probably dead memes

smh characters as things i've done
  • jack: hit on a boy by asking him to help me stretch before exercising; made sure to stretch so as to show off my ass
  • bitty: baked six dozen cookies, four pies, and three pans of brownies for a church potluck w my grandma, all the while talking shit abt the people we would see there
  • shits: caused a scene at thanksgiving with my dad’s family by showing up with dyed hair and pierced ears; walked (was escorted) into a different room while shouting abt gender identity & expression
  • ransom: laughed so hard at my chem teacher’s bad chemistry pun that i almost had a panic attack
  • holster: belted “don’t rain on my parade” at three in the morning while drunk off my ass walking thru town w my friends
  • lardo: walked into my first party at a new school (the only out queer kid, small, effeminate, part asian), chugged half a bottle of fireball, took three shots, grabbed a beer, and said, “‘sup, boys?”
  • dex: hit my best friend (whom i had a crush on) in the arm with a baseball bat because he wouldn’t stop telling me to calm down, then punched him in the other shoulder when he said it again
  • nursey: said, “i’ll have you know i’m very graceful” before tripping on nothing, skinning both of my knees, & running into a wall
  • chowder: casually dropping into the splits in the middle of conversations; constantly showing ppl that i can put my legs behind my head
  • tango: stayed up for the first three days straight of one of my summer vacations reading wikipedia articles
  • whiskey: showed up to a frat party specifically to hit on athletes & mooch booze
  • ollie & wicks: dated the boy who had the locker next to mine for five years (& we’re still together)
  • alicia (bonus): showed up to a photoshoot 15 minutes late in three-day-old sweatpants w spiked starbucks

Stop staring at me with them big ol’ eyes

  • me: takes a deep breath
  • me: i lo-
  • anyone who has spent five seconds around me ever: yes, you love Rohan Kishibe, we know, you love Rohan Kishibe so much, he's the light of your life, you love him so much, you just love Rohan Kishibe, we KNOW , you love Rohan Kishibe you fucking love Rohan Kishibe ok we know, we get it, YOU LOVE ROHAN KISHIBE. WE GET IT.
College Student Gothic
  • You take the bike lane. You don’t know any of the cars that pass - or do you? They all seem to wish you harm.
  • You are constantly faced with the sadistic choice between things that are affordable but shitty or well-made but expensive. No matter what you decide, you will cry.
  • You must keep up with The Reading. You are always behind on The Reading. There is always more Reading to be done.
  • Everyone is dating except for you. Are you an unlovable aberration, or surrounded by liars? Which is more bearable?
  • You have your wallet and keys, but can’t find your phone. Upon finding the phone, you realize you’ve lose the wallet. When you eventually find that, the keys are gone. The cycle is unending. You never leave the apartment. 
  • You yearn to see the world, but past dusk you risk the roving packs of young straight white men. You hear them yelling in the distance. Their words are unintelligible, but fill you with dread. You walk faster, and do not look behind you. 
  • You keep meaning to Skype your friends from home. You’ll do it tomorrow. Weeks later, you are still planning on doing it tomorrow. What do their voices sound like? You struggle to recall.
who you should fight: Australian Prime Ministers edition
  • Barton: You could fight Barton. He was pissed all the time anyway. Plus he was first so people will know who you’re talking about, but none of them will know enough to get angry at you for it.
  • Deakin: He’ll come back like three times. You will get to walk past everything named after him like “Ha, kicked the shit out of him” though.

  • Watson: He was PM for four months, why would you bother

  • Reid: You could just roll him over, but be warned: he’ll have a Cutting Remark about it.

  • Cook: I don’t know shit about Cook and neither do you.

  • Fisher: See Deakin, but without the name recognition. 

  • Hughes: DO IT. FIGHT HUGHES. He’s evil, tiny, and the whole ALP will help you.

  • Bruce: Just look at that smug little union-busting prick. You can take him.

  • Scullin: Dude had two splits in his party at once in two different directions. Why would you make his life worse?

  • Lyons: Don’t fight Lyons. He might die, and then Sir Earle Page and Dame Enid would kick your ass.

  • Page: Yeah, fight Page, I don’t think he’ll mind, just leave Lyons alone and it’ll be cool.

  • Curtin: Beloved national hero who led this nation through World War Two while struggling with alcoholism before dying in office. Do you want the whole country to hate you?

  • Forde: 8 days. Why?

  • Chifley: Dude made a referendum in Australia pass. Don’t mess with him.

  • Menzies: The entire Liberal party will come after you. Don’t. 

  • Holt: Have fun fighting underwater.

  • McEwen: DO NOT FIGHT MCEWEN. Don’t be fooled by his being interim PM for like a month. He single-handedly stopped Holt’s obvious successor succeeding him. He created the protectionist policies for rural Australia for decades through sheer force of personality. DON’T FIGHT MCEWEN.

  • Gorton: He survived crashing his jet, having his face torn to shreds and being left for dead in the middle of the Pacific. He’s a tenacious bugger. But just put Fraser in the room and he’ll be too consumed with rage to even notice you.

  • McMahon: You could take McMahon. Anyone could take McMahon. You won’t be proving anything.

  • Whitlam: Too bloody tall, also the entire Australian left will come after you in revenge.

  • Fraser: He might not look tough and have that snooty voice, but dude was like 6′4″ and destroyed two Prime Ministers. Don’t take the risk.

  • Hawke: You could fight Hawke. I mean you’d lose, but he’d definitely buy you a beer afterward. You’d also lose the subsequent drinking contest though.

  • Keating: DON’T FIGHT KEATING. DO NOT FIGHT KEATING. I don’t care how skinny he is, he will play dirty, destroy you will psychological warfare, ‘do you slowly’ and probably come up with some insult people will still be quoting three decades later.

  • Howard: Do it. Fight Howard. Tiny, evil, whole left will help (also Peter Costello).

  • Rudd: Seems like an easy win until he devotes the rest of his life to destroying yours. Don’t fight Rudd.

  • Gillard: Woman is tough. Best avoided.

  • Abbott: Like, I wanna see Abbott get punched as much as anyone, but he was a prize-winning boxer. Let the Liberal caucus do it instead.

  • Turnbull: Give it a go. Fucker’s gotta be bad at something, right?

Amy: *takes a picture with Signe*

me: Mark and Jack who???  👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit