pro footballer

10

Spunky and sexy; it’s tough to stand out on a good-looking New England Patriots squad, but this wide receiver gets more than his share of looks - on and off the field. Julian Edelman!

Julian Edelman. He’s actually ugly and by ugly I mean hot as hell. He’s also a dork.” - anonymous

“This past season, Julian Edelman has really made a name for himself…on and off the field ;) And there are many more pictures of him that make us go crazyy. Can you do another one of him?” - anonymous

Julian Edelman” - anonymous

Julian Edelman, plz.” - anonymous

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Some more Twin Things™ in honour of our favourite genetic identicals

-being pissed when people don’t make an effort to tell you apart
when the new freshman backliner is stuck cleaning the court after practise: hey Andrew, can you pass me the bucket of balls?
Aaron: it’s Aaron
Freshman: same difference
Aaron: *maintains eye contact while reaching out with his foot, knocking over the bucket so that balls scatter across the court* 

-being annoyed when people can’t tell them apart (”we’re not the same fucking person”) but also weirdly annoyed if they can (”you guys don’t actually look that alike!” “yeah cool what makes you think that your opinion is relevant???”) 

-hoarding extras so that your twin can have a share of the good stuff
Andrew: *takes the last two beers from the fridge, ignoring Kevin’s protests*
Kevin: why are you taking both, you know that’s my favourite brand-
Aaron: *comes out of bathroom*
Andrew: “hey, catch loser” *throws beer at Aaron*
Aaron: *swears and fumbles catch*

-’So who is the evil twin?’ questions.
Allison: *laughs*

-Matt and Nicky are watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows when the scene where Fred dies comes on. Aaron steals the remote and changes the channel bc honestly fuck that shit

-holding grudges for each other, even when the other twin has forgotten about it
“Andrew why do you keep targeting that dealer.” “He tripped you with his stick.” “No he di- Andrew that happened last year

-using each other as a comparison for all their weird health problems.
“urg, i feel sick.” “yeah that happens whenever I drink milk.”
“that sign over there is blurry right?” “…uh no?” “What? no, everything in the distance is out of focus.” “No it isn’t?!” “Fuck.”
(Nicky: oh my god you’ve been driving us around for three years)

-both twins secretly wanting to dress up as the twins from the Shining for Halloween

-using ‘We’ a lot
Andrew eats tuna, proceeds to break out in hives. “Dumbass, we’re allergic to tuna.” “oh we are, are we? since fucking when?”

-even when they don’t have any evidence for it
“nah we hate maths.” “actually calculus is alright.” “…who even ARE you”

-being more insulted when their twin is insulted than when they are
Aaron’s classmate in med school: your twin is, like, a pro footballer or something right?
Aaron: sure
Classmate: haha guess you got all the brains between you, huh?
Aaron: *not sure why he’s so offended, but offended all the same*

-speaking of med classes, Aaron definitely gets that little jolt of excitement whenever a lecturer mentions twins or twin studies. quietly like ‘hey, that’s me, i have one of those’ it’s a thing

-definitely have dealt with creepy dudes at Eden’s Twilight who just have to mention the Twin Thing. Andrew punched one in the kidneys. Aaron thinks he should’ve used a knife.

-the Five Second Fight phenomenon 
Aaron: *says something rude or aggressive at practise*
Andrew: *says something cruel*
silence. they stare at each other for a few seconds. Andrew slowly reaches out and flicks Aaron on the forehead. Aaron rolls his eyes and gives Andrew his Gatorade. It’s red flavour. Andrew’s favourite. They are both appeased. Everyone else is too scared to comment.

-they don’t have twin ~ESP~ or anything, because it mostly comes from years of over-exposure. they’re still working on that classic Twin Bond. 
*both of them studying at 2am”
Aaron: i freakin’ hate anatomy, why do i need to know that the hyoid bone provides attachment for the larynx-
Andrew: that bone is often fractured in victims of strangulation
Aaron: what
Andrew: in dead bodies. if the hyoid bone is fractured, often they’ve been strangled. Neil told me.
Aaron: 
Aaron: …neat
(shhh they’re bonding)

-anyway TWINSIES 

10

With the lack of wide receiver production on their team, this Kansas City tight end was a tremendous red zone target with a breakout season! Travis Kelce!

I was proud of The New England Patriots today!

Brady commanded respect and returned to his form from last year. Tossing a new personal best 3 TD’S in the first half and 447 yards. The 3rd best of Bradys career, moving him past Peyton Manning with 52 TD’s and 0 ints.


Mike Gillislee continued to improve and move the chains. This dude is a #Beast in the making! He and James White, Dion Lewis, and Rex Burkhead got it done on the ground.


Rob Gronkowski scored his 69th career TD catching 6 passes for 116 yards giving him 24 100 yard games which ties Kellen Winslow for 2nd most all time. Gronk destroyed the New Orleans secondary at will. 😁😁😁


New England defense held strong keeping Drew Bree’s and the Saints to only 20 points at home handing them a 0-2 start on the season.

A funny thing about working in advertising is that when women creatives are put on traditionally “masculine” brands, we buckle down, learn all we can about the product and the culture and do our best to nail a tone that is different from our own. I’ve worked on a deodorant campaign centered around pro football and I know nothing about football, I’ve produced dick-joke-focused campaigns for meat snacks targeted to 18-24 year old dudes, and twice now I’ve pitched brands that sell super-duper-dude-bro protein powder. Part of the fun of this job is getting out of your own world and getting into a headspace you might not experience otherwise. It’s a chance to get temporarily obsessed with another world.

But when you reverse it, and it’s male creatives working on traditionally “feminine” brands? A lot of the time, they won’t even try. I’ve worked on makeup brands where all the guys say in the meetings is “I don’t know anything about makeup!” I’ve had talented friends who are consistently put on skincare and beauty brands because there are hardly any other women in creative departments and the men don’t “get it.” I’ve had to slowly explain the purpose of women’s vitamins to men who haven’t bothered to do a simple internet search before a pitch meeting.

It’s like men see femininity as an infection and if they get too close to it, they’ll somehow catch it. Like the most shameful thing they could do is learn the difference between brow wax and brow pomade. And they don’t get called out for being bad at their job when they do this. The effort just gets passed on to the few overworked, underpaid female creatives. And then we end up getting fewer good briefs, less good work, and less awards because advertising based on feminine brands is seen as lesser than, say, Old Spice.

Anyway, our industry is still pretty much Mad Men and some days, I’m just Peggy testing lipsticks in a focus group, writing taglines for men who will win awards for them.