i know it’s kind of a meme in the fandom that viktor thought making A SCENE and greeting yuuri naked in japan but i think that was completely unintentional? which makes it even funnier imo?
allow me to explain
i don’t know exactly how long after yuuri’s video went viral that this scene happens, but it’s safe to say that at least a couple of days passed? perhaps a week or a bit more, even though the anime makes it look like it’s on the next day?
so he’s been avoiding the media for days, keeping his phone off so absolutely nobody’s going to be able to reach him until people forget about this madness
which means he’s also entirely clueless about the rumors of viktor being his coach
and it makes it so much funnier because we know yuuri’s dad doesn’t know jack shit about figure skating, and viktor doesn’t know how to speak japanese AND IT WAS PROBABLY TOSHIYA WHO FIRST TALKED TO VIKTOR WHEN HE ARRIVED AT YU-TOPIA?
TOSHIYA IF YOU’D ONLY GET INTO YOUR SON’S ROOM, LOOKED AROUND AND DID THE MATH YOU WOULD KNOW
so what has happened was probably something like “i have no idea what you’re saying mr. foreign-dude but you’re probably here for our famous onsen so yes make yourself comfortable” which viktor, tired as fuck from his travel (a long ass flight from st. petersburg to tokyo, probably? plus the train from tokyo to hasetsu?) GLADLY ACCEPTS
hell yeah i’m going to enjoy the fuck out of his hot spring
since yuuri is nowhere to be seen why not take some time to relax after a long travel, am i right
it’s not like viktor would understand if yuuri’s parents were to say “oh yes yuuri is holed up in his bedroom but he’ll come out eventually” so as viktor is pretty sure he found the right place and that yuuri is there he’ll just wait and have a nice soak meanwhile
AND THEN YUURI JUST BARGES INTO THE ROOM WHERE VIKTOR IS BATHING
well, this was not how i had planned this to go but here you are?
AND OF COURSE, STANDING UP WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY BUT VIKTOR BASICALLY INVENTED BEING EXTRA AND… LET ME SHOW YOU MY HOT BOD BECAUSE I GOT TO SEE YOUR ALMOST-EVERYTHING AT THE BANQUET SO I THINK IT’S FAIR YOU GET TO SEE ME NOW AM I RIGHT???
in viktor’s mind, yuuri is this extroverted, outgoing party animal he got to know at the banquet and was absolutely mesmerized by, so he probably thinks yuuri’s going to be alright with this extra introduction? also knowing yuuri lives and probably worked at the onsen for a while viktor maybe just assumes he’s probably unfazed by nudity?
It’s been 10 years since we first started taking the Hobbits to Isengard. I mean, it’s been way longer - the Hobbits could have fucking walked there, back again, managed to get served several times at the downstairs bar in Doggett’s and got a Southeastern train service all the way to Charing Cross since Tolkien put pen to page. But (and believe me, this is deeply unusual for me) let’s put J R R aside in this.
Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy is kind of… well, both too faithful (total lack of critical interrogation of Tolkien’s absolutely awful concepts around race, gender, etc.) and not faithful enough in that it appeared to miss all the points your correspondent’s teenage self managed to find in the series. Specifically, where Lord of the Rings is an obsessively detailed but ultimately quite modest and traumatised epic, a huge amount of which is two small, starving creatures crawling around in mud having moral dilemmas. The Jackson films take themselves as seriously and grandly as the books came to be and as I suspect their author probably never did.
Taking the Hobbits to Isengard, on the other hand, is a pure and perfect work and I will hear no ill spoken of it else ye never receive a pint in a round bought by me again.
It takes as its base the Hovis-theme-ripping-off music from The Shire - the small-worlded part of the films, before any grandeur is truly injected into the bloated beastie that is the trilogy. The Hobbiton theme is supposed to be homely, reassuring, quaint - like anything that succeeds at that, it sounds fucking amazing played on an airhorn.
The simplicity of the Shire’s theme is what allows it to so naturally accept the kitchen-sink style auditory ornamentation that is ‘a donk’. A classic staple of rave, it needs no introduction even in a world as apparently dislocated from two WKDs and a honk on some poppers as the miruvor-quaffing pipeweed fiends we see here.
As a lyrical piece, Taking The Hobbits is discursive - like many of the very best pieces of pop. One only has to consider the sweet, sweet tension of Fleetwood Mac’s The Chain or Brandy and Monica’s iconic The Boy Is Mine to recognise that dialogous pop is, when it works, a particularly sublime genre.
It doesn’t matter that the lines are, ostensibly, orphaned from their original place in the script - from the eponymous ejaculation to Gollum’s hissed What did u say??? they’re all perfectly addressing each other in the sort of gloriously confused cacophony usually reserved for a misunderstanding-based brawl outside a kebab shop at 3am.
I remember the first time I heard Taking The Hobbits To Isengard. It was quite a momentous occasion because I still had dial up, so it took roughly the length of a decent pop song to load and it was very difficult to tell if it was deliberate or a bandwidth-related glitch remix for at least 30 torturously disrupted seconds. I’d imagined it would be a fairly quick joke - most internet video based things were, at the time, but no; a fully fledged song. That just kept going.
The initial air horns! These are funny, yes because we remember them as the Shire theme, which isn’t even the music for this bit. The stuttering sample of the original line! Which sustains itself as Sheffield Dave-style shout out far better than it should, given it’s old seriousface Elf ears himself yelling off a horse.
(In retrospect, should have equated that with Sheffield Dave earlier)
Then there’s …polka bit. Few pop songs manage to maintain a polka interlude - Bohemian Rhapsody springs to mind but Taking the Hobbits To Isengard manages to repeatedly insert it without losing coherency around its original rave premise. If you don’t think ‘Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him’ delivered over a little eurodance handbag bit is not both extremely funny and excellent pop, I can’t help you.
Taking The Hobbits To Isengard would score reasonably at Eurovision. Not because Eurovision is actually the home of comedy trash but because if France (and it would probably have to be France in order for the Elven analogues to take themselves seriously enough) scooted in on an artpop platform and wanged loads of fucking airhorns round the stadium it would be entirely in keeping with European sensibilities of solemnly considering the totally whimsical due to our inherent reservedness about experiencing joy.
(The slightly older and wiser part of me has to question the repeated use of Gollum’s ‘stupid, fat, Hobbits’ which makes sense in the context of what he is but isn’t inherently funny, unlike a context-dislocated, bass-intoned ‘A Balrog of Morgoth’)
The great thing about Taking The Hobbits To Isengard is it actually gets funnier the more it goes on. Like Star Trekkin it not only sets out to commit to a fairly one-note premise but to hammer that note until it falls out through the piano and becomes a transcendent free agent, cascading through the strings.
It takes a premise; that the Lord of the Rings films, in their overblown format, are very, very silly and runs with it extremely, deadly seriously. This is the core of not all but a fairly substantial chunk of really good pop, as well as an excellent manual for life. All things are here - a manic sense of imminent implosion, troubling past associated with racist ideologies, handcarts, hell, what did u say???
Very seriously; Taking The Hobbits To Isengard is a superb piece of fan work and it has substantially enriched my life to listen to it on loop for the past 45 minutes whilst watching a parliamentary debate on mute. Creators of this piece: thank.
My contribution for the prompt game with @tonystarkstoga. Short and a day later than usual but hey, it’s here now. Be warned, for ridiculousness awaits you!
“I choose vodka,” Tony says, his voice deep and serious, leaving no room for doubts or arguments.
At least there shouldn’t be room for them. Apparently New York’s newest, crazy, son of a bitch hasn’t gotten the message though. Too bad. Tony almost likes the guy. Or would, if it hadn’t been for the villains’ latest demands.
Tony sighs in exasperation. “I choose vodka,” he repeats, slower this time. He makes sure to convey just how stupid he believes–knows–them to be with his tone, just to piss them off.
He is loveable like that.
“How can you-” Floaty the Conqueror, or whatever his ridiculous bad boy nickname is, trails of in confusion.
“Well, you’ve given me the choice between my team mates’ life and the life of a little kid,” Tony comments with the air of a man who’s been handed a thousand demands just like this one in the last month. “There can hardly be a better choice for a drink then when facing a moral dilemma like this one, can there? They tend to be quite hard on the stomach, you know?” he adds reasonably. “Maybe you should read Kidnapping for Idiots, or else we’ll be having a lot of similarly embarrassing conversations in the future.”
“I suppose that- wait!” Floaty calls out in sudden realisation, “You’re just trying to distract me until you can free yourself!”
“I’m not,” Tony assures Floaty–and that name sounds too cute, now that he thinks about it, he’ll have to rename the guy or else fighting him will be difficult. “I wouldn’t waste both our times like that. I freed myself half an hour ago, while you were arguing with your bodyguard.”
Floaty pales rapidly and scrambles for his gun. “You’re bluffing!”
“I’m really not,” Tony calmly raises the gun in question. “On a completely unrelated note, you really should have read Kidnapping for Idiots first. I’ll be sure to have a copy delivered to your cell. It’s got an entire chapter dedicated to me, right under the bold DO NOT KIDNAP line. But I suppose experience is its own kind of teacher after all.”
Later: “Sixty-seven minutes? You’re losing your touch, Tones,” Rhodey shakes his head in mock disappointment.
“Nah,” Tony smirks, all smug satisfaction. “It was pretty fun, seeing Natasha dangling in the air like that, spitting mad but unable to do anything but plan murder. Poor Floaty though, I don’t think he’ll even make to the prison.”
Codenames. Mine is "Eagle 1." Jessica is "Been there, done that". Claire is "Currently doing that." Colleen is "It happened once in a dream." Danny is "If I had to pick a dude." Matt is "Eagle 2."
Anyway I had a really funny dream about hl so I guess it’s story time. Gather around, kiddos
For back story I was a host on some show where I was asking Harry and Louis basic questions about each other to see who could get the most correct answers. Simple, until I moved onto the last question.
I asked, “How many times have you proposed to each other?” Louis buzzed in and shouted 26! I was about to tell him he’s correct when Harry interrupted by shouting 27 and literally getting down on one knee to propose.
You’d think Louis would be happy, but he was like, “You’re so competitive, Harry. Why are you like this?” Meanwhile Harry was just giggling, still holding a ring box open. So then Louis took a deep breath and shouted 28 and he got down on one knee with an open ring box.
It was ridiculous but the best part was them basically having a staring contest from the floor while they exchanged their rings.
a concept: Yuuri and Victor are at some interview and the person interviewing is like "oh out of you two, which one would be most likely to propose?" And Yuuri is like "oh probably Victor," and then the interviewer is like "what do you think Victor?" And Victor is like "it's kind of funny that you're asking this question because I already know the answer" and just,, right there. Proposes right there.
TRASH COMPLETE TRASH. He used to be really sweet and was pretty much the king of cute guys two years ago, but now he thinks being a jerk that only talks about having sex with his girlfriend is cool. IT'S NOT FYI
Really chill and funny, but he gets randomly depressed at times and it makes me sad because this dude deserves to be happy.
Great fashion sense and he always keeps it 100 percent, nothing more and nothing less. He's honestly one of my favorite people, but we don't hang out much these days. Hmm... sad.
ALSO TRASH. Passive-aggressive and annoying. He doesn't like to look at himself as the problem and just blaming everything on other people. [Micheal Jordan voice] Stop it, get some help.
ANNOYING AND LOUD. Breaks up friendships too because some people (me) become super petty and annoyed when this person is around that they (me) have to stop talking to one of their best friends for a whole year.
Comes across as really strange and probably has some weird fetishes, but he's nice so yeah.
Pretentious and douchey. Everyone seems to like this dude for some reason though. I can see why people do sometimes, but then he just does something and I HATE HIM AGAIN. He might be really successful in the future though.
Video game nerd, but not smart nerd, ya know? He gets a new crush every other week and has probably liked all my friends at some point in time. But he's super nice and gave me candy once so I'm not a hater.
SUPER FUNNY AND SMART. But always seems to have a crush on someone and it's just sad seeing him try to flirt. I cringe as I type.
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, HE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE (even though he doesn't know I exist oops). HE'S SO TALENTED AND SEXY I COULD DIE. But he seems to not think before he speaks (or tweets in this case) and it makes me sad. (Me: Doesn't know any Capricorn guys, so I write about my celebrity crush lolol)
He's probably always high or drunk. BUT still pretty cool... in small doses. If I had to spend more than an hour with this dude I'd probably die.
Innocent and sweet. He is an innocent child, I will personally fight anyone who tries to corrupt this innocent baby. Ok? Ok.
<b>Yongguk:</b> Deep thoughts about life and future songs/lyrics.<p/><b>Himchan:</b> Thinks about his children and Yongguk. Hopes they're all sleeping.<p/><b>Daehyun:</b> If it's too late for a snack.<p/><b>Youngjae:</b> Internal screaming about something.<p/><b>Jongup:</b> Burgers.<p/><b>Zelo:</b> Has to go live on social media.<p/></p>
Okay, so here you go! This is for the Anon who was having a rough time of it like a month or so ago, and I said I’d write this, then got started and couldn’t get it to go anywhere. It just…sucked. I don’t know. I’ve tried to clean it up some, so hopefully, it is fun and will lift Anon’s spirits if they are still out there. I didn’t forget. I just had a hard time with this one, so I hope it is remotely close to what you were hoping for. Anyway, enjoy! Thanks everyone.
Summary: Tony and Rhodey end up in jail because they were protesting Trump. Steve is very displeased by this. Or, the “No One Puts Baby in Cell” Edition.