(has this been done already? Oh well, I don't care)
…why? Why would you want to fight him? Actually, you know what, it doesn’t matter, because he will slay you with a passive aggressive one-liner and then deny you pie anyway. You lose.
So like…I guess you could? But I’m pretty sure he’d go all Bruce Banner in the worst way and no one wants that. You lose.
Fight him. You have to deal with him being (probably) naked, but maybe it’ll get him to stop talking for ten seconds. Probably a tie.
okay A – the boy is a coral reef. He doesn’t need this. Don’t fight him. He’s fragile. Also B-
if you fight Ransom, you are by extension fighting Holster and Holster is 6’4” and 200+ pounds of solid muscle and fiercely protective of his best bro. You lose. You lose very badly. We’ll say nice things at your funeral.
Look, we’ve probably all wanted to fight Parse at least a little bit, but think about it. You’d punch him in the face and he’d say thank you and then everything would be Awk. You probably win, but at what cost?
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? 0/10 DO NOT FIGHT, the rest of the SMH would fight you. You don’t just lose, you die.
Fight him. Make him lose his f@#$%^*%&% chill already. I mean, he’s 6’2” and 200+ pounds so you’re gonna lose, but it’ll be worth it.
yes, I often find picking fights with the tall ginger kid with poorly repressed anger issues to be a solid choice. Sure, fight him about the republican sticker he’s got, but other than that, just…don’t. You lose.
if you’ve reached a point in life where fighting Larissa Duan seems like a good idea, you have already lost. There is no hope. Goodbye.
“Eisuke? Wha-what are you doing
here?” I asked, mentally panicking.
“…this is my hotel?” Eisuke said,
stating the obvious.
“O-oh, um…really? This is…your
hotel? I didn’t know I was at Tres Spades…ha…funny…” I said, trying to play off
my embarrassment. Nice one, girl…really nice…
Eisuke looked at me for a few seconds
longer before shaking his head.
“Whatever. We need to talk.” He
said and started pulling me away from his building.
“Er, um…c-can it wait?” I asked
cautiously. Why am I so nervous around Eisuke? Was I always like this?
“No. It can’t. Let’s go.” He said
stiffly and continued to drag me along.
“Eisuke, I need to go to the
hotel! I, um, forgot something!” I said, desperately trying to reach toward the
hotel as it got smaller.
“I don’t care. We need to talk.”
Try as I might, I couldn’t break free from his iron grasp, and couldn’t do
anything but let him drag me to who knows where. It was probably too late
anyway…whenever the bidders do something it’s always quick and efficient. Even
if I did manage to be released, the deed would have already been done. I did what
anyone else in my situation would do, pout and cry.
“Are you…crying?” Eisuke said and
stopped, looking at me. “Unbelievable” he whispered. I wiped my face with my
free hand, careful to avoid my bruised cheek, and stared at him. He stared
right back at me, appearing to be lost in thought.
“Didn’t you have to tell me
something?” I said impatiently. I was planning in my head what I was going to
do and say to the guys once I saw them again. They weren’t going to get away
with this… ‘but why do I care…?’ I realized that I wasn’t paying much attention
to Eisuke and blushed, scolding myself for getting distracted.
“Um…Eisuke…sorry, I didn’t quite catch that, what did you say?” He was saying
something midsentence when I interrupted him, with a frustrated look on his
face, he sighed and looked away. Eisuke…are you okay? I briefly recalled how he
was acting earlier and how I assumed that he was in love with me. Was he
actually going to say it now? It was one thing to think and not know for sure,
but it’s another thing to hear it for yourself. I know I’m probably stupid for
saying this, but maybe Eisuke just really cares about me in a nonromantic way?
Probably not considering he tried to kiss me…
“Listen, about Soryu…” he started.
“I-I know…he…got Koibito
pregnant…” I didn’t like saying it out loud. It makes it a hundred times worse.
“And yet, you want to go back to
him?” he asked, glaring.
“I…I don’t know…” I meekly said.
Soryu…he did something unforgivable…did multiple unforgivable things, yet…I
still love him? I don’t get it…I really don’t understand how I’m feeling.
Eisuke’s face softened and he placed his hand on my shoulder.
“…how do you feel?” Eisuke asked.
“What?” his question took me a
little by surprise. I didn’t even know Eisuke cared about feelings. This guy
has really been full of surprises lately…
“Let me know what you’re
thinking. You’re going through things that you can’t deal with alone, and you
shouldn’t have to. Remember…I’m here. I…care about you, and I want you to be
happy.” I looked at Eisuke with a wide mouth and even wider eyes. Who’s this?
This isn’t Eisuke. Did Soryu and Eisuke switch bodies or something because…
“You care about me and my
well-being?” I nervously asked. I felt my heartbeat quicken as the faintest
traces of blush made its way to his face. ‘No way…he can’t be blushing.’ I
already knew the answer, if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have been there as I
was crying in the dark room, he wouldn’t have tried to attack Soryu like he
did, and he most certainly wouldn’t be here, blushing like a high schooler.
“…I do. How could I not?
You’re…important to me.” He said, looking at me directly in my eyes. I’m
important to him…that makes me feel so happy. I felt myself smiling, although
it hurt a little I just could not wipe this goofy grin off my face.
“What?” Eisuke said, giving me
his trademark smile.
“I’m important to you…I’ve never
been important to anyone…” I mumbled. Eisuke frowned.
not just anyone.”
“No…you’re not…” I said. I continued
to smile and stare at him. Neither of us said anything, but I was content with
the silence. There was just something…weird about Eisuke. Something about him
just made me want to smile. Seeing him smile, makes me feel as though
everything is okay. For a while, I completely forgot about my problems. That is…until
I saw the bidders exit out of the hotel, looking just as angry as they did when
they entered. My gut did a back flip and I felt a chill go down my spine.
“Um, Eisuke, this was a nice chat
and all but I gotta go, see ya!” I shouted as I quickly ran past him. I heard
him shout my name and tell me to wait, but I kept going. There was something I had
to take care of…
Another short chapter…yayy… come on girl, get your act together Sorry for getting this out so late, I was going to put it up Wednesday or Thursday but…stuff happened. ANYWAY, I’d just like to say that I love every single person who likes, reblogs, and comments on this story. Y’all are the reason I am still putting out chapters. Thank you. I’m tagging @bwitchee (so sorry for forgetting to do this, please donut hate me…), @donnaintx (thank you soo much!), @teacupdreams (you’re awesome), and…omg… @hifftn (you’re amazing, I love your writing! ) Ahh, I can’t believe how many people like this! Lemme know if I need to tag anyone else or if I forgot about you!
Being left at the alter wasn’t something you had expected to happen. Everything had gone smoothly when the morning started. You being rushed into hair and makeup, bridesmaids and groomsmen running around. Finally you slipped into your dress and the song you were going to walk down the aisle to started to play. It was perfect and everything was going the way it should. You should have seen the signs; the fact that your groom barely looked you in the eye as you walked down the aisle, the thin line of sweat across his forehead, and the fact that he was fidgeting more than usual. You felt broken, heart pounding in your chest at the words “speak now or forever hold your peace” was uttered. It was his ex-girlfriend, the one that had got away, that spoke up. Your blood ran cold as you heard the sigh of relief leave your fiancé’s lips. All he could say was that he was sorry, then took off with her.
You were mortified to say the least, putting on a brave face and smiling through the pain as you looked at the wedding guests staring back at you. Everyone began to talk, the noise getting louder in your ears. It felt like you were suffocating and you bolted towards the nearest exit. You had no idea where you were headed, the white fabric of your dress trailing behind you as you ran further away from the wedding venue. Once you were a good distance away, your run slowed down to a walk. You stopped short for a moment, sliding out of your heels and deciding to walk barefoot. Somehow, you found your way to the beach. Hand reaching up to rip the veil from your head and undo the work that had been done on your hair. You sighed, finding a spot that wasn’t surrounded by people and sitting down. Finally the tears came. Throat becoming sore, and body feeling empty as you let your emotions out. You didn’t care if people were probably looking for you at the moment, you just needed to breath and sit in your own despair. You had no idea how long you had been sitting at the beach, cheeks stained with tears, and a pounding headache hitting you. Someone had sat down next to you, and you already knew who it was.
“He didn’t deserve you,” Calum whispered in a soft voice. He had sat through it all, watching the love of his life get ready to marry another man. Now, he had to watch you go through heartbreak.
“I feel so stupid,” you croaked, feeling fresh tears spring to your eyes. Your body shifted, head going down to rest in Calum’s lap.
“You’re not stupid,” Calum argued, “You just made the wrong choice…it’s good that it happened now instead of you two getting married then getting divorced.” One of his hands played with your hair as the other played with the sand. “Did you even love him?” Calum questioned. You shrugged at his words, not knowing what to say. You honestly couldn’t answer the question. Everyone had wanted you to marry your ex, so you did just to please them.
“I don’t know, I mean of course I felt something for him, but I don’t know if I loved him,” you replied. Calum shook his head at your answer, softly laughing.
“I’ll take that as a no,” he said, beginning to chew on his bottom lip. “Is it bad that I’m happy this happened?” the words left his lips before he could even register them. It took you by surprise, head flying up to give him a bewildered look. “Not that your unhappiness is great, its just…I love you Y/N and you decided you wanted to marry someone else.” You avoided his gaze, mentally slapping yourself in the face. Calum’s affection towards you wasn’t unknown. You knew he was head over heels for you and you had basically done what your ex fiancé had done to you; left Calum heartbroken. It wasn’t like you didn’t love Calum because you did. You would always love him, but you valued your friendship more.
“We’ve talked about this before,” you sighed, Calum nodded, grabbing your hands and beginning to play with your fingers.
“I know, I know…the friendship, but don’t you ever just want to take a leap and see what happens?” he nearly pleaded. He had a point and you knew one day Calum would give up waiting for you, and you would have missed out on the chance of something that could have potentially been great. “I’m not going to pressure into something especially not now, but could you at least think about it?” he asked. You nodded at his words, leaning forward to kiss his cheek in reassurance.
“I don’t want to go back there,” you whispered, resting your head on his shoulders. “I don’t want to go back and face all those people. If I go home they’ll find me there,” you said, letting more tears fall. Calum pulled you onto his lap, hugging you into his chest.
“We don’t have to go back,” he hummed, chin rested on top of your hair. “We could run away for the weekend. My car’s gassed up, I got money. We could do it.” You both stared at the sea in thought.
“I left my stuff at the venue,” you told him, really considering his plan. This was the time to runaway. Do something crazy and go on adventure.
“Your mom will probably get it. If we leave now, we could stop at your place before anyone else gets there, pack some clothes for like four days, and just leave.” A smile made its way onto Calum’s face as you nodded. That was all he needed, the two of you making a dash for his car. Calum always knew how to cheer you up; this impromptu vacation bringing the two of you closer than before.
I'm sure you've seen a lot of foster parents in your time. What do the good/best ones do differently than everyone else?
Get comfy. This may be the longest answer I’ve written.
I’ll include some thoughts from my own observations but I’m also going to point to a couple other posts for helpful examples. That’s because I’m acutely aware that what makes the “best” foster parent from the selfish perspective of a worker is not always what makes the objectively “best” caregiver or human being.
See, I once heard about a research study where social workers were asked to point out their favorite foster parents, which they did. Let’s call those foster parents Group A. The workers swore by the Group A foster parents when asked who the “best” ones were. But the social workers were then asked to point out which foster parents they would choose to care for their OWN children if they had to, and they then picked a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT group of foster parents, Group B.
I think the bottom line was that from a certain worker perspective the “best” foster parents just quietly took in kids without question and never “bugged” the workers for stuff (Group A)…but those same foster parents often gave people an uneasy feeling because no one really knew what was going on in their homes. When it came down to which foster parents the workers would put their own children with, they chose the advocates, the squeaky wheels, the ones who were calling and emailing all the time with updates on how the kids were doing and requests for more support (Group B).
(Warning - I only heard about this study thirdhand and have no idea how accurately I’m describing it, but I think the basic idea is there.)
I think about this concept on at least a weekly basis. Am I putting a foster parent into the “good” group because they make my job easier? That’s okay if they’re also providing quality care for the kids, but “making my job easier” can’t be the ONLY thing that lands them in the “good” category. In fact it shouldn’t really matter at all, except when it comes to ways that “making my job easier” is about getting kids’ needs met, like taking kids to their appointments and making sure they are safe and healthy. Beyond that, the priority is not how I feel about a given foster parent or how smoothly they make my day go; the priority is how kids do and feel in their care. But in the stress of the job, it’s easy to slip into making “Group A” preferences out of convenience.
So that’s some background I try to keep in mind as much as I can.
For perspectives from a former foster youth, I highly, highly recommend EVERY post by “LT” (looneytunes09 on wordpress) and specifically this post on this question about what makes good foster parents. The blog has been inactive for a while now, and I think a lot about LT and really hope she is okay. Please go read the whole post. Some points from it:
“Show you care. Sometimes children in foster care “can’t hear” your caring. You tell them you care and they say “Fuck you.” Sometimes words mean nothing to a foster kid, because words have been nothing but lies from their bioparents and therefore hold no weight. Therefore, show you care. This takes more effort, but do it.”
“Display gentleness, steadiness, and firm boundaries regarding what is appropriate and what is not. Set the boundaries early in the relationship. When the boundaries are tested, stand firm; not with hostility but explanation.”
“Punishing foster children so that they are isolated, alone, sent back, etc. is not helping them at all. They act-out in fear, in anger, to test what will happen. If you respond as they expect, you prove that they are not worthwhile or are bad…exactly what they want. Use creative punishment that ENGAGES the child to be with you. For example from my own experiences: raking leaves with the family, cooking dinner with the foster mother, building a birdhouse with the foster father, cleaning and picking up a room with the foster mother, etc. Foster children are used to being alone. Punishing them so that they are “alone” again, does nothing but enforce their negative feelings about themselves and the world.”
“Don’t lie — about anything. We are lied to enough by bioparents and many other people in our lives. Model honesty. Lying will break trust.”
For a perspective from a current foster parent, I recommend something @bujnik wrote in answer to my question about how workers can help foster parents deal. After talking about what his agency does well, he wrote, “I also knew what I was getting into, more so than most people would. I knew we would be glorified babysitters, I knew we’d have no rights to any information, I know how overworked everyone is and I know I am the very last rung on the ladder. We are supposed to fend for ourselves and keep heads above water so shit can get done. Expecting anything else is just wishing for the moon.”
Chances are, if you are reading/posting about foster care on the internet, you would probably already make a “good” foster parent in that you’ve been taking the time to learn about what you’re getting into so you can be prepared. Just know that while advocating for better is definitely good, you won’t change the system overnight when you storm into court to demand something the law doesn’t allow you to access for a child you only met two days ago. You will just come across as someone who didn’t know what they were getting into.
Now, like I mentioned above, there is one way where I think the “makes my job easier” quality might be objectively a positive thing in a foster parent. When it comes down to it, a lot of people are responsible for the needs of kids in foster care. Foster parents, workers, judges, policymakers…we all have responsibility for the good and the bad. A lot of the time, when I’m asking a foster parent for something, they could just as easily turn around and ask me for the same thing. We should both be SHARING the responsibility of doing things for the kid.
Example… kid wants to go to court. Kid has the right to go to court! I ask foster parent to drive the kid to court. Foster parent asks if my staff can do it instead. We’re all busy and we all have other things we could be doing with that time. We also all have a responsibility to make sure that kid’s needs are met. Sure, there are lazy workers who don’t want to do more than the bare minimum. There are also lazy caregivers. I have to believe that this is not the norm. The “good” caregivers are like the “good” social workers–the priority is the kid. Let’s compromise on who does what when, in service of the child.
If you have certain things that you can’t or won’t do for the kid because of other constraints in your life, make sure your worker knows that, but if you’re categorically refusing to provide something a kid needs because someone else can do it instead or because you just don’t wanna, think about why that is and how it might feel to the kid.The best foster parents go above and beyond to do things for the kids so the kids feel valued and worth it, and that means not just doing things that matter to you personally (like fun parent-child activities) but things that matter in the kid’s court case. A lot of parents know that foster kids shouldn’t be treated differently (don’t have separate bedding or dishes or toys or extracurriculars for the foster kids that are worse in quality than the ones the foster parents’ bio-kids have). But I also see some foster parents carving out “foster-care-related tasks for the foster youth” as a category that only the agency has to deal with and the foster parent won’t touch or help with at all. Like driving to visits, taking kids to court dates, getting medical checkups done right away, facilitating services the court ordered, supporting reunification, understanding when you have to get a kid ready for something on a moment’s notice, etc…those are all on a spectrum of things that are not “normal” parts of most people’s lives but are part of the life of a foster youth. You as a foster parent shouldn’t be poorly treated, but sometimes, honestly, you will be made to do things you don’t want to do, because you are not the priority and a court order is a court order. And kids can tell when you would rather have another random stranger in a rotating group of 25 random strangers drive them to see their birth family than agree to help transport them sometimes. Yes, you are already doing a ton for a kid by opening your home to them. Just remember they didn’t ask to have a thousand court dates or appointments either, but those things are important parts of their lives and they will notice how you react to them.
I could go on about this stuff forever so I should probably do a separate post on this related but maybe sensitive topic: you know how kids in divorce/custody situations know what to say to Parent 1, and know to say something completely different to Parent 2, and know not to paint one parent in too favorable of a light when talking to the other parent? It is similar with foster parents and birth parents. Kids even at a young age are VERY AWARE of YOUR feelings about them and about their “other” parents and of what it takes to please you both. I have seen foster parents convinced that a kid wants to stay with them forever and the birth parents of the same kid convinced that the kid hates the foster home and just wants to come home–and in some ways that kid can truly feel and mean BOTH things simultaneously. Or sometimes they are just acting the way they know you need or want them to. So be aware of that possibility.
Back to the original question…
Some of the top qualities of foster parents from my own experience are:
1. The foster parents put the kids’ needs above their own. This is closely wrapped up in the whole “being a foster parent for its own sake” thing. You can become a foster parent because you were unable to have biological children or because you want a societal gold star or for any number of reasons that are about you (I mean, every human being has at least SOME motivation in every choice that is really about themselves), but the “good” foster parents get into it (primarily) for the children, not for themselves. Meaning if you have your own needs or dreams around foster care, you should do serious work on understanding and handling them before bringing a kid into your home. Also. You will not know what the kids’ specific needs are before they show up. They may need someone to hang out with for hours a day. They may need to be left alone for hours a day. They may need a lot more medical care than anyone knew. They may need a permanent home in the end, or they may just need a pitstop for two nights. You have to be comfortable with this enormous amount of NOT KNOWING.
2. The foster parents make time and space to do things for themselves so they don’t become resentful of putting the kids’ needs above their own. And it’s not just about avoiding resentment but about the actual ongoing ability to keep helping kids. The overused but true oxygen-mask-on-the-airplane analogy.
3. The foster parents include the foster youth in their regular family life. See above about including them in activities, not treating them as the “bad” kids who aren’t allowed to do or touch the “family” stuff… I hope this goes without saying. But it’s easy to think, well, I don’t know if this kid will be here next month so I’m not going to sign them up for sports.
4. The foster parents communicate–early and often. Not just early. OFTEN. If you tell one worker something, don’t assume the next worker read it 200 pages ago in the file. Don’t assume the same worker will remember your upcoming travel plans 3 months later. But also know that no matter how much you communicate something, it might not change the answer. For example, I had a foster mom complain for months that she had told the first worker (in the middle of the night, someone who only did placement but had no insight into the kids’ case) that she had a school right next door and would enroll the kids there. A week later, the judge ordered the kids back to their original school 30 minutes away. Was that a pain for the foster parent? Yes…but “I told the first worker I want them at my local school!” isn’t going to get you anywhere in court. Especially when 3 months later you give up the placement and the kids fortunately don’t have yet another school disruption thanks to the court order.
5. The foster parents understand that the kids are coming from wildly different situations–the kids may not immediately understand or follow the household rules or customs. I once heard that a foster youth had to worry in each new home about whether or not they were allowed to use the bathroom in the night. Some homes allowed it and some didn’t because it would wake others up. What a BASIC thing that differs home to home and that can get a kid in “trouble” right away without them even knowing it. Don’t expect kids coming into your home to know how or why you do things. Give them chances to mess up. Realize there are some behaviors and habits they might NEVER change in the time they’re with you.
6. The foster parents don’t shame or blame kids for their behaviors. Goes with #5. Where they came from and what they’re going through is not their fault, and behavior is usually an indicator of where they came from and what they’re going through.
7. The foster parents have empathy. Should be its own post and sort of includes all of the above. So I’m just gonna leave this here.
What I don’t get about people who are anti-cursing is when their first response is “But what about the threefold law?”
Not “But you’re hurting someone” or “You’re spreading negative energy”
Their first response is “But what about in the negative consequences YOU will face?”
The person who is doing the curse has already been through a bunch of shit probably, maybe this is the universes payback to the person they’re cursing.
I dunno. I have mixed opinions on cursing, I’ve never really done one, and I don’t think I ever will, but my reason for not cursing is just because I don’t think hurting them in anyway is worth my time. Not because of any consequences for me. Everyone has their own reasons for doing spell work though, so I don’t really care if you curse or not.
Its 1:30 am and I’m rambling, but shouldn’t your main concern be about the person that is getting cursed?
She’d been planning this for a really long time, which was good because Tomo was sure Ren didn’t suspect a single thing. Careful to call when he wasn’t around, arranging everything so nothing would come in her way, everything was already done. Her family knew about her visit and the fact that she might probably bring someone else with her.. It was about time already, and even when they knew that she was going to be there for her younger sister’s birthday, there was something else that no one (besides her and her younger sister, who was just as quick as her to notice that something was going on) knew.
Tomo knew Ren had nothing to do the next days, as for herself she worked a little more before the date arrived just to have them free, too. It would be a surprise, but honestly that’s how things went and she would make the same plans if given the opportunity. Knowing how Ren could react to that, she would give him very little time to worry, deciding to throw the bomb the night before her sister’s birthday.
That night she got up from the couch to grab them both something to drink, returning a couple of minutes later with the glasses on her hand and placing them on the table before wrapping her arms around him from behind. “Hey babe I need to tell you something” Head moving to rest on his shoulder, she talked again after a small pause. “Care to give me full attention for a while?”