” I whispered next to his ear, receiving gratefully his embrace. Louis’ arms wrapped firmly around my waist, and I knew he was trying his best to comfort me through this. My head rested on his chest, just above the place where his heart was, and I tried to focus on the beating so I could fight the tears that were brimming my eyes.

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Seven new messages in four chats.

PLUS ONE?????? DEREK WHO IS IT TELL ME NOW [Laura, 8:20am]

dude laura just texted that ur bringin someone i think the whole house errupted man [Cora, 8:23am]
better bring someone foreal or they’ll like implode or something [Cora, 8:23am]

I’m so happy for you, honey. [Mom, 8:21am]
But if you’re screwing with us, I will screw with you. [Mom, 8:22am]
Love you. :) [Mom, 8:22am]

Did you find someone on Craigslist to go to the wedding with you? [Boyd, 8:25am]

None of the possible outcomes have painted Derek as a winner in the matter when he calculated which response would get him the least shit from his family. He knows if he had said he’d come alone to the wedding, he’d have gotten messages asking him if he wanted to be seated next to the bachelors and bachelorettes who are also attending, if he adopted fifty cats and the invitation should’ve said Plus Fifty, if he needs a botox treatment to set his features into a less threatening and intimidating default–which, Derek doesn’t even get, because it doesn’t make any sense at all.

On the other hand, petulantly ticking off the Plus One box resulted, as expected, in overzealous messages of surprise, mania, excitement, and Mom’s very unsubtle threat to mess his shit up if he lied about it.

Derek’s had better ways to start his day.

Now that he thinks about it, it was probably an awful idea to say he’d bring someone, because he virtually has nobody he could–or want to–ask to be his date to his sister’s wedding. He’s thought about putting an ad up on Craigslist, but he doesn’t have the time or desire to interview possible applicants to make sure they’re not borderline psychotic weirdos.

Which leaves him with two options: go alone, and fear Mom’s retaliation, and listen to all his family sympathetically tell him that one day he’ll find someone; or get someone else to go with him, someone who might pass as his partner. He can keep up a charade for a couple of days. It’s not that hard.

As it is, Derek’s morning is pretty much a disaster without his family adding to it with their messages. His client moved up their meeting, but he didn’t get the memo until he entered the office this morning, and now he’s rushing into the coffee shop where the meeting is supposed to take place. It’s an unusual choice for a business meeting, but his client is rather unconventional, and this is Derek’s favourite place to get coffee, so he’s not one to object.

After scanning the place, he finds his client hasn’t arrived yet, so he moves to get a table when someone bumps into him, spilling hot coffee all over his front.

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Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy

Requests by Anonymous
Written at spnfanficskatoli

Author: Assbutt

Character: Dean

Reader gender: female

Warnings: smut, fluff, cussing

“Come on, Dean! It’ll be fun!!!” You tugged on his arm.

“No. We aren’t social people, we don’t know anyone there, and it’s probably be just a bunch of drunk douche bags.”

“Get in the Halloween spirit!” You whined.

“Yeah, Dean. Get in the Halloween spirit.” Sam nudged Dean, laughing.

“Why are you going to be? Rapunzel?” Dean snarked.

“That joke is old and tired, Dean. Doesn’t bother me anymore.” Sam smirked.

“Whatever.” Dean sighed loudly. “Alright, fine. We’ll go. Let’s go find us some damn costumes.”

You jumped up and down in success. You and the boys, including Castiel, would be going to a Halloween party at a local activities center.

You, of course, made Castiel go as an angel. Sam decided to go as a hunter. Real original. And Dean… Wow. Dean decided to go as a cowboy and DAMN he was scrumptious.

You and Dean had been dating for about four years now and you both loved each other to death. The subject of marriage had come up in conversation maybe a total of twice. Both of you were touchy and sensitive about the subject and you were okay with that.

So you all hopped in the Impala and made your way downtown. You decided to dress as a sexy police woman. Dean had a bit of a kink for that kind of stuff and you love teasing him. Technically he was teasing you too in that outfit of his. The hat, the tight fitting button up, his slacks… Cowboy boots… And dear god, the waistcoat. The man was going to kill you.

You all walked into the party. It was actually really nice. The lights were low, the bar was pretty fancy, and there was even food other than candy.

Sam found a pretty girl and took her to the dance floor. Castiel stood there awkwardly for a good few minutes before you introduced him to a nice girl and gave him a drink. His wings were just darling. And you won’t even get started on the halo.

You and Dean went out in the middle of the room to dance when “She’s So Heavy” by The Beatles came on. That was a great song for seductive dancing. When most people hear “The Beatles” they don’t think of stuff like that… But this song… Yeah.

You turned to face away from Dean and started grinding with him. His hands found your hips slowly and you reached back to curl one hand in his hair.

He leaned down and started whispering dirty things in your ear and before you knew it he was hard but the song was over. He groaned in frustration. “Bathroom?”

“Ew. Dean no. I’m not gonna have sex in the-”

“No. I mean do you need to go to the bathroom?” He laughed.

You laughed too, “Oh! Nah I’m good. You uh… You good?” You smirked and motioned to his hard on.

“I’ll be fine.” He leaned down to kiss you as the next song came on. “Marry You” by Bruno Mars.

You and Dean started doing regular up beat dancing and when the song was over the DJ announced, “That was requested by Dean Winchester for his lady, (Y/n).”

“Dean…” You looked back at him and he was on one knee pulling something out of his pocket. Your hand clapped over your mouth as you smiled.

“(Y/n), I love you very much. And I know you love me and neither of us are good with this kinda stuff but I wanna be bad at it with you. So… will you marry me?” He smiled.

“Yes!” You hugged him as he stood up. The rest of the people in the room cheered and the next song started, fading the clapping and putting you and Dean back in your own little world. He slipped the ring on your finger.

“I love you so much.” He laughed softly.

“I love you too, Dean. And how could I say no with you dressed like that?” You giggled.

“Yeah… Well now I have another question.”

“Okay. Shoot.”

“Save a horse, ride a cowboy?” Dean looked at you through his lashes.

You laughed loud and put your arms around his neck. “Hell yeah.”

He pecked your lips and then warned Sammy that he’d need to get his own way home. Castiel, of course, could just poof away when he wanted.

“The trip home is gonna suck.” Dean half laughed half groaned because the bunker was about 45 minutes away.

“Damn straight it is.” You whispered to yourself.

You and Dean got in and he sped off.

Thirty minutes into the drive and Dean was all white knuckles and clenched teeth.

“Remember how you said this was gonna suck?” You unbuckled your seatbelt and leaned over so your head was almost in Dean’s lap as your hands found his belt buckle.

“Oh baby.” Dean breathed.

You pulled out his hard dick and gave it a couple long strokes. Next you kissed the tip and Dean swerved a little bit.

“Cowboys should know how to steer their horses. Maybe you won’t get a ride tonight if you aren’t a cowboy.” You teased.

“No. I’m good. I’m paying attention.”

“Good.” You brought the head into your mouth and swirled your tongue around it.

“Fuck.” Dean gripped the steering wheel hard and did his best not to get into an accident.

You let him out with a pop and he whined. You made Dean Winchester whine! “Ah ah. Gentlemen don’t curse.”

“You’re such a tease!” Dean groaned.

“I’m gonna prove you wrong.” You took him back into your mouth and sucked hard and deep throated him. The hand that wasn’t on the steering wheel came to your head, his fingers tangled in your hair.

You almost choked but it was worth it for Dean. He deserved this.

You bobbed your head up and down on him and he let out delicious moans with each of your movements.

“I’m gonna- holy- oh god, (y/n). Please stop. Not- not like this.” Dean whimpered.

You sat back, put him back in he jeans (mostly, at least) and buckled up.

“Jesus Christ.” He was breathing heavy and was going over 70 miles an hour. In what felt like an hour but was only five minutes, you arrived at the bunker and he grabbed you and sprinted inside. He threw you onto his bed and almost ripped his clothes off. By the time he was done with that you had only gotten one or two things off. He dragged your clothes off your body quickly and threw them to the other side of the room.

“Dean! Why are you all cra-” you couldn’t finish your sentence before his lips crashed against yours and his tongue slipped into your mouth.

His erection pressed against your thigh and you moaned at the feeling. His hands roughly massaged your breasts making you arch your back and whimper as he trailed kisses and little bites along your jaw and down your neck.


“What?” He paused and his green eyes shot to yours.

You took his moment of weakness to flip him over so you sat over him. After all, you were supposed to be riding a cowboy tonight.

“Oh…” Dean laughed.

You sank down onto him and you both moaned loudly before you started rolling your hips agonizingly slow.

“Faster. Please.” He whined, again.

You smirked and started going up and down hard and fast. His jaw hung open, his face contorted in pleasure, and he threw his head back.

His hands were on your hips at first but they were now twisted in the sheets as he tried to ground himself. Your nails dug into his chest and you started rotating your hips in circles. You knew this drove him wild and the pleasure was extremely intense for you too.

“Dean- ah… Oh… I’m so-”

“Me too.” He breathed. “Let go, baby.”

You collapsed on top of him and buried your face in his neck as your orgasm hit you like a train.

He helped you keep moving and his hips bucked as he came seconds later, screaming your name.

You both hissed softly when you rolled off of him.

“You’re a fuckin great cowboy.” You panted.

Dean laughed. “And you’re a great rider.”

You and Dean high fived and tried to catch your breath.

Eventually you two curled up together when you weren’t so sweaty and gross.

After a few minutes of realizing how sticky you both were, you spoke up. “I think we should take a shower.”

Dean agreed and you both got up.

You smiled devilishly as an idea came to mind. Next Halloween is going to be fun.

random throwback video #11: fetus!jonny and kaner get competitive over everything at wrigley field

things of note:

  • i’ve said this before, but kaner’s full-body laugh, the one where he looks like he’s curling up on himself giggling, is the cutest thing >:(
  • “i always beat you on this thing,eh, ALWAYS” god jonny you asshole lmao and kaner letting jonny get away with manhandling him, and just TAKING IT asksadhlskdfhasgl’df;ds I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT THIS
  • you know what, this post will probably be just be me quoting these two boys being douches to each other. it’s part of their mating ritual, probably. 
  • “i hope you screw up, it’s gonna be HILARIOUS”
  • jonny being smooth and totally pulling the classic fake-stretch, drop arm date move. WE SEE YOU.
  • of course they’d have a gameplan for even singing ‘take me out to the ballgame’ OF COURSE. “i think we’re gonna nail it pretty good” *totally butchers it* “we did pretty good” ooooookay jonny

“They have paid, with their lives. The Destroyer did its work, the Casket is safe, all is well.”

“All is well?”

anonymous asked:

You talk about olicity like detective malone doesn't exist. he does. so pretending he doesn't won't change anything.

It’s actually pretty simple for me, anon. 

A. He has no screen time with Felicity at all (even less than Ray or Barry did).

B. He’s not been dubbed a food item yet (Barry - pudding; Ray - Jell-O ; Oliver-Souffle)

C. The three episodes that are supposed to show Felicity moving on and being in another relationship have only focused on her relationship and partnership with Oliver splattered with an abundance of UST, hearteyes and proud married looks while they raise a bunch of vigilante babies. 

All the evidence is right in the show for me.

So allow me to borrow a Lucifer.

I am Lucifer. Lucifer is me.


So we’re just sat here peacefully playing Minecraft, then this douche comes along and messages us and is apparently very upset by our motto which is “gears of war is sh*te”. I’ll put our responses below so you can make sense of the conversation:

a stupid genius: “fucking twat u just insulted da best game ever?”

us: “you really are stupid”

a stupid genius: “sasy you, cnat eevn sellp rainbow” (lol)

us: “don’t understand little one”

a stupid genius: “wtf¡? Im 17 ya twat, mess wiv meh, cmoe up nroth to southampton, ya get fooked”

us: “still don’t understand, don’t they have schools up north?”

a stupid genius: “batty boy gonna get f00ked, im on me way”

us: “joker”

a stupid genius: “stop bullying me or else I’ll report you” (actually laughed out loud at this point)

us: “you’re gonna come and beat me up because I don’t like gears of war? Sorry I don’t like sweaty men with massive feet”

I haven’t included the rest because it was pretty illegible, but apparently he’s gonna be here at midnight and said we’d better come meet him! haha! It’s amazing that this guy has nothing better to do than hound random people on xbox live because of a difference in opinion.

only fools rush in

“What if I told you that you don’t have to pay for the dry cleaning?” Derek starts, watches the guy’s lips work around the cap in his mouth. It looks more obscene than it has any right to do, but in Derek’s defense, he has a kind of mouth that invites dirty fantasies.

“Then I’d ask what the catch is,” the guy answers around the cap, before he takes it out of his mouth, tracing his upper lip with his tongue. It’s distracting.

“I need to get my family off my back. In their eyes I’m the eternal bachelor, doomed to a lifetime of loneliness, and they’re constantly up in my grill about my love life. My sister’s wedding is in two weeks, and in a moment of weakness I said I’d bring someone.” Derek feels only mildly stupid for telling this to a complete stranger who spilled coffee all over him, and then got snappy and childish on him after.

“So…” The guy lifts an eyebrow so judgemental Derek considers shaving it off in the guy’s sleep.

“So, I want you to be my plus one,” Derek finishes, because as much as the guy seems to be a petulant hipster, he definitely would pass as someone attracting Derek’s attention. Type-wise.

“Wait, hold on,” the guy says, puts away his pen and discards the paper he’s been working on. “You want me to go to your sister’s wedding with you, as your date, so your family will stop thinking you’re one of society’s lonely outcasts?”

“I’m not society’s lonely outcast–”

“Right, you’re probably just a douche who scared off every other potential candidate with your serial killer vibe. And I mean, a round of dry cleaning isn’t worth attending a wedding with your whole family and friends,” the guy continues, leaning back in his chair, and crossing his arms over his chest. There’s a dare clear in his eyes, taunting Derek to try harder.

“Name it. Your deepest, darkest desire, it’s yours,” Derek offers, only to realize that it came out wrong.

The guy lifts both brows this time, a smirk curling at his lips. “My foot up my advisor’s ass? That’s very tempting, but since I still need to graduate–”

“Money,” Derek grits out. “How much money do you want?”

The silence that follows seeps into Derek’s skin, almost makes him squirm in his chair while the guy scrutinizes him with an intensity that seems to strip him bare right down to his core.

“Fifteen grand,” he says, voice void of any inflection, yet there’s a kind of expectant gleam in his eyes, a challenging line around his mouth.

“Done,” Derek answers.

(Read more on AO3)