probably best tweet of the year

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Warrior Cats Movie Announced! - Why You Should Be Excited!

by LZRD WZRD

China, may just be our salvation after all.

I went to bed last night ready to find myself a good bunker to hunker down in after suffering through the final presidential debate. Jonah Goldberg summed it up best that these things sound like a nasty divorce proceeding. I was ready to divorce myself from life last night until I woke up today to discover literally the greatest news ever: Warrior’s author Kate Cary tweeted out this morning, quote:

“Finally, I can share our big news!

WARRIORS MOVIE!

All I know atm is “Alibaba Pictures” and “in development”. I’ll keep you posted.”

So unless you’re Tennelle Flowers, this is probably the greatest news of your entire life. This is in a sense, the birth of my baby. I’ve been reading Warriors for 10 years and throughout that time me and the rest of the fandom were continuously told this was never gonna happen. Now I admit, this announcement doesn’t guarantee it’ll actually happen. It also doesn’t mean that I get to star as Jayfeather in the sequel films. And most importantly, it doesn’t dispel any of the misgivings that Tennelle had in her video: Why You Shouldn’t Want a Warriors Movie. However, what it does do is give me a reason to live. The 49ers suck, Hillary Clinton’s gonna be president, and I have a calculus test on Tuesday. But, there’s a Warriors movie in the works and if there was ever proof that there’s a god watching over me, this has gotta be it. I’m LZRD WZRD and this is: Why You Should Be Excited About the Warrior Cats Movie!.

So diving into this, I always figured that the best way to adapt Warriors would be for all of you to give me a few thousand dollars per month on Patreon.com/LZRDWZRD, that’s L-Z-R-D W-Z-R-D, and with that I could produce four amazing seasons of an animated Warriors series. I actually tweeted out this plan last week, stating that I’d split the original series up so Into the Wild would be a stand-alone season, with books 2 and 3 being combined into season 2, books 3 and 4 combined into season 3, and then book 6 would be season 4. What’s nice about this order is that it will still work if we replace seasons with movies. Into the Wild would be the perfect book to adapt to film by itself. It features a fish-out-of-water protagonist in Firepaw whose desire to find freedom and a place in the world is the perfect way for people to get invested in the film’s universe. Additionally, the book features a complete villain arc with Brokenstar and ThunderClan’s desperate efforts to oppose him, while also featuring sequel bait with Tigerclaw and Fireheart’s quest to expose his treachery. This is the perfect formula for a successful first movie. We’ve already gotten to see part of it come to life via SSS Warrior Cats’ fan episodes of the first few chapters. These videos total a little over an hour and cover the first 50 pages of the 270 page book, or about 20%. When you cut out the intros, outros, and announcements, these easily come in under and hour. Then when you factor in that the videos are pretty slow-paced to begin with and feature additional material like the Whitestorm fight sequence, it’s easy to imagine this all being condensed into 15-25 minutes without losing any of the original material. So if we give it 20 minutes for this early section and multiply that by 5, we would have about an 1:40 minute film, which is about the time it took the Guardians of Ga’Hoole movie to translate three books into one movie’s worth of material. So given that, I don’t think we’d have to worry about this first film cutting much out.

Plus the middle part of the book gives plenty of leeway for the writers to add their own touches. Firepaw’s training, Yellowfang’s introduction, the trip to the Moonstone, and the battle with ShadowClan all take up a lot of narrative time but don’t contain a lot of material vital to the spirit of the story. Now obviously I’m not saying they should cut any of this out, but parts of it could easily be condensed or changed for the benefit of the film and the artists working on it. I could definitely see some dark and visually stunning sequences coming out of the Gathering and Moonstone chapters which I would love to see on screen. This movie also provides a great opportunity for Firepaw’s “romance” with Spottedleaf to be better developed. It’s easily the weakest part of the book and series as a whole in my opinion, although I might argue that Firestar’s obsession with a childhood crush at the expense of Sandstorm makes for a really compelling character flaw. But since this movie doesn’t have a guaranteed sequel to flesh that angle out, they might just give this couple actual screentime and chemistry. So if anyone should be excited about this movie, it should be the Firestar and Spottedleaf shippers, who may just get to see this relationship done proper justice. Another sequence from the book that could be improved on in the movie would be the climactic battle between Firepaw and the ShadowClan rebels against Brokenstar and his followers. In the book, this battle only takes up four pages and I’m not talking about War and Peace pages people. It always seemed like kind of a letdown that this huge event starts and ends so quickly. That’s not to say that it’s bad, as Firepaw does have a really important moment when Whitestorm jumps in and stops him from killing Clawface to avenge Spottedleaf. For all of the people who say he’s a Mary Sue, this is a scene that proves that he had to learn and grow as a character before ascending to the paragon of virtue that he later became. I really hope they keep this in the movie and give the whole scene a real theatrical embellishment. There are so many emotions going on in this scene between Firepaw’s lust for revenge and Yellowfang’s confrontation with her murderous son that it’s hard to imagine how the studio could make this battle being anything less than spectacular, let alone screw it up. Which brings me to the next part of the video: How to Screw Up a Warriors Movie and Make Tennelle Smirk at Me (in 60 seconds or less!)

Now all of this great stuff completely hinges on the studio’s decision to make this film for ONLY Into the Wild. The reason why Legend of the Guardians underwhelmed was because of the studio’s decision to crush multiple books and arcs into a single movie. If the studio decides to throw out Brokenstar or give that arc a back seat, the logical replacement would be to have Tigerstar’s coup and subsequent exile be the climactic scene. The problem with this though is that an insane amount of material would end up getting cut and characters like Ravenpaw, Cinderpelt, and Cloudtail would suffer immensely. Also forget about that Firepaw-Spottedleaf romance. Heck, they might even cut out Silverstream and Graystripe’s relationship and instead replace it with Fireheart and Cinderpelt. Cinderpelt would get pregnant and then die like Silverstream and then I would lose my mind and storm out of the theater. What would really suck about this is that the movie would end on a relative low-note, rather than the New Hope-esque ending of Into the Wild where a giant success took care of an immediate threat with another bigger antagonist lurking in the shadows.

Tigerclaw’s exile was a good thing, but the effect of it devastated Bluestar who nearly tore apart ThunderClan as a result. Not to mention, Silverstream’s death destroyed Graystripe and led him to leave the clan. The end of Forest of Secrets sees Fireheart standing all by himself with the task of carrying his adopted clan resting on his inexperienced shoulders. That’s why this is ideal as the second movie in the series, as it builds on everything the first book setup, while also shaking up the status quo drastically enough to warrant more interest going forward.

Warriors gets compared to Guardians of Ga’Hoole a lot and while it’s fair to worry that this movie may be a disappointment like that, there are two important things to note. 1) the Guardians of Ga’Hoole movie wasn’t that bad and has plenty of supporters. If a Warriors movie makes the same mistakes, it could still be salvageable if the cast and animation is good. Heck, even a major deviation in the storyline could still be well received, although I don’t see any reason for that to happen, which leads me to 2) Warriors is better setup to succeed than Guardians of Ga’Hoole. The reason why the Ga’Hoole movie combined multiple books was because of the structure of the series. Many of the main characters weren’t introduced until late in book one or even in book 2. The first book also doesn’t have the big fight climax that other books in the series have, which translate better to a cinematic story. By contrast, Into the Wild has all of its major cast members introduced immediately in the story and has a satisfying climax that builds on them. Given all of that, there’s no reason for the studio to deviate from just adapting Into the Wild. It’s still very early in production and I’m sure we’ll have a lot more to discuss and speculate on going forward. But just for now, we can sit back and celebrate. Our childhood starts again today and maybe, just maybe, it’ll be alright.

Fuck Off

Words: 1702

Warnings: swearing (if you can’t tell by the title)

Genre: fluff, AU, getting together, pokemon go (?)

Summary: Dan’s a bit obsessed with Pokemon GO and just when he conquers a gym he’s been battling for the past half-hour, a cute boy has to go ahead and ruin his short lived excitement.

Read on AO3: x

A/N: This was inspired by this tweet, although I kinda changed it up a bit. Also keep in mind I wrote this at 1-2am so it’s probably not the best lmao. (btw I’m Team Instinct and I’ve been playing almost nonstop since I got the app)

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Fannibals! Who remembers high school superlatives? We don’t suffer from encephalitis (anymore), so we sure do! 

As we wrap up our third course, we’re dying to know what you – our loyal friends – consider the best moments from the last three years of Hannibal. Which victim was the rudest? What was your favorite cannibal pun? Do you have a favorite Hannigram moment? Other than all of them, naturally. 

For each of the next six days, we will tweet out categories and ask you to respond with your favorite moments. To help us track your responses, please include #HannibalBestInShow in your tweets and the specific category’s hashtag. For example, if the category were #BestCry, your tweet might look something like this: 

The polls will be live on Twitter shortly*. 

We find you and your opinions very interesting, nakamas. We look forward to your responses.

2

Today I presented my final research paper for my first year seminar: Strategic Nonviolence and Civil Disobedience. I spent all semester researching and writing a 10 page paper on the three waves of feminism in the United States. It’s probably the best thing my mind has ever produced and I’m incredibly proud of it and my presentation. On top of that, the Twitter account Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls retweeted my tweet about it. Amy Poehler is a huge role model of mine and her Smart Girls organization is an incredible feminist education tool and resource. What a way to end the semester
smartgirlsattheparty

honestly as a black person it just gets EXHAUSTING to have tweet upon tweet upon post upon article, etc. written about why it’s okay to have your own people killed by police. yesterday I posted a tweet on twitter about black women being killed and I tagged Korryn Gaines and say her name and when I tell you I had like 50+ police lovers probably satan worshippers just like literally talking about how black people always play the victim, black people always threaten police, we go out of our way to taunt and torment police, we always think every black person is a saint and innocent and more, like they were literally bending over backwards to justify the killing of this woman and the shooting of her 5 year old child. it’s like I had to end up deleting the tweet, not because they got the best of me or anything but just simply cause it was exhausting. I was tired of seeing these racist white trolls in my mentions. I mean imagine how pathetic you gotta be to sit and monitor black hashtags just to derail them. but it’s like this isn’t even remotely only on social media. people walk around saying this shit every day. not only white people, but black men are a huge contender in this too. it’s like y'all would be just better off admitting you hate black women and moving on because I am just tired. emotionally this really hurts, I definitely find myself having to take social media breaks because of this stuff.

FREE KESHA

okay I am going to fucking rant about this here on tumblr because once I opened my twitter, I was trying to contain my anger and not let it get the best of me once I read tweets and articles about Kesha’s disheartening years of having to pursue her dream alongside being beaten and raped by the “oh wow but he'a a big music producer. his rape shouldn’t interrupt that title blah blah blah. contracts are contracts and we cant undermine governing laws.” You know what?! FUCKING BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT. THIS IS FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS. No not fucking outrageous. Probably one of the most cruel things you could do to a human being.

I don’t give a fuck if you don’t like her music. I don’t give a fuck if money is what it is all about or the producer is so big. No no no, this is a human being we’re talking about. A PERSON. Not a fucking object to make money out of this or to “satisfy sexual desires.” No, this is about taking away her freedom, tying and pinning her down to choose between her safety/freedom and her dreams to create music. This is about a human being, who was raped, beaten, assaulted, both physically, emotionally, and verbally. And the judge said there was no evidence? The lawyers’ argument is not concrete? Hmm. I thought, as a service of this country, you were supposed to protect good people. And Kesha is one of the good people. You just fucking dismissed it because you don’t want a big music producer like Dr. Luke to lose that title and rot in jail? Meaning you don’t want a rapist to be set behind bars and let the victim to have her freedom? Dr. Luke is a monster and he deserves to rot in jail. And Kesha should not have to undergo making music with Sony because Sony supports rape. The industry only cares about making money. And Dr. Luke said he made her famous. No you raped her. There is no way you can connect between fame and rape. Rape is rape. It is never the victim’s fault. It’s the rapist’s fault. One day, Dr. Luke will have a taste of his own medicine. Kesha will arise with her wings with the strong air that emanated from her pain and beat with you with that strong air while she flies for freedom. She will have her justice. And Dr. Luke will have his orange jumpsuit.

2

HEY HI HELLO, PRECIOUS FLOWERS!!!

I know I’m like crazy late but screw ittttttt. 

1) I AM SWEN

So…HI. I’m Aimée and I’m 23 years old, from Toronto Canada. :) 
When I’m not obsessively tweeting (@ItsAimeeDee) or reading or talking about Swan Queen, I’m probably sleeping. I’ve just recently finished my university degree in Womens & Gender Studies. I love Cher more than life itself. I put Maple Syrup on almost everything. My dog is the best dog on the planet.

I also play the ukulele and have spent a lot of time writing Swen songs. My other loves include Harry Potter (Bellamione u feel me?), Pushing Daisies, Buffy, Star Trek (TOS), and overall spookiness. Pumpkin flavoured anything is the way to my heart & every day is Halloween if u just believe.

2) I LOVE SWAN QUEEN

Honestly, this is the first ship that knocked me on my ass like this. I had shipped GSR (grisson and sara from csi) for a couple years but even that doesn’t compare…something about the Savior and the Evil Queen resonated deep in my soul and has now made it so I am entirely incapable of leaving it behind. In short, this ship has made me believe wholeheartedly in the happy endings I didn’t think were possible anymore and for that I will always be grateful. 

3) I LOVE SWEN

I honestly want that statement tattooed onto my body because its truth speaks to me on such a serious level. Swen has been such a beautiful family throughout the past couple years of my life in this fandom, that I cannot imagine what life would be without you crazy kids. I’ve never felt more at home in a fandom, a feeling which only intensifies the more Swen I have the joy of meeting in person. This fandom’s ability to put up with SO MUCH shit, and still come bouncing back like it’s no big deal, better and stronger (and funnier) than before is mind-blowing to me. I have met some of the greatest people on the planet, as well as some of the best friends I’ve ever had through this crazy fandom life. I love you guys sosososososo much.