it has been coming to my attention with the recent women’s march and march for life that a certain blanket has been put around us pro-lifers and I’d really like to say my thoughts on the pro-life vs pro-choice debate coming from a somewhat unconventional pro-lifer.
one thing that has been brought to my attention a lot is that a lot of pro-choice advocates have been making the assumption that pro-lifers are somewhat anti-women or anti-womens’ rights. I am in fact a woman, and I am telling you that I could not be more against this statement. I believe firmly that abortion is not something that somehow gives women more rights that they already have. what a lot of pro-choice advocates miss out is that abortion actually HURTS women. women who have abortions are 81% more likely to develop mental health disorders such as depression and 3x more likely to commit suicide than those of childbearing age. what do you think, women are just going to have abortions and walk away, get over it within a week whilst watching funny movies and eating chocolate (as teen vogue recently suggested)? no. about 45% of women report suicidal feelings immediately after having this type of procedure. having your baby removed from your body (i’m not talking about the morning after pill, i’m talking about the 12 week window in which women usually notice that they are pregnant) is something ridiculously life changing and horrifying for any woman, no matter how strong, to comprehend. and besides, why is it considered a human ‘right’ to kill a baby, and if not a baby, a potential life?
another assumption that is made is that all pro-lifers are religious uber-Christians who hate anything remotely LGBTQ, black, Asian or ethnic minority. again, not true. I don’t see colour when I look at a foetus inside a womb. I see a life.
this also applies to the idea that pro-lifers supposedly believe that birth control is evil and should be banned, along with sex education. again, I am the complete opposite, I believe in mandatory sex education with thorough coverage of different contraception options in order to stop life being formed when it is not wanted and therefore at risk of being killed. I am also for the idea of free contraception being given out to young people who are sexually active.
‘my body, my choice’ is probably one of the most disgusting things I hear on a regular basis when discussing these issues. it’s not YOUR body. that is an independent being who has a different DNA and in some cases, blood type than you. that foetus has its own heart, its own brain, with the heart starting to beat after three weeks. and even if it was ‘your body’ that is being used as a ‘vessel’ does that mean that people who are in comas strapped to wires and tubes are somehow less adequate and deserving of life because they need support and cannot survive by themselves?
if you think that babies are any less valuable than the humans that are alive right now, then i’m sorry but you are seriously misinformed.
i’ll never forget the time some republican girl told me during an argument about pro life vs pro choice, completely seriously, “if abortion existed when harry potter took place then he wouldn’t have been born and then who would have defeated voldemort?” and to this day i still think about it often
This may be a little far-stretched, but I believe “pro-life” groups should be categorized as terrorist groups.
No matter how peaceful they may be, pro-lifers terrorize American women (people with uteruses - for the sake of simplicity I will be using PWU in this post) by either using physical force or psychological abuse such as manipulation, intimidation, and blatant lies. They work off of vulnerable PWU, pretend to take them in and care for them, while they really strip them of all bodily autonomy and choice, guilting them into carrying to term and giving them false medical information.
In addition, they are trying to pass laws that could be viewed as a security threat to people of our nation (I’m talking within the US only). If abortion is criminalized, it will become a national security threat to PWU all around the nation (and maybe in other countries as well). We will see death rates go up, whether it be through childbirth or back-alley abortions. The pro-life movement, with what they’re advocating, WANTS this.
If you look at all the facts, anti-choice groups are TERROR groups.
I never really forgot that interview with the GOP congressman who admitted his party was better off with Roe vs. Wade in tact. His point: “It’s one thing to be a pro-life politician when abortion is legal. You aren’t stopping anyone’s choices. It’s another thing to be a pro-life politician when it isn’t.” He acknowledged it was basically a carrot on a stick to Evangelicals.
It’s why a lot of pro choice independent/GOP women voters go for the GOP from time to time. They don’t think the party is truly serious about it. Just bluster to get some extra votes.
IMO, Republicans dread Roe vs. Wade getting overturned as much as Democrats do.
The thing I hate about the abortion debate is that some people, especially here on Tumblr, are just plain rude. Like, can’t we just respect each other instead of accusing each other of bigotry? I totally respect pro-choicers, even though I disagree with their views. So what is it with some of you people that leads you to treat pro-lifers like shit whenever they state their opinions? (And I’m not trying to generalize pro-choicers as being bad and treating others like shit; I’m just saying that debates like abortion should be more civilized, less angry.)
You got your Ron Paul, Julie Borowski, Libertarian Girl, etc.
Ron Paul is heavily pro life. He even made a fucking bill to counter Roe v. Wade. Basically, guns, fetuses, and troops all have rights and amendments should uphold that.
Fuck you if you are a woman though.
Julie Borowski made a video last summer about how everyone should be pro-life.
You cannot be a “Libertarian” if you are pro-life. Can we just admit that? Can we agree that you cannot pick and choose what rights other people get to have?
No. The fetus is not innocent because you cannot be innocent without the ability to be guilty. Since the fetus is capable of neither, it is neither.
Being a human being does not mean your “right of life” trumps other people’s body autonomy. Why arrest rapists? Why arrest organ harvesters? Why are they crimes at all? Aren’t those criminals human beings as well?
Being pro-choice=/=pro abortion. Nobody is pro abortion. I have not seen one person going around town forcing pregnant women to get an abortion (besides the Chinese government). Pro choice=/=I don’t think fetuses have no right to live.
Abortion is legal the same reason that I cannot force one of my parents/friends/family member/teacher/anyone to donate blood, organs, or body parts that they do not want to donate. Abortion is legal for the same reason that you cannot take a dead body’s organ if it is not previously consented in the will.
Abortion is a last reserve. Banning it does not stop it.
Childbirth is 14 times more dangerous than abortion. The pain of it equals to breaking 20 bones in your body simultaneously. What is it called when you force someone to go through that? Oh yes. Torture. What is forcing someone to carry out a pregnancy called? Forced labor/Involuntary service aka reproductive slavery! A direct violation against the 13th Amendment.
I care about children. I love children. I even plan to start my own family in a few years.
I love and care about children in the sense that every child should be loved, cared for, and wanted. Can someone be a good spouse to you if you forced them to marry you? Can someone be a good friend if you force them to? Now, can you expect someone to be a good mother if you forced them to?
Libertarians are all about individual freedom. Motherhood is a choice. It is never an obligation or “responsibility.” Making it a requirement is spitting freedom in the face.
A study by the Royal College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists took all of the most recent medical information and studies and came to the conclusion that fetuses cannot feel pain before 24 weeks gestation, and even if they *can* feel pain, evidence points to fetuses being sedated by chemicals in the amniotic fluid that keep them sedated.
I’m sure there are many more reasons, but here are some important facts that I can recall off the top of my head. Please note that all of these sources are from medical journals and reputable news sources.
Now as for why I think pro life is bullshit? well…
they often propagate inaccurate medical information or straight-out lie about abortion safety and risks. all you have to do is look at pro life websites such as abort73.com, which states several inaccuracies, including but not limited to saying that abortion causes cancer (disproved by the National Cancer Institute), and that abortion is unsafe (if you take a look at their citations, they cite data from the 70′s that is clearly outdated as medical procedures have evolved since then. they also use invalid studies).
Pro life organizations including but not limited to Students for Life and Operation Rescue talk about “post abortion syndrome,” while a study done by the American Psychological Association cited above has stated that PAS does not actually exist.
“According to the report, an overwhelming majority of the centers—20 of the 23—provided “false or misleading information” on the physical and mental health risks of abortion to pregnant women. For example, eight centers told women that their chance of developing breast cancer will rise substantially if they have an abortion. One clinic in particular said there was a 50% greater chance that a woman will develop cancer after an abortion, whereas another said the likelihood could be as high as 80% greater.
In addition, seven centers informed the caller that there is an increased risk of fertility problems after abortion. One center told the caller that having an abortion “could destroy your chances of ever having children again.”
Also, 13 of the 23 centers told callers that having an abortion would cause a host of detrimental mental health outcomes. One center, for instance, said that after an abortion, the risk of suicide “goes up by seven times.” Others asserted that women could suffer from a range of negative outcomes such as guilt, numbness, anxiety, drug use, eating disorders and sexual dysfunction.
Alarmingly, this investigation also highlighted the fact that CPCs often mask their antiabortion agenda to attract pregnant women who are seeking medical advice and dissuade them from obtaining an abortion. Many centers act under the guise of organizations that provide pregnant women with a comprehensive set of options, including abortion services, even though CPCs neither provide abortions nor referrals for abortions.
After pulling together the results of the investigation, the authors concluded, “A pregnant teenager who relied on the information from these federally funded centers would make her decision about whether to give birth or terminate her pregnancy based on erroneous facts and misinformation.” The report demonstrates the extent to which CPCs grossly distort the facts when it comes to discussing the risks associated with abortion—all in an effort to promote an antiabortion message.”
Speaking of George Tiller, there is a wonderful documentary called ‘After Tiller’ available on netflix, which talks about the assassination of Dr. Tiller and the aftermaths that anti-abortion violence has had on clinics.
These are some, but not all, of the reasons as to why I’m pro choice and vehemently against the pro life movement. I know this post is long, and that it’s a lot of information, but I genuinely hope that you take this all into consideration when looking at being pro choice vs. pro life. If you have any questions, my inbox is always open.
The strangest thing is how many pro-lifers are obsessed with over-turning Roe vs Wade because IT WILL STOP ABORTION~! Except, um, that’s not what Roe vs. Wade does. At all. An over-turn just leaves it back up to the states.
The blue ones will keep it. (California and many others already have laws in place in case an over-turn happens.)
The purple ones…eh, that’s iffy. Some will, some won’t.
Either way, you can’t stop a woman grabbing the nearest bus or plane to a nearby blue or pro-choice state. It’s like people not realizing Obamacare and ACA were the same thing.
The thing I wish people would understand about pro-life vs. pro-choice, is the fact that pro-choice does not necessarily mean pro-abortion. You do not have to morally agree with abortion, or believe its right. The point is that, even if you don’t agree with the choice, you cannot make that choice for any other person. You can disagree with a person’s choice and still respect that they have the right to make that choice.
Dear Hillary: when my daughter died, I vowed to live for her, and I will be a voice for her
Firstly, I would like to say it was an honor to vote for you. I had complete confidence that America would see your courage and goodness and choose as a country to follow your light. Instead, we have chosen darkness, and what a cloud it is and will be for years to come.
I believe we are meant to be a light in the world. We all have some darkness, some more than others, but there is a light in the deepest parts if we dive into our darkest moments and find a stillness, somehow we can notice tiny cracks of brightness and find a way to let it come through. The light and dark both live side by side. They are both a part of us. That’s what makes us human. But in order to not be the poison in the world, we have to keep that light and truth moving us forward. I’m so deeply saddened by the results of this election.
I’m not just singularly sad because we may lose our health insurance through Obamacare, or that our livelihood may be negatively affected. It is a huge concern that a bully was rewarded and sets the example for my son that not only can a bully win, but implies you must be a bully in order to win. But all of that I can work through I can take on that burden and preach against it as I raise my child to be a light in this world despite those who are ruthless and unkind in the world. That part is in my control still.
What concerns me even deeper, is the authority of men and women spreading misinformation in the pro-life evangelical church movement, justifying their discomfort and spreading fear, judgement, and cruelty in the name of a divine, while endangering the health of women. I have never met a group of people so lacking in empathy.
We need to change the rhetoric. We need to educate people. The opposite of pro-life is not pro-choice or pro-abortion, as many love to claim and accuse. We too are for life. And I would go as far as saying we are more for life than the pro-lifers. I suppose this is the reason I’m writing you.
I am but a small voice with a small audience. But, I am fiercely committed to honoring my children and fighting for them in a world that doesn’t always make sense. You have committed yourself your whole career to be a voice for mothers and children, so I ask that you will be a voice for us in this.
Here’s a bit of my story.
5 years ago I was pregnant with my first child. She was very much planned and the decision to get pregnant and start a family with my husband was well thought out. We had been married not even a year, and we were excited to bring a new life into the world, into our hearts, and we were ready to raise her to be a contributing member of society, desiring to raise a conscientious person.
About 5 months into my pregnancy we received some unusual blood work results from one of the routine check ups. My doctor said it was probably a false positive, not to worry because he had literally in all his practice never seen anything like this. But to be certain he scheduled me an appointment with a Perinatologist to follow up.
I never quite know how much of our story I should share because what we have learned is that it is privileged information only for those who can be trusted to respond with empathy. Only if you can see humanity and be human in return despite your own discomfort with death. Because that is what it comes down to. America has created a culture that dehumanizes certain citizens when it comes to facing their own emotional discomfort and reaction to death. It is not just with abortion, it is with the death penalty, gun lobbying, and terrorism. But as I see how misguided people have become through politically charged fear, I’m realizing more of us need to be sharing our stories to make them human again.
We need connection. We need authentic, heartbreaking stories to pull on heartstrings. We need to be vulnerable with one another.
My husband and I went to the specialist, still thinking all would be ok. After all, if our doctor in his 60’s had never seen or heard of such concerns, how could we be the one case?
When we arrived at the doctor’s office they took us to a room to talk with a geneticist, which in hindsight is mostly a blur because at the time I thought they were pointless numbers and statistics. I figured they were routine for all patients. It was my first pregnancy, so I had no point of comparison.
The moments that followed were the absolute worst hours of my life and of my husband’s life. (I think it’s important to mention how it affected him as well, because pro-lifers and the media dehumanize women by excluding the fathers. They dismantle the family unit in order to make their rhetoric more palpable, as if they took a beautiful steak, threw it in a blender and then say, “it’s nutritious and delicious, drink up.”)
They took us into an exam room for an ultrasound. The doctor walked in and said, “I just want to say before we get started that I am an eternal optimist, but I am afraid of what we are about to see, and I feel like I need you to know that.” They are words I’ll never forget as long as I live. I still didn’t know how concerned I should be. The mood was somber and none of us said anything at first. We watched him scan her body from head to toe waiting for him to break the silence and offer a hopeful miracle.
He was gentle and kind. “These are her hands, but her fingers are clenched in a fist, and they should be spread out wide, which tells me her brain isn’t functioning properly. This is her heart, and the valves, but the one that is supposed to carry things away is missing. And you can see right here there is a hole in her heart. Her heart is having to work extra hard right now, which is why it’s beating the way it is. You can see she isn’t moving much, that is because her limbs are freezing up, and soon she won’t be able to move at all. And her length has stopped growing, which is why your due date kept changing.”
All my husband and I could do was cry. Yet, we still thought there was hope. Maybe she would just need some surgeries. I kept waiting for him to say, “but once she is born, this is what will need to happen.” But those words couldn’t be spoken. Instead he said most pregnancies like this don’t even make it this far. Usually your body will miscarry when so much goes wrong like this, but I was one of the unlucky few in this rare category. We learned she had an entire extra set of chromosomes, a condition called triploidy. Statistically, less than 1% of all pregnancies have it, and most of them miscarry and they only really know about it because they test the tissue after the miscarriage. The unlikelihood of this happening at all was extremely high, yet here we were. And unfortunately, with this condition there are many potential harms to me as the mother.
Because she couldn’t kick me, she could die without me knowing and toxicity levels could be very harmful to me. My placenta could rupture, I could bleed out, I could list many more scenarios that were spelled out for us, but it’s pointless and personal and that’s not the part people want to hear about. I was also at high risk for other additional reasons, for which were the reason we thought we were seeing the specialist in the first place.
Our options were death or death. We were to choose which form of death we could stomach, which form of death was most humane because death was inevitably our only option. There was no other option; no other choice. This was not pro-life vs pro-choice. This was not do I carry out the pregnancy or do I not. The only thought on our minds was life. Mourning her life she wouldn’t get, mourning the life we don’t get with her. That would all be too simplistic. Wouldn’t it be so nice if only it were that simple? I get why people simplify it. I get the discomfort. We all hate death. We all want life.
Here’s the thing that simple minded pro-lifers don’t do: they judge, ridicule and offer cruelty, yet they don’t say, “hey, how can I help?” To the parents who carry out the pregnancy on hospital bed rest so the mother doesn’t die as well, they don’t offer relief for the medical bills. They don’t campaign for good therapy and child loss programs on our behalf. For parents who’s child maybe is compatible with life for limited months or years and costs hundreds of thousands of dollars for in-home care they don’t say, hey if that’s what you choose to do, we will help support you and find funding for you. There’s no compassion meeting these families. No proactive movement to follow through with their said convictions. They just repeat garbage rhetoric and then say, “best of luck, glad it wasn’t me.” And some how they pat themselves on the back thinking they did something right, yet it’s so wrong, so cruel, and so very hurtful.
With the guidance of doctors, learning and educating ourselves on all involved, we took time to say our goodbyes. We planned a week of activities to do with her. Took her to all our favorite places around LA. We talked to her, told her what was happening knowing how sick she was. Tried to explain the best we could to both her and ourselves. But ultimately we didn’t want her suffering because we selfishly wanted more time with her. My body was basically acting as life support, and we knew our time with her had come to an end. That was our story together. That was our family story.
We loved our Madeleine with every fiber in us. There’s not a day that goes by that we don’t think or talk about her.
During our last days with her, while we were trying to create happy memories of our time with her, yet knowing it would come to an end shortly, we were attacked by an extreme religious zealot, a family friend no less, who said the most cruel things I will never forget as they surround the entirety of our daughter and her loss. We faced the worst moments of our life, tried to navigate our own loss, grief, and medical concerns, and a selfish, uneducated person came and punched us in the gut with her poisonous words, about a matter she knew nothing about.
We met with a therapist when we got the diagnosis to help guide us through the fog. She suggested letting friends and family know our daughter was sick and our time was limited in order to allow them to offer us support. Yet some took it as an opportunity to cut into us with daggers of false hope that doctors could be wrong, with cruel statements that mothers don’t let other people harm their children, and that by not saying this to me it would be a disservice.
We only acted out of deep love in all our actions. We only considered our daughter’s pain over our own. Child mortality and mother’s dying in child birth used to be quite high, and modern medicine has changed that, so I understand wanting to cling to hope. But life and death is very much a part of life. When grandparents, parents, spouses and even pets are on their death beds, we sometimes act selflessly to ease them out of unnecessary pain. We relieve them of their life support or euthanize them. It’s how we show compassion. It’s how we do what is humane. And we show it also, to our unborn children as well.
I understand if when faced with these worst moments of your life, facing impending death everyone’s reactions and needs will be different. For one, the pregnancies and risks will vary. If some people need to carry out a pregnancy selfishly or unselfishly because they need to let their brain process the grief and catch up to this new reality they face, they should take their time, by all means. The point is, we can’t force people by law to govern how they process the worst news of their life. We should meet them with kindness and understand its uncharted territory. “We need to offer the words, "I love you, I’m so sorry you are facing this. Death should come for the old, but sometimes it comes too early, and you can take whatever time you need to accept and face that. That is your personal choice.”
We are the faces and stories of the families affected when people try to simplify and categorize people, pitting them against one another as pro-life and pro-choice. We are all for life. We need to change the rhetoric. We need to ensure government does not control aspects of family grief and the health of women, mothers, and spouses who could be left widows and widowers, and children who could be left motherless because of an unsafe sibling pregnancy.
I share my story from a place of authenticity and vulnerability because we, who have been through it, have to be the voice for those who inevitably will painfully go through it after us.
We are the faces and families their votes hurt. We are the lives their votes put into danger and who they wound with their words. We have to change the conversation and painful, damaging, poisonous rhetoric.
I am only a small voice with a small audience. So I write this, asking, pleading with someone of higher authority, with a bigger voice than me, please help protect us. Please fight for humanity and goodness against the poison that is spreading in our country. Please help the church movement to learn compassion and stop simplifying families and death when it’s so much more complex than anyone on the outside could ever imagine. Please listen to the families, mothers and fathers, who have faced it first hand.
When we lost our daughter, we vowed to one another and her that because she couldn’t live her life, we have to live ours for her. Her life meant everything to us. I’m so glad we got the time we did with her despite all odds and statistics. So I will fight fiercely for her and the world that my son grows up in. I will be a voice for those who cannot.
If there is ever an opportunity to work with you on behalf of other women like me, it would be an honor to serve beside you. I don’t know how to start the change, but in my small corner I will try to do my part.
Thank you so much to all of you who have taken time to read my blog post helped me spread the word by sharing it with your own audiences. It has already been reposted and reblogged over 20 times, and I truly am so grateful to be surrounded not only by supportive communities who are humane, but who also will fight alongside me in this. I hope we can reach as many people as possible and really create change in the way Americans see death and humanity. And I feel so honored that you would help give my voice a platform. So, thank you friends and friends of friends whom I have never met for sharing this piece I wrote. Feel free to keep reposting!
So this is what samroxbox and i did today
So in front of our local planned parenthood building, we have a flock of old white guys shoving religion down adolescent and unsuspecting throats as a means to frighten or shame them on anything about it i.e birth control and/or abortion
In response, we stood on the opposite side of the driveway to remind people with vaginas and people with penises that they are free to do as they please with their bodies.
My model is Sammy
This is totally out of line. As a Korean adoptee you wouldn’t expect me and my parents to be pro choice… But guess what? We are. We’re pro choice. Go ahead and call me a hypocrite. But just because I’m fucking pro choice doesn’t mean I’m an abonimable anti life advocate. Do you think people LIKE the idea that they’re “killing” unborn babies?? They don’t. I wouldn’t…. I would hate myself for doing it but I would hate myself even more knowing that they grew up in this fucked up world full of hate and violence and poverty. Let’s say this led to outlawing abortion. I’d like to see you adopt a rape victim’s baby whose mother was on crack. I’d like to see you try and raise him knowing that he has a ten percent chance of being schizophrenic. I’d like to see how many of you adopt all of these “saved” children. Then you call me a hypocrite. Furthermore, this isn’t about “killing babies”, this is about a woman’s rights to her body. You can’t sit there and call a woman a murderer when she doesn’t want to keep a rapists’ baby. Sure, I don’t believe in these stupid little girls getting pregnant and getting an abortion, I agree, don’t let them do it. Let them become the next fucking Juno…. But you shouldn’t take away the rights of a victim. I absolutely abhor the concept giving someone the rights to take away a new life… but even more I hate the false accusations that when someone chooses to have an abortion, they’re a sinner or an abomination or whatever…. Call me a hypocrite because my birthmom decided to “spare my life”. But don’t manipulate a woman into shame and rejection when it’s probably the last thing she needs.
I'm really not hating, but how are you going to post something controversial, not pertaining to your blog at all (all beautiful black men and women) and then not respond to someone genuinely trying to understand the views of the post.
The post was self explanatory, women do not have to divulge (to you, or anyone else) their reasoning behind their choice when it comes to an abortion. It ain’t yo business. And furthermore, I’m not in the business of shaming anons publicly (or privately). If you really want to discuss the topic of pro-choice vs. pro-life message me (I’ll probably take a minute to respond due to the amount of message I do receive, but I’ll get to it).