probably dead memes

please, please, may this lantern light my way towards you, please, please small lantern…light my way towards her lost soul

smh characters as things i've done
  • jack: hit on a boy by asking him to help me stretch before exercising; made sure to stretch so as to show off my ass
  • bitty: baked six dozen cookies, four pies, and three pans of brownies for a church potluck w my grandma, all the while talking shit abt the people we would see there
  • shits: caused a scene at thanksgiving with my dad’s family by showing up with dyed hair and pierced ears; walked (was escorted) into a different room while shouting abt gender identity & expression
  • ransom: laughed so hard at my chem teacher’s bad chemistry pun that i almost had a panic attack
  • holster: belted “don’t rain on my parade” at three in the morning while drunk off my ass walking thru town w my friends
  • lardo: walked into my first party at a new school (the only out queer kid, small, effeminate, part asian), chugged half a bottle of fireball, took three shots, grabbed a beer, and said, “‘sup, boys?”
  • dex: hit my best friend (whom i had a crush on) in the arm with a baseball bat because he wouldn’t stop telling me to calm down, then punched him in the other shoulder when he said it again
  • nursey: said, “i’ll have you know i’m very graceful” before tripping on nothing, skinning both of my knees, & running into a wall
  • chowder: casually dropping into the splits in the middle of conversations; constantly showing ppl that i can put my legs behind my head
  • tango: stayed up for the first three days straight of one of my summer vacations reading wikipedia articles
  • whiskey: showed up to a frat party specifically to hit on athletes & mooch booze
  • ollie & wicks: dated the boy who had the locker next to mine for five years (& we’re still together)
  • alicia (bonus): showed up to a photoshoot 15 minutes late in three-day-old sweatpants w spiked starbucks

Stop staring at me with them big ol’ eyes