It’s the 4th of July, America’s Birthday, so #wrestlingfashion is proud to bring you this arbitrarily chosen (by fearofaghostplanet, so don’t go blaming j-rexica) list of the best and worst in patriotic wrestling gear, on a sliding scale of Best to Worst.
Best - “Macho Man” Randy Savage: He couldn’t get the job done against Yokozuna on the USS Intrepid, but when Lex Luger did the impossible and body slammed (or hip tossed) the 550-pound WWF Champion, that was enough of a reason for the Macho Man to wear this outfit on the July 5 edition of Raw, and the week after because it was pre-taped. It’s a party in Macho USA, brother. Ohh, yeah!
The Undertaker: The Undertaker looks so good in this Betsy Ross design that the Steiner Brothers and Lex Luger, a trio of dudes often draped in the red, white, and blue, could only look on in awe. One imagines Paul Bearer sewed the flag into the trench coat, and the look on his face is one of (American) pride.
Kurt Angle: Kurt keeps it American pretty much every day, but his best look was this wholesome ensemble from his early days in the WWF. There are few things more patriotic than Olympic gold medals won for the honor of your country. (Note: The Steiner Brothers appeared in similar singlets as early as 1993/1994, but Tumblr has picture limits, dammit, and Three I’s Kurt Angle is as American as it gets.)
Michael “P.S.” Hayes: Wrestling has a history of stealing from the Rocky films, and the Fabulous Freebird’s Apollo Creed outfit is so good (or so horrible) that it appears on this list three times. Hayes is the first to wear it, and is actually the likely result of a mutation of the two other individuals on this list who also wore it, so he’s the best of the bunch.
Brad Armstrong: There are few things more American in professional wrestling than an Armstrong. Until you put one in an American flag jacket. Then he is the most American thing in professional wrestling.
Paul E. Dangerously: If Wolf of Wall Street had taken place over Independence Day weekend, Jonah Hill would have worn this outfit at least once. And Leonardo DiCaprio would have vomited on it.
Medusa: Medusa was a great wrestler, but when she returned to WCW after stints in Japan and the WWF, she became something of a Lady Lex Luger, wearing the American flag like it was going out of style. Whether or not the American flag is ever in style is up for debate, but the variety of pro-American outfits Medusa wore in WCW from 1996 until the company’s close were all star spangled don'ts.
Lex Luger: Luger’s run against Yokozuna saw him commit sins against this nation’s taste on the reg, from the Stars ‘n Stripes polo shirt that he wore to slam Yoko to the sweat pants/fanny pack look he took with him on the Lex Express. But these tights are the worst. Coupled with the John Phillip Sousa march he came to the ring with and the flag he often waved, these pennant tights didn’t make Lex the next Hulk Hogan. They made him a tacky second banana to Bret “Hitman” Hart.
Torrie Wilson: By the time Torrie Wilson started wearing outfits like this to promote the WWE’s version of The Great American Bash, Michael Hayes and Paul E. Dangerously’s far superior takes on Uncle Sam had become moth food. Torrie, while no doubt a very attractive woman, would have needed a miracle to pull off this mess of horizontal and vertical stripes, primary colors, tacky buttons, and gigantic hats. It didn’t happen.
Worst - Green Ant: Chikara’s then-resilient rookie wore this number to defend America’s honor from the Finnish nightmare beast known as Tursas. Looking like the offspring of Savage’s “MACHO USA” outfit and the entirety of Lex Luger’s WWF run—born on the 4th of July in a fireworks store—he failed to uphold Truth, Justice, and the American Way. And then Tursas buried him under the flag, likely so he could think about what he’d done.
First part of a bit of a primer on book-specific stuff for people coming into the fandom through the musical and wondering who the heck all these extra characters are!
The biggest chunk of characters who don’t really get explained in the musical are probably Les Amis de l’ABC, aka The Barricade Boys. (Heck, some of them don’t even SHOW UP in the musical, sorry, Bahorel!) . While they don’t get the MOST page time, they ARE around for about half the novel (and four years of in-story time), majorly involved with the barricade plot, and, because it’s Les Mis, just LOADED with symbolism as a group and individually (I’m not gonna get too much into the symbolism here because seriously I’ve been talking about the book for years now and that is a neverending conversation.)
While this is a very brief and somewhat tongue-in-cheek summation, all of the info here is book- accurate and/or backed up with research, and I can point out the references if needed! (and standard disclaimer: this is meant to fill in blanks and give some basic info, not be comprehensive or tell people what to do in fanwork!)
So, under the cut, Les Amis de l’ABC! (the name is a pun, because ABC sounds like “abaisse”, the abased, so: friends of the abased):